battle to find myself

Lust or respect

2011-07-19T19:29:00.005+01:00

I have been thinking about him quite a bit recently and I am not sure this can go on. He hurt me in the past when he wanted me as his sex toy but I wanted him to want me for me. I vowed then that I would never see him again. But gradually he won me around. He began inviting me round to his place for a cup of tea but the tea was never finished. The kissing always began as soon as I got through the door.

The kissing always led to more .....led to his bed even.

When we first met (face to face that is) after chatting as friends for 6 months he knew all about my experimenting. He knew about all the guys I had met. But he also knew that I had decided to give up experimenting, that I wanted a steady relationship. I had resisted meeting him for months but when we did meet wow I was besotted. He asked me why I had changed my mind. I thought he meant why had I changed my mind about meeting him. I had always known we would meet eventually so I hadn't changed my mind at all.

I later realised he had been asking me why I had changed my mind about being friends with benefits. (I hadn't but he thought I had). After several fraught but passionate months (passionate on my part) we parted company. I had told him several times that I didn't want to be his sex toy. But that is exactly what I was, what I was again when we began meeting up the second time around. Although this second time I was able to keep my heart protected, I distanced my heart from the physical relationship we were having.

Then he moved, sold his house, rendering him unable to keep up our rendevouz. It has been 18 months now since we were last together. We still chat, usually on Windows Live Messenger, I log in to look at my emails at lunchtime. He starts to chat, sometimes daily other times a week or more goes by. Sometimes we send text messages on our mobile phones.

Recently I was invited to Munich in September to meet a group of online friends during Oktoberfest.I asked him if he would like to go with me. I have no idea what made me ask him, it seemed like a good idea at the time. He can't go, he already has plans for that weekend...I told him no worries it was just an idea.

'A good idea '

Last week I was trying to track my son's flight as he set off on his latest adventure. The flight wasn't showing up so I checked his face book page for any news. There wasn't any so I tried the facebook page of his travel companion. From there I followed links that led me to him. I had never tried to find him before even though I had known there were links between us. It only took me a few minutes to find him. Not on facebook but an image on google. I had not seen the image before but it was definitely him. I gazed at that photo several times over the next few days remembering his kisses, how it had felt to be held in his arms. The feel of his hands clutching my hair.

I even began letting myself imagine how it would be if we were more than just friends with benefits. But then I came to my senses. I know he only talks to me when he is feeling horny, even if 95% of our conversations are non sexual.

I know he likes talking to me about any number of things but I also know that he doesn't respect me. He finds me sexy, but he doesn't find me worthy of his love only his lust. This in itself means that he is not worthy of my love.

In recent days I have been mulling over whether I should just stop having any contact with him. I rarely initiate contact, maybe I should tell him to stop contacting me. First I have to decide whether I want to keep him as a friend but at a distance or cut him out of my life. I have not come to a decision yet. I know he cares about me, has done for the last 5 years almost, but is caring enough reason to continue a friendship based on lust.

It has been several weeks since we last chatted on Live Messenger so I was amazed to see a message from him today, not just amazed but gobsmacked..........

Right now I really need your fingers around my b***s and your mouth around my c**k.

OMG

I can't believe you said that!

It was very unexpected to see these words on my screen whilst I was at work. He said that he had been remembering how it felt. He told me that I am very good at it. Maybe but it was still unexpected. The conversation then moved on to other things but it didn't matter. As flattering as it is to be told that even after such a length of time he still feels the need to tell me how good I made him feel. It just underlines the fact that he sees me as a sex object not as a mature woman that he respects. If he doesn't respect me then there is no future for my friendship with Forest.

Should I tell him how I am feeling, tell him to show me that he does respect me or I am off. Or do I just say nothing and let him fade from my life. (That is what I have been doing with both Plumber and Sailor).

I am a bad girl

2010-08-14T15:48:00.002+01:00

I just clicked on here on my way to LIR and realised how long it has been since I last posted on here. I have been such a bad girl.

I shouldn't have neglected this blog for so long ............actually in truth I have thought about it many times but just couldn't summon enough enthusiasm to conjure up a post that was good enough.

For months now work has been hectic leaving me very tired, too tired to keep this blog upto date. I have felt a tinge of guilt but not enough to rouse myself into doing anything about it.

Noticing that my last post was about the party I attended at the swingers club reminds me of all the naughty things I have not told you about.

I was going to make this post about all the naughty things I have got upto but thinking about it that would not be fair, I would either have to make this post intolerably long or not do justice to all my various adventures.

Instead I am going to bullet post them and you can let me know which you most want to read about in which order. I hope that is fair.

group social with approx 20 people from the swingers site ......ending up in gay bar
private party for 7 in a haunted hotel
second party at swingers club ~ meeting crazy guy
second party at haunted hotel this time for 12 (inc both plumber and sailor)
first foursome with plumber (should actually be No. 2 if doing this cronologically)

Let me know which of these you most want to read about and I will do my best to satisfy you.

Party time

2010-04-10T23:26:00.005+01:00

There is a place further down the motorway that I had heard from several people was known to host adult parties. A few weeks ago I noticed on a forum that there was going to be a party there a few days before my birthday. I mentioned it to Plumber to see if we could go. He said no. I don't think it was because he didn't want to go, he had told me once before that he would love to go. (He was one of the people who had told me about it.) His excuse was that it was too expensive. Either he was making excuses or he had been misinformed. (£35 per couple is not expensive)

A few weeks ago I met a new man (Sailor) who had been to a couple of these parties and offered to take me. We did go to the party it was a night of firsts for me. My first ever visit to a dungeon (it was one of my favourite rooms) I was well and truly done on one of the spanking benches ......oh and on the other one too. It was the first time I have been fucked with an audience........and yes it did turn me on not that it would have taken much anyway. It was also the first time I have been fucked on a bed with another couple fucking on another bed in the same room with other people watching .....this room not only has no door but there are peep holes in the wall.

But my favourite thing of all (ok maybe not my favourite that might just be the spanking bench) was the jacuzzi. I have never been in one before.....yes I know I lead a sad sheltered life. Not being totally comfortable with stripping off completely in front of others I waited until it was almost empty. Sailor followed me in a few minutes later after he realised where I was. I was really enjoying the relaxing warm bubbles sat on the highest seat with one leg resting across Sailors lap and my other leg across the lap of a young man who just wanted to spend the whole night in there so long as there was a constant supply of beer and cigarettes. He quite happily stroked my leg but otherwise kept his hands to himself.

Sailor however was having an attack of wondering handitis.....he suffers from this very frequently (in public as well as in private). It wasn't much of a suprise to me to find that his fingers were playing with my pussy among the jets of warm water. That didn't last too long though as he soon left the jacuzzi. The guy who had been sat next to him soon scooted into his place and began to caress my leg. I could feel his fingers inching along my inner thigh until they reached my lips. I didn't say anything just moved slightly in my seat so that his fingers were right on target. He smiled and began idly fingering my pulsing pussy. What could I do? it wouldn't be polite to ignore him so I reached down into his lap and began stroking his erection. He looked like he was enjoying that, I was soon into a good rhythm wanking him below the surface, now and again giving his balls a fondle too. Unfortunately I needed the loo and had to dash through the house dressed only in a short towel. When I returned he had gone. But I still had the young lad for company. We were both enjoying being in there with occasional visits from others.

It was almost 3am when I found Sailor trying to stay awake on one of the many leather sofas. So I dressed and we went home. I am hoping to go again to another party.

In the morning Plumber was online............he said to me that he thought I might have been out the night before. Thinking that he must have noticed I wasn't online I casually asked

what makes you say that?

It turns out that he had been out to several pubs with his mate, finishing up at a pub I went to a few weeks ago with my friend Jane, we had also been to one of his band's gigs there. He thought we might have been there. Which reminds me that Jane sent me some jokes whilst I was at the party..........I have not replied yet, I must do that.

Toy shopping

2010-03-14T12:55:00.006Z

We had been planning this all week. Checking out the website deciding where to go, the one in The Other City stays open an hour longer than the one in The City, plus he was sure he wouldn't see anyone who recognised him. (Not to worry that it is only a stone throw from my son's Uni Halls).

As we drove slowly along the street (this street has a reputation for its profession) I saw a doorway discreetly proclaiming the name of the place we were looking for. Parking the car we made sure we remove everything from sight..........there were signs proclaiming
'Remove your belongings or someone else will'.

The area is a bit of an ethnic melting pot resulting in a variety of shops we don't see in my town. We found the doorway and quickly stepped inside. We were the only customers as many visitors had stayed away due to the football match at the nearby stadium that shares its name with the street we were in. (there was a very large police presence in the area).

Inside the store was brightly lit, the man behind the counter was friendly enough but left us to browse in our own time. We giggled at some of the things we saw and gasped at the sight of others. There were things there that I pretended not to be interested in and others that I am just not ready to take an active interest in. There were racks of magazines and a whole seperate room dedicated to DVD's but we didn't give these more than a glance. There were items there that I might be interested in but not yet. There were yet more items that might be of interest but are just not suitable for me.

After about half an hour I made my selection, the man behind the counter suggested a slightly better version of the same item but I decided to stick with my original choice. I liked the colour and texture better plus the size is more appropriate for me. We made our get away into the afternoon sun just in time to miss the football fans spilling out at the end of the match.

On our way out of The Other City we stopped to explore a new store that I hadn't been to before, I was amazed as it is on a site where SF worked for a few years, I had no idea that the place had been revamped. We had fun trying out the sofas and chairs. (some of them I needed help to get out of as my feet didn't reach the floor). Then there was the chair that made me shriek in suprise when I was about to try standing up when it shot out and back with no warning.

A quick visit to Tesco to pick up a bottle of my favourite spiced rum and pepsi max, then back to his place with fish and chips. Whilst he was sorting out the food I was unpacking my new toy trying (without my reading glasses) to see which way the six tiny batteries go in. It took the pair of us several minutes to get it sorted. Then it was time to try the seven yes 7 different settings.

We were both suprised how noisy it was. I had assumed it would be virtually silent but it was quite loud. I was also suprised that there is only one button for the 7 settings so you have to go through the cycle. You can't just select the setting you want which I think would have been more fun but then I guess the controller would be much bigger.

Finally we had our first proper play whilst laying on the bed. I wasn't sure if I would be able to get full use of my new toy but I needn't have worried it fitted quite well. He had plenty of fun playing with the controls especially while I was making a meal of his cock, concentrating on what I was doing forgetting it was stil there untill the vibrations suddenly began to pulse inside me. we played with my other new toys too but this one that he had bought me is going to be a favourite.

We were both a little disappointed with the shop, it was quite an anti climax after we had been looking forward to it all week. There wasn't as great a variety as we had hoped and we thought a lot of it looked cheap and plastic. But we enjoyed our afternoon/night together anyway.

Giving in to temptation

2010-03-07T12:40:00.002Z

For months he tempted and cajoled me. For months I procrastinated. Finally I made up my mind. I am going to be a good girl, not playing around, no giving in to temptation. I told him that I would never see him again. After all apart from that one drink so long ago, he was just a name on my screen or on my phone. There is no emotional tie, no physical person to give up, just words.

He accepted my decision but asked to meet for dinner (nothing else) just to say goodbye. He told me not to be dressed like the sexy woman he knows me to be. He didn’t want me to tempt him.

I knew as I was driving to the hotel that we would not keep our hands off each other but still we kept up the pretense. He ordered our drinks and we found a quiet table in the corner to sit and chat. Once we had finished our drinks he invited me back to his room for tea. As we walked side by side across the carpark, through reception and up the stairs, still chatting about unimportant things, I knew. I was ready for him, I had been anticipating this moment for so long, I could feel the scrap of material between my thighs getting damper by the minute.

Once we were through the door of his room he led me by the hand to the sofa. Sitting together thighs touching, he kissed me for the first time. I was willing his kisses to be good but not as good as Romeo's. His hand holding my head to him as his kisses became more urgent. Shifting my weight so that I could throw my leg across his lap. The invitation he couldn’t ignore, my throbbing pussy screaming at him to accept the invite. Slowly he slides his hand up my leg enjoying the feel of the nylon I had worn especially for him (even though it was a hot summer evening).

Taunting me he deliberately takes his time getting to his goal, he wants to savour this moment, but I can’t take this any more, I need to get to the reason I am here. grabbing his wrist I direct his hand inside my skirt pushing his fingers towards the wet fabric, pressing it against my pussy. His kisses more urgent for just a moment longer before he pulls away to remove my clothes. My discarded top is quickly followed by the unclasping of my bra. Allowing the twin pendulums to be touched, kissed, licked and sucked. He has waned these babies for so long. But he only gives them a couple of minutes attention before he pulls me to my feet, tugging on my skirt until it pools around my feet. He moves to sit on the edge of the bed bringing me with him. He is pleased that I wore tights under my skirt. His fantasy involves tights more than stockings. I had considered not wearing anything under my tights but that would make it look like I had come prepared to have sex with him.

He is sitting naked apart from his black boxers as I stand before him, his fingers playing with each part of my body at his will. I am completely compliant to his will, whatever he wants I will do, he is my master for the time we are together. He is soon ready to pull me down beside him on the bed, he crawls between my legs playing with the damp nylon that covers my modesty. He looks at me with a question in his eye and grins like the cat that got the cream when I nod my agreement. He wastes no time ripping open the crotch of my tights. This is what he has wanted to do to me for a year or more, his fingers find their way through the ripped threads, pushing aside my lace panties he has his fingers inside me at last.

Since that first time he told me he wanted to do this my pussy has ached for him. My resistance has kept us from fulfilling this fantasy for 12 months at least but here he is pressing, pulling, playing with my pussy as though it was an instruent and he the accomplished musician. That first touch of his naked skin on my hot pulsating lips brought the first trickle of juice flowing out of me. For soetime he played me, teasing trickle after trickle from my willing body. As each orgasm had me arching my back in breathless pleasure. One hand gripping the bedding by the handful the other firmly gripping his cock as he lay on his side, feet on the pillows and head by my thighs. He brings me off time and time again, such sweet release after all this wanting and resisting. When I have no more to give him he moves back to my side kissing and caressing me until hunger gets the better of both of us, quickly dressing we go off in search of the restaurant.

We had no plans to see each other again but just to make sure I deleted him from my contacts both online and on my phone. He did try to contact me a few months ago but once I realised who it was I didn't reply. Not that I am not attracted to him but because I was, I felt so guilty at having given in to his temptations when I did.

Bad boy

2010-02-27T21:20:00.005Z

I have been chatting to Thomas again today. I have been naughty in that I have not been naughty. When we last chatted I promised that I would write him an email detailing my plans for him. During the years we have been chatting and emailing I have played the submissive to his Dominant character. But now things have changed, now he wishes to be submissive to me.

My task is to explain how he will be subjugated. This is a very empowering idea that he will be controlled and invaded. I can make any demands that I please and he will be very willing to satisfy my every command.

This evening I have been doing a little research. You might wonder how I could be researching my domination of my sweet, gentle, lustful subject. Easy.........first I checked out one or two relevant blogs for hints and ideas. Then I changed to sex toys for some ideas of toys and restraints.

I have created a small wish list which if you are interested you can view here. Although there are also many gorgeous vibrators on the lelo site too, I wonder if you can work out which one I have my eye on.

My bad boy deserves only the very best, I wouldn't want to fail him in his subjugation, after all he is putting himself in my hands, even if this is at the moment only our mutual fantasy.

Be prepared

2010-02-20T11:46:00.003Z

I gather you enjoy anal is that true?

Yes

This was how the evening began as Martin leaned in for his first kiss since he had arrived 2 minutes earlier. Dinner was in the slow cooker, the wine was in the fridge cooling and we were just beginning to heat up. As we stood side by side arranging the beautiful flowers he had just given me, I could feel Martin’s breath on my neck and his hands on my hips. Turning slowly in his arms I returned his kiss as his hands deftly untied my comfy old toweling robe. The luxurious red now faded with age, watching his face as he slid the warm robe off my shoulders to reveal the black and gold basque with matching thong and seamed stockings. Martin’s eyes lighting up.

mmmmm baby I see you are ready for some fun tonight.

I’m not sure how we got there in the heat of our passionate kisses and mutual fondling, but we made our way to my bed with its fresh ivory satin sheets. Collapsing in a heap as our hungry hands and mouths tore at each other until I was stopped by the sudden sting as Martin’s hand made contact with my almost bare bum as he landed the first slap. That was it the challenge had been made. We fought like a pair of cats wrestling and sliding on the slippery surface as we grappled with any body parts we could get hold of. Pulling on his tie I held his face to mine as I kissed him so very deeply while my free hand fumbled with his belt. But his superior strength soon had the better of me and I was on my back panting and helpless under his weight.

Tell me

Tell me what you want bitch

what did you call me?

Bitch, you are my bitch and you know it or do you prefer me to call you my dirty slut.

Biting my ear my neck he continues to hiss

You are my bitch on heat and you want me to fuck you, tell me how I am going to fuck you.

Holding both my wrists above my head in one of his large hands, his right hand between my thighs, tugging my thong to one side as he plunges two fingers into my wet aching cunt.

Just fuck me you bastard, that's why you’re here isn’t it?

You want me to fuck you then you can beg for it bitch

But he knows I am too stubborn, he knows I won’t beg. Instead I clamp my mouth and my legs shut. No amount of persuasion is going to make me beg not whilst I am feeling this wild passion. Begging is reserved for our other game when I am submissive to him. But tonight is not one of those nights. I knew that when I got his text earlier.

Be prepared to be arse fucked

So I knew it was only going to be a matter of time. Martin was not like other guys who had wanted to force their cock into my tense bumhole as I knelt on my hands and knees. The searing pain as though I was on fire, unbearable, unwelcome. Why did they all feel the need to try this, as far as I knew none of the women I knew ever managed to have anal. All those porn stars that did it in the films and photos in men's magazines they were not natural. It wasn’t right. But my Martin he was different, he showed me another way.

He flips me over onto my belly as though I’m as light as a feather. Breathing into the pillow to relax I feel Martin shift his weight as he reaches for the bottle of tingle lube. The sudden coldness as he spreads its cool wetness around my bumhole. Breathing deeply legs still closed but relaxed as I lay flat on my belly Martin eases himself into my bum as his fingers search under me for my wet clit. The electric shot shots through me as my clit pulses. The exquisite pain in my arse becomes pleasure as slowly Martin eases his length in and out of me. Ah now this is the pleasure I have been dreaming about all day as I waited for my husband to return from the office. Pushing my pelvis as deep into the mattress as I can forcing his fingers into my cunt as he pumps my arse what better anniversary present could a girl wish for. I can just see the expression of lust mixed with satisfaction on my husbands face as I squint up at the mirror behind the headboard. The look of agony and pleasure as I cum over his balls as he releases his sperm into my aching arse.

Collapsing together in contentment I am glad dinner won’t be ready for a while yet.

a valentines day to remember

2010-02-14T22:50:00.003Z

As valentines day dawned I knew there would be no cards, flowers or chocolates for me. I didn't care. I am happy as I am, I have my health, my family (suprise visis from both older boys) work is good and I have my friends. I no longer crave the intimacy of a relationship......that doesn't mean that one wouldn't be welcome.

I had planned a day of action but waking on this chilly grey day I was not inclined to leave my cosy bed in a hurry. I went to get a cup of tea and ended up cooking myself beans on wholemeal toast with cheese and fried egg. Taking a tray with my breakfast and mug of tea I made my way back to bed. I don't remember my last cooked breakfast let alone eating it in bed. Settling down with my laptop I was quite content. Time flew by, but not to worry there was nothing that I had to do.

During the week I had received a new email from Thomas aka my knight, I was just thinking that I really ought to get my mind around my reply. It had to be good, it had to be imaginative, it had to be worthy of him. He writes such hot and dirty emails. To my suprise Thomas came online, this is a very rare occurrence these days since I began working full time. After an initial chat he had to go for his dinner but it wasn't long before his return.

This time we chatted for 2 hours, with the usual amount of mutual admiration, some memories of past events revisited and some new memories created (in our minds at least). Our chat was becoming so steamy that it had me reaching for my vibrator. This in turn created even greater arousal for both of us.

Who needs flowers, chocolates or cards when I can have a 2 hour session in the comfort of my bed with someone as gentle and yet as hot and filthy as the object of my lust, Thomas. There is only one thing that could have topped this, to have been doing everything we talked about for real.

later he sent me an email basically thanking me for a wonderful afternoon of intimacy.

It was glorious to have you so close and torture to be so far from your touch your scent your wetness and your rude beautiful mind.

I lust you so much and want to make you cum over and over and drench me in you gushing climaxes........................

I want to feel your soft luxurious mouth upon my cock and watch you enjoy filling it with my spunk. Kiss me my darling and let me savour the taste of my lust for you.

Then go to sleep in each others arms and wake to find one another intimately again...................

Bless you and thank you.

This was my valentines day and I don't regret one moment of it.

2010 and beyond

2010-01-01T14:41:00.002Z

Its been a while since I wrote anything here. Suddenly I find myself fired up to write, perhaps its the extended holiday and feeling relaxed but once this post is complete (I still don't know what this post will be about) I will have written a post on each and every one of my blogs except the diet one which I have forgotten how to access.

