Adam and Eve

How Adam Got Eve -- Priceless


Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion


and that it would be a woman.

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,

and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,

and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.

She will praise you!

She will bear your children.



and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.



"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and
passion whenever you need it."



Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."



Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course the rest is history............!!!!

I'd love to be eight again

I'D LOVE TO BE EIGHT AGAIN

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.

'I'd love to be eight again' she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a bowl of Coco Pops and jammy toasties!

He took her to Alton Towers and put her on every ride in the park:
* The Death Slide
* The Wall of Fear
* The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milk shake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Kiddies three hour epic cartoon, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and M&Ms What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked

'Well dear, what was it like being eight again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression changed to one of total realisation...'I meant my dress size, you f*cking tw*t !!!'

The moral of this story:

Even when a man is listening, he's still going to get it wrong...

have a good weekend

Two buddies, Bob and Don, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly
Don throws up all over himself.

"Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!"

Bob says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and
Tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars
for the dry cleaning bill."

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually Don stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. "You
Reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Don says, "Nowainaminit, I
Can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But
Thiss other guy got ssick on me...he had one too many and he juss koudin hold hizz
liquor He said hes was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!"

His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks.."

"Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too."

Guts and Balls

Distinction between "Guts " and "Balls"

Medical Distinctions

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you reallyknow the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, beingmet by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are youstill cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smellingof perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife onthe butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

CLASS PROJECT GONE WRONG
An elementary school class started a class project
to make planters to take home to their parents.
They wanted to have a plant in it that was easy to take care of,
so they decided to use cactus plants.
The students were given green-ware pottery planters
in the shape of clowns which they painted with glaze.
The clown planters were professionally fired at a class outing
so they could see the process. It was great fun! They planted cactus seeds in the finished planters
and they grew nicely,
but unfortunately,
the children were not allowed to take them home. The cactus plants were removed
and small ivy replaced them
and the children were then allowed to take them home instead. The teacher said cactus' seemed like a good idea at the time! !!!!!!

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May the rest of your day be the best of your day!