Too busy

last night I was too busy
I didn't post anything more than comments
I read blogs
I commented on blogs
all the time chatting with my friends
sometimes one
sometimes more
there were discussions of windows
assumptions of overnight visits
talks of elvis
affirmations of sexyness
heart to hearts
congratulations on new jobs
drunken declarations
sulky dogs
clinical descriptions of sex
loving chats of love
tonight I shall begin learning how to write

Paranoid and irrational

no great words of wisdom today

I am in a sorry state today

been feeling sorry for myself all day

the torrential rain didn't help

not being busy at work didn't help

too much time to think

too many sad thoughts

paranoia setting in

I know he can't help it if his time is already committed

he can't make the meeting I asked for on the off chance

Oh well never mind is the reaction I gave

its the only logical reaction

but that wasn't enough

having spent all day thinking about whether he trully wants me

wanting to cry, but holding back

I tell him how hurt I am

that he must do better

yet my mind knows that he hasn't rejected me

it is me who is rejecting me for him

my warped mind that doesnt think I am good enough for him

my warped mind that thinks he is ashamed of me

It is me who wants him so bad that I cannot believe he might want me too

I thought about sendng Oxo the secret text message asking to see him

But to my mind I would be using him for comfort

when it is not his arms and lips I crave

I thought of texting PL to meet up before he goes to work

but I figured friday afternoon his wife would be home early

I thought of N but only for a second

I text FF we will meet soon

JJ text me

he is thinking of me while naked in his bed

yes this could be what I need

but neither of us are home alone

we agree to have fun next month when he will have more time

I guess all I can do now is


MY Rabbit

I tried him again a few days ago

just to see

if pleasure he will give to me

at last it seems to be better

he slides in with ease

and vibrates where before he did not reach!!

I must go now to my bed and my new friend

who with his long ears will titilate

and cause me to become wet

relaxation he will help me to find

before into a deep slumber I shall sink

this I shall now do I think

busy or not

I have had several conversations in the last 24 hours or so about how busy I am.

Mostly I am busy on msn, text or email. Although I chat to a lot of guys and most of them want to get me into bed. My sexual life isnt as busy as it seems. yes there are lots of guys wanting to see me but it isnt turning out that I am having sex all over the place as it perhaps seems. I have been doing some thinking about this and decided its time to have a clear out.

1)Mr Passionate mmmmm lovely I may have only seen him 2x this year but we are hoping to get together next week there is no way I'm saying no to him :-)

2) foxy (SL) my partner ....hes got his own things going on and we have not had sex together at all this year in fact we have only seen each other 2x with others.......I'm going to let that one drop unless he decides to make more of an effort. Sad we were good together

3)My Knight my my adorable dearest man it is proving difficult to get time together but it will happen

4) Gordon my other partner.......I'm not sure hes really for me. The distance I think is too great for us to get together often, hes also very pushy but very limited to times he can play ie early evening until 7.30ish. I have arranged to see him next thursday But I may call it a day. He desperately wants us to have group fun but if I am not sure of him myself how can I sell the idea of him to others. I have just read some messages for us from another couple and I just felt it was wrong I cant answer the messages I have no inclination to do so. I know when I get online in the morning I shall have some instructions from him about answering the messages.

5)Dark Master we have not met yet, there have been text and im conversations even telephone calls. but each time we agree to meet one of us cancels. I have not been sure about this set up anyway. Now contact is becoming more and more sporadic I think he is going to be another one that I say good bye to.

6) Lotto I met lotto about a month or so ago. I was suffering from a bad headache at the time. Yes I did like him but although he was sat facing me on the seat he was moving further away so I felt he didnt really want to be there. Speaking to him a few weeks later he told me that he really fancied me and wanted to do lots more than just chat. He wanted to see me again, he wants me to go to his place so we can act out a fantasy of his. He doesnt seem to be all that bothered about arranging when to see me again. He has told me he has cancelled his membership of the website and hes only interested in me but then says he must reiterate hes not looking for a relationship. I dont think he knows what he wants. I dont think he has seen anyone else since his divorce. I think this one is a slow burner. Not sure what to do maybe flip a coin?