I guess part of the reason I have not been writing very much in recent months has been a lack of new interesting things to write. I still have financial difficulties but for the most part my life is anxt free. I am more relaxed, have enjoyed more family time, less adventures and tales of wantoness (is that a word?).

Maybe that sounds as though my life is all family and nothing else but that isn't the case. There is no special man in my life but there are 4 men who feature in my life more than others. These four musketeers are all dear friends who I enjoy spending time with. Forest has been in my life for more than three years, first as a friend then lover before being relegated back to friend status. However he asked to be upgraded back to lover back in the spring of 2009. (its odd to think it is now 2010). I refer to him as my occassional indulgence because that is exactly what he has become. We indulge in mutual satisfaction from time to time probably on average about once every 2 months although it can be twice in one month or once in 3 months.

He is a wonderful lover but we also enjoy non sexual conversations too. I suprise myself at some of the topics we discuss. Of the four he is the one I have known longest. Next is Mr Green, we are friends, we mostly communicate via text or email. Every few months we have a flurry of text/emails along the vein of ......how are you whats been going on in your life. This leads to mutual agreement that we must meet up soon for a drink. Sometimes this happens but often life gets in the way. He has been like a mentor for me, giving me advice on work, men and life. He listens to my thoughts feelings and opinions without making me feel either stupid or inferior. There was a bit of a glitch a few months ago when his crush on me took over his good sense but once I made it clear that ours is purely a platonic friendship we settled back into just that.

During the first half of 2008 I became friends with LV, we spend occassional afternoons having lunch together and recently visited the German Market in Southampton. The nice thing about being friends with LV is that we can keep each other company and prevent each of us becoming reclusive in our own little worlds. We care about each other's welfare. He has had a tough time in the last 6 months. I try to brighten his world a little but not sure how much good I can do for him. He is a very generous friend who likes to help those he cares about, but feels let down by those who should care about him. I wish I could do more to cheer him up.

Most recently I met Plumber in the early part of 2009. This was a very passionate affair in the early months but by the summer had dwindled to infrequent conversations and evenings together. Partly due to my quest to meet someone on a less casual basis than he wants but also our inability to mate successfully. During the time he has been in my life he has been very good to/for me. Not least of all obtaining and fitting my dishwasher, but lovely meals out showing me the range of venues our county has to offer. Moonlit evenings watching the boats passing along our local coast or up on a hill listening for sheep and owls under starry skies encircled in his arms.

Like I said there is no special man in my life right now. I don't mind that as I am happy in myself right now. I feel that there will be new love in my life when the time is right. I am not trying to force that to happen but shall be ready when it does. In the mean time I shall be embarking on new ventures (although I am not currently 100% sure what those will be). I intend that 2010 will be a year of action rather than non action.

are you lonely

2009-10-16T19:11:00.003+01:00

Tonight just after logging onto my laptop a chat window opened and the following conversation followed. When this man chatted to me a couple of weeks ago I made it quite clear that I didn't want to talk sex as I didn't feel we knew each other well enough. Once he realised he was not going to get anywhere if he continued trying to get me to 'stimulate' him he made his excuses and signed off. I had heard nothing more from him until tonight. Somehow I just don't think he is getting the message.

giu
hello
u ok
yes fine just puzzled
why huni
giu ?
mike says:
meant to have been hi fat fingers
charming
no the hi
oh
i got fat fingers
oh ok thought you were calling me fat fingers
no silly
you had any dates yet
no not been looking really
would you like to hold and kiss
possibly
im free and in need of cuddle
oh is that because its friday?
y u say that
because it was a friday the last time you chatted
and its the start of the weekend and weekends are very lonely if you are alone
oh
are you lonely
not at the moment
I have been enjoying family time with my boys
would u like me to play with u
football? cards? bingo?
um i meant adult naughty games
did you
make ur clit nice and wet
hmmmm
do u like oral
have you been busy this week?
yes do you have a cam
no I dont
you want some sex

I dont think that is an appropriate question...........you don't know me and I don't know you

he didn't answer and after a while signed off..........................whilst I do try to give people the benefit of doubt, he has now had his second chance and has now been blocked and deleted.

Have I been too hasty?

how I told him ................'No'

2009-10-05T00:24:00.003+01:00

I have given this much thought even before Tuesday evening when you mentioned a proposition. I know that if I were to decide to 'take the plunge' you would treat me exceptionally well and as you say we would have fun. But as you have rightly guessed this would be a path that I am not going to take. I have in the past been involved to a degree with married men as you know ie SL. But that was quite a while ago.

I learnt a few things from that, about myself as much as anything else. I learnt that the times that I feel the most lonely are weekends and holidays, the times when married men are busy with family. I also realised that being 'the other woman' is not what I want. Because I would much rather be 'The Woman' in my man's life. When I first agreed to meet a married man (I had originally said 'single men only') I managed to persuade myself that it was ok because the married man/men was/were already looking for fun anyway so why should I miss out because they are married. But my concience got the better of me. This/these man/men belonged to someone else. If I was with someone who started playing around with someone else I would be devastated (I do believe in fidelity) so I couldn't do it to someone else.

A few months ago I decided to try having an affair with a married man (a surgeon) but I only met him a few times before I had to call it off because it wasn't what I wanted. He was really sweet about it and said he wasn't suprised. I am really flattered that you want me so much even after so long. (I still don't get why me, even if I do know I am fabulous). What is it that you see in me that others don't?

Your plan as I said had at least 3 flaws that I spotted right away.

1. Yes I was busy (two boys moving out within a week)
2. Even my super powers don't help me to remember your address or how to get there (as I didn't drive there myself) after all this time.
3. Even if I was willing to make love to a married man I wouldn't do so in his marital home (his wife's home)...........last time I was mistakenly under the impression that you were seperated. (I get that it is convenient and more comfortable than an office or a car but to me it would be violating that woman's home).

I hope you can understand where I stand and why I can't take this path however tempting it would be. If I did agree to give it a try I would be letting myself down. This hasn't been a quick and easy decision, I have given it a lot of thought, weighing up the benefits against my ethics and find that I just can't break my own rules. However good it would be, it would be soured by my own inner conflict. I wouldn't be able to be completely relaxed. Furthermore it would get in the way of my ability to find 'Mr Right'. How could I look someone in the eye telling them that I believe in fidelity if I am or have been having an affair with a married man.

As you rightly say I do want our friendship to continue and I would hate to hurt your feelings, but I couldn't live with myself if I follow the path you want to take. I have a lot of respect for you, I treasure your friendship and enjoy our evenings together but I can't take it any further.

Whats got into him?

2009-09-28T00:12:00.002+01:00

Last night to my suprise Forest began chatting online. It was a suprise because although he is single I very rarely hear from him at weekends although I did in the past get text messages on sunday evenings. He always had his children staying over at weekends.

Last night we chatted about the length of time since we last saw each other. Neither of us sure exactly when the last time was. I checked my last post about him on here (mid July) but then realised that we had seen each other a few weeks later. Anyway we both agreed that it had been too long. I told him that I had met two new men since I last saw him. I told him that I had almost settled for 'nice' (which turned out to be not so nice). But then I met Spark who reminded me what it feels like to get butterflies.

That was when he told me that he had met a woman earlier in the day who gave him butterflies. (he had not seen a picture of her so it was a suprise to him on this blind date). He does hope to see her again. If he gets involved with her I shall be happy for him but sad for me.

Just as I was going to bed he sent me a text kiss nothing unusual in the kiss but not usual an hour after saying goodnight. Today he sent me another mid afternoon just as I was shopping. Then to my astonishment here he was chatting online again tonight. I expressed my astonishment that he was chatting two days in a row. Apparently he had been thinking about me and thought it was funny that I was shopping while he was thinking about me. Again I expressed my suprise that he had been thinking about me. (why would he be thinking about me just a day after meeting this new wonderful woman who gave him butterflies).

Something must have got into him because he even called me darling (I don't think he has ever done that before). He seems keen to see me again soon but I have told him it won't be this week, he will have to wait until October.

Reasons and propositions

2009-09-20T23:29:00.006+01:00

What I didn't realise when I wrote my last post here was that I had already been dumped by Dylan only he was apparently taking the cowards way out and not telling me. A few days later when I had not heard from him since I had returned from my holiday (even though he had agreed to go to a party with me on the Saturday but didn't turn up) I wrote to him. I told him that I believe everyone enters our life for a reason. I told him I now knew he had come into my life to set me free (I didn't tell him what from). I also commented that his unexpected silence had hurt me and I hadn't expected him to do that. That was when he emailed me back thanking me for getting in contact. He was being a coward because he always finds it complicated when he tries to finish with a woman. After the detailed and thorough character assassination that followed I can undertand why he has a problem.

Considering that he is a trained councellor he seems to have more than a few issues of his own that he needs to get sorted but I won't be the one to tell him. I felt such a fool for thinking he was someone I could get on with. He might be good at getting people to open up to him (apparently it happens all the time) but he isn't good at listening, he also has a big issue with people who are not in full health (strange for someone who works with terminally ill patients). Anyway he is out of my life now and I am not sorry but I am glad that meeting him helped me to break free from Romeo at long last.

In less than a week I met Spark. This time it wasn't through the internet but through work. When I agreed to have lunch with a customer whose account I was trying to grow, I had no idea that meeting him would cause us both to find we couldn't stop thinking about each other. When he called me next day asking me to meet him for a drink (he actually left the England v Australia cricket match he was watching to see me). We were both experiencing butterflies every time we thought about each other. But there was one big obstacle to this becoming anything else. He already had a girlfriend. After that one evening that included a lot of kissing and cuddling (we both stayed fully dressed), there would only be the briefest of meetings a few days later when he told me that he was sorry to mess me about but he felt so guilty. This was good really because his situation was causing me problems anyway. But what I got from this brief distraction was that he reminded me how it feels when you meet someone who gives you butterflies. I had almost settled for 'nice' when I met Dylan. Spark reminded me that I mustn't settle for anything less than butterflies.

Since then I have been out for a drink with a friend I hadn't seen for ages, we also had dinner together last week. On the way home he mentioned that he would email me a proposition. He did email me, but found he couldn't bring himself to set out his proposition but came up with a plan. I won't go into what his plan was but I have since pointed out a few flaws in his plan. These flaws aside I have had to turn his plan down. You see he is married and I have explained that I can't become involved with a married man although I do treasure him as a friend and confidante.

Since starting this blog I have learnt a few things about myself. I am still struggling with my sexuality versus my upbringing. But I now know more about what I do and don't want. I do not want to be 'The Other woman' to any man, only 'The woman' in my man's life will do for me.

Even if I persuade myself that the married man was already looking for fun when he met me, I won't get involved because, if it was my man behaving in this way I would be devastated so I won't do the same to another woman. If the married man was able to persuade me to get involved with him, I would not be able to fully relax because my concience would get in the way. I know that I have not been whiter than white about all this over the recent years but now I know my own feelings better I won't be going down that path now or in the future.

I feel so much more content now that my path ahead has become clearer in my own mind.

Finally I am free

2009-08-31T21:18:00.003+01:00

I don't know how it happened.
Back in July I made a decision to close the door on Romeo and move on with my life. I needed to delete all trace of him, emails photos text messages the lot.

It wasn't easy, neither did it stop me thinking about him. I still wanted him, I still hoped that one day he would come back and claim me as his. It meant that even though I was seeing other men I still wasn't free. My heart still belonged to him.

I don't remember when it began, those first emails, I thought he was a bit eccentric, he thought I was rather bolshy. He was going to have a word with me tell me off for my bolshyness. He didn't. More emails but with a different tone to them. I began to fret if he didn't email me. Then there was the day that our internet wasn't working, I emailed him from work giving him my mobile number. It was days before he finally rang me but when he did we chatted for an eternity, arranging to meet for a drink a few days later. By now I had come to think of him as a friend but that was all, I didn't fancy him.

We sat and chatted until we were turned out of the pub 3.5 hrs later. Days later we met up for a walk along the beach, again we chatted for hours, holding hands, kissing goodnight at the end of a long day. I'm not sure if it was before or after our 3rd date that I realised that something had happened. I definitely knew before the end of that date that I liked him, this could be the start of something good. Somewhere along the way I noticed that Romeo had gone, he had slipped out of my mind without me noticing.

While I was on holiday I hardly thought about Romeo and when I did it was nolonger with a sense of loss. I really enjoyed my holiday but was looking forward to getting home because more than anything I wanted to see Dylan. I don't know how things will work out for us, it might only last a very short time, it might last longer, at this stage its anyone's guess. But whatever happens I will be grateful that he has helped me to let go of Romeo.

New Forest tales

2009-07-19T01:41:00.003+01:00

Do you want to come over tonight? xx

do you have a teleporter? x

no why? xx

because I can't afford the petrol to get there xx

if you can get here I will give you petrol money.............
is that classed as paying for sex? xx

nooooooooooo ........................if I was charging you it would be a lot more than the cost of petrol x

I know I wouldn't be able to afford you xx

what time? x

9pm xx

perfect............my battery is dying x

that was the last conversation on my motorola before it died.
So punctual as ever I arrived at his place at 9.20pm, he was waiting at the open door with the kettle behind him hissing as he bent down to greet me with a slow kiss before turning to pour two mugs of tea. Tea that went cold while we kissed for an eternity on his two seater settee. Torchwood on the tv in the corner hardly noticed. Finally breaking free during what must have been the 10 O'clock news we left the tea untouched and made our way up the stairs to his bed with its fur cover. This time I waited for him to remove my clothes (just a dress bra and knickers), once he had removed his own t shirt and jeans. Leading me to his bed he laid me down as he knelt on the edge of the bed between my thighs nudging my clit with the slippery head of his penis. But before I could get used to the feel of him there he slid down onto the floor his face lapping up my wetness whilst his left hand played with my nipple.

It didn't take him long to have me writhing on his bed in pure delight as his tongue together with the fingers of his right hand took me to the height of my first leg trembling orgasm. Involuntary spasms shook my whole body as his tongue worked its magic on me. Until I could take no more , he lay beside me on the bed then, letting my fingures trace patterns on his skin.

His cock twitching against his slight belly (there is more of that than there was 2 years go) he asks me

what do you want to do with that?

what do you want me to do?

whatever you like

(probably the first words spoken by either of us in an hour) I don't need any other encouragement before I am crawling down the bed to kneel between his knees nibbling, licking and sucking on his delicious cock, it feels so great yet at the same time awkward when his cock hits the back of my mouth making me gag slightly. It has been a very long time since I felt those sensations. I am enjoying myself immensely with this man who was my lover before and is again now.

Adjusting my position I move myself back towards the head of the bed climbing on top of his prone body impaling myself on his erection. slowly moving against his thrusts my breasts hanging between us he catches them in his gentle hands pinching and caressing my nipples. Leaning forward I kiss his hungry mouth, I break away to whisper in his ear

we have not been very chatty tonight have we?

he laughs

no we haven't

back to the kissing and grinding I am now laying along his length lking down on his serious face while he thrusts deep into me.

You almost smiled

His face breaking into a big grin he reaches up to bring my face down to his for more kissing. We keep kissing and thrusting until his knee starts to play him up (an old footballing injury). As I roll onto the bed beside him one word escapes his lips

wow

This makes me smile to myself so it had been as good for him as it was for me.

It felt good to have a cock inside me

deep inside you too

mmmmmmmm

We lay companionably together cuddling and kissing as we enjoyed our post coital conversation. I think we have good sex partly because we have known each other for 2 1/2 years, we know each other fairly well, neither of us are expecting a relationship out of this so we are relaxed with no pressure. We like each other as people in addition to having a sexual attraction. I believe we have become the perfect 'friends with benefits'

Shivers down my spine

2009-06-13T20:08:00.003+01:00

It wasn't fair

I was trying to get on with my work but my mind kept going back to those kisses. Every time I thought about his kisses a shiver went through me. Every time I thought about the feel of his hand as it held mine I felt weak. Remembering his touch as his hand slid inside my jacket first to my waist then moving up to hold my breast.

Throughout the time we had been sitting chatting in his car he had made no move to try and touch or even kiss me. It was only when I was ready to go home to my lonely bed that he made his unexpected move.

If anyone had told me earlier in the evening that I would be meeting him there after midnight I would have laughed. It had been about 3 months since we had met that first time, we had tried to meet again a month ago but it didn't happen so why now.

When he had mentioned that he would be passing that way at midnight on his return from running an errand, he said he would look out for my car. We hadn't made a definite arrangement to meet it was more a case of if we are both there at the same time sort of thing. Of course I had no reason to be up there on my favourite hill top at that time of night.

After he had signed out of messenger he text me asking what car I drive, so I knew he thought I would be there. That almost stopped me from going. How dare he be so confident that I would venture out at that time to meet him on the off chance. I ummed and aahhed for a while, should I go or should I stay? Another friend came online and told me to go for it. Trying not to drive too fast I sped along the crest of the hill until I reached the car park I had mentioned (knowing that out of all the carparks along that stretch of road it would be the quietest).

When I arrived there was no sign of him but he had text me that he was disappointed, well he had said midnight and it was now 10 past. I replied something about him not being there. Within 2 minutes he drove up and parked alongside my car. The next hour was very odd yet easy at the same time. Indulging in my hobby of checking out the city lights below to see which landmarks we could identify. Before succuming to the chill breeze and getting into his Jag to keep warm, where we managed to chat amiably for 45 minutes prior to that first kiss.

We talked about meeting again for a drink soon, I hope we do.

If I said

2009-05-22T12:36:00.002+01:00

A few days ago I sent this to a few of my male friends past and prospective to see what they thought.

If I said
If I said I want you, would you come to me?
If I said I need you, do you need me too?
If I said I am hungry for you, would you satisfy me?
If I wanted to see you would you stand naked before me?
If I wanted to feel you, would you place my hands on you?
If I wanted to smell you, would you kneel before me so I could drink in the scent of you?
If I wanted to taste you would you feed me your hard cock?
If I asked would you to fuck me please, would you make me beg?

Here is the reply I got from Thomas aka my Knight

If you said you want me, I would come to you.
If you said you need me, I'd need you too.
If you said you were hungry for me, I'd hunger for you too.
If you wanted to see me, I'd stand rampant before you.
If you wanted to feel me, I'd place your hands upon my manhood.
If you wanted to smell me, I'd relish you drinking in the sent of me.
If you wanted to taste me, I'd feed you my cock.
Drink of me and dribble my spunk from your mouth to mine.
If you asked me to fuck you, I'd make you beg.
If you wanted me deep inside your cunt, I'd scissor with you and feel your warmth
If you wanted me up your arse, I'd joyfully have you sit upon me and relish the sight of your curves and the feel of your vulgar tightness.
Suck me my angel, I want to see you abandon any propriety.
Fuck me hard and wantonly, I need to see the sweat upon your curves. Drench me in your womanly cum and scream your joy for it.

You lovely rude and vulgar lady.

Poker face

2009-05-01T17:10:00.003+01:00

Listening to the radio I heard them play Lady Gaga's song Poker face. When I first heard this song I wasn't over keen on it but it has grown on me particularly since I saw the interview she did on Jonathon Ross's show a few weeks ago explaining what the song is about.

Poker Face

Listening to this song reminds me of when I am out with Plumber. If you don't know what the song is about I shall do my best to explain. It about not letting the person you are with realise that you are actually thinking about another person/s. They believe that you are completely into them which isn't necessarily the case.

When I am with Plumber I do get into being with him, he is a very nice guy and very sexual which of course suits me down to the ground or bed or where ever. But even though I am enjoying him I am also probably thinking I wish he was Romeo. Don't get me wrong I do like him and on the few occasions we have had sex it has been very hot and very mmmmmm but he just doesn't blow me away in the way that Romeo did. So when I get asked about how things are with Plumber I am quite vague because although I do like him and we get on well I just don't feel that this could ever become a long term relationship.

Yet whilst I am saying this he has confessed to liking me very much (he thinks I am very special) and that he thinks I like him as much as he likes me. This leads me to believe that perhaps I am not as cool towards him as I think I am and he actually believes that I am hot for him. Of course I am not going to dissillusion him by putting him straight because I do like him, just not as much as Romeo. If he thinks I do like him that much then that can only be good.

Have you ever been with one person whilst thinking about someone different?
If so did the person you were with realise?

Hot for him

2009-04-12T08:21:00.002+01:00

There is a man
we have met just once
we chat often on IM
we discuss many subjects
he makes me hot
he makes me fidget
he makes me smile
when he is not there I miss him
when he arrives I am happy
when he argues I am wet

This man is not attractive in the normal sense
This man is not gentle and sensitive
This man is opinionated
This man does not suffer fools
This man thrills me
This man makes me want him
This man makes me aroused
This man can be distant
This man is interesting
This man is interested in me

As soon as we chat I feel that familiar tug
As soon as we chat the battle begins
As soon as we chat the swords are drawn
As soon as we chat I know
As soon as we chat I want to be with him
As soon as we chat I yearn for his hands
As soon as we chat I long to feel him
As soon as we chat I need to taste him

This man who is so wrong for me is the one who causes the heat between my legs. He is the one I can't stop wanting. He is the one I have to caress with my hands and tongue. He is the one I want to be tied down by as he fucks me senseless. I want him to take me until I beg him to stop. I want him to make me his, to take what he wants. I want him to leave me in a heap of weak limbs unable to move. As I press my fingers onto my wet swollen clit I long for his tongue to torture my desire.

