Benefits of ICE

Yesterday the lovely FireByrd sent me an email about ICE

Message from the Ambulance Service

We all carry our mobile phones with names & numbers stored in its memory.. If we were to be involved in an accident or were taken ill, the people attending us would have our mobile phone but wouldn't know who to call. Yes, there are hundreds of numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency? Hence this 'ICE' (In Case of Emergency) Campaign.

The concept of 'ICE' is catching on quickly. It is a method of contact during emergency situations. As mobile phones are carried by the majority of the population, all you need to do is store the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during emergency under the name 'ICE' ( In Case Of Emergency). The idea was thought up by a paramedic who found that when he went to the scenes of accidents there were always mobile phones with patients but they didn't know which number to call.

He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognised name for this purpose.

In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital Staff would be able to quickly contact the right person by simply dialling the number you have stored as 'ICE'. Please forward this. It won't take too many 'forwards' before everybody will know about this. It really could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest.

For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1, ICE2 and ICE3 etc

PLEASE PASS THIS AROUND AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE AS THIS CAN HELP IN AN EMERGENCY

Being the good blogger/friend/citizen that I am I emailed this to people on my contact list for the email account I had received it on. I will get around to sending it to people on my other contact lists soon. In the mean time here it is for anyone who has not seen it.

This afternoon I went to the gym then visited my mum. On my return home I checked my emails and was just about to delete all the ones I don't need when I realised there was one from GB aka Jasper in reply to my ICE email. I really hadn't expected to hear from him. It has been a long time since we last had any contact. It was only a very brief email, clearly he has not forgotten me although it is now two years since we were having our brief fling.

It was in my days on AFF (adult friend finder) Jasper was one of the men I met. He was married had never played away from home. His innocence made me laugh. He was such a sweetie. A successful businessman from a local City. His business is in the luxury end of the leisure industry. To my amazement when we first chatted he was not keen on the idea of meeting in hotels (that would be too sordid for his taste). He wanted to buy a house in my town which would be our love nest. At the time I was having trouble with cluster headaches some of which were caused by my car (not only no powersteering but very stiff wind down window which jarred my neck). He wanted to buy me a new car!!

I did manage to persuade him that he was being impractical.

When we met for the first time it was for a coffee in town. Jasper has the most delicious cheeky grin. I couldn't help getting swept up in his infectious enthusiasm. His gentlemanly charm, the efficient businessman and the gentle naive man that I knew him to be were all part of the attraction for me.

After several attempts to spend more time together we finally managed to be together in a hotel dangerously close to his home. Our time together was so special that we both felt elated for the next 24 hours until the guilt of his betrayal hit him. A few days of soul searching later he wanted to continue to see me but keep me at arms length so to speak as he couldn't afford to become too attached to me. It was then that I felt I had to let him go even though it was so hard to do.

Whilst writing this post I received a further email from him. I have not replied, as much as I would love to renew his aquaintance I do not think it would be wise.

My decision

Very late on tuesday night (wednesday morning) I sent an email to GB telling him that I was finishing it between us, that my feelings for him were too strong and all I was getting from this was hurt. We have lost the FUN. I have been feeling better in myself since I made the decision. I have also made another decision. I do not want to have any more married lovers. I have not decided yet what I want to happen about the married lovers I already see but I wont be starting to see any new men who are married. I am now at a stage where I want someone for me. Some one who will be happy to see or hear from me any time of the day or night. even at weekends.

During the late morning I rang one of my psychics just to check that I have done the right thing. she told me that he has read my email and taken on board what I have said. she then said that he wont be in touch for about 3 weeks then he will come back stronger than ever. She says he wont leave his wife although he is unhappy in his marriage and she doesnt know why he is still in it. We have never spoken about his marriage. She says that he is a very successful businessman but he is a coward. She did agree that I have done the right thing. What I need to do now is write out my order to the universe. (write down all the qualities I am looking for, who I want in my life...but I must be careful what I wish for) then I should burn it and offer it to the universe. I was going to do that tonight but have not yet.

I dont know what to make of this

I am sat here with tears pouring down my face. I have had a cold which is getting better but I have been working on switchboard today and will be again tomorrow. My throat is sore again so I am a little under the weather. Was thinking about GB on the way home. I emailed him last week that I would be working again in the same place as before for 2 days if he wanted to meet on the way home from work. We would be passing each other going in opposite directions. He has not responded. Neither has he responded to any of my text (I have been keeping them light hearted and sexy) since mid week. Not long after I got home I logged onto my pc to catch up on the day. No sooner was I online than GB appeared...I waited a few minutes then sent him a smiling face. this is what happeneed next

ladyinred says: :-D

GB says:
hello you. funny, i hardly ever visit here nowadays (1) no time (2) not much usage now. good to see a smile from you. GB x

ladyinred says:
i miss your text and calls

ladyinred says:
sometimes wonder if you like me texting you or wish i wouldnt

GB says:
just deep in all of my work. you know the rest. hope to speak sometime. GB x

ladyinred says:
yes I know ur busy .....I just dont want to be a nuisance but if you like receiveing them I will continue

then he was gone.