7) Chief met him a few weeks ago much younger, fit in both senses of the word. he wants to see me again, but last night all he kept on about apart from really wanting to fuck me again. he desperately wants me to organise some group sex with him. He was very insistent on this. If this is the only thing he wants although he says not, he can go swing , fit or not. I hadn't heard from him since a few days after the last time we met. But he says hes been away on holiday.

8)JJ he had decided he couldnt see me after all as he has been seeing someone for about 6 months (about as long as we have been chatting)and it seems more serious than he had thought. but suddenly hes deciding shes not what he wants for a long term relationship. so he does want to see me now. although each time I am free hes with her. Its make up your mind time for him. If he doesnt put his words into action he will be relegated to friend only.

9) Oxo I have met him a couple of times in the last few weeks. I have not really blogged about him. I like him and the sex is good but I think he will soon have me bored to tears. I shall probably see him a few more times but not many .......he isnt local either which is a bind especially as I left my sunglasses in his car and had to buy new ones.

10) Forest forest is my blue eyed friend who I have been chatting to for about 6 months and finally met on tuesday and again on wednesday. we will be seeing more of each other. I think I was afraid of meeting him because I enjoyed his friendship although I have know all the time that he really wanted to meet me but never pushed it.

11) mystery visitor mmm well it was very nice having my visitor last week. Logistically it isnt going to be a regular thing but it may not be the last time he visits.

I think what I am aiming for here is as before just a few regular lovers, only my current lovers have not been very regular of late. Maybe the coming months will see a change in this. so my conclusion I shall still see Mr Passionate, my Knight, Oxo few more times and Forest. With the possible additions of one or more out of JJ, Lotto or chief. my gut feeling is that out of those three, JJ is the most likely if he gets his act together.

update

I spoke to JJ this afternoonan told him its make up your mind time. we both had a couple of spare hours this afternoon so we decided to meet up for a chat to see if we both want to take this any further. We had a nice walk and chatted sitting on a bench in the sun watching the ducks on the nearby pond. He does want to see me again. I have told him to give it some thought and let me know as I am having a clear out he understands.

I have emailed Gordon and text Dark master to give them the bad news.

friendships

I couldn’t have predicted how today would go. Right now I am sitting on my bed with the sun shining through the window feeling happy. Today two friendships have changed, moved, onto another level. Both these friendships are with men who I have been talking to online since about October last year. Both these men probably know a lot more about me as a person than most people do. Both these friendships have been platonic until now although I have discussed sexuality with both of them, both mine and their own. Until about March we corresponded purely online then we exchanged mobile numbers. I don’t remember exactly but it must have been at around the same time with both men. Since then we have text as well as msn. Although with one of them there have been many telephone calls also. I met both men (online) through my quest to meet others for group sex. Both men are no longer with the partner they were with at the time. My partner (Foxy) is busy doing his own thing, I feel that, that partnership is coming to an end. We still talk and he still wants me to organise meets for us but nothing seems to be happening.

Today I had a lunchtime drink with a very lovely, sweet man, I enjoyed his company and I loved gazing into his gentle blue eyes. As he was leaving to return to his office for the afternoon, he kissed me. Very gentle kisses but mmm very sweet. The feel of his hand on my waist and his gentle kisses was very nice. He tells me that he has a day off work tomorrow and if my knight is unable to meet me he would willingly take his place. Sigh!
We have exchanged text since I got back home. I shall definitely want to see him again and as a bonus he is single.