I just can't help it I am hot for him!

All dressed up

2009-04-04T22:27:00.006+01:00

On thursday evening it was parents evening at college again. This time I was accompanied by OJ. As expected all his tutors are pleased with him and he already has 4 A's in the bag even before he takes his final exams. Between appointments we were discussing his choice of University. He still feels that he would like to go to Warwick as he knows it has a very good reputation and he did like it there, but he thinks he will probably go to Surrey. Surrey offers scholarships and if certain grades are reached the scholarships are doubled. As he knows he has already exceeded the required grades he believes that financially he will be better off going there. As my mum said when I told her this today.......'OJ always has the £ at the front of his mind'. He also said that as Surrey is closer to London he would be able to watch his favourite football team West Ham Utd. Personally I don't think this is a good reason as if he was at Warwick he could watch them at all the teams they play in the Midlands (and probably cheaper).

Tonight I had decided that I would suprise Plumber and go to a gig he was working at. He had told me last night that he would like me to go as he would like to see me. I only said I would think about it. But just as I was ready to go he came online asking if I had got his text. I then realised I had left my phone in my car earlier. It turns out that the gig was cancelled as the drummer injured his back last week and although they thought he would be able to play tonight his back is worse than they thought he might not be able to play again poor man.

I asked Plumber if he fancied meeting for a drink instead. But he has decided to have an early night as he has been working today. I noticed that one of the other guys I chat to was online, he said he wants to go to our view point on Monday eve but hes too tired tonight. Men!!! they have no stamina.

So here I am on a Saturday evening all dressed up with nowhere to go. I have messaged Golf asking him where he is when a girl needs to be rescued. I did consider asking Kama if he wants to meet up but by the time I thought about it I decided it was too late in the evening. Unlike Golf he doesn't seem to like spontaneous plans.

I think I shall do some work on my project instead.

Earlier I bought a few things to help get my garden project started. DC has promised to help me tomorrow. I have already sprayed the nettles with weed killer. I have a new hedge trimmer so that should sort out the brambles as well as the hedge in the front garden. I also have a shiny new spade for when we are ready to start digging up the garden. I also had a look at paving slabs and gravel I think that is the way I shall go.

Lady in red: Room with a view#links#links

2009-04-04T13:42:00.000+01:00

Lady in red: Room with a view#links#links

wanting and promiscuous

2009-04-04T12:13:00.013+01:00

LiR My love
Are you free Thursday eve?
Would you like to meet early eve?
Lust you always
xxxxxx

Dearest Darling

I would dearly love to meet you on Thursday evening but as fate would have it the only evening I can't make this week is Thursday as I have to attend parents evening at College. If I could arrange to get my son to meet me there I could possibly manage to meet you for an hour depending on the earliest appointment (currently 7.30)

LiR my love,
Shall we tease ourselves with just an hour? I can't say no! I don't have the will power not to see your beautiful curves displayed before me. I want to feast my eyes upon your femininity and your womanhood and have you enjoy my manhood. I'm so aroused by the prospect. Lusting you dreadfully. Shall we do something promiscuous and dirty? A brief sexual encounter to keep our lust for one another fresh as it always has been. or put our thirst for it to a better longer time together?

Where? How? When? Before or after 7.30?
Yours wanting and promiscuous.
xxxxxxxxx

I have persuaded my son to meet me at the college, our earliest appointment is now 6.50pm. what time would you be able to meet? I finish work about 5pm. DO you know any of the pubs in the area? I think with the limited time it will have to be a drink but I am sure we won't be able to keep our hands and lips to ourselves.

I look forward to hearing from you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LiR
I don't know if you'll see this befor you go to work, but I was thinking you could come up to ******, but it will take you 20 minutes and back, that's 40 leaving us ± an hour to ..........................
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I managed to leave work a little early, called him to get directions to the place we would be meeting. 20 minutes later I was parked outside his converted listed building at the end of a lane perched on the edge of woodland. On the inside his home is beautiful as it should be for someone of his talents. After nervously drinking tea in the breakfast room overlooking a wonderful garden that just blends so superbly with the surrounding woods we moved into the richly furnished livingroom. Whilst I perched on a fabulous sofa he sat on a low coffee table facing me. Still we continues the small talk, I wasn't sure if this new awkwardness would remain for long but as I crossed my legs he became excited at the prospect of seeing the lace top of my stockings. He had apparently already caught a glimpse as I alighted from my car. He lept across the space between us to slide a hand inside my skirt caressing my outer thigh above the lace. As he did so we shared our first kiss of the afternoon.

It didn't take long before we were both topless, between kissing passionately (we do have 2 years of kisses to catch up on) we took it in turns to nibble and suck each other's nipples. But we couldn't stop there, not now! Not after all this time when we have been lusting after each other for so long. With my skirt in a heap along with the rest of his clothes we lay on our sides as he watched me squirt from the attention his fingers were giving to my aching cunt. (I don't often use that word but I know how much he loves it when I do). Knowing that he was loving what he was doing and witnessing I was able to finally grasp his lovely cock and taste him for the first time since our afternoon together so long ago. His murmuring that he had forgotten just how good I am with my mouth only served to intensify my enjoyment.

The polished floorboards beneath my hot back were unyielding as we tried with great difficulty to make love in the missionary position but swapping places so that I was sat astride my beautiful champion I was able to ride him, just slow small movements at first but graduating into bigger faster movements as we both felt the tightness of my vagina loosen up a little until I collapsed beside him for more kisses and cuddles.

All too soon it was time for me to start making a move to leave. As I started to get up from the floor I found myself on my knees with my love stood before me. How could I resist kissing his belly once again? His upper thighs too were very inviting, kissing his soft warm skin could only lead to one more suck on his delicious cock. But as I held him to me, hands gripping his firm arse my lips around his manhood sucking with such pleasure, he could not help but cum in my mouth. Thinking back I can't remember the last time I was able to do this. This time around I swallowed every drop, I wasn't going to share with him this time. But once I had swallowed all he had, making sure he was completely finished, I stood up, threw my arms around his neck kissing him so that he could share the taste in my mouth.

He giggled.

'I thought you were going'

'how could I go while you were cumming?'

realising the time we quickly dressed, luckily I noticed straight away that I had out my top on inside out.............that would have been a clear give away!!

Clothes readjusted we walked out to my car together as we said goodbye.

I just hope it won't be another two years before we can be together again!!

I adored him before, but I adore him even more now. My lovely sweet, dirty minded Thomas aka my knight in Tarnished Armour

The truth about dating Plumber

2009-03-27T22:11:00.003Z

Over on Lady in Red I posted a brief account of my second date with Plumber. I have been accused of not giving enough details. I know there are some who read that blog who would prefer not to read the details so I made the decision to keep my posts on there very vague. Anyone wishing to read more will have to come here.

The truth is that after our saucy encounter in his car in the pub car park we both knew that we needed more space and comfortable surroundings for our next date. Plumber did try to book a hotel room but was not immediately successful. He had been asked to house sit for a week so we agreed to meet at his house. I wasn't sure about this at first but as there was no other solution it was either meet at his house or wait indefinitely.

During our first passionate clinch in his car Plumber discovered just how wet I get, so this time he was prepared with a mattress protector and towels. We sat chatting and drinking red wine for quite a while then the kissing started. It was quite odd to think that I was fully dressed whilst he was only wearing a towel around his waist. I was beginning to get aroused now which became quite evident when I got up to use the bathroom,(leaving a wet patch on the sofa). It was time to go upstairs. Plumber undressed me, liking what he saw. We climbed onto the bed and continued kissing and exploring. Plumber took great delight in my breasts (anyone would think he had died and gone to heaven).

I told him it was time to lose the towel and believe it or not he agreed with me. Lots of foreplay followed, there was lots of licking and sucking from each of us. It felt very good to have a man working my labia with his fingers and tongue mmmmmmmm that was very good and even better every now and then he went back for more!!. Between bouts of cunilingus I gave him head. He has a very nice cock except that the head is rather large and it isn't easy for my mouth to stretch wide enough to get it all in but, get it into my mouth I did although there is no chance I can deep throat him. However he loved my attention on his manhood. We were both having a great time.

We decided that as great as the foreplay was we had reached the time for the real action that we had both been missing from our lives. He knelt between my thighs nudging my clit with his penis. He began to push forward, but all that happened was he slid off his target while I winced in pain. We tried several times in a variety of positions including doggy style but there was no way that his large head was going to get inside my tight cunt (even with extra lubrication). Unfortunately I had managed to cut myself shaving which was adding to the difficulties with the size. Obviously lack of use has had an adverse effect on my cunt. We gave up trying to fuck and just enjoyed being together.

It was lovely sleeping together, for both of us it was the first time for at least 18 months that we had slept with someone. The feel of a body curled up with mine through out the night was good. Neither of us slept particularly well but it felt good. In the morning we kissed and cuddled for a while then to my astonishment he dived under the covers to lick me out again. What a great way to start a new day. Unfortunately I wasn't able to repay him as the alarms we had both set were now going off and I had to drive the short distance home to get ready for work!

Do you?

2009-02-22T11:43:00.000Z

Looking into your pale eyes
As they sparkle with your smile,
Our faces just inches apart as we laugh and chat.
Do you read what is written in my eyes
Do you see the hidden desire

The need to reach out
To touch your face
To taste your breath
As together we allow
Our lips to meet

The light touch of your hand
About my waist
So brief yet indelibly
Burnt into my memory
To cherish until next time

Do you have any idea
Of the calm turmoil
You create within
Your touch, your smile
These things I crave so much

Do you want it too
A time and a place
Where we can share
Much more than
A simple kiss

Trouble with Garfield

2009-02-10T19:02:00.003Z

As I stood leaning over the 4ft barrier he slipped his hand inside my blouse, when I didn't object too much his fingers ventured further. Sliding his hand inside my bra grabbing a handful of warm flesh. All the time talking dirty, making me laugh. My high visibility bomber jacket whilst too small for me was still enough to hide his actions from those within sight.

I could and perhaps should have not only objected to him touching me up in this way, but put in a formal complaint. I did neither. Whilst I didn't actively encourage him neither did I forcibly discourage him which makes me as guilty as he. The line though was firmly drawn when he made to undo the zip on my trousers. Bad enough that I had allowed him (much to my own astonishment) to fondle my breast, I was not going to allow him inside my trousers. Perhaps if we had not been at my work place things may have been different but I doubt it.

This man who I refer to among my colleagues as 'the dirty old man'. He calls me up at times for no other reason than just to talk dirty. He talks the same way to my colleagues but mostly to me. He knows I have my naughty side and he tries to draw me into being naughty. He is single he is local he is very well off (in comparison to me that is). He is extremely cheeky. He is a an important contact. I cannot afford to upset him, however this is not why I allowed him to molest me. Thinking about it as I strode back towards my office I realised that I have actually become a little fond of the naughty man.

I was also a little warm after the experience which was not really unpleasant. I realise that I actually enjoyed being handled, probably because it has been so long since I was touched like this.

When a joke isn't taken that way

2009-02-05T06:57:00.006Z

I don't know what to do.....
should I be early or late
should I drink alcohol or not
should I greet with a kiss or
shake hands should I wear jeans or skirt
should I cover up or wear low cut neck
should I bring my mum or my son
should I wear make up or be natural
all these questions
and thats before I even know .........................
when or where
.................................................>
.................................................>
.................................................>
.................................................>
to get my car MOT done

it was meant to make him laugh but this is what I got back

1.I don't know what to do.....I'm still thinking about it. Read line 12
2.should I be early or late We should organise a meeting point or I pick you up at yours.
3.should I drink alcohol or not I should, why not. I'm driving so I'll only have a couple of drinks
4.should I greet with a kiss or shake hands Both
5.should I wear jeans or skirt Whatever your comfortable in. I'll be in black jeans cause I've ben in trousers all week.
6.should I cover up or wear low cut neck same as 5 above
7.should I bring my mum or my son errr, no!
8.should I wear make up or be natural Same as 5 above
9.all these questions...Yep..!
10.and thats before I even know .........................
11.when or where Saturday, TBC
12.Drive out for a drink and dinner......what you think..OK?
13..................................................>
14.................................................>
to get my car MOT done Good luck. Hope it all goes well.

So now I know .........................giggles

update

Having another blonde moment I left my phone at home today. On my return I had a couple of text from The Man aka Kama (as of now). I also had about 5 emails, one of which said that he had missed hearing from me. Another was a fantasy/nightmare that he had written for me. To check it out go here.

Benefits of ICE

2009-02-01T19:27:00.003Z

Yesterday the lovely FireByrd sent me an email about ICE

Message from the Ambulance Service

We all carry our mobile phones with names & numbers stored in its memory.. If we were to be involved in an accident or were taken ill, the people attending us would have our mobile phone but wouldn't know who to call. Yes, there are hundreds of numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency? Hence this 'ICE' (In Case of Emergency) Campaign.

The concept of 'ICE' is catching on quickly. It is a method of contact during emergency situations. As mobile phones are carried by the majority of the population, all you need to do is store the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during emergency under the name 'ICE' ( In Case Of Emergency). The idea was thought up by a paramedic who found that when he went to the scenes of accidents there were always mobile phones with patients but they didn't know which number to call.

He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognised name for this purpose.

In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital Staff would be able to quickly contact the right person by simply dialling the number you have stored as 'ICE'. Please forward this. It won't take too many 'forwards' before everybody will know about this. It really could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest.

For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1, ICE2 and ICE3 etc

PLEASE PASS THIS AROUND AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE AS THIS CAN HELP IN AN EMERGENCY

Being the good blogger/friend/citizen that I am I emailed this to people on my contact list for the email account I had received it on. I will get around to sending it to people on my other contact lists soon. In the mean time here it is for anyone who has not seen it.

This afternoon I went to the gym then visited my mum. On my return home I checked my emails and was just about to delete all the ones I don't need when I realised there was one from GB aka Jasper in reply to my ICE email. I really hadn't expected to hear from him. It has been a long time since we last had any contact. It was only a very brief email, clearly he has not forgotten me although it is now two years since we were having our brief fling.

It was in my days on AFF (adult friend finder) Jasper was one of the men I met. He was married had never played away from home. His innocence made me laugh. He was such a sweetie. A successful businessman from a local City. His business is in the luxury end of the leisure industry. To my amazement when we first chatted he was not keen on the idea of meeting in hotels (that would be too sordid for his taste). He wanted to buy a house in my town which would be our love nest. At the time I was having trouble with cluster headaches some of which were caused by my car (not only no powersteering but very stiff wind down window which jarred my neck). He wanted to buy me a new car!!

I did manage to persuade him that he was being impractical.

When we met for the first time it was for a coffee in town. Jasper has the most delicious cheeky grin. I couldn't help getting swept up in his infectious enthusiasm. His gentlemanly charm, the efficient businessman and the gentle naive man that I knew him to be were all part of the attraction for me.

After several attempts to spend more time together we finally managed to be together in a hotel dangerously close to his home. Our time together was so special that we both felt elated for the next 24 hours until the guilt of his betrayal hit him. A few days of soul searching later he wanted to continue to see me but keep me at arms length so to speak as he couldn't afford to become too attached to me. It was then that I felt I had to let him go even though it was so hard to do.

Whilst writing this post I received a further email from him. I have not replied, as much as I would love to renew his aquaintance I do not think it would be wise.

Plutonic or not

2009-01-31T21:55:00.002Z

I have been thinking about the question of whether or not men and women can be just friends.

My first reaction is yes of course we can. I have a number of friends who are men.

But then I began thinking about it a little closer.

I started thinking about the male friends I have.

After thinking about each one in turn I realised that in the case of my friends I can have male friends without there being anything sexual between us only because my male friends respect me enough not to take advantage of our friendship.

I do believe that it is perfectly possible to have close friends of the opposite sex without there being anything sexual between them. However having examined the friendships I currently have with men are perhaps only plutonic in the sense that I am not sexually attracted to them although I am well aware that they are sexually interested in me. I am also aware that they keep their sexual interest under control out of respect for me.

I was going to say that I am lucky to have friends who respect me enough not to take advantage of me but then again if they didn't have enough regard for me then we wouldn't be friends in the first place.

stepping out

2009-01-22T15:24:00.000Z

It felt so good to step out of the soft brown skirt, roll down those shimery sleek stockings, slip into soft warm cotton pyjamas, climb into bed snuggled under my warm cosy duvet laying my head upon welcoming pillows and know that it is still daylight outside. It was still another 3 hours before I should have left my desk only to get stuck in traffic on rain soaked roads and yet here I was already, home, warm and comfortable on this impromtu afternoon off from work. Armed with my radio, a book my laptop, box of tissues, cough medicine and not forgetting the elicit bar of chocolate, what more could a middle aged, single mother of four want??? .....................................

Gone

2009-01-18T18:23:00.002Z

I had a very sad email yesterday.

A fellow blogger emailed to say that he was closing down his blog. He did explain why and I am very sad for him that the one place he had to voice his feelings and frustrations has been taken from him in this way. A family member found the blog and is accusing him of things he hasn't done. I have felt priviledged to be aquainted with this man even if it is only online, we live on different continents.

I hope that one day he will be able to come back in some way, I know he gained a lot from being able to blog. I shall miss him and I am sure others will too. I learnt a lot about the way men think from this man.

I am now also thinking about other bloggers I used to read who have felt for one reason or another that they had to close their blogs. But most especially those who have been forced to close them because of someone in their real life.

Some of the bloggers I miss are La fille Mariee, Cherrie, Fex, George, Easily Aroused, Feetman, and Fatso. There are others who have come and gone, some who have opened new blogs. But each and every one has left an impression on me.

Black leather and Red nets

2008-12-08T13:10:00.006Z

On my day off I have been going through some of the blogs I read and couldn't resist revisiting this post by FC a sexy photo of his Lucky Heather. In the comments I had mentioned that I have some black boots and some red fish nets. Today I have discovered that the naughty Fat Controller has challenged me to prove it.

So here are the fishnets....................

and here are my black boots (always a favourite with Mr Passionate)

Then as an after thought I decided to take a new photo, it has been sometime since I indulged in this hobby. So as a special treat ...........

List expanded part one

2008-12-01T22:38:00.004Z

When I wrote my incomplete list I figured this would be a good time to write about some of those who had not previously featured here.

Tonight I bring you CF I wonder if any of you can work out what the initials CF stand for. Perhaps if anyone can give me the right answer I will post a new photo.

CF was the first man I began to chat with online after N went off with 'The Bitch' for the first time. We had chatted online a few times and were chatting on the Friday evening. I was feeling sexually frustrated as well as upset that N had gone off with The Bitch. I didn't know if he would come back to me or if I had lost him. (I was stupid and naive). I believed that he had only chosen The Bitch over me because I refused to have sex with him again unless I was the only one. (see I told you I was naive). CF suggested we meet up for a drink in half an hour, so at 10pm I arrived for the first time at the Gladstonian (which was to later become a favourite haunt of mine......I have even taken Romeo there .............I love the views in case you had not realised that).

We had a drink and chat, he was quite good looking, intelligent,polite, fairly well off having made his name in London designing some well know buildings. A local boy done good. He had returned to the area after several years away, was nearing the completion of his complete overhaul of the former council house which was now his weekend home. We were getting on well but the pub was closing and there was still more to chat about. I didn't need much persuasion to follow him in his BMW X5 back to his place. We sat opposite each other on leather sofas drinking wine as we continued to chat. He assured me that he had been out of the dating game for sometime and didn't really know what the etiquette of dating was these days. Suddenly he decided that he wanted to see my body. He wasn't trying to persuade me to have sex just wanted to see my body. I wasn't keen but eventually gave in to his insistence allowing myself to be led upstairs to his bedroom.

Once in his bedroom he undressed me laying me on his deep duvet when he began his exploration of my body. It wasn't long before he was pawing me. I liked him but wasn't sure of his motives. There had been no build up of passion, no cuddles and kisses. Add together his superior strength and confidence with my timidity and naivety and it was only a short time before we were having sex. With him I discovered that there are more positions than missionary and doggy style. He wanted me to stay all night with him. But I found sleep almost impossible. By about 3am I was desperate to go home. He reluctantly stood on his doorstep watching me leave.

Late afternoon I text him to ask if he had had a good day. He invited me over to share a bottle of red wine in front of his log fire. When I arrived he had been watching tv while he waited for my arrival. We sat side by side on his sofa watching tv discussing the programs that came and went. In all the time we were sat there he never once made a move to touch me until about 11pm when all of a sudden he said we should continue watching tv upstairs in bed. Again he led me upstairs, we undressed and climbed into his comfortable bed. But it wasn't tv he was interested in. No sooner were we under the covers than he made his move. Again I found sleep difficult to come by. I managed to make myself stay put until about 6am. I already knew by then that I wouldn't be returning again. I had been worried after my first visit but had decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. But after two nights where there was no exchange of affection I knew that no matter what N had done this man was not for me. He might be accomplished in sexual skill but the heat in the bedroom matched that of the frosty February weather outside.

So have you worked out why I call him CF?