I had been thinking about him at lunch time and whether I should ask him to tell me if he really does want to see me again or is he just stringing me along. Although it isnt what he said, I think I just got my answer.

March

I'm looking forward to the month of March much better than the last two months.
As I posted last night I am going to still see GB. He was busy this morning so we will talk later.
This morning I bit the bullet and emailed N that I m setting him free as I cannot give him the time and love he needs. I hadnt wanted to tell him in this way but I guess my new found confidence doesnt go as far as telling him to his face. but at least it was better than the curt text he used to send me each time.
Both HMU and GP were chatting online this morning. GP making sure that I still want to meet him but changing our date to next thursday as he now has an appointment with work on friday. He is very sure that he wants to get very intimate with me.
HMU sent me the following text after I told him briefly what GB's email said.
'thats good! I'm pleased.... Hope you still want to go to bed with me next week xx'
This is the kind man who was advising me how to deal with my situation with GB.

N has replied that he had thought a lot of me. Then later a second email ……I must think he is an animal in a field if I think he will forget me, I have made the wrong decision. He thinks he wasn’t enough for me. Not good enough for me. Part of me wants to tell him that I am really sorry. But there is no point in me contacting him. I know I shall get emails/text demanding that I return his computer books and disks that he lent me. I know him well enough to know how he behaves towards the woman he has split with.
Today I took my mum out for lunch, she has been stuck indoors for weeks since she had her knee replacement. We went to pub up on a hill with a great view in both directions. From the front it looks out over the city and out to sea, from the car park at the back you get a great view inland across the countryside. When we got inside we looked for a table by the window, most of the tables at the front were reserved. The first sign my eyes noticed was a long table reserved for (it was GB’s surname). At first I though maybe he had booked a table there for his business. But it was not likely as he probably didn’t even know the place it was in the wrong direction for him. But I kept an eye out just in case. It turned out to be a family group.
On friday I shall be having fun with SL and Mr & Mrs P. then on tues I should be meeting HMU then GP on thursday next week. so hopefully March will be a better month for me.

Rejection or not

With a trembling hand I pressed the button that said send. Too late now!! I couldn’t take it back. I had just sent the email to GB. I told him that I understand his pangs of guilt but I still want very much to see him. I don’t want to do anything that will risk his marriage. But could we please still see each other just when he is comfortable about it. Once the email had gone I knew I would not concentrate on anything. I was like a cat on a hot tin roof. Will he reply and if he does when will it be? Would it be today or will I have to wait. When and if he does reply will it be the rejection that I so fear. Of course it will and now I have prompted him to tell me that the ‘us’ that never really was can not now ever be. He will tell me that it was wonderful, that I am wonderful but he cannot risk a repeat. I feel sick in the stomach as well as in the heart. I just know that I have shot myself in the foot. If I had just waited, not pushed him, then maybe he might have decided that he still wanted me enough to overcome his fears.

I busy myself with shopping, I only need a few things but by the time I reach the checkout I have a trolley full and reduced my bank balance drastically. But I have been able to keep my mind occupied. I find I have some new lingerie, as well as a new camera, and that was before I got any food.Later, I am putting the food away in the cupboards when the text hits my phone. It tells me that I have an email from GB. All I can read are the first few words.

It’s good to know you are cool about my apparent ‘about turn’.

I need to go online to read the rest of his email. But I can’t. One of my boys is on the only computer connected to the net. I am scared I don’t want to read his reply. I text HMU he tells me that I must read it. I know that, but I am scared of what I will read. I really feel sick now, much more than earlier. Then I was worried but now I know the rejection has arrived and I don’t want to see the words in black and white. Once I have read them I won’t be able to kid myself that there is still a chance. I don’t want to read the email when I am surrounded by my family. I want to be on my own when I open the much dreaded yet wished for email.