I returned to my car shaded by the canopy of a chestnut tree. My mobile buzzed it was my other friend. We chatted as he relieved himself in the comfort of his bed. In the past we have had some very explicit conversations but this call was something different. I am getting used to the idea of phoning a couple of my prospective lovers and allowing them to hear me cum. But this was the first time I had listened to a man cum over the phone as I told him what I would like to do. I enjoyed this experience more than I had ever thought I would. After our call I had to drive home, I hadn’t gone very far when I found I was completely turned on as my mind went over the conversation that had gone along with the heavy breathing from both of us. I desperately wanted to get home and up to my bed so that I could play with myself, I even thought about calling him to return the favour. But by the time I arrived at the house #2 & 3 were home from school.

As I was locking my car my neighbour arrived home with her baby (her 5th). We chatted for a while, and she told me who my ex is seeing. A few weeks ago he had called me saying

I expect you heard who my girlfriend is.

I hadn’t and I didn’t and don’t care so long as he leaves me alone. When I heard who she is I couldn’t help laugh. I’m sure she’s fine she hasn’t had the easiest life her grown up daughter is a victim of Downs Syndrome. The mother is not very bright herself but I do feel a little sorry for her but not much. I have known for years that she liked my ex he was one of the people in the pub who would talk to her. I was always polite to her but didn’t encourage her, I found her quite annoying. I won’t be telling my boys who their father is seeing. I know what their reaction would be. (horrified). Later I walked up to our local shops for a few things. Whilst there I met one of the men my ex shares a house with. It was the first time this man has spoken to me in about 2 years. He also told me who the girlfriend is, saying that he doesn’t know what he’s doing with her. He also said that he can understand why I wanted rid of my ex, he took him in as they were friends and he didn’t want to see him out on the street. But he is a nuisance and gets very drunk, but they don’t see much of him at the moment as he is always at her place.

When I was walking along the path to our house after collecting my youngest from school he said

why are you doing that?

Doing what ?

Smiling

Because it’s a lovely warm sunny day and I’m happy.

I am looking forward to the new opportunities that May seems to be bringing.


Update
Last night I also had a long coversation with Chief (much younger than me) he is really keen to meet up again. I had a message from Mr Passionate wanting to see me next week. I also have JJ champing at the bit to see me now he has decided that he doesnt want an excusive relationship with his girlfriend. Gordon is pushing me to organise a group meet I am seeing him next thursday.Lotto has also been in touch wanting to see me again. I think I am going to be a very busy girl. I haven't even taken into account that my Dark Master still wants to meet me and I am hoping to see my knight every wednesday for a few weeks.

I came on here at about 10.30pm thinking I could check the blogs I read and then do a new post on here. As soon as I came online I had 8 conversations going including

one blogger,

mr booty call, inviting me round.

Billy trying to get me to go see him again.

snake trying to talk to me about meeting him tomorrow,

dark master wants to see my boobs on cam

another online friend I have not spoken to for about 6 weeks may be more.

the man I dated last night ( we had already spoken on the phone for two hours as well as texting before that)

then one of my online friends who has fixed my pc a few times for me. Only when I began to chat to him I quickly realised it wasnt him. It was his wife trying to find out where I am and anything else she could find out. Only she picked on the wrong person if she thinks we have been having an affair. I think she now understands that we have not. one of the first things she asked me was .....what do I think of him (strange question from him) then ......am I considerate for using a condom? ( now I really thought this was odd) why would he wear a condom to fix my computer? then she was asking me to remind her where we met? when I said this was not ***** she said yes it is im pissed. Now if that had been true he would still have known that we have not had a sexual relationship even if he had forgotten where we met.

We chatted a for some time......I told her she could ask anything she likes I have nothing to hide but i refused to give her any idea where I live.

I think that really bugged her.