Fucking friends

2008-11-28T21:38:00.008Z

Its odd how things turn out.

Last night I was chatting online when I was sent a couple of text messages.

The sexual position formally known as 69 is now called 96. Due to inflation, the cost of eating out has gone up!!

What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her nickers...................self employed.

I forwarded these to Paulo and Mr Passionate. I didn't get a reply from either but that didn't suprise me. I hadn't been in contact with Mr Passionate for months not since the flurry of emails between us after I passed him outside Asda when he was with his wife. That must have been months ago because I was on my way to the gym.

I had been chatting online with Paulo not long before I sent him the joke and we had already said goodnight.

This evening as I was reading blogs my mobile took on a life of its own as a string of text messages flew back and forth between me and Mr Passionate. He gave me the sad news that he has moved away, now living in East Anglia. His wife is away for the next few months but he is behaving himself which he is finding hard. It isn't easy resisting temptation when your partner is away. He was having soak in the bath whilst texting me so he asked if I would like a peek. Under normal circumstances I would have said no but this was Mr Passionate and mmmmm his picture brought back such great memories of our times together. I had to reciprocate but only by sending him a picture that was taken especially for him on our last night together. It was a tease to whet his appetite when he was on his way to me that night.

his reply to the question ...................Remember this

I do indeed. Very well indeed. I also remember how good they felt around my neck, with you moaning below x

we talked about how we never took any pictures together although we had discussed it.

we never took any pics of us, a shocking waste! will have to rely on the memory ...... Those red heels resting on my shoulders as I slammed into you. You squirting all over my shaft as you came hard. Me filling that tight sexy ass over and over! Now I remember ;-) x

we should have done it anyway. would have been v horny. Love the thought of taking you hard and fast, whilst watching a video of us fucking. makes me hard thinking about it!

I believe I will always think of him as a friend, our contact will only be intermittent, I very much doubt we would ever get together again but we have our memories. Sex with Mr Passionate was always brilliant, he knew just how I liked to be fucked, but what made it even better was that we like each other as friends as well as sexual partners.

It did make me laugh when Mr Passionate was asking about my love life and commented about Romeo.............Please tell me he's not married lol. .................now that was a bit rich coming from my favourite married man (The man who fucked me the most in recent years).

An incomplete list

2008-11-23T11:38:00.006Z

Wild Catz has got me thinking, she has produced a whose who of the men who have been in her life. My initial reaction was that I wouldn't dare to do this myself but having slept on the idea I think perhaps it would help me to get to grips with the patterns in my sexual life so here goes (this might take a while).

16 - 17 CS 9 months my first love
18-20 MS I still had feelings for CS but wasn't going to wait for him to realise he still wanted me (he would turn up on my doorstep unannounced until I made the mistake of telling him I was getting engaged to MS)
20 - 21 SS my first older man (22yrs older) he was in the Army and became very jealous and controlling, he raped me just after my 21st and again the day I tried to end our relationship
21 - 22 MS again but I had changed I wasn't the timid girl he had first known, I didn't really like him anymore. I found I could only tolerate being with him when we were in a group.
22 - 23 CJN love of my life,(14 yrs older) I was already in love with him by the time I got that stomach churning phone call from his 'wife'. He flitted between us for a few months. Before he fially left her and moved down to Kent to rent a bedsit with me. 2 weeks later he went off to 'find work' and didn't come back. This was when I became grief stricken and ended up n the verge of a mental breakdown.
23 At the back end of the year I found B (9 yrs older) he listened to my woes but he took advantage and lied. I soon had his g/f (he is father of her eldest child they were still sleeping together sometimes) on my case.
23 - 24 CJN returned I was in shock but accepted him back into my life. (he had returned to his suicidal wife) I became pregnant but when I miscarried that was the end of us.
24 paddy (my toy boy 3 yrs younger) I didn't know it at the time but he was my first fuck buddy. I taught him the joys of felatio.
24 - 42 SF (9 yrs older) he came along when I was vulnerable, we were both getting over broken hearts it suited us both to have someone to go home to. 6 months later I was pregnant. He is an alcoholic I should never have married him but I don't regret my boys.
43 -44 NAF first man in my life for 19 yrs. He flitted between me and 'the bitch' for 6 months before living with someone else for a few months we got back together for 2 months Jan 07
44 -45 This is where it gets complicated
lovers = SL, PL, Ade, my knight,Forest, Oxo,GB,Swinger
NSA = BT, KB,Scooby,CF,RR, GM,GI,Pat,Coach,

46 Romeo (10 yrs older) elusive all consuming love

I know I have forgotten some so will add as I remember them

Just making a few additions

Pilot, Imperial, Porche

A test of love

2008-11-08T22:56:00.004Z

As you are all aware I am in love with my Romeo
To be honest I find it a little bemusing, after all we have only met once in 9 months, but I was already in love with the man I was getting to know online before we met in person. Meeting him just confirmed how I felt. I am not so stupid as to have confessed my love to him. I did though as we were laying naked limbs entwined admit that I like him. He saw through that and with a little encouragement from him I admitted that I like him .............. a lot. He seemed to be satisfied with that. I wouldn't tell him that I am in love with him as that would scare the hell out of him, come to that it scares the hell out of me too.

When we met it was just perfect, I felt so relaxed so natural with him right from the first moment. I had joked in the early weeks that when we met I would feel as though I had come home. I don't know if I would describe our meeting as that but I did feel that I was where I belonged. During our hours together we talked about lots of things including the sexual things we have each done in the past and what we want to do. He told me some funny stories about his work. But now I realise that we didn't talk about his world and what he wants/expects from me.

I really regret that now, that other than, that seeing each other would be irratic, we didn't discuss in more detail what this relationship would be like. Each time he has been away during the 9 months since the start of us I have been sending him text messages and emails a couple of times a week. I do this because doing that make me feel closer to him plus he always when he returns says thanks for the messages. I send him a mixture some serious but with a joke thrown in for good measure, some funny tales and some just downright silly, then there are the soppy one and also the erotic ones, he will never know what he will get next.

If he is away for a week or two I might send him a text every other day even if it is just a row of xxxxxxx and perhaps 3 emails in a week but if hes away longer I would try to ration myself to only sending one or two a week. I don't want him to be overwhelmed when he returns. Now this is where I find myself regretting that we didn't lay down any rules earlier. He goes away and I am left here waiting not knowing when I will hear from him again. At first I am ok, then as the days pass I begin to get edgy, sometimes it is something someone has said, sometimes I manage to do it all by myself. I trust him implicitly, I love him, I have faith in him, in us. But my faith begins to waver as I begin to wonder is he really playing me for a fool. I don't believe he is, I believe he is so focussed on his work that he doesn't have time to think about anything else, but once those doubts start to creep in it takes all my strength to get my belief back but I do.

Then I regain my confidence and I am fine again and I carry on with my life as usual then I hear from him again. It is a cycle that I find myself following each time he goes away. But this time he told me he would be in th Far East for two weeks, I didn't follow the cycle I remained positive throughout, until the two weeks were up, I didn't hear from him right away but I was chatting to Forest and he started asking questions planting the seeds of doubt, I still didn't hear from Romeo I became more frantic. I began to do a little digging on the internet. I wanted to know more about what Romeo does, I found a website for another of his Companies. I pulled myself together I was fine again but after the 3rd week had gone and it was heading towards 4 weeks I was worried that he had become ill again or worse had been in a car/train/plane crash. I was worried that if anything were to happen to him I would never know. I agonise but eventually I gave in to my need to know that he is safe and well, I sent him an email through one of his businesses. Something I would never have done under normal circumstances, I know he likes to keep his business and private lives seperate. (yes I know I can hear you all saying .......proof hes married). But I don't agree.

Last weekend I did a little more digging and found out some information about his UK businesses, I also found the Company address he uses for his phone and credit cards. His female business partner lives at that address, now as you can imagine my mind went into a whirl of thoughts about whether they are/were just business partners or were they in a personal relationship. I was completely torn between believing that he is everything he says he is, and thinking that he is with this woman and I am his dirty secret. Yeah yeah I know most of you will be thinking the latter. But I think I was just going through another glitch, I pulled myself together again and became calm again. I can hear you asking why do I do this to myself all the signs point to him being married and I am just being a fool.

A few days ago I got a text from him, it was very different from any I had ever had before, basically he told me that he is very busy abroad I have behaved very badly and I must ONLY email his private address. I was very distressed by his text. I wanted to shout 'HOW DARE YOU' but I didn't. I took my time to consider my response. I wrote him an email saying the only thing I am guilty of is caring too much. That his prolonged silence had driven me to do something that I had agonised over, it wasn't something I had done lightly. I waited 24 hours before sending him my response. since then I have been feeling as though a kind of pressure has been relieved.

I have gone over his text a couple of times, he wasn't telling me he didn't want me. He wasn't telling me to stop contacting him, he was merely angry that I had used that business email to get through to him. I had forced him to mix personal with his business world. From now I shall stop worrying, I know beyond any doubt that he is a very honest man, he is not playing me for a fool, he is not stringing me along, he does still want me in his life, but I have to be content to wait until he is not working. So I am going to enjoy my life while he is not around, I have wasted enough time pining for him. I know that when he is ready he will return and I shall welcome him with open arms. All this has been is our first row if you can call it that. If anything I think this will bring us closer together. stop groaning I know you still think I am just letting myself in for more heartache. But if in the end I am wrong and I do end up with a broken heart then so be it. I love him and part of loving someone is running the risk that they will break your heart.

first time

2008-11-03T23:57:00.003Z

The first time I saw your face I knew I was yours
The first time you held my hand I knew your were mine
The first time we kissed I knew there would be more

The first time you held me I knew I was yours
The first time I push you down I knew you were mine
The first time we made love I knew there would be more

Although we are apart we are always together in my heart

My love is a blind love
I only have eyes for you my love
No other guy can take me away
My heart knows only you

My knight of lust

2008-10-06T22:01:00.003+01:00

Yesterday I was chatting to my Knight, almost two years since we first began to share our sexual fantasies. These days we mostly manage to chat for a few minutes as I prepare for work in the morning. These chats occur intermittently, sometimes there are months between chats and other times just a few weeks or even days. Occasionally we get to chat for longer if it is a weekend. Yesterday was one of those times, as usual he warned me that he could not chat for long, but even when he said he had to go he still hung in there until the very last moment. as I have said many times we have an incredible lust for each other even though we have not managed to see each other since January 2007. He always seems to appear at times when I am feeling low, just chatting to him and knowing that he still desires me after all this time is such a tonic even though we both know that we won't meet again, or at least not while my loyalty lies with Romeo.

Whenever we have chatted I reward him with one of my fantasies. Yesterday was no exception, this evening I returned home to find his response to my latest offering. He is always full of enthusiasm for my writing and today he did not let me down.

Oh LiR

What a heavenly story and delicious memories stirred as I read you rude words. I'm desperate to have that glorious feeling of my hard wanting cock in your mouth, to feel your hungry tongue lick up and down my shaft. I want you to suck my balls for as long as your delicious mouth wants as you look up at me passed my throbbing twitching cock.............................. seeing your plump lips red with that racy decoration as you fill your mouth and slide lasciviously up and down my shaft .... I love you with all my heart and I could watch you all day and night greedily devour my manhood, tracing it's contours with the tip of your tongue and slipping the ridge of my helmet just past your lips...................... oh that glorious sensation..................... Kiss me now so I can taste the saliva my cock brings to your sweet mouth................ Kiss me hard I want to feel your passion ... suck my tongue deeply and me in turn sucking yours like a little cock of your................... I want to kiss your eyes, your cheeks, your nose your throat and much much more but later.

Take my cock again and let me see your pretty feminine fingers at play stroking it up and down and teasing my soft head.................. open your mouth again and sink me slowly sensually into your warm wetness ............................... God the sensation is divine, you're divine I adore you when you make me feel so good......................"You're making me cum LiR.............. as you release me in a cruel tease from your mouth a stream of cum flails through the air towards your pretty face....... too late to avoid as it slaps you squarely cross your lips and chin............. you cover me once again with you mouth to receive the next as it lashes to the back of your throat you swallow............... and salaciously suck me dry cupping my tightening balls with each spasm............ Arrrrrgh I'm in heaven .... I'm cum in your mouth and it feels so so good..............

Kiss me my angel, I want to taste my lust for you....... I want to share my manly passion for you ................. share the scent and lick your sticky face clean of me.............................. Oh I so want to relive your blissful vulgarity LiR, you're beautiful :-)

Do you have anyone special to share such emails with.

Canny Investment

2008-10-05T13:36:00.001+01:00

If you had purchased £1,000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago, it would now be worth £4.95.

If you’d bought £1,000 worth of shares in HBOS, this week your investment would have been worth £16.50.

If you’d plumped for £1,000 invested in XL Leisure, your shares would now be worth less than £5.

But if you bought £1,000 worth of Stella Artois one year ago, drank it all, then took the empty cans to an aluminium re-cycling plant, you would get £214.

So clearly, the canniest investment advice is to drink heavily and re-cycle. Cheers – and if you can improve on this, let us know. Have a good weekend.

sleepy head

2008-10-01T00:45:00.002+01:00

I've been falling asleep early the last couple of nights (before midnight, thats early for me). This morning I overslept and only woke up when my phone rang at 6.35am (I usually get up at 5.50am). Its more than likely that this is at least in part due to the confused thoughts going round in my head.

At least one of you will be wondering why I have not been showing online when I said I would be. The answer is that I am confused at the moment as well as being asleep by the time I expect to chat to you.

Romeo has been in contact even if that was just one brief text telling me he has just returned from his trip to fat east. Nothing more than that so I am not best pleased with him. I desperately want him, he is my world apart from my family. I expect hes sleeping off his jet lag. But even so.
So right now I am feeling really low about him. I could text him but I figure he would have had enough text and emails waiting for hi from me for the moment.

Then just to confuse the issue theres now Paulo clouding things up. Paulo is a man I have got to know through work. I have been talking to him since the start of the year. I have enjoyed our chats but recently he has started to keep me chatting more and more. Until the conversation a couple of weeks ago led to us swapping personal email addresses. We swapped a couple of brief emails then nothing for over a week until Monday. He phoned me at work as he would normally do. He kept me on the phone for ages which was ok it was quiet. He insisted on giving me his mobile number. So later I text him that his goods would be delivered today.

When I had just arrived home he phoned me for half an hour, later in the evening he began emailing me (5 in an hour) then the text messages began followed by the invite to chat on msn. We chatted until I went upstairs to bed. As my laptop was warming up (it takes a good 15 minutes)I started falling asleep and it still wasnt midnight. As I was dropping off there were two photos hitting my mobile, I didn't reply too either message I was far too sleepy. Then I was woken by his call this morning. He left a very nice voice mail message because as I was peering bleary eyed at my phone to see that it was a call not the alarm I missed his call. At work today he phoned me not once or twice but about a half dozen times, finding excuses just to hear my voice. Apparently he thinks I have a very sexy voice, and I intrigue him. He thinks I am fun and always cheerful. I do not know what he looks like and he doesnt know what I look like. I don't even know how old he is, I suspect younger than me.

I have been enjoying his attention and he has cheered me up no end from my sadness over Romeo. I just wish that the attention I was getting from him was what I was getting from Romeo. I feel totally confused. I cant get Romeo out of my head or my heart, then along comes this guy who has everything going for him he could probably have any woman he wants but its me hes interested in and that is very flattering. He cheers me up but at the same time makes the situation with Romeo harder to work out.

So if you have been waiting to chat to me then I am sorry I have not been in the right mind set but we will chat again soon.

pussies unveiled

2008-09-25T21:49:00.002+01:00

A few of you who were around this time last year might remember that another blogger Jackie Adshead who is an artist (her work includes erotic art) wrote a post requesting women bloggers send her a close up photo of their fanny, pussy whatever you want to call it. Here is her follow up post where she describes how she wants to do this. I did send her a photo but at this point that is as much as I am telling you until you have visited her blog to have a look at the results of her work. her paintings are shown in this post here. Please go and see how very talented Jackie is and I am sure that while you are there you will see something you like.

Its tough

2008-09-13T23:10:00.003+01:00

Sometimes its tough being the one left at home

If you have been reading me in the last 6 months you will be aware that I am so in love with my Romeo.

I know most of you are amazed after my history over the last couple of years especially since I began this blog, that I am determined to be faithful to Romeo.

I never said it would be easy.

Sometimes I find it so frustrating that he is away for such prolonged periods.

I am after all a red blooded sexual woman.

I have my sexual needs and they just are not being met.

This does not mean that I am giving up on Romeo.

Don't get me wrong, sexually Romeo is everything I could ask.

Just because I am in love with him it doesn't follow that he is the best lover I ever had.

I was prepared for him to be a good but not necesarily a fantastic lover.

He is amazing, the best sex I have ever ever had, and I have had some great sex

The problem is not the quality of the sex we share but the infrequency of it.

That is where I begin to struggle.

I can go weeks without being bothered

But then I get aroused (it can be anything that sparks that off)

Then I crave the male attention I had become accustomed to.

Shameless in my flirtation

It could be an exchange of emails, text messages or IM

The more the flirting goes on the more aroused I become which then leads to finding any way I can to find a release from my torment.

Scouring the more sexual blogs looking for stimulation

The throbbing in my pussy becomes more urgent

I need more attention more flirting

I begin to think about more than flirting

Can I do something about this

Can I seduce any of the men I flirt with into satisfying me in the way I need

I know I need to keep a rein on my needs

I know I can't give in to my carnal needs

If only I knew for sure when Romeo will be in my arms again.

My body aches for the touch of a man

The taste of a man who wants me

If he takes too long my determination might break down

Am I being unfaithful if I indulge in sexual exchanges by text, IM or email, if I don't actually meet the other person?

Am I being unfailthful if I meet another man for sex but we don't fuck?

Have you ever been unfaithful to your partner?
If so was it with just one person or a variety?
If you have never been unfaithful have you ever considered it?
would you be unfaithful if you were confident you would not get caught out?
What reasons do you have for being unfaithful?
Is it because sex at home is unsatisfactory or non exiestent?
Is it because you are a man and men are made that way?
Or is it because you met someone you just could not resist?

short but hot email

2008-09-12T22:06:00.005+01:00

After the funeral I was feeling tired but thought I should check my main email account as I have neglected it a little in the last few days. To my surprise I had a delicious email from the sexy Thomas. (Formerly my knight)He had emailed me a few days ago about some invites he was getting from 'fan box' from me. I told him I hadn't sent them and rewarded him with kisses (he always loves to get some of my kisses). This is what I found today

Oooooo, those rewards :-) No, don't stop............... More more.................................. all over mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm that'ts it..................... mmmmmmmmmmmmm......................... OH!, now that's dirty, but don't stop!...................... Oh God, you're blissfully vulgar........................ Now that's naughty, speaking with your mouth full.................................. come and sit this way round, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ...................... What a perfect sight................... what a wonderful womanly scent........................... what a heavenly taste................................... But don't drown me, you know I can't swim so well.............................. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm warm and gushing and spent....... how I'd adore you in my arms right now kissing your mouth a satiated sex xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So, It's out with the Vick rub then is it.
Let me know if you need any help. I'll put a tincy wincy bit on your nipples and pussy. That'll warm you up !!!!!

Your effect on me! God if only you knew :-) Bless you.

I'm serious about the vick rub.

Thomas xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Don't you think he has a wonderful imagination, it was that and his way with words that caught my attention almost 2 years ago and we are still in lust after all this time. He will always hold a special place in my heart.

just a little flirting

2008-09-02T22:27:00.002+01:00

Last night I was feeling quite low but I found myself getting involved in a spot of email flirting that went on until the early hours. It wasn't Romeo unfortunately, it wasn't even sexual, but at some point after midnight I did find myself feeling aroused, probably due to the unexpected attention. Yes I did have a little play which was very satisfying and by 1am I was becoming sleepy, to his disgust I fell asleep before I could read his last email telling me that he was going to bed.

Please don't tell him that he had got me aroused enough to break my abstinence from playing. can we keep that as our little secret please. Oh but you can tell him I did enjoy flirting with him.

just a toothbrush

2008-08-31T00:35:00.007+01:00

Ok so you may remember that I am not exactly the number one fan of my rabbit. I have perhaps used him a dozen certainly not as much as 2 dozen times in the 15 months since I got him. On the recommendation of Swinger and Cake, probably one or two others I got myself a battery operated toothbrush. Used in conjunction with lashings of lubricant I have enjoyed countless orgasms. But I wanted to try the tingle tip that Cake recommends, a smooth flat fitment that is interchangable with the head of a toothbrush (designed specifically fothe ppose of giving women pleasure).

Back in the early part of the year I ordered 3 new vibrators and a tingle tip. I waited just a couple of days until the anticipated parcel arrived. earing it open I was keen to try out my new tingle tip. But what is this?.....................damn it the toothbrush the wrong make and doesn't fit. I need to get a new toothbrush (oral B) but couldn't spare the cash at the time. So for months my tingle tip has lain in its little cloth bag in my bedside cabinet unused.