Using my mobile from the privacy of my bedroom I sign onto my email box and open the envelope. I read the same words I had already seen then I carry on reading. He is pleased that I still want something from him, he was enjoying it too. But we need to find some middle ground. OMG he still wants to see me. It isn’t the end of the road. We need to talk about where we go from here but that can wait. The important thing is that we both still want to see each other. Where my heart had felt like lead moments ago I now feel like singing and I know I am grinning like a mad woman. I text HMU :-)
He replies I take it you have now read the reply.
I send a text to GB x x x x.
I didn’t need to say anything he will know I have read his reply. Perhaps we will get to speak either online or by phone in the next day or two. I just feel so much happier now than I have for the past week. I am so grateful to HMU he told me to tell GB how I feel, I had thought if I did that it would be putting pressure on him, but HMU said that men need to be told they are wanted. I thought that was us women who need the reassurances. I had thought if I said I wanted him he would run away from me.

devastated

Finally we met on saturday night, It was short but sweet. I had known since the very beginning there was something different. No matter how many times I wanted to call it a day. This thing just was not happening for us. I have posted several times about GB and been advised to drop him by some of my blogger friends. I couldn't do it. I just knew that if I did then I would be passing up something that could be good for me.

Now I am in two minds, Oh I am so glad I stuck with it, I love talking to GB online or by text, but when he phones me he could be saying anything at all, just hearing his voice makes me melt. How many times did I come close to telling him to get lost but didn't. Oh I told him more than once that I was on the verge of doing just that. gave him one more chance several times. How stupid am I ? to let someone I barely know rule my life in the way he has done for 3 months. If he said meet me in half an hour I would have done. whether it was midday, 6pm, midnight or even 3am I would have gone running. But why? we had met once for coffee and a snog 3 months ago. Last week finally we got to the stage of saying yes we were both available on thursday evening, we could spend some time together then I had to cancel because N who I didnt want anymore was here.

I should have told N that I didnt want him here, but I didnt. He had put an unexpected effort into valentines and I just couldnt throw it back in his face. I wanted a little time to pass then let him down gently, why I dont know as he was never that considerate with me. Everytime I thought things were going well he would text that we were finished and he was back with TB.

Anyway back to GB he threw his toys out the pram what I said I couldnt make it. Declared that it just wasnt going to work. I emailed him something about irony and it being the first definite decision he had made in three months. Wasnt he just throwing his toys out of the pram. He immediately admitted that I was right and changed his mind. Two days later we finally managed to meet again. We spent a delightful hour in each other's arms.
That night I slept better than I had done for months. There was a big smile on my face and every time I started to wake I just remembered the feel of his hands and lips on my body. It was such a warm and comforting feeling. We exchanged several text in the morning, we were both feeling very happy. Then came the blow. He said he couldnt stop smiling, but was feeling a tad guilty.

I couldnt say anything to him. I didn't know what to say. Then late at night I emailed him saying that I really do want to see him again and again, but if he needs space I'm not going to put pressure on him. During monday we spoke briefly online and he said that he had got my message and would rather phone me than write. But I didnt hear from him again, I knew he would be abroad today and tomorrow so I text him wishing him safe trip. since he said that he was feeling guilty I have been feeling very down, I wasnt prepared for the strength of my feelings for a man I have now met twice. a man who I have known from the start is married. So I have always known there can be no future. for two days now I have had to retire to my bed with excruciating headaches brought on by stress. This I know is partly due to my very dire financial situation at the moment, but also my fear that GB is going to call an end to the us that never has been. I really want him to work through his guilt feeling but still see me. If others can why cant he. But my gut instinct tells me that he wont. This morning while I was in my drug induced sleep getting over my headache. I was dreaming about all sorts of things mostly work in strange circumstances, when I dreampt I had a mystery phone call. Only it wasnt a mystery. It was on my secret phone, a man telling me I didnt know him but he gave his name, no one I knew. he said ' He is away in **** but he thinks he is in love with you'. I couldnt say anything just wept then the phone went dead.
This afternoon I was online when GB signed in. I waited ages, I know he doesnt speak to anyone else on msn. He only signed onto msn when he started chatting to me 3 months ago. Eventually I asked him if he is ok, he said yes and asked after me. I told him I had been poorly, I agonised over whether I should tell him that this was affecting my health. I dont want to scare him off. I told him that it was stress headaches, he asked if it was because of him/us I just said partly, but also due to money. He offered me money, but I prefer not to be beholden to anyone but I appreciate the offer.
He says that he hadnt been prepared for his feelings and he doesnt want to belittle what we have but feels he has to keep a distance from 'full on' as he has bitten off more than he can handle. nothing against me.

I know he isnt saying never again but I still feel devastated. I shouldnt be feeling this way.
I told him that I wasnt prepared for my feelings for him either, but I have arranged to go out with friends on friday to give myself something to look forward to.

update we have chatted again tonight while he was waiting for his plane early in the morning. But our conversation was kept purely neutral, nothing personal, but at least we are still chatting.