I asked her if she loves him.......to find out if she is trying to save her marriage or if she is tryingt o get evidence to break it up. she said of course as they have been to gether x many yrs. I told her that I think he is happy in his marriage not that we have discussed it much. from what I have gathered he isnt getting much sex from anywhere. She told me he thinks hes not good enough for her as she has her own business. I dont believe he is not good enough for her he has a good job and from what he told me she only opened her business since I first met him.

she kept asking me not to tell him she had contacted me. I have no intention of contacting him but if he contacts me I wont lie if he asks.

anyway last night I met Oxo. we had a couple of drinks then we went to his camper van closed the curtains and got very friendly. Then the boy racers started driving up and down. Oxo just closed the curtains tighter and we started to explore each other. Mmmmm very nice even if he does have some facial hair which tickled my nose when he kissed me. finally the boy racers had gone but another car pulled up square to us with lights full on. It did take the edge of our mutual enjoyment but only a little. After the car had gone Oxo took me back to my mum's car (which I had to give back to her today...I'm back to my crappy escort again now).

today after a lie in (its sunday YESSSS) got woken up by a text from a certain blogger who then called me while on his coffee break from work. I did 3 lots of washing and my neighbour decided to have a bbq !!!! I exchanged text with Dark master and JJ. while I was trying to cook dinner for the boys (they are getting used to charcoal now) I started to get text messages from Oxo. everytime I tried to reply to a text from another blogger i got a call from Oxo. In the end we were on the phone for over 2 hours before we said good night. But when I came back from the bathroom I had just missed another call from him saying good night again!! we are meeting again midweek.........only this time we are going to forgo the pub and have our own entertainment in his camper van. DVD drinks popcorn maybe a few kisses maybe a bit more!!

Its now 2.15am and I have spent an hour trying to write this post while talking to snake and now Mr Sorry too. keep forgetting what I was trying to write.

Oh yes Vi has tagged me to write out the contents of my handbag. I am going to do this ...good time to clear out the rubbish. think perhaps I will do all four of my bags.

I have been chatting to JJ quite a lot since he called off our date. We have talked about dark Master. I did call DM at 3.30am the other night so he could hear my orgasm (did the same this morning woke him up apperently) as a reward he has bought me a gift which he sent me a picture of last night.

Now JJ wants me to phone him too so he can hear.

Domination and submission

This week began with me going out to meet Gordon for a walk in the woods at a well known beauty spot. very sexy feeling exposed skin and fresh air knowing that other people are also in the woods not far away. The feel of our bodies together with nothing but fresh air coming between us was as exciting as the knowledge that we could be found at any moment. Unfortunately the beauty spot where we were is rather steep therefore not very condusive to laying on the ground. We found a fallen tree to use as a seat but this was too precarious for anything too energetic.

tuesday evening I was out having a companionable drink with FF while we chatted about our previous encounter and others that we have had both as solo and couples. I was also receiving text messages from JJ and Sailor. Later when I got home I chatted to Dark Master who began giving me instructions to begin my journey as his slave. (I'm still in two minds about this). To me it seems that there are two types of Dom/sub relationships. There are those where one partner is submissive to the other during sex sessions, as part of a whole range of sexual experiences. Then there are the kind where the Dominant partner controls the submissive one in many aspects of life. More or less 24/7. The submissive partner has to always call the dominant one master. She (it is often but not always the woman who is submissive) has to ask permission to do many things and must obey every instruction for fear of punishment which could be anything from administration of pain to the withdrawl of contact or maybe refusal to give permission to the sub to have an orgasm.
My first task which I missed as the instructions were on msn as an offline message which I didnt read until late evening. when I awoke I was to pleasure myself then as I was reaching orgasm to phone my Dark master....not say a word but hold my phone so that he could hear me cum. then I was to take a picture of my swollen clit and send this to him. the next day I had not complied with these instructions. (It is not easy when there are children in the house). My dark master gave me an extension allowing me until midnight to obey his instruction. I continued with my usual family life until 23.55hrs when I locked myself in the bathroom. (youngest was asleep on my bed alonside the cat.) Worked myself up and called my Dark master allowing him to hear me cum. Later I was congratulated on the fulfilling of my duty. My next mission being that I should find another slut whom I could film licking and sucking my clit. As this will take time to organise I have an interim task which is to meet with my Dark master for one hour during the weekend I will suck his cock and drink his cream. I have not heard from him since.