If you read my main blog you will know that a couple of weeks ago I went visiting other bloggers and thought I would finally buy myself a new electric toothbrush. ( I have never used anything but a normal toothbrush for cleaning my teeth). I found one for just £14 or so I thought, at the checkout I discovered it was £30!!!! I have never spent more than £6 on a toothbrush. After my weekend away unwrapped my new 'expensive' toothbrush and discovered that it needed an adaptor before I could plug it in to be charged up. A few days later it has been charged up, scrabble in my bedside cabinet, find what I am looking for. ....................FFS it doesn't fit!!!! I have looked at all the electric toothbrushes on the shelf in asda it is the only oral B one. So what am I to now?????

having just found a tingle tip online to get the link to paste on here I found this

* fits most Braun Oral-B electric toothbrushes except 'Sonic' and 'CrossAction Power'.To use, simply remove your electric toothbrush head and replace with tingletip

of course mine is a 'sonic'.

Besotted

2008-08-29T00:52:00.003+01:00

LiR are you still in contact with that man?

what man?

The one who goes all over the world

Oh Romeo ...............oh yes very much

Hes still on the scene then

mmmmm yes he is

I didn't tell her that I am bessotted with him, that I have no intention of not being in contact with him.

I could say that he is the best looking man I have ever met.............he isn't
I could say he has the fittest body....................he doesn't
I could say he has the loveliest voice................he does
I could say he has a wonderful personality.........................he does
I could say he is the best lover.............................to me he is
I could say he is very considerate and kind .......................he is

To me he is everything a man should be except .................he isn't here

and just to make you jealous

I have had some great sex with the likes of Swinger and Mr Passionate etc but and it is a big but (no I don't mean mine)
The very very best orgasms I have ever ever had were the ones Romeo gave me. I am not sure what it was that he did but it was fucking wonderful.

You disobeyed

2008-08-17T23:02:00.002+01:00

‘You disobeyed me tonight’
‘really?’
‘I told you not to be gorgeous’
‘Did you? I wasn’t sure, you said wear a skirt and tights don’t be gorgeous’
‘yeah I didn’t want you to be gorgeous.’
‘I know but I came how I wanted to ..............for me.’
‘I’m not sure what it was about you that made me feel horny first........ Julie you smell gorgeous but you look lovely’.

Before Julie could reply George leaned in and kissed her lips. They had agreed to meet for a drink only, but here they were in his hotel room kissing. Perhaps it was the vodka she had consumed on an empty stomach as they had sat in the bar earlier. Perhaps this was what she really wanted to do. This stirring in her groin was doing her no good at all. She should stop kissing him and go home, instead she holds George closer to her as she kisses him ardently.
George slides his hand up her leg revelling in the feel of nylon, as Julie begins to unbutton his shirt. He pauses in mid kiss to ask
‘tights? or stockings?
Mischievously, Julie giggles
‘Um yes’

It seems this was in effect the same as throwing down a gauntlet for George. As he ran his hand up inside her skirt she slips her leg over his lap giving him the green light to fan the fire burning in her. Much to her pleasure he wastes no time finding the already wet gusset of her tights. At last they are both giving in to the desires they have both been harbouring since that fateful day last year when they had met at a family party. Both there, with their respective partners. The mutual lust simmering since that day, now Julie is wriggling on the seat offering her throbbing pussy to him silently demanding his fingers on her.

His hungry kisses returned enthusiastically by Julie, he pulls her to her feet, the anticipation building as they help each other from their clothes. Soon Julie is left with only her tights covering her modesty. Moving onto the bed inviting her to join him, George tells her.
‘Let me lick you up and down, until you say stop. Let me play with your body baby, make you real hot, let me do all the things you want me to do’
Julie lays beside him
‘I want it, I want it, all of you baby’

Kneeling between Julie’s legs he reaches towards her pussy, drawing her knees up slightly she takes a deep breath in anticipation. Pressing his thumb against her, feeling the wetness countless times over the months. He looks at her questioningly and receives her nod of approval. He doesn’t waste time before he carries out his fantasy of ripping the thin barrier between them. Crouching lower he finds his reward first caressing her now naked clitoris with his finger then to her obvious delight flicking his tongue at her.

Julie clutches the sheet in her bunched fists as she feels that first orgasm building inside her and the dribble of wetness escaping over his tongue. It has been a while since she felt a tongue down there and she fully intended to enjoy this. It wasn’t long before George experienced the gushing of her orgasm as she moaned her way through the waves of sheer pleasure. She had let him hear her moans before when they were on the phone.
‘I loved it when I heard you the other day’
‘me too’
George move back up to kiss her again giving her the taste of herself
‘mmm delicious’

Kneeling beside her, he shoots his load across her chest, kissing once more before he grabs a handful of tissues to clean her up.

They dress before she bids him goodnight and heads back to her home.

a cock or two

2008-08-09T10:33:00.007+01:00

Hmm well I just visited Ro's blog and read his idea about a deck of cards made up of HNT's from 52 bloggers made up in the style of pokemon or top trump cards. I think its a fabulous idea and by the time I had finished reading the post and all the many comments I even had an idea which picture I would use.

or perhaps this one which Lotto reminded me about earlier in the week

which I took whilst texting Mr passionate when I was at Mr Green's house on this occasion.

Any way you are probably wondering what this has got to do with the title of this post. Ok so now I shall tell you. By the time I got back to my own blog it occurred to me that a year ago I could have compiled my own set of cards featuring cocks. Yes thats right cocks. Since I became single again many guys have sent me pictures of thier cock. some on email or by IM but also quite a few on my phone. I did write a post about this last year. I have never asked for these pictures and to be quite honest I don't actually like looking at pictures of cocks, with perhaps the exception of the occasional picture of a cock that I have enjoyed in person, but then it is not the beauty of the picture that gets me but the memory of the pleasure I have had with the owner of that particular specimen.

When exchanging messages with Mr Passionate on the site where we met he has a picture of his cock. It always made me smile whenever I saw that picture not because I wanted to see that picture but because I adore Mr Passionate oh and also the passionate sex we always shared. At one point I had several photos of his cock on my phone and in my folders on pc but I don't think I spent a great deal of time looking at them. I also had a couple of videos he had sent me. again not something I spend hours drooling over.

So at one point I had a folder full of these pictures from a variety of men, many I had met but also a fair number that I never did get around to meeting. But I have got rid of these now remember my spring cleaning earlier in the year. Now I think I shall go and have a peek in the folders that are buried inside folders that buried inside other folders just to see if I might just have one picture left. Nope not a single one left oh apart from two of Mr Passionate but I'm not sharing.

Perhas you would like to vote for picture one or picture two in case I do decide to become one of Ro's 52 blogger HNT Cards (if he does decide to do it). Or perhaps you can think of anothe picture that you would like to see.

Why Romeo

2008-07-30T20:45:00.005+01:00

When I wrote this post one of the comments from that guy that gets everywhere 'anon' simply stated that I am a

'poor delusional woman'.

I could have been upset by this but I wasn't because I knew that this person who hides behind that overused name had no idea how wrong they were. Ok I quite agree that on the face of it Romeo was stringing me along and I was a poor woman who had fallen for the sweet talk of a player. I don't expect anyone who is not privy to our conversations to understand why I was so adamant that Romeo is not a player but a very genuine man who for reasons most of us commoners would not be able to comprehend found it difficult to find time to be with me.

Anyone who has or knows someone who has their own business knows that it takes an awful lot of work and time to make that business successful. Many people who run their own business become work aholics. When that business has shifted due to customer demand to be based in another country it becomes hard to have leisure time at home especially when that work takes the business person from country to country at frighteningly regular intervals.

Had he been anyone else I would not have waited around for him for so long. He would have been kicked to the kerb months ago. But he has a gentleness about him, a genuine interest, he cares, he gives me confidence I didn't know I had. Any one who read this post about my fears may be wondering how I coped with my fears, how Romeo reacted to my figure. The truth is that from the moment I climbed into his car I forgot to worry about my figure. I didn't give it a second thought I was just so comfortable with Romeo, It felt so natural being with him. When we undressed each other I was enjoying the newness of it, of watching this gentle man carefully undoing each button on my blouse. I enjoyed watching his face as I released him first from his trousers then his briefs. We just enjoyed each other so much that there was no space in my mind to worry that I should hold in my stomach or position myself this way not let him see this part of me.

He adored playing with my nipples but took just as much pleasure from me pinching, flicking, sucking and nibbling on his nipples which if anything are more sensitive than mine. He has the most magic fingers and certainly knew how to make my juice flow and flow and flow. I think we found a new definition of 'waterbed'. I discovered over the last two years that I not only squirt but gush too. I always warn new lovers that a thick towel is an essential piece of equipment when having sex with me. With Romeo we didn't bother with towels it would have been a waste of time anyway as his fingers worked their magic both on and in my body. The only time I bothered to worry about my shape for a few fleeting seconds was when I caught sight of myself in the mirror as I checked the text I got from Bollinger Byrd.

Laying on that bed for all those hours as we played with each other was heaven, I don't just like sex I love it (N used to call me a nympho) but even so I have never experienced some of the highs I got from being with Romeo. He knows a few sexual tricks I had never heard of. I had felt for months as our conversations progressed that Romeo was on a similar sexual wavelength to me. Holding me close as he lay on his back we discussed sex at some length, what each of us has done (for me it was easy to tell him things I didn't think I would) I had never dreampt that I would tell him (not this early) that I had been involved in sex with more than one partner at one time. FFM and MMF, ok so I didn't tell him about the sixsome but hey I don't have to tell him everything at once. He told me about joining the 'mile high club' with a stewardess he had only just met. He told me about the world of light bondage that his ex had introduced him to. We talked about having sex with others but both agreed that as we have feelings for each other neither of us could contemplate sex with anyone else. Judging by what we shared on sunday and the things we talked about we have a lot of pleasure to lookforward to in the future.

Any doubts I could have had about whether the chemistry would be right when eventually we met, have been completely erradicated. I am so very happy and confident that I managed to wait for Romeo. Romeo as a lover is everything I could hope for.

his nipple

2008-07-25T23:07:00.004+01:00

Softly playing in the background the words float across her conscience, 'hard to believe that I found you' she feels herself getting hotter and hotter the urge to plunge a finger into her throbbing pussy almost too much to resist. But resist she must, propped up on the sofa with her laptop on her knees as she works. She can't help herself as her phone vibrates in her pocket so close to her ass, startling her out of her reverie when the notes of his ring tone play, bringing the usual smile to her face.

'caught up in meetings'

his text had told her after lunch. She thought that would be all she would hear from him for hours, but that was ok as she was really starting to get stuck into the project she was working on. But his question about her sensitive nipples caught her off guard. suddenly she became aware of body parts that had not been on her mind until then. More text messages tormenting her as she shifted in her seat not quite concentrating on spreadsheets and figures to the same dergree as earlier. Not to be alone in her torment she demanded to know if he was sitting comfortably, guessing that as he tormented her he would himself be feeling aroused. she tells him he should come and get her, even as she types notes about customer accounts her whole body is alive with longing for this man who promises delights for her hard sensitive nipples. It is more than just her nipples that are alive right now. Later as she walks towards her door she hears the beep that indicates a missed text,

'how sensitive is my nipple? xx'

ah so now he thinks my nipple is his property she smiles secretly to herself. he tells her next, as she is in the garden hanging scraps of pink cotton and lace on the line to dry, that her melting will begin from her nipple.

Hands immersed in hot soapy water it is more than just her hands that are dripping as he tells her that she will melt when she can think of nothing else but him inside her. Does he not realise she has been imagining him inside her time and time again for months. Those tugging sensations emanating from her swollen clitoris as she thinks of him not just inside her but over and under her too.

Chores completed, dinner slowly cooking she sits down to catch up on her emails enjoying the silence that fills the house if only for a short time. Before the peace is shattered she selects some music to listen to as she gets back to work on her customer spreadsheets. Just as her music begins she is startled by his kisses vibrating on her ass to another rendition of his ringtone, just slightly ahead of the the one she had put on. He might not have anything to say to her but it is enough for her to know that he is thinking about her, although she knows now it is only her nipple he wants, still she feels that stirring in her knickers, but nolonger alone she can't do anything about this. Instead she enjoys the intense feelings this gives her, knowing that later she will use her middle finger to finish what he has started.

friends who used to fuck

2008-07-22T01:21:00.002+01:00

I was just reading a comment on catz blog, saying that in time she and S will become 'friends who used to fuck'. This got me thinking about Forest.

I am not sure how I would feel if I were to find myself in the same place as Forest but we are friends again so I guess that we are now 'friends who used to fuck'. From time to time we chat on IM just like we did before we met. One evening last week he was online before me. But before he signed out he said hello to me.

'hi, I couldn't sign out without saying hi'

Which I thought was very sweet of him. We chatted for a while which was good. In about 10 days time it will be a year since I last saw Forest although it was over a month later when we had our bust up. I will never forget that last time we were together.

Romeo Romeo where fore art thou

2008-07-12T20:14:00.003+01:00

In the beginning I was waxing lyrical about Romeo a lot, but gradually this dwindled. You might be forgiven for thinking that things had cooled down between us. I am sure you think my feelings for him and vice versa have lessened during the intervening months. But on the contrary we both feel as strongly as ever that we want to meet.

In the first few months I found it very hard when I didn't hear from Romeo for a week or so, as I had become used to receiving text messages emails and phone calls almost every day. Soon we were chatting nightly on msn, but there were times when these texts and chats were absent from my day. I struggled some of the time wondering where he was, telling myself not to worry because I knew that I would hear from him as soon as he was able. Then each time when I was beginning to despair, I would get a text apologising, he had just returned from wherever.

Each time he went away it got a little easier to believe that I would hear from him again. Each time he came back my belief in him grew. I am certain that in all these months his belief and trust in me has been total. As the weeks passed we were becoming closer and closer although we were both frustrated that we were not getting any nearer meeting. He never seemed to get the chance to be at home. whenever he was in the UK it seemed to be between flights.

Then at the end of April I didn't hear from him for a week at which time I got a text apologising but he was ill. It was another week before I got another text from him again apolgising and saying it was the first time his head had begun to clear. Another week later he finally text that he was starting to get better. Now during this time my belief in him did waver, after all if I was ill I would have wanted contact with the person I had feelings for, if for no other reason than to cheer me up a little. I found his lack of communication during this time hard to comprehend.

Once he recovered from his illness which had not only left him very week but also depressed, he was playing catch up with his work. He was soon jetting off to places as far apart as Malasia and Iceland. I requested that he tell me where he was going rather than where he had been. This he has been doing since then. But still his communication was limited in the most part to just one text at a time. I was not the least bit worried that he didn't have feelings towards me, but I was feeling neglected. This was not the kind of relationship I had envisaged having. I felt that I was giving everything but receiving little. I do understand how hard he works and how tired he gets but this was not enough for me.

I had to do something, I had to make a decision, I could not carry on indefinitely like this. I could say, this is it, end of the line, good bye. But I didn't, what I did do was to send him an email telling him how neglected I feel and that I am going to allow myself to accept dates with other men whilst I am waiting for him.

Much to my surprise since then I have heard from him at least once everyday even though he went to Thailand on Tuesday. He text me then phoned on Monday (the first phone call for what seems like months). During that phone call we both said a lot of things, but he made it very clear that he doesn't want to lose me. He isn't interested in even exchanging emails with any other woman, it is me he wants by his side. After this trip he doesn't have any more long trips in his diary at the moment. (I told him to hide his diary). He is hoping that we will finally manage to spend some time together in the next couple of weeks. Whilst he has been away he has emailed me every day and even text me whilst I was at the Festival on Friday.

So no my feelings for Romeo have not waned. I am as besotted with this man, who I have never met in person, as I was in the beginning, and I know he feels the same.

'A thought to cherish and know the reality will exceed all expectations and desires.'

So I am afraid you will still be reading about Romeo for a while longer.

why

2008-07-07T19:28:00.002+01:00

why do they do this?

Hi how are you? still having fun?

???

Do you remember me?

were you from *****?

yep but now *******

oh ok

remember now

drink then drive to airport hotel carpark then home

yes dont need room at hotel now ..................if you fancy it

lol I gave all that up last year

thats a pity

I found someone who means a lot to me

good for you

thanks

if you change your mind

just feeling horny

lol isn't that normal for most men

yes .......anyway it was this year we met......................Cowes week

last year

ok

August

I decided it was time to settle down

you don't fancy a one off then

I had met this man once, we had a drink, then drove to a hotel, had a kiss in the car park then went our different ways. I didn't hear from him again until yesterday,thats 11 months!!!

hi

hi

how are you?

tired

up all night shagging?

ha ha

thats a yes then

not even in my dreams

shame I wasn't there

wouldn't have done you any good

why?

I couldn't stay awake

this young man used to write a blog but gave up last year. since then we have been chatting on and off mostly at weekends. I have been giving him advice on his relationship with the girl of his dreams who he is very much in love with but has never had sex as she is not ready.Slowly but surely he is making progress. Every now and then he gets suggestive in his chat I find that a little off putting as he is 20 years younger than me.

06/07/2008 @ 23:36 the match wrote:
Hi I loved reading your profile you sound really interesting and fun. I would love to find out more about you! You're a beautiful woman and you look very sexy, I would love to hear from you again! xx

this was a message from a young man of 32 on one of the dating sites that 4 months ago I left this message on my profile.

not looking at the moment as I have found someone who makes my heart sing.

Now tell me he read my profile.

multi tasking

2008-07-07T00:26:00.001+01:00

ewwwww

Adam and Eve

2008-07-03T20:39:00.013+01:00

How Adam Got Eve -- Priceless

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion

and that it would be a woman.

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,

and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,

and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.

She will praise you!

She will bear your children.

and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and
passion whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course the rest is history............!!!!

fending off men

2008-06-29T22:41:00.003+01:00

For weeks Lotto was doing everything he could to persuade me to meet him in his hotel for a drink but hopefully also a night of passion. He chatted on IM several times a week, he text me regularly. He began asking me what I was wearing at work. He started sending me pictures and even a video, but when I told him that words do more for me than pictures and videos he wrote me a two part fantasy. Lotto has known all the time that my loyalty is with Romeo, he said he understood, but still he wanted me.

Last weekend we were chatting on IM then when I went to bed he phoned me, which was very mmmmmm. I has been ages since we last spoke on the phone. During the past week I have seen him sign into messenger but he hasn't even said hello.

Whilst I was out on Friday night I checked my phone and found that I had two new messages, my excitement that they were from Romeo was short lived when I discovered that both were from Steel. I am not sure if I ever mentioned him before. I can't remember exactly when but around about November last year I was feeling a bit blue probably following the episode with Skipper. I joined one of those text sites, one of the first guys to send me a message was Steel. We exchanged a number of text, I told him I wasn't looking for NSA he said he wasnt either. Over the next few weeks we were texting each other a few times each day, but I noticed if I didn't reply to his text fairly quickly he got impatient. Then as xmas was getting closer he made his suggestion that I should go up north to spend a weekend with him in a hotel then if we got on ok he would spend xmas with me and the boys.

Flaming cheek, I soon put him right, I had no intention of spending a weekend with him or having him stay for xmas. I made it clear that in my book we would have to see how we got on before deciding to go to a hotel. He agreed wholeheartedly but still continued in the same vein. By xmas I was ignoring most of his text messages which is something I find very hard to do. It goes against the grain for me to be so rude as to not reply. At the start of the year I was still getting messages every few weeks........Hi LiR remember me Steel I still think about you. I never once replied. By about the time I found Romeo the messages seemed to have stopped. That was until Friday night.................Hi LiR its steel do u remember me how are u xxxxx
needless to say I have not responded in any way shape or form.

Last night as I was chatting online with LV I got a message from Oxo, we had chatted briefly a week or so ago so I was surprised to hear from him again so soon. Espescially as the first thing he said was

codeword!!!

desperate?

we chatted for a while with him making suggestions that I should go over to his.

I miss those subtle lips of yours and theres room in my bed for two plus the dogs and four pups (his dog had puppies recently)

wanna come ova?

thanx for asking

so hows you?

fine ......out on the piss las night with work

get lucky?

lmao I wasn't looking

love life ok?

fending them all off except one

glad to hear it

you?

not so lucky

awww

oxo is offline

He always does that, asks how my love life is then signs out when I don't tell him I don't have one............well I'm not likely to tell him that am I. I can just imagine what it would be like if he knew the truth.

I have not heard from Romeo since 10.3pm last night :-(

straight forward?

2008-06-26T23:02:00.002+01:00

Tonight was the first of my two nights out.

I had my outfit picked out and hanging on my wardrobe door. I planned to leave work on time for a change (4.30pm) managed to leave at 4.45pm.

Almost home when I get the phone call (hands free kit comes in handy sometimes). It just so happens that OJ has a job interview for a call centre in one of the business estates outside town. His dad had arranged the appointment for him at 7pm because he thinks I would prefer not to rush out as soon as I get home. But because I was already going out I asked DC to take OJ, he said he could take him but not bring him back. So today I got OJ to give me SF's phone number and I rang him from work to see if we could get OJ's appointment brought forward. (SF has told me for months that the screen on his phone is broken and he cant read numbers on it but he knows how far to scroll to call the boys. I thought it would be safe to phone him from my work phone He only rang me back twice!!!!!!) During the afternoon it has been arranged that OJ's appointment is brought forward to 5.30pm

The call while I am driving is to tell me that DC (who finished work at 4pm today) still isn't home. I try to phone DC but no answer. So I tell OJ if he is quick I will take him but DC will have to collect him. Having dropped him off I then join the queues of traffic I had avoided by getting home earlier.

