List expanded part one

When I wrote my incomplete list I figured this would be a good time to write about some of those who had not previously featured here.

Tonight I bring you CF I wonder if any of you can work out what the initials CF stand for. Perhaps if anyone can give me the right answer I will post a new photo.

CF was the first man I began to chat with online after N went off with 'The Bitch' for the first time. We had chatted online a few times and were chatting on the Friday evening. I was feeling sexually frustrated as well as upset that N had gone off with The Bitch. I didn't know if he would come back to me or if I had lost him. (I was stupid and naive). I believed that he had only chosen The Bitch over me because I refused to have sex with him again unless I was the only one. (see I told you I was naive). CF suggested we meet up for a drink in half an hour, so at 10pm I arrived for the first time at the Gladstonian (which was to later become a favourite haunt of mine......I have even taken Romeo there .............I love the views in case you had not realised that).

We had a drink and chat, he was quite good looking, intelligent,polite, fairly well off having made his name in London designing some well know buildings. A local boy done good. He had returned to the area after several years away, was nearing the completion of his complete overhaul of the former council house which was now his weekend home. We were getting on well but the pub was closing and there was still more to chat about. I didn't need much persuasion to follow him in his BMW X5 back to his place. We sat opposite each other on leather sofas drinking wine as we continued to chat. He assured me that he had been out of the dating game for sometime and didn't really know what the etiquette of dating was these days. Suddenly he decided that he wanted to see my body. He wasn't trying to persuade me to have sex just wanted to see my body. I wasn't keen but eventually gave in to his insistence allowing myself to be led upstairs to his bedroom.

Once in his bedroom he undressed me laying me on his deep duvet when he began his exploration of my body. It wasn't long before he was pawing me. I liked him but wasn't sure of his motives. There had been no build up of passion, no cuddles and kisses. Add together his superior strength and confidence with my timidity and naivety and it was only a short time before we were having sex. With him I discovered that there are more positions than missionary and doggy style. He wanted me to stay all night with him. But I found sleep almost impossible. By about 3am I was desperate to go home. He reluctantly stood on his doorstep watching me leave.

Late afternoon I text him to ask if he had had a good day. He invited me over to share a bottle of red wine in front of his log fire. When I arrived he had been watching tv while he waited for my arrival. We sat side by side on his sofa watching tv discussing the programs that came and went. In all the time we were sat there he never once made a move to touch me until about 11pm when all of a sudden he said we should continue watching tv upstairs in bed. Again he led me upstairs, we undressed and climbed into his comfortable bed. But it wasn't tv he was interested in. No sooner were we under the covers than he made his move. Again I found sleep difficult to come by. I managed to make myself stay put until about 6am. I already knew by then that I wouldn't be returning again. I had been worried after my first visit but had decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. But after two nights where there was no exchange of affection I knew that no matter what N had done this man was not for me. He might be accomplished in sexual skill but the heat in the bedroom matched that of the frosty February weather outside.

So have you worked out why I call him CF?

An incomplete list

Wild Catz has got me thinking, she has produced a whose who of the men who have been in her life. My initial reaction was that I wouldn't dare to do this myself but having slept on the idea I think perhaps it would help me to get to grips with the patterns in my sexual life so here goes (this might take a while).

16 - 17 CS 9 months my first love
18-20 MS I still had feelings for CS but wasn't going to wait for him to realise he still wanted me (he would turn up on my doorstep unannounced until I made the mistake of telling him I was getting engaged to MS)
20 - 21 SS my first older man (22yrs older) he was in the Army and became very jealous and controlling, he raped me just after my 21st and again the day I tried to end our relationship
21 - 22 MS again but I had changed I wasn't the timid girl he had first known, I didn't really like him anymore. I found I could only tolerate being with him when we were in a group.
22 - 23 CJN love of my life,(14 yrs older) I was already in love with him by the time I got that stomach churning phone call from his 'wife'. He flitted between us for a few months. Before he fially left her and moved down to Kent to rent a bedsit with me. 2 weeks later he went off to 'find work' and didn't come back. This was when I became grief stricken and ended up n the verge of a mental breakdown.
23 At the back end of the year I found B (9 yrs older) he listened to my woes but he took advantage and lied. I soon had his g/f (he is father of her eldest child they were still sleeping together sometimes) on my case.
23 - 24 CJN returned I was in shock but accepted him back into my life. (he had returned to his suicidal wife) I became pregnant but when I miscarried that was the end of us.
24 paddy (my toy boy 3 yrs younger) I didn't know it at the time but he was my first fuck buddy. I taught him the joys of felatio.
24 - 42 SF (9 yrs older) he came along when I was vulnerable, we were both getting over broken hearts it suited us both to have someone to go home to. 6 months later I was pregnant. He is an alcoholic I should never have married him but I don't regret my boys.
43 -44 NAF first man in my life for 19 yrs. He flitted between me and 'the bitch' for 6 months before living with someone else for a few months we got back together for 2 months Jan 07
44 -45 This is where it gets complicated
lovers = SL, PL, Ade, my knight,Forest, Oxo,GB,Swinger
NSA = BT, KB,Scooby,CF,RR, GM,GI,Pat,Coach,

46 Romeo (10 yrs older) elusive all consuming love

I know I have forgotten some so will add as I remember them

Just making a few additions

Pilot, Imperial, Porche

text messages

Last night I exchanged text with Oxo then he phoned me. he wanted me to go to his place for the night but I was already in bed. He kept telling me how sexy my voice is. We have met a few times now. he told me that the only thing wrong with me is that I have kids. We agreed that I would spend the night with him tonight. but as the day has progressed and I was a thinking about it I just knew that this is not what I want.

Since I decided that I no longer want NSA I have been wondering what to do about the lovers I have not yet cut my ties with. I have not been able to make up my mind whether I still want to see Mr Passionate and Oxo. But the more I have thought about it today I have come to the conclusion that even if I was to see Oxo tonight I would not be able to enjoy it as much now as my mind is elsewhere. If my mind is not there and I can't put all of myself into it then it won't be so enjoyable for either of us so there is no point. from now on I feel that I shall just have one lover whether that is Forest or someone else. I have to be true to myself even if whoever I am seeing doesn't mind me seeing others. Luckily Oxo cried off tonight which saved me from having to let him down but I think I am going to have to explain to him how I am feeling.

I have been exchanging text with Forest today, which has cheered me up. Not that we have not been exchanging text most days but it was what he has said that makes me feel better