On wednesday I visited Sailor but we were unable to complete our very nice session as he became wracked with pain due to a recent operation. However we were able to give each other oral and have a good fuck before his pain cut short our pleasure.

friday evening I was sat at my computer playing spider (my pc is not online) I was bored so I text JJ telling him I was bored. he replied that he was also bored watching a DVD with his children. we spent several hours then exchanging text about how we were feeling and what we would like to do about it. The upshot being that we are going to meet on sunday evening for a drink and a chat and see where we go from there. He is booking a hotel room for us. This afternoon we continued our text conversation while he was out and about shopping for things which includes some new rope. I have been thinking quite a bit about the situation with both JJ and Dark Master. It has become quite obvious to me that Dark master is the kind of Dom/sub who lives the lifestyle 24/7 whereas JJ likes the Dom/sub as part of roll play as a part of his sexual range rather than as a lifestyle. My gut instinct therefore is that I will be far better to explore this side of myself with JJ not with Dark master.

update on you know you want to

yesterday I was chatting to my prospective lover (dark master) who got me thinking about my lady and the knight emails. It transpired during our online chat that he likes blindfolds, bondage and mild cp. I told him about my text messages to JJ who had not replied. dark master said he would like to take the place of JJ and be my dom. We exchanged mobile numbers, and as he said he loves to read erotic writing I emailed him the full version of lady and her knight. Late last night I got text messages from dark master asking about my afternoon adventure. He then went on to say he was deciding if I need to be punished.

This afternoon I was online when I noticed that JJ was there. I said hello to him and we began chatting. He said he had been away. I mentioned my text messages to him. At first he wasnt sure what messages I meant then the penny dropped. He said he hadn't known who was sending them and was too embarrassed to ask. He was very flattered and very horny reading them. He really wanted to know who it was. Now he knows it was me he wishes he had done something about it. we chatted for a while before I had to go out. We are definitely on to do this now. both of us were getting horny just thinking about it.

Later while I was out I got a text from dark master informing me that he had liked my story. this was followed by more text

Like the style, so you wish to be a slut of servitude to the dark master. X

It would be an honour for me to have your dark side to play with. X

How could a humble slut refuse

tonight, well tomorrow morning dark master will begin your journey. Obey his wishes as none compliance will lead to punishment. X

Not long after this I was in the pub with FF when I began getting text messages from 2 men.
one was JJ the other was sailor who is another new prospective lover. I may see him in the next couple of days.

Hi, hope your evening is going well, was just wondering how you would look and feel with your wrists bound behind your back and blindfolded? X JJ

I guess I would be drinking through a straw

Is there anything in particular you like?

Is that in general or have you moved onto the bedroom already?

Both if thats ok.

Anything that doesnt involve pain.
am I sure about that?

I love to give oral very good with my tongue

I would give you a drink if you asked. that is when im not fucking your mouth!

Is that in the pub or after?

drink in the pub, drink and extras after !

sounds good extras!!

yes you know, the bit where you get tied up and used, thats if you want to be that is?

I think that after a very quiet couple of months the action might be hotting up again.

Oh and during this I got a couple of text from Innocent but im not divulging what they said or my reply.........all I will say is that he sure took me by suprise.

I shall possibly see Sailor on thursday. I think I shall also see either or maybe both JJ and dark master very soon too. I had agreed that I would see Innocent for a coffee so that may well be next week now as I am running out of days this week. FF kept telling me that I have great legs and tits, I'm a great kisser and good company and he can't forget that wednesday night which was so wonderful. He really fancies me and wants to make love again. I did say yes. So FF if you are still not sure . I said yes! Somewhere along the line I need to find time to meet Forest who I have been chatting to for about 5 months but not yet met, but I do feel that day is approaching I know he has wanted to all along.

Update

My mother is ill today so we are not doing the rounds of relatives I had expected. Instead I am just going off to see Sailor.