Getting into the shower is such a relief, quickly dressing, decide that I don't like the top I have chosen to go with the skirt. So I end up ironing the same top I wore last year. (why did it need ironing again? it has been hanging up with the clothes I dont wear often, for months). OJ phones to say he has finished can I go get him. I am stood at the ironing board, my hair needs drying I dont have any make up on and my mum is due to pick me up in 15 minutes.

First I call mother tell her I will make my own way, then I dry my hair, apply make up, just cleaning teeth when I get a phone call. It's Orange asking me about my land line changing provider or being cut off. I tell her that its my fault I should have told them by now that I ahve changed broadband provider. She wants to put me through to the cancellation department. I tell her I don't have time. I find myself listening to their canned music while I get more and more impatient. when she comes back I tell her I don't ahve time can I do this another day. But she is adamant it must be now. I start talking to Mark he puts me on hold while he checks something. Fingers tapping, toes tapping this is not good!!!!!

Finally everything is fine I have had my account closed I don't need to do anything else. thank Fuck for that.

finally I am ready to leave just need to fetch OJ first, I have been phoning DC on and off for the last hour but got no response. Just as I was walking down the path towards my car I saw DC's car go past. He had picked up OJ but neither of them ahd thought to let me know grrrrrrrrrr.

At dinner I find myself sat next to a local councilor, mother is sat next to the Lady Mayoress. The evening was like most of these events pleasant and at times funny, but I was tired. the after dinner entertainer was Shep Wooley.

When I got home I found an email from LV, I had challenged him to do the Meme that I did last week. here is his reply.

LV - MeMe Sunday 22nd

1. What was I doing ten years ago?
Enjoying Full Time job after 4 years unemployment, due at the time to my 3rd redundancy

2. What are five things on my list to do today?
Get up – eventually
Weekly shop – Morrisons
Watch French GP on TV
Apply weedkiller / feed to front and back lawn
A little bit of ironing

3. Snacks I enjoy?
Doritos
Marmite Rice Cakes
Apples
Penguins
Yorkie

4. Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire?
Oh I would enjoy life without ever asking the price

5. Three of my bad habits?
Impatience
Don’t suffer fools gladly – I’m told it shows
Enjoy snacks too much !

6. Five places I have lived?

a) Bitterne, Southampton. My school years Extensive views of all the Great Liners of the 50s and 60s in the docks

b) West End Southampton. Moved the week Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. We’re moving out to the sticks my father said, it will be so quiet. Within 6 years the M27 was built a few hundred yards away, along with the biggest Sainsburys / Marks and Spencer retail complex in the country at the time.
c) London N7 for a year at college. Hall of residence was 3 old houses in Carleton Rd – across the road the view was the high rear wall of Holloway prison. It changed a bit a few years later with major redevelopment . The wall is further back and they have built flats there. Google Earth it to check!

d) Hythe Hampshire – to be closer to pl;ace of work. Made redundant 3 months later !

e) Totton Southampton – 4 different addresses over last 20 years.

7. Five jobs I've had?

a) Rubber Technologist

b) Nuclearpharmaceuticals Logistics Assistant

c) UK Sales Manager for Waste Management Company

d) Technical Sales Manager – Powder Coating
e) Assistant to Company Buyer

diaries

2008-06-25T23:50:00.003+01:00

DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favourite Thing !
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favouritething!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

Making A baby

This is hilarious! There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

'Good morning, Ma'am',

he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed,

'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.

'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes... Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted

no knickers please

2008-06-21T14:01:00.004+01:00

'we could meet in Swindon, thats about half way'

He had been saying that for several weeks. We had both been researching Swindon on the net looking for the best place for two people who have never met, to meet in a place neither of them knew. We both knew it would be weeks before we were both able to get away from our own families in order to meet. I was excited not just at meeting him, he seemed to be so sexy and intelligent when we spoke, but for me there was something else, something he didn't know, a deeper darker reason for wanting to meet him. But my excitement had grown when he had suddenly announced that he couldn't wait he needed to see me next week, we would meet on Saturday afternoon.

Now it is Tuesday morning and I am driving, feeling sleepy, trying to stay awake for the long drive up and down hill speeding south planning to stop at the 24 hour Tesco store where the A road I am on joins the motorway. I hadn't guessed when we spoke on saturday that he would become so impatient that we would have done this tonight. I had been on edge all day at work, praying that none of the family would ask me where I was going as I left the house at 6pm on this chilly early april evening. It had been growing dark by the time I arrived at Leigh Delamere services in Wiltshire a couple of hours later.

I must have been crazy, this was not a good idea, anything could have happened. I hadn't even seen a picture of him before we met. He had described himself but said that he was not very computer savy so hadn't managed to upload a photo although there was a picture of a car like his. (funny how so many men are not 'computer savy' enough to upload a photo).

I was a free agent, my marriage was over even if the paperwork was not yet complete and we were still living in the same house. I blamed him for my new love running off with 'The Bitch' . I needed this new man, I need him for my own selfish reasons. HE had gone off with The Bitch and I was hurting, how could he tell me he loved me then go off with HER. So I needed this new man to help me heal the hurt, but what better way to do this than meeting him in the place where The Bitch worked.

Arriving first I had wandered around going to the ladies then pottering around the shops and cafe. All the time wondering if The Bitch was working tonight and if she was would HE also be there somewhere as he waited for her to finish her shift. I didn't see either of them so returned to my car. As I walked over there he was parked next to my car. We had agreed that if I wasn't happy when we met then I could just drive away no hard feelings. I wasn't sure about getting in to his car so he got into mine. We chatted for a while then I drove across to the far end of the car park which was deserted. Parking under a street lamp that wasn't working (ha ha thats was funny it kept flickering into life for a few minutes at a time).

'wear a skirt and no knickers'

he had instructed me last night

'the thought of you driving to meet me with no knickers on will be very arousing'

We chatted some more then we began kissing, slipping my shoes off, I climbed across into the passenger seat planting myself in his lap. His hand inside my skirt, touching my already aroused and wet pussy. My hands pulling at his soft black roll neck sweater, tugging it over his head exposing his smooth chest. Soon we are both devoid of clothing as we explore each other with our hands and mouths. It feels good to have this slim toned body under my touch. He is very handsome this man who has me in his grasp. His arousal very obvious as is mine. Half worried half excited that someone might guess what was going on in this car with the windows steamed up under the spotlight that is the flickering street lamp. Like a beacon showing everyone where we were. He shows not a flicker of concern as I crouch in the well of the car with my lips and hands caressing and pulling on his erection. I hadn't yet learned how to hone my cock sucking skills but even so I still knew I was good at it even in these early days. Instinct and long ago memories of converting a previous lover who had been unaware of the joys of receiving fellatio, hold me in good stead.

It was approaching midnight on this frosty night before we broke apart, saying our goodnights with promises to meet again soon. Perhaps I wouldn't be needing HIM in my life afterall, let The Bitch keep him. So here I am at 1am, a smile on my face, struggling to stay awake as I head towards HIS home town. Feeling that this 200 mile round trip for a fuck in my car was well worth the effort.

A story for me

2008-06-16T22:57:00.002+01:00

Last night Lotto told me that he was writing me a story. He emailed me 'chapter one' which considering it was his first attempt at writing a fantasy it was in my opinion very good. I agreed to write a story to go alongside his (kind of a her version of his story). Today he wrote and sent me part two. I won't post his story in its full form as that wouldn't be right. But here are a couple of exerpts

He felt the hot water run over his body as he massaged the soapy lather into his tanned skin. People always remarked on how brown his skin was given his industrial Caucasian roots. He noticed that he was still aroused and looked down at his......................

Both he and she had wrestled with the moral issues and both had gave way to their respective thoughts in favour of a meeting.

She changed, as instructed, into a new pair of black 10 denier tights....................

He led her by the hand and turned her so he was standing behind her and began to kiss her neck and.......................

He sat on the bed and pulled her playfully across his knee and began to slap her arse - she seemed to enjoy it............

She slid on her black seamed stockings and then sat astride him gently............

He sat proud on the bed as she duly obliged and rolled the gossamer sheath over his erection

Lotto was online chatting to me briefly this evening

he told me

i'm working hard to turn you on LiR
i want you LiR

i want my correspondence to turn you on, make you feel the need to play with yourself and think about my story as you do

with flattery like this do you see now why I find him hard to give up?

Triangles of what?

2008-06-15T11:39:00.005+01:00

I have been trying to work out in my own mind what I am doing. This monring I read this post by my friend Z. She has explained so well what it was like when I was seeing my various lovers, many of them married or with girl friends.
Each lover was different, each gave me different things none was either more special or less so than the others. I didn't ask about their wife/partner but if they wanted to tell me I listened. What we had was in the moment. I gave them my full attention and they gave me theirs whilst we were together. they all knew there were others and sometimes they liked to hear about them, they found it a turn on to hear about my other encounters. Some liked to give me advice about how to handle various situations with one or other of my men.

Now I don't see any of them (my choice) although I have not told one of them that we are over. The situation where we are both available has not arisen so it isn't an issue, I have only made sporadic contact with him, we both have busy lives and I am sure he has found others to fill the spaces I have left, even though I have no doubts that he would make space for me again. We both know we were good together.

I have moved on from that time when I craved sexual atention more than a one to one relationship. I am going through a self induced drought. I gave up my encounters with Oxo last autumn (he has now finally given up asking me to visit him). So apart from one weekend with Harvey last November and ne afternoon when I was juped by Coach back in January I have been celibate since early September.

Since last November/December Lotto has been trying to persuade me that he really really wants me. From when we first got in contact early last year, meeting for a drink in March of that year until December 2007 I was under the impression that he was single. He had always maintained that he fancied me and wanted to do naughty things with me, but he didn't want a relationship. As I was at that time coming around to wanting a relationship I kept him on the back burner simm ering away but never coming to the boil as it were. During the last 6 months though he has been turning up the heat. we both know now that he has a g/f who apparently isn't interested in sex. I don't quite know where she fits in the picture as I know he lives alone, he doesn't seem to be with her in the evenings or weekends apart from a few weeks ago when he was texting me while she was upstairs. I have a man in my heart who I don't want to betray.

My current dilema is having two men who both turn me on, one is available but doesn't want a relationship the other does want a relationship but is never in the country. So all the time that Lotto is on the scene there is always the promise of the opportunity to end this drought with a very sexy man who keeps telling me how much he wants me. But however much he wants me I know he would just be using me to get the sexual gratification he doesn't get in his relationship.
If I was to give in to his pleas to satisfy my own sexual appetite I would be using him because even when he is turning me on with his pleas, he is not the one I trully want to be with.

Romeo on the other hand does want me as the complete woman which of course includes the sexual being that he adores. He wants the long term relationship, but isn't here, he knows there are other men in my life but he trusts me completely just as I trust him.

If I give in to the lust that Lotto brings out in me .........'god I feel so fucking horny I want to fuck you now baby' ...... just one of the text I sent him last night during our 3 hour lust up. I would be using him which I don't want to do. I would be betraying Romeo which I really don't want to do. Lotto says that isnt so as I have not yet met Romeo. Maybe we have not met but I still feel committed to him.

I could easily meet up with Lotto for a night of passion (he has just begun to chat on IM and has instantly got me aroused) and Romeo need never know, easy. But I would know. I have been thinking about this business of using. I really should stop chatting to Lotto if I don't want to have sex with him, all the time I am chatting but not going through with meeting him I am leading him on. But I can't give him up, he gives me the constant reminder that someone who has met me still finds me desirable. I don't like the idea that I am using him, but would that be so bad, he is after all just using me to get the sexual gratification he isn't getting from anywhere else. But he could get it elsewhere, he has offers from other women but it is me he wants. I tell myself to give him up, he isn't Romeo the man I really want. He doesn't really want me just sex with me. I should give him up I deserve better than one night of sex with a man who doesn't really want me. A man who gets me aroused but isn't the man I want. These two men have me all of a dither yet I have never had sex with either of them. It was so much easier when I was a lover of several, not the one and only for any.

Update

Because I have told Lotto that words excite me more than pictures he is busy right now writing me a story......apparently he is already getting himself aroused as he is writing it.

shock in time

2008-06-07T12:25:00.003+01:00

New (not so new) photos

last night out of the blue I received an email containing 8 photos. Last summer I really wanted these pictures to illustrate my special friday. Now though I have moved on from the place on my journey that I had reached last summer. I had promised to share these photos so although looking at them now does little for me I have posted a few of them for you if you can be bothered to find them. I am not proud of what I did but at the time it was something I needed to do. I don't regret it just don't feel that it has any significance to the person I am now.

ps if you shock easily don't look for these pictures

google links

2008-06-01T10:47:00.006+01:00

Knowing that LV had found my blog by using google I decided to have a look at my stats and find out what the recent google activity was. It is sometime interesting to see what people have googled in order to end up on my blog. I am sure that some of the things they have googled some of these people will be either very shocked or disappointed when they land on my blog depending on what it was they were looking for.

I wander what this person thought when they googled 'hypersex impaling' and landed on this post . It is interesting sometimes to read back over a post I wrote over a year ago, seeing how much I have changed in my thinking in that time but also reading back the comments from that post Interestingly only Vi still comments......mmmm now I wonder did I ever give her the answer to her question. was it true or was it fantasy?

next I checked out 'how to deal with mother-in-law communicating with ex girlfriend of your husband' some people are very precise about what they are looking for. I found myself reading these posts here and here.

'married callgirl' came up with my recent posts I don't think 'call girl' was mentioned once in this post

I read all these post when I followed the link that 'insert finger cervix porn' landed on. probably not what this person was looking for

I seriously wonder what the person who googled 'stockings squirty cream slut' thought when they landed here

So having explored the recent google activity on here I then went to what is now LiR writes and did the same thing.

it seems that there has been a fair bit of interest in 'lady joins the harem'. since then Ron has closed his blog and reopened it so the link to his harem stories has gone. But I did I believe save the Lady in Red story on word I just have to remember which computer then I can post it here again. But if you want to check out Ronjazz's more recent blog then go here.

there seems to be a lot of activity asking for spanking which all seem to lead the reader to either Bring it on or what I learnt.

'Beer garden hot pussy' landed here a good choice or not I wonder.

Now lets see what google activity there has been on LiR

Oh dear who ever was looking for 'how to get mestrip in pokemon diamond' was not wanting to know about my drunken night out this weekend lmao

How funny to find myself reading this having followed the request for 'happy birthday picture naked lady'

Hmm I wonder what else I would find if I followed the same requests on google.

His wife

2008-05-26T22:17:00.004+01:00

I have just read Mei Del's post here about lovers of married men and contact between the lover and the wife. This got me thinking about the unexpected telephone call I had from the wife of the man I was madly in love with when I was 22. This affair and everything that happened had a devastating effect on me which lasted 20 years. I thought I would write a post about this phone call but before doing so I checked to see if I had already posted about it when I first began blogging. I had done so here as part of a post about the man I loved so much that it put me off love, this in turn led to me marrying a man I didn't love.
The conversation went something like this.....I will probably not be totally accurate as this happened some 24 years ago.

Hello LIR?

Speaking.... who is this?

Sandy...............I am C's wife (to me she sounded like an old lady)

What do you mean your his wife (I thought this was someone playing tricks on me) he isn't married anymore.

Yes he is he's married to me.

How did you find this number, no one knows I am here except my family

There was a piece of paper in C's case with your phone numbers at home and work with a list of days and times (that was the days I was free so he could phone me, I worked part time as a barmaid in the evenings.) I phoned your home and your brother said you were at your grandparents. I told him it was about C so he gave me the number. (my brother later said that she had been crying and as she sounded older he thought it was C's mother and something had happened to him).

I don't remember how the rest of the conversation went, I was in shock. I was beside myself with all kinds of emotions, the next 2 days until I could speak to C seemed to last forever. The previous time I had seen him he had said that he wanted me to have his child. In my naivety I thought that was his way of saying that he wanted to marry me. this made the phone call from Sandy even more of a shock. Now I am older and wiser I realise that what he really wanted was not another wife but another child. His first wife had taken his daughter away and he never saw her. His second wife, Sandy had two daughters who were now grown up with babies of their own. What C wanted was to be a daddy. At the time I was too blind to see this. I was in love with him and that was all that mattered. This new revelation that he was still married was a shock but I soon came to the conclusion that I loved him too much to give him up.

He convinced me that he didn't love Sandy, that he had rescued her from an abusive husband, taken her and her girls in. She had wanted to get married so he married her because he felt sorry for her. He told me about all the times she tried to harm herself, either cutting her wrists or taking overdoses. Each time they had a row she would do something to get herself put in hospital, he would get a call from the hospital so he would have to go and play the doting husband, he hated it.

Not long after the call, they had another row and he turned up on my doorstep some 80+ miles from his home. He couldn't stay at my parents home so we found a B & B for the night. The next day he got the call to say she was in hospital so off he went again........this went on for a few months. He would leave her, come to me she would injure herself he would go back to her I would hear nothing until the next time. I don't know how I got through these months, even when I wasn't seeing him because he was back with her I was still getting the hate calls from her and her elder daughter Liz. Some of them at 2am, it was affecting my whole family. At least at work all calls came through the switchboard and I was friends with the receptionist, so she screened my calls as much as she could. In January 1985 he came to me this time it was all over he was never going back. we found a bedsit to rent for 3 months and moved in there a few days later. It was 5 minutes walk from my work. It was the first time I had lived away from home, although I had been collecting bits and pieces for years so I had pretty much everything we needed. We had a small kitchenette in our room but had to share the bathroom across the hall. To me it was heaven to be living with the man I loved, our little love nest. It was ok for me as I was working all day but C was bored. So he went off to find work. he didn't return for 11 months. 11 months that saw me on the verge of a breakdown because I kept everything inside, I refused to get upset until I heard from him.

When eventally he did come back he told me that he had had a call from the hospital, he went to visit, but she persuaded him to stay, He hadn't been able to bring himself to tell me he had gone back to Sandy. It took until August 1986 for that episode in my life to be over.

Those two years had taught me that if you love someone you get hurt, so I opted out, I didn't ever want to get hurt so badly again. It was only after I had my Cancer that I realised I had spent twenty years just letting life pass me by. Now I intend to live my life and that includes the risk of getting hurt

Whale

2008-05-24T19:33:00.001+01:00

WHALE

You've got to see this.

First look and see the whale under the water.

Keep your cursor OUT of the picture until you see the whale.

Then move your mouse cursor onto the picture, but stand back; you might get wet (it's like it's 3D).

Click on the picture when it loads completely and be sure that your sound is on

CLICK ON: Worlds Most Dangerous Creature

I'd love to be eight again

2008-05-22T23:41:00.002+01:00

I'D LOVE TO BE EIGHT AGAIN

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.

'I'd love to be eight again' she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a bowl of Coco Pops and jammy toasties!

He took her to Alton Towers and put her on every ride in the park:
* The Death Slide
* The Wall of Fear
* The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milk shake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Kiddies three hour epic cartoon, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and M&Ms What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked

'Well dear, what was it like being eight again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression changed to one of total realisation...'I meant my dress size, you f*cking tw*t !!!'

The moral of this story:

Even when a man is listening, he's still going to get it wrong...

its good to talk sometimes

2008-05-16T21:08:00.006+01:00

Now and again I get to be online during the day like I was on and off today as I waited for and then assembled my new bed (once I had destroyed the old one that is). As I sipped my morning cup of tea I was greeted with

morning gorgeous

It was the lovely Thomas, of course he asked why I was at home, just as any man knowing I was getting a new bed he suggested that it needs christening. Of course there is going to be no chance to christen my bed. During the day I am mostly at work and at weekends and evenings the boys are here. Thomas comiserated saying that for him it was work and 'the wife' that get in his way. Hmm never known him to refer to her as 'the wife' before, usually she is the partner. I said that my day will come but for him its not so likely. He agrees but he has been talking to a woman who sent him a picture of herself wearing a strap on. Now I am fairly open minded and each to their own and all that and it was interesting when Freddy was talking about the one he got for S. But the idea doesn't do anything for me. As you are aware I enjoy a bit of adventure but I still think men should be men and women should be women, none of this women wearing strap ons or men wearing stockings ...sorry JJ. Its like vegetarians refusing to eat meat but making vegetable substitutes for meat ie veggie sausages or mince. If you want a sausage then ffs have a sausage .

Anyway I digress. Apparently this woman thinks it would be good for Thomas to know what anal sex feels like. So we discussed that for a while. I did laugh when he was asking about anal spams.......have you ever had any anal spams? For someone who has such a wicked mind he really is very inexperienced. He really is one of the loveliest men, if circumstances had been different, I am sure the two of us would have had a really good time together he always brings out the naughty side of me. what he really needs is to find a good woman to get laid by. I envy the woman who does get him into bed but it won't be me, a year ago definitely I would have, heck we nearly got there a few times, but not now.

Later whilst eating my toast I noticed JVIP online we have not talked in ages but it seems he still reads my blog even if he doesn't comment much. He asked how I liked my new bed so he must have read the post I put up earlier this morning. As we chatted he was saying how much I have changed in the last year. (for the better with my new confidence). We chatted about my lack of a sex life these days. I told him that it has been through my own choice as I have had offers some of them very tempting but I have managed to steer away from them. He told me as we were saying good bye that it could be good for me to give in to temptation now and again.

Last night I was chatting to Lotto but not for very long as he was in a funny mood. We have chatted quite a lot in recent weeks but last night he just asked me if I would still meet up with him sometime even though I am waiting for Romeo. Last weekend very late I got a text from Lotto he was using his mobile as he didn't have computer access. His g/f was on the computer. That is the first time he has mentioned being with her. He was feeling horny so I told him to tell his g/f but he says she is not interested in sex. Ah now that explains why he has been persuing me for over a year. Its odd that in all the months after we met, when I didn't know he has a g/f he was not pushing to meet again, only saying that he had not met anyone else since me. But since December when he told me he has a g/f he has been pushing every few weeks to meet again. Sometimes he is happy for us to just meet for a drink (although he says I must make myself ugly otherwise he wont be able to keep his hands off me). But other times there is only one thing on his mind, getting me into bed. He has talked about us being watched by a woman he talks to. She is very keen to meet us both apparently. If this had been a year ago (which it could have been if he had got his act together) I might have said yes but not now!

A few days ago I had an email from Mr Passionate telling me that if I am ever free on a week day he would be more than happy to keep me company and share some action. I don't know why it is that I just cannot bring myself to tell him that I won't be seeing him again. I am sure that he does know this even though I have not said it. It has been months since I have instigated one of our sexy text conversations.

I have also been exchanging emails with Mr Green, I am not sure what I called him before but he is the married friend who adores me even though I ahve told him, because he is married. He is the one who has fantasies about me and I wrote this one for him. He is meant to be telling me another fantasy for me to write up for him. I told him that I ahve been out socially 5 times so far this year.........I really know how to live the high life!! 2 of those times were with work and once was the Rotary Club quiz a few weeks ago with my boys and my mum. Once was with Coach back in January and the other was a night out with Harvey with the dating site because he was too shy to go on his own. Mr Green thinks it is awful that I ahve not been taken out in months. Well he was meant to be taking me out a few months ago but had to cancel on the day.

I know a lot of you guys think that Romeo is being a typical man, hes messing me about and all this stuff about him being away on business is a load of Bull. Before he was ill he was talking about us meeting 'soon' I was getting frustrated as I didn't know how soon soon would be. THen I got even more frustrated when I didn't hear form him until I got the text telling me he was ill. I ahve had a few more text since then but not anything like enough to sustain a relationship on. But tonight he has asked to meet me ...................................................next weeeeeeeeeeeeek, what am I going to do? what shall I wear? should I rush off to the gym and work out like mad .......I know I know bad idea and it wouldn't help now anyway. stop panicking girl, relax, wear whatever is appropriate for whereever we are going. Be myself, relax. deep breath, count to 10 slowly.

Thats better I am ok now, be myself after all that is what he likes about me. OK there are other things too but that was what drew him to me in the first place.

stress relief

2008-05-11T19:46:00.003+01:00

Stress Management

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8oz to 20 oz.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."

"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance."

"In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes
and that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. "

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work/life down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow."

"Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy!"

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* Never buy a car you can't push.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

NaiL IN THE FENCE

There once was a little boy who had a bad Temper.

His Father gave him a bag of nails

And told him that every time he lost his Temper,
he must hammer a nail into the back

of the fence. The first day the boy had

Driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next

Few weeks, as he learned to control his

Anger, the number of nails hammered daily

Gradually dwindled down. He discovered

It was easier to hold his temper than to

Drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't

Lose his temper at all. He told his father

About it and the father suggested that the

Boy now pull out one nail for each day that

He was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally

Able to tell his father that all the nails

Were gone. The father took his son by the

Hand and led him to the fence He said, 'You

Have done well, my son, but look at the

Holes in the fence. The fence will never be

The same. When you say things in anger,

They leave a scar just like this one. You

Can put a knife in a man and draw it out.

It won't matter how many times you say I'm

Sorry, the wound is still there.

' A verbal

Wound is as bad as a physical one.

Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They

Make you smile and encourage you to succeed.

They lend an ear, they share words of praise

And they always want to open their hearts to us.'

Smile

2008-05-07T23:09:00.001+01:00

Don't blink or you will miss it!

have a good weekend

2008-05-02T19:50:00.002+01:00

Two buddies, Bob and Don, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly
Don throws up all over himself.

"Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!"

Bob says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and
Tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars
for the dry cleaning bill."

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually Don stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. "You
Reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Don says, "Nowainaminit, I
Can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But
Thiss other guy got ssick on me...he had one too many and he juss koudin hold hizz
liquor He said hes was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!"

His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks.."

"Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too."

Guts and Balls

Distinction between "Guts " and "Balls"

Medical Distinctions

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you reallyknow the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, beingmet by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are youstill cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smellingof perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife onthe butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

CLASS PROJECT GONE WRONG
An elementary school class started a class project
to make planters to take home to their parents.
They wanted to have a plant in it that was easy to take care of,
so they decided to use cactus plants.
The students were given green-ware pottery planters
in the shape of clowns which they painted with glaze.
The clown planters were professionally fired at a class outing
so they could see the process. It was great fun! They planted cactus seeds in the finished planters
and they grew nicely,
but unfortunately,
the children were not allowed to take them home. The cactus plants were removed
and small ivy replaced them
and the children were then allowed to take them home instead. The teacher said cactus' seemed like a good idea at the time! !!!!!!

!
!
May the rest of your day be the best of your day!

When too much is a bad thing

2008-04-27T12:52:00.006+01:00

Don't ever complain about your size!!!

I always thought I had too much

Now I feel grateful that I have what I do

You cannot persuade me that any man (normal) would enjoy these

SHOW THIS TO ALL YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS SO THEY CAN APPRECIATE WHAT GOD GAVE THEM....OR PERHAPS WHAT HE DIDN'T GIVE THEM!

Buttons

2008-04-24T17:57:00.002+01:00

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said 'You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and a red one labeled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.....

The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. 'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.

'The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.'

MEN NEVER LISTEN

a few peckers

2008-04-20T18:25:00.001+01:00

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says,

'Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions.'

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks,

'What's your occupation?'

'I'm a Lady of the night,'she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says,

'Let's try to rephrase that.'

The woman says, 'OK, I'm a high-end call girl'.

'No, that still won't work. Try again.'

They both think for a minute; then the woman says,

'I'm an elite chicken farmer.'

The accountant asks,

'What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?'

'Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year'

'Chicken Farmer it is.'

well I never!!

2008-04-16T22:39:00.004+01:00

I must have led a very sheltered life. I really had no idea how much you could do with them. I thought there was only one use for them but now I know differently. It certainly was an education for me. Over the course of an hour and a half I held and stroked so many different ones. The first one she placed in my hand I was pleasantly surprised at how soft yet rigid it felt and I could wrap my fingers around its girth and squeeze so easily but without it losing its shape.

Apart from the different things they can do I also discovered that although they are all basically the same shape they come in a variety of lengths ranging from 2” to 15” but the majority were 4”, 6”,7” or 9” a few were 10” or 12” but it was rare to find one that was a whopping 15”. Mostly they were about 1.75” at the core but some were thinner just 1.5”.although some were more padded than others. There were all shades of white, off white, cream, yellow, orange, pink , a few were grey and one was blue!!
Many had lines on them either blue or more often red or pink but some had spots. Some were furry but most were smooth, but all were soft to the touch, some grew hotter than others to the touch as I held them in my hand. Did you know that some have spikes on them too? But I only saw one like that (it was very white, I don’t think it is very popular, apparently best used for rolling on the floor).

So now I would like your opinion, is 9" better than 4" or do you prefer 6" or 7" maybe you like the bigger 15" ones.

VBF just incase you are still none the wiser these are paint roller refills. I'm not sure if you are aware that I work for a wholesale company that sells painting and decorating equipment in the UK.

Well done to those of you who did work it out even if it wasn't immediately obvious to anyone except Nitebyrd.

Isabella's Sex Meme

2008-04-12T16:09:00.010+01:00

Isabella’s Sex Meme
Ro has tagged me with this beauty. It seems he's intrigued to know just how kinky I am! The rules of Isabella’s Sex Meme go like this. Anyone is welcome to steal it but you must post this rules blurb at the beginning of the meme:

1. You must include this link to Sex Talk - Sex Advice for Men.
2. You must answer every question! If you don’t have a good answer, you are strongly encouraged to make up something good; we like to be entertained.

3. You must tag three people.

So here goes for what it is worth

1. Sex in the Morning or Sex at Night

Sex at night or sex in the morning? Oh good I get a choice, that must mean that I am due to get some. For some months now there has been no sex at all or at least not the close physical kind. I have had to make do with either IM or text sex with my Romeo but I know the real deal will be great no matter whether it is at night or in the morning or all the hours in between. Somehow I don’t think we will really notice which part of the day it is.

2. Better Sex Music - Sade or Marvin Gaye

Now I find this a strange question, I can’t say that I have had sex accompanied by either of these artists. I am not sure I would even notice what was playing anyway, but if I were to choose something I guess it would be something relaxing and or sensual, probably neither of the above. I have been known to have the radio playing softly in the background but that is not for the reason of having something to have sex to.

3. Naughty Pics or Naughty Home Videos?

I have never made a Naughty Home video or watched one. Unless you count the ones that were sent to my phone by various men who will remain nameless. I love taking pictures but not explicit ones, I prefer the suggestion of sex rather than the explicit in your face nothing left to the imagination kind. Now I am not saying I will never make a video, I have no interest in watching other people’s but if it was for me and my lover to share that might be different.

4. Fabulous Sex With: Dr Doug Ross or Dr Greg House?

I had to do some research here. I thought this was a question of choosing between a couple of Dr Phil types but now I feel a fool. Am I the only female in the universe who has never watched ER or Dr House. Possibly, but now that I know this is a choice between Hugh Laurie and George Clooney, well there needs to be no discussion. Sorry Hugh I do think you are lovely, really I do mean that, but I am afraid George does it for me every time. Did I ever mention my date with a George Clooney look alike, he offered to have a threesome with me and his brother………. Can any of you women believe there are two men living within 30 miles of me who have the Clooney looks……… mmmmm very nice, pity the nicest thing about this man was his very nice Mercedes car. ooooppps he wasn’t a bad kisser either.

5. Vibrator or Dildo?

I have a very orange vibrator that may as well be a dildo as it lost it’s vibrate within a few days. To me it is just a chunk of orange rubber that very rarely sees the light of day or should I say the dark of my bed. I much prefer my shiny Lady lust fingers, the feel of cold vibrating metal is such a turn on, and in the hands of the right man there is just nothing like it. For the record I have 4 of these, much better than any rabbit and almost as good as an electric toothbrush.

6. Bedroom Sex: Lights Off or Lights On?

Lights off was reserved for those dark nights of misery when I shared my bed with SF for all those years. I need to have light when I am indulging in my favourite sport. I love to watch the reactions of my lover to my every touch and I am not just referring to his face. A low light is good but I much prefer sunlight. What is not to enjoy about the dappled patterns of light dancing on my partner’s body as the light comes through the net curtain as it ebbs and flows in the light breeze from the open window.

7. Word Preference: Pussy or Cunt?

To be totally honest neither, but if I must choose then it would be pussy, although I have been known to utter the word cunt to the delight of my lover who finds this so sexy coming from my mouth as it is not part of my usual vocabulary. I think over use of any word can take away the allure of its original purpose. In my writing I tend to use a variety of terms or even not give any name at all to the part of the body I am referring to. I find it a little disturbing to describe my most private parts using a word just as popular in referring to a feline pet. However the word pussy is I find much more gentle that Cunt which I find a very blunt term for something which is anything but blunt.

8. Spanking Over the Knee or Spanking Only During Sex?

It was an off the cuff spank during sex with my Mr Sensual that made me realise that the feel of a sharp spank can be very arousing indeed. This in turn led to my well documented ‘spanking’ over the knee of a certain friend. However this was not a sexual partner so you may think this does not count even though it was a very intimate occasion I have never fucked this man. Perhaps this is something I shall have to explore with Romeo.

9. More Exciting: Sex in an Elevator or Sex in an Aeroplane?

I don’t tend to use elevator’s much …….no I am not afraid of them but I prefer to exercise my legs unless of course I was going further than 4 floors which is very rare. Neither have I flown more than the once but perhaps when things get going with Romeo sex on plane travelling first class will be a must. Or perhaps we will try a first class train carriage first. I somehow think that would be more thrilling than a plane. All those bumps as we travel at speed.

10. Ron Jeremy or Peter North?

OK now this was a joke question right! Oh it wasn’t ok then but Ron Jeremy is a joke right? Well joke or no joke my sense of humour just cringed at this…..did you see it run under that rock over there? Peter North, now this is much better, well it wouldn’t be difficult to improve on the prospect of Ron now would it. Sorry Ron if by some strange chance you are reading this. But to be honest even Peter doesn’t cut it with me……too chiselled, to plastic looking. Can I just have either George or my own Romeo thanks.

11. Word Preference? Cock or dick?

Dick makes me think of dickhead so no I won’t go with that. Penis or prick are preferable but better yet is cock. I quite like shaft too. But I do like cock especially one that is hard and all mine to play with as I wish.

12. Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson?

Now I am showing my age in that I remember watching deep throat with my friends many, many years ago and being totally in awe of anyone who could master that. Jenna is a name I am familiar with but have never felt the need to investigate further. I can see that she is stunning although not my idea of a beautiful woman. I have never watched anything she is in as I don’t watch porn…….to me it is too contrived and plastic I prefer to be having sex than watching other people acting it.

13. Rope Bondage or Bondage Tape?

I have been promised rope a few times, I have had a demonstration of pink bondage tape which was very sexy, but Romeo has promised me pink silk which sounds fun too. I think the act of tying or being tied will be more important than the tools used for the purpose.

14. Give Rim Job or Receive Anal Sex?

Giving a rim job is not something that particularly appeals to me although I have been assured tat it is very sensual. Maybe one day, but I can’t see myself thinking ….right today I shall try Rimming, if it happens it is more likely to happen as the natural development of what is already happening between me and my lover.
Anal sex is something I never thought I would like. After all the pain of attempting it has been excruciating. Then Mr Passionate taught me how to relax and enjoy it. I have never experienced anything so exsquisite. The mixture of pain and arousal is a very heady mix indeed, add to that a very passionate and gentle lover, you have an experience of ultimate pleasure.

15. Get Rich Stripping in a Skanky Bar or Get Rich as a Call Girl for Celebs?

getting rich in a skanky bar is never going to happen ………..you can’t get rich stripping for the blind….anyone else would have left the moment the first bars of music began. A call girl for celebs would be both more rewarding and fun but who am I kidding that ain’t never happening either, so I guess I shall stay poor.

16. Which Threesome - Boy/Girl/Girl or Boy/Boy/Girl?

I have tried both with varying degrees of success, a foursome b/g/b/g is much better, but that wasn’t one of the options. I am not averse to B/G/G but would prefer B/G/B who wouldn’t like all the attention from two virile men completely focused on one woman.

17. Flavoured Oil or Tingling Oil?

Having never tried flavoured oil, I cannot really give a balanced argument for either. It is more the slippery slickness that I enjoy, mixed of course with the touch of my lover’s body on my flesh. However I do enjoy tingle lube as I love the coldness it brings to the heat of my arousal.

18. Pearl Necklace or Swallow?

I am not a fan of the pearl necklace, but swallowing is the ultimate conclusion of a very satisfying cock sucking. I just love to have that hard cock in my mouth and the knowledge that I have given my lover so much pleasure that he is willing to spill his love juice into my waiting throat is gratifying. But the greatest pleasure is to then share my treasured prize with my lover by giving him a snowball (for those who don’t know it is returning some of the man’s cum to him by way of a very sexy and sensual kiss immediately after he has come).

19. Sex While Strangers Watch or Sex With a Stranger?

I have never done this but I do have a burning desire to have strangers watch me surreptitiously. I am not sure if I could perform well knowing that I was being watched or having someone blatantly watching but to find out afterwards that someone was peeping now that excites me.

20. Tied to the Bed or to a St Andrew’s Cross?

Oh yes tie me to the bed, I am eager to try this as anyone who has read this blog for more than a year will be aware. I have shared this fantasy with Romeo and he is more than willing to participate in this with me. It seems he has experience in this and has a great desire to tie me so that I can let go and enjoy all the sensations without being given any control over what is happening to me.

Now I have to tag 3 people so I shall choose, Mulder, Percy and Emma

Tagged grrrrr

2008-04-12T13:48:00.002+01:00

coming to a page near you soon

Isabella's sex Meme

I have been tagged by Ro to do this Meme.......should I forgive you I have not yet decided, Ro is a blogger who I have seen commenting on other blogs but only recently ie a week ago took the plunge to go see what he is all about and this is the thanks I get for commenting on his blog......that will teach me, perhaps I should learn to lurk. Only that would be difficult for me as I have trouble keeping my mouth shut or my thoughts to myself.

last photos

2008-04-08T21:25:00.005+01:00

Following my challenge for Mulder I felt it would be only fair to post these for those who, like FC don't have the time to trawl my archives looking for these photos enjoy

this will probably be the last time I post any photos like this.

typical

2008-04-06T21:34:00.002+01:00

hiya

hello you

hows you?

fine and you ?

crap..............hows your love life?

my love life is fine thank you

oh so hes back then

no hes still away

hes stringing you along I don't trust him

well I do and he makes me happy

-----------------------------------------------

how are you today?

I'm fine how are you?

has he come home yet?

no hes still away ;-(

he will be back soon though won't he ?

He should be back for a week to 10 days soon

thats good you can see him then..................don't worry I am sure it will all work out for you both

I know it will, we both make each other happy

these were two typical conversations that I keep having recently, no prizes for guessing which of the two conversations are primarily with other women and which with male friends.

another variation being

hiya

hi

hows you?

happy

so you are getting lots of sex then?

no
but I am happy nonetheless I don't need sex to be happy that is just the icing on the cake

do you want to come here for a bit if you are frustrated

thanks for the offer but no thanks

why do men feel that I have to be having sex to be happy?
I may not have met Romeo yet but we are getting to know each other intimately, we can and do turn each other on regularly. We don't need to be crass, we don't need to be explicit, we can tease each other. We can encourage each other, we can be there for one another. we can be everything for each other whilst still being in different countries. I cannot imagine not having him in my life although sometimes it feels as though our relationship will be a virtual relationship forever more. But I know this is not the case, I know we will meet very soon and when we do it will be like coming home at last, not just for him but for both of us.

I think the reaction that my male friends have to my relationship with Romeo has more to do with them than him. He lives and works in a world that very few people I know could ever hope to understand as it is so very different to what most of us can comprehend. Yes I did struggle with it the first time I didn't hear from him for a few days. He had warned me in advance that this is what his life is like. He had warned me that if I don't hear from him I shouldn't think he has gone off me. But still I worried about it, I was swinging from thinking he had ditched me to trying to believe in him. Then I made the decision to trust him. What have I got to lose by trusting him. He isn't after my money, he knows I don't have any. He may be after my body, well if thats the case then great because I am after his. Just thinking about him makes me wriggle and squirm with lust for him. There is nothing he could possibly want from me that I wouldn't happily give him.

My colleague said on Friday that I shouldn't worry that I might not be good enough for Romeo (Ok I might have done for a while but not now). But maybe he won't hit the mark for me. He commented that I have got a lot riding on this working with Romeo. My theory is that it will never work if I am not positive about it so I am giving it 95% of my trust and reserving 5% for caution.

This is not a conventional relationship, we are learning about each other from the inside out. It started with a mental connection, for me the physical attraction didn't come until later as I resisted the temptation to see a picture of him for several weeks until we both knew that we wanted there to be an 'us'. We both like what we see. We both like the person we are getting to know. We have not gone down the road of likes and dislikes, it doesn't matter to me if he prefers tea or coffee. It is more important that we both feel like teenagers, we cannot go to bed without making contact or else feel as though we ahve lost an arm each. He loves my open honesty, I love his generous spirit, he thinks I am a strong woman, I think he is a very caring man. I won't go into everything we have learnt about each other.

Our phone calls are so very dear to me, just hearing his gentle voice has me melting, he likes to hear me squeal with delight at some suggestion he makes. If it wasn't for these calls then maybe I would be more cynical about all this, but the calls make everything so much more real. He isn't just someone hiding behind a computer screen he is real, he is gentle and sexy and everything I know him to be.

my birthday

2008-03-29T21:16:00.002Z

I have just filled in my birthday on am application that claims to tell you what your birthday says about you well here is what it says about me and I think it is pretty accurate which surprised me.

You are gracious, elegant and prudent. People admire your qualities and some even become jealous of you. You are realistic, flexible and adaptable. You are remarkably kind and moral person. Your Love, You are willing to sacrifice yourself for the one you love. Your lover will always have your gentleness, care and loyalty. You will always be happy to hand around the one you love.

stolen from Ronjazz

2008-03-24T19:30:00.001Z

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Low
Wrath:	Very Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Low
Lust:	High
Pride:	Very Low

The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com

I should be blonde

2008-03-18T00:28:00.004Z

I have been exchanging some lovely text with Romeo today first some early this morning whilst I was at work then again some longer ones tonight. My poor baby is very tired and couldn't stay awake after his week in eastern Europe. He still isn't back in Uk but at least he is back to a place with a decent signal so he can text.

I ahve been having a blonde day today since those early morning text that lifted my spirits so much.

I ahve been sending faxes to telephone lines then when I send to the right number I send the wrong thing.
I have bought £15 in petrol, paid with £20 note then drove off without my change.
there have been other things but those are the funniest. My work colleagues have noticed that I wasn't quite myself today. Oh and I drove home with my reading glasses still on my head, now why did no one tell me.

By the way if you didn't notice................

I am happy :-D

hyacinths of love

2008-03-13T23:45:00.003Z

As I sit here I can smell them. The scent is getting stronger.
According to OJ they smell like cat pee. He has no romance in him.
What I can smell are the two white hyacinths I bought a couple of weeks ago. I was out shopping one evening when I decided to treat myself to some flowers. Then I decided on a plant instead. I ended up buying a pot with two hyacinths.

The romantic in me decided that these two plants represented myself and Romeo. I could watch the plants grow just as our feelings were growing. Now they are both 80% open but whilst one is growing upright the other is leaning at a right angle away from the first. does this indicate that we are not on course to be together.

The other day as I was going about my business I suddenly heard Romeo's voice in my head. He was telling me that I should

'Sing like you've never sung before,
Dance as if no one is looking,
and Love like you've never been hurt'

I also heard him telling me

You are a very strong person who can deal with these trials and tribulations.

So even though I have not heard from him for a week I know he is with me. I just have to trust him. I have to believe in us. When he escapes from his present work situation he will return home and we can show each other that the wait has been worth while.

From Oncology to Oxford in one day

2008-03-11T20:03:00.004Z

today I am feeling much happier in myself

my appointment at the clinic went well except that I have to go back in 12 months time. when I came out of the hospital I had a text from DC 'final written warning' so that was a relief he still has a job but for how long until he does something stupid again. OJ has been to see about Universities, he has brought home a stack of prospectus's including the one for Oxford which is where he is now aiming for.

I had a long chat with my mum this morning and saw her again later while she talked to OJ about Oxford and the possibility of him going into law, He is thinking of becomong a Barrister. As my mother knows some Barristers she will contact them to see if she can arrange a visit to their chambers.

During the afternoon I saw an Angel shopping in Asda. Yes thats right I did say Angel, she is a retired lady who I knew from my previous work. Three christmases ago whilst I was going through the nightmare of my divorce I had no money to buy presents for my boys. OJ lent me £100 from his savings to buy presents, but before I could even buy one my purse was stolen from my bag. The police think it was a gang of Romanian's, I mentioned it next day at work to warn my collegues. Next day this Angel who was semi retired and lived alone left an envelope on my desk, containing £40 and a note telling me to use it on the boys and to only pay it back as and when I could, she was only sorry it wasn't more. I mentioned it today after we had caught up with each other's news. She told me that the money hadn't mattered to her. (I had paid it back as soon as I could). but to me it was so overwhelming that she would do that me me and my boys.

I have not heard from Romeo, but I am alright about that today. Having agonised yesterday over whether I should still send him text and emails today I sent hima lovely light hearted email telling him all my good news. After all before he went away he had warned me that there would be times when he couldn't contact me but that I should still send him text and emails which he would pick up when he could.

Misery of my own making perhaps

2008-03-10T22:39:00.004Z

I am unhappy, lonely, fed up, pissed off.
My family are fine (to a degree) DC has a disciplinary at work tomorrow to find out if he is going to be sacked. OJ has an appointment at the dentist to have a tooth extracted as he has had an abscess which has forced the filling out and broken the tooth. I have a hospital appointment (my annual check up.)
work is fine although I was o my own today as my colleague was off sick........ok hes on his own tomorrow as I ahve a day off lmao.

So why am I miserable and is it of my own making.
Of course if you know me at all and if you ahve read my recent posts you will guess that it is man trouble. So if it is man trouble there has only been one man I have written about lately. A man who has unwittingly caused me to 'clean up my act' if you like.

I am not really writing about sex anymore, yes I know some of you wish I was. I have begun to delete the sexier pictures in my collection not that I have much that is very raunchy preferring suggestive over explicit.

So why am I miserable? after all only a few days ago I was saying how happy I am. Romeo has brought a big smile to my face over recent weeks. I see his name on my phone or in my email inbox and the biggest grin spreads across my face. I hear his voice and I smile laugh giggle like a school girl. So what has happened to make me feel so down. Nothing! thats right nothing.

The very first time we spoke on the phone Romeo warned me that his job (his own business) means that he often has to go abroad on business, sometimes for weeks at a time. This can mean that sometimes he won't be able to contact me either through sheer weight of his work commitments or through being in a place with little access to communication signals. He told me not to worry about this as it does not mean that he has lost interest in me. He has been away now for almost three weeks, we have had lots of contact, text, email and even telephone conversations but there have been gaps. gaps that he has explained, gaps that he has later told me it felt strange not to be in contact. But what is making me miserable now.

I have not heard from him for 4 days and it feels like a part of me is missing, the smile on my face is wavering. I am beginning to doubt what we have. I am starting to feel as though I have been naive and gullible again, he has asked me to trust him and I really want to. But past experience makes me feel wary and cynical. Is he for real is this the start of a fairy tale or the start of a rollercoaster to hell?

No sex today

2008-03-07T07:01:00.002Z

This is so very different for me
His job (no it isn't a job it is so much more than that) keeps us apart. He went away for 3 days but has been gone or over 2 weeks. It doesn't matter what I am doing or how I am feeling as soon as I see his name on my phone a big smile spreads across my face. the sight of his name in my mail box does the same. I am hungry for his words and read them over and over. Hearing his voice is heaven. I don't need any introduction when he calls even if my phone shows unknown number. He has such a unique voice.

We talk about many things but mostly how much we want to be together, how it will feel to be in each others arms. We don't talk about sex, although it is ever present in the air between us. We both know that when we do finally get together we won't have sex. We both agree that we want to wait not rush into bed. However we also know that when it does happen we wont have sex we will be making love.

It occurred to me this morning as I switched my alarm off and found the half written text I was sending him last night as I fell asleep, my eye caught sight of my vibrators etc in my bedside cabinet. I think I ahve used them once since Romeo came into my life. I suddenly realised I don't feel the need for them at this point as I am going to bed feeling happy to have Romeo in my life and the promise of being with him soon.

Could it be?

2008-03-03T23:22:00.002Z

Could it be that I am falling in love
or am I just insane?

For 2 days I hear nothing
for 2 days I feel I am missing an arm

this morning a text I receive
this afternoon a text I receive

I am on cloud seven
I want to jump for joy

I am the proverbial pauper
he is the proverbial prince

I am stone cold broke
he is mega mega rich

I don't care about his money
I care about his spirit

the things I can't imagine
he takes for granted

he wants to be with me
I want to be with him

he makes me happy
I make him happy

Valentine

2008-02-15T22:51:00.001Z

as many big kisses as you think you can cope with are aimed in your direction xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh yes please, all over and in return as many kisses for you too, on your soft welcome mouth, every nook and cranny, every sensual curve, every vulgar creases and upon your sex my lips will devour you and my tongue invade you showering kisses upon your beautiful little button so as to climax you hugely and cum again and over again for me my pretty gorgeous lady and then I'll insert my lust deeply inside you and feel the warmth of your sweet soft wetness engulf me as the sensation of you thrills me and your craving gash satisfies my lust for you me spurting my burning seed inside you powerful warm wet sticky only to make you gush with joy as you release your passion for it all over my welcoming body. I lust after you my precious dirty beautiful lady with deeply felt passion, if I could only cover your entire curvaceous body with my climax I would kiss every inch of you again and start all over again .................. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I see you

2008-02-04T00:15:00.000Z

I see you

I am smiling

I can’t keep the grin off my face

I see your eyes smiling back at me

I see your lips

In my mind I can taste your mouth

My body remembers the feel of you

My skin remembers the touch of you

My senses are straining for you

Our eyes meet

A smile on both our faces

My feet are taking me closer

Soon we are within touching distance

My arms long to hold you to me

All too soon I have walked passed you

I don’t look back

I know you don’t either

I can no longer see you

But you are here in my heart

The image of you etched

Deep in my memory

A smile engraved on my lips

A song in my heart

Later words are exchanged

You were surprised to see me

I had known it would happen one day

Now I am left with this image of you pushing a trolley

I know she was with you but all I could see was you

I didn’t take any notice of her just

You my precious lover

watching

2008-01-23T00:43:00.000Z

He could see her but he knew she hadn’t seen him
This was good it gave him the chance to watch her
She looked so relaxed so unaffected as she stood in the cold winter sunshine
He shivered as he realised how thin her soft yellow sweater must be
From his position he could just make out the pattern of lace
As is showed through the thin covering of lemon cotton

The breeze ruffled and played with the hem of her skirt
Lifting the brown material to swirl around her legs
He is lucky, luckier than even he could have hoped
As the wind lifted her skirt he had seen
It was nothing more than a glimpse but even so
There it was a flash of lace topped by creamy flesh

She moves, delicately stepping across the yard
The clicking of her heels tapping on the concrete
Reverberate in his ears
He listens as she speaks in a very soft sexy tone
His heart involuntarily misses a beat
What a voice, what a woman

He catches a whiff of her perfume
She has a scent of fresh linen and flowers
He longs to move closer
He knows it would be so easy
To stand and move near to this vision
But this would disturb her serenity

All of a sudden there is a clattering
Legs clad in orange overalls get in his way
The sound of pneumatic tools
The strong stench of rubber and grease
The mechanic finishes his task
Away she goes with her newly fitted tyre

christmas party

2008-01-18T23:49:00.000Z

Tomorrow I am going out for the night

it is the Company christmas party

we are going out for a meal then on to a club

I have not been to a club for years

I shall be avoiding the white wine as I don't want a repeat of this

I won't be driving for a change as Posh bird's boyfriend is taking us and bringing us back even though he wont be joining us and he lives in a different city an hour away.

not sure yet what I am going to wear but I did buy a new red top today so maybe the red stillettos might get an airing.

all mine

2008-01-18T23:40:00.000Z

yep every tiny bit is me

every single word is mine

every picture is mine

every story is mine

but there is more and thats all mine too

2007-12-31T22:47:00.001Z

Happy New Year

Exchanges of views

2007-12-28T03:02:00.000Z

Over the past week or so I have been having exchanges of views with a variety of male friends about the state of our different relationships and what is or isn’t wrong.

You may or may not recall that in the spring I met a man who I called Lotto. He was single had not lived in the area for very long and wanted some fun but not a relationship. We met in March, he had an interview to go to later and I was in pain from a severe headache. (we just had one drink in a town centre pub).Our date had gone fairly well but I wasn’t convinced that he was very keen until a few weeks later we were chatting online and he mentioned how much he fancied me. Over the months since then I have been getting sporadic messages from him. Each one saying how much he likes me and wants to chat again and hopefully meet again. I did tell him that I was giving up casual sex but was happy to remain friends. He agreed to this. Shortly before Christmas we discussed meeting again over the Christmas holidays.

I sent him an email saying that I am still single and would be happy to see him again.

His reply…..

Nice one,

I'm still attached but I'd still like to meet - thats if its ok with you - not sure when maybe after xmas and before new year - let me know

Now this stopped me in my tracks

I think I must have missed something .......... ‘I'm still attached but I'd still like to meet’ I didn't know you were attached.........I thought you were single you told me you were.

Hi,

I'm not married and I do live alone but I have a girlfriend. It did say that in my AFF profile and I was under the impression we had discussed this.

I'm sorry if I've offended you and I can understand if you didn't want to meet.

Good luck with the new job and have a good Christmas
Now if he had ever told me that he had a girlfriend I would have remembered that but in all the time we have been chatting I have never thought of him as having a girlfriend. In fact he always said things like this……
I've not had any meets since we met (shame we couldn't get to know each other more)
At the time when we met I was being less choosy so it would have been less important that there was a girlfriend somewhere around although I would still have cared about it. Anyway the point is that to me a girlfriend is no different to a wife. Not something you forget about. Now I did think it was strange that Lotto had not met anyone else in all this time as he is an intelligent and sexy man. However I assumed this was because he had not come across anyone he wanted to meet. Now I still like him and feel he is sexy but it does alter my feelings towards him in that I feel he has betrayed his girlfriend and also me to a degree in that he let me think he was unattached (I quite clearly remember him saying that he wasn’t ready for a relationship following his divorce). I thought he was a sweet shy man, now I know he is capable of wanting to play away behind his partner’s back even if he hasn’t actually done it. He has tainted the way I felt about him.

I was discussing this online with another friend who didn’t see anything wrong. Now this other friend told me that he himself was unattached which I disagree with. He has recently left a long term relationship for another woman. To me this makes him attached. To him he has never been tied to anyone. I cannot comprehend this way of thinking. Surely if you are in a committed relationship with someone then you are tied to them. I cannot understand how anyone can live with the same partner, love and care about that partner and not believe that they are doing anything wrong by sleeping with other women so long as the partner doesn’t know.
To me and to the majority of people to sleep with others when you are in a relationship is cheating. How can it not be described as cheating. Ok I am guilty of sleeping with some married men. I didn’t choose to find married men they came looking for me. I am single and can sleep with whom ever I like but these men should not be looking for satisfaction outside their relationship. The only time I would say that it is not cheating is if they have the blessing of their partner ie in a polyamorous relationship. If the partner does not know then they cannot give their consent, therefore all other relations are a betrayal of that primary relationship. I do feel guilt about the women whose husbands I have been with and it doesn’t make me feel good. But I don’t see many of these men feeling the same guilt, if they did then why do they do it. The only one who was overcome by guilt the very first time we had sex was GB. He was so consumed by the guilt that as much as we both wanted it we agreed not to continue.

I have also been exchanging messages with another friend about the lack of having someone to share with. He told me that he hated not having anyone to wake up with over the Christmas break. He is the first man I have ever heard express that exact sentiment. Many men say they want someone to go to bed with. That’s the easy part finding someone to go to bed with. The hard part is finding someone to wake up with. This is what I have been looking for. I can find men to take to bed fairly easily but that is not what I want. I want to not wake up alone every morning. I want someone who will be there in the morning. Not every day as I don’t think I could cope with a full time relationship again just yet. But to be able to wake up in the arms of my lover regularly that’s what I want.

I feel kind of honoured that one single man I met late last year, was so happy waking up with me that he decided to give up casual sex. He wanted a relationship so that he wouldn’t be waking up alone all the time anymore. He told me that it was all down to me (ah how nice it is to be flattered). Within weeks he met someone, I forget how they met but it wasn’t online. They recently bought a house together and in a few months will be getting married in the Caribbean. Every few months he chats but we have never talked about meeting again.

I have been thinking about all the conversations I have had with various men over the last 2 years nearly and all the blogs I have been reading. I think all this has helped me to have a much better understanding of how married men feel about the lack of sex in their lives and how frustrated they get when they are rejected by their wives. Maybe this post has sounded as though I am being judgemental of my friends (even those I have benefited sexually from). I always try to keep an open mind and not judge others by their actions but there are actions that I couldn’t do. I am sure it is hypocritical of me to say that you shouldn’t cheat on your partner but if you are going to then you can do it with me. Just don’t expect me to cheat on my partner when I have one. Because basically that’s what it boils down to.

I suppose it is down to each of us to work out for ourselves where the boundaries between what’s right and what’s wrong are. Obviously the boundaries are not the same for all of us. I was trying to explain to Skipper when we met that although I have been quite happy to play the field, once I found the right person I would be very happy to be faithful to that person. If I was in a relationship with someone I cared about I would not stray. However I am not closing the door to swinging if I was with the right person and our relationship was strong if we both equally wanted to swing together.

christmas

2007-12-24T11:09:00.000Z

Here is to a great Christmas

for all my friends

Hugs and Kisses to each

and every one of you

XXXXXXX

Battles

2007-12-22T09:19:00.000Z

I have noticed in recent weeks that I have become more confident in myself

I have managed to bag myself a new job using my confidence as a big factor. there were three of us who were interviewed, but I managed to remain positive and confident all through the proceedure. They now tell me that the remit was to find a confident 'cheeky female' to join the team. I also managed to negotiate myself a decent pay rise with the promise to review it in six months.

I have managed to convince myself that I don't need a man to make me happy. I can be happy without a man in my life. It would however be nice to have a man to snuggle up to on a cold night. But I am learning not to sell myself short. If a man does not show me the respect I deserve then hes out the door however much I like him. Previously I would have let them treat me badly just so that I could still see them.

I would rather stay home and be lonely (but I don't feel lonely anymore) than be out with someone who treats me like a plaything.

However saying all this I am still locked in a battle. I have the opportunities to have sex almost as much as I want. Some offers are from single men and others are married men. Men like Oxo still want to see me but I made my decision that I would remain celibate unless I am in a relationship. I find it hard to keep turning him and others down. It is very flattering to be told that these men still want to see me again. I feel selfish for turning them down. I know, I know, I should not feel like this I have to do what is right for me.

It is hard enough turning down the single guys but the married ones are harder still. This should be easier as I decided ages ago that I won't get involved with any married men anymore. I am sure they think it is personal and it is them personally that I am rejecting but it is more than that. If I was married I would be devastated if my husband was seeing anyone else. I cannot do that to another woman. I went through a stage where I convinced myself that these men were out there looking for women, I didn't go looking for them. If they are going to cheat on their wives then they will do so anyway whether its with me or not so why should I miss out on them, after all I am single and can see who ever I want. But I have grown out of that. My morals have kicked back in and tell me that if I give in then I am hurting another woman even if she doesn't know about it.

Apart from not wanting to hurt other women I have another reason for staying away from married men for anything more than friendship. I don't want to play the field anymore. I want a loving relationship with someone who wants only me. Married men cannot give me this, I am not stupid enough to think that any of the married men I know are going to fall deeply in love with me and leave their wife for me, so that would make me the other woman and I want to be 'The One' not the 'other one'.

Lady in Red

2007-11-15T23:47:00.000Z

my friends who read Lady in Red have told me to stop posting on here as it confuses them and they are only reading that one now.

Is there anyone still reading this blog who doesn't read Lady in Red. would it be a problem if I stop posting on here?

HNT in Ivory satin

2007-11-15T08:25:00.000Z

skipper

2007-11-12T23:00:00.000Z

he has the softest most gentle hands, he spent hours just stroking my hands as we talked, playing footsie under the table. He is easy to be with. I think he is a man who is used to getting his own way although he is a very gentle, interesting and down to earth man. Like others who have been my lovers inc swinger he is ex army. (I find it odd that I have had several ex army lovers since we live in an area that is very much Navy orientated and I have only met one navy man).

we chatted for a couple of hours managing to get in a couple of kisses (not easy across the table). I had my first date with N in this pub on that occasion I was all but sat on his lap whilst all the time being watched by a friend of SF.

Skipper had come by train so he asked me if I could give him a lift back to the station, taking as long a route as I wanted. He helped me on with my coat, carried my folder ( I had brought some of my writing to show him so we would have something to talk about....he also writes adult fantasies), and held my hand as we walked through town to the car park. Once in my car he began kissing me passionately. we decided it was time to find somewhere more private that under a lamp post in a public car park over looked by the local police station. I decided the easiest place would be the side car park by the football club I used to be involved in. but as we drove along the road beside the football stadium there was police man on his push bike he followed us to the main car park, you can't go anywhere else we passed him again on our way back out. then I remembered a car park that is not used much outside working hours.

Here we found a nice spot away from street lamps ......just a couple of other cars parked at the other end and got down to some serious kissing and fondling. My driver's seat became extremely wet before we decided it was time to get him back to his train. On the way out of the car park we came across the same policeman on his bike heading back to his station. I took skipper back tot he station where we kissed goodnight and I went home. Once I had parked I just sat in my car for about 10 minutes. I just didn't have any urge to move. I was feeling very contented. I text him that I was feeling drunk, (which I wasn't, I had only had one drink). We text each other for a while one of his being......sexy girl

when I woke this morning I had a text from him that I wasn't so keen on.........yes. lets have sex somewhere.........this had been at 2.30am. I was just considering how to reply to this when I got another more mundane text from him. I told him that I had slept well apart from being woken by a text in the night.

was it rude? I do hope not.

It was suggesting sex

oh that's awful! Dump him!

ok, your dumped!....................x

X

sorry about that late text.I sent it about eleven, must have been a slow delivery. I keep thinking about you.

should I forgive you?

depends what my punishment is to be

we continued to text each other intermittently throughout the day and evening with a brief chat on IM this evening. Somehow I don't think you have heard the last of Skipper.

new and exciting developments

2007-11-11T13:32:00.002Z

there have been new and exciting developments over night

watch this space ..........

pssst shall I let you into a secret

I have been out on a date with a new man

for now I shall call him Skipper but that might change

I am home again now after he had to catch his train home

he just text me

'sexy girl'