Giving in to temptation

For months he tempted and cajoled me. For months I procrastinated. Finally I made up my mind. I am going to be a good girl, not playing around, no giving in to temptation. I told him that I would never see him again. After all apart from that one drink so long ago, he was just a name on my screen or on my phone. There is no emotional tie, no physical person to give up, just words.

He accepted my decision but asked to meet for dinner (nothing else) just to say goodbye. He told me not to be dressed like the sexy woman he knows me to be. He didn’t want me to tempt him.

I knew as I was driving to the hotel that we would not keep our hands off each other but still we kept up the pretense. He ordered our drinks and we found a quiet table in the corner to sit and chat. Once we had finished our drinks he invited me back to his room for tea. As we walked side by side across the carpark, through reception and up the stairs, still chatting about unimportant things, I knew. I was ready for him, I had been anticipating this moment for so long, I could feel the scrap of material between my thighs getting damper by the minute.

Once we were through the door of his room he led me by the hand to the sofa. Sitting together thighs touching, he kissed me for the first time. I was willing his kisses to be good but not as good as Romeo's. His hand holding my head to him as his kisses became more urgent. Shifting my weight so that I could throw my leg across his lap. The invitation he couldn’t ignore, my throbbing pussy screaming at him to accept the invite. Slowly he slides his hand up my leg enjoying the feel of the nylon I had worn especially for him (even though it was a hot summer evening).

Taunting me he deliberately takes his time getting to his goal, he wants to savour this moment, but I can’t take this any more, I need to get to the reason I am here. grabbing his wrist I direct his hand inside my skirt pushing his fingers towards the wet fabric, pressing it against my pussy. His kisses more urgent for just a moment longer before he pulls away to remove my clothes. My discarded top is quickly followed by the unclasping of my bra. Allowing the twin pendulums to be touched, kissed, licked and sucked. He has waned these babies for so long. But he only gives them a couple of minutes attention before he pulls me to my feet, tugging on my skirt until it pools around my feet. He moves to sit on the edge of the bed bringing me with him. He is pleased that I wore tights under my skirt. His fantasy involves tights more than stockings. I had considered not wearing anything under my tights but that would make it look like I had come prepared to have sex with him.

He is sitting naked apart from his black boxers as I stand before him, his fingers playing with each part of my body at his will. I am completely compliant to his will, whatever he wants I will do, he is my master for the time we are together. He is soon ready to pull me down beside him on the bed, he crawls between my legs playing with the damp nylon that covers my modesty. He looks at me with a question in his eye and grins like the cat that got the cream when I nod my agreement. He wastes no time ripping open the crotch of my tights. This is what he has wanted to do to me for a year or more, his fingers find their way through the ripped threads, pushing aside my lace panties he has his fingers inside me at last.

Since that first time he told me he wanted to do this my pussy has ached for him. My resistance has kept us from fulfilling this fantasy for 12 months at least but here he is pressing, pulling, playing with my pussy as though it was an instruent and he the accomplished musician. That first touch of his naked skin on my hot pulsating lips brought the first trickle of juice flowing out of me. For soetime he played me, teasing trickle after trickle from my willing body. As each orgasm had me arching my back in breathless pleasure. One hand gripping the bedding by the handful the other firmly gripping his cock as he lay on his side, feet on the pillows and head by my thighs. He brings me off time and time again, such sweet release after all this wanting and resisting. When I have no more to give him he moves back to my side kissing and caressing me until hunger gets the better of both of us, quickly dressing we go off in search of the restaurant.

We had no plans to see each other again but just to make sure I deleted him from my contacts both online and on my phone. He did try to contact me a few months ago but once I realised who it was I didn't reply. Not that I am not attracted to him but because I was, I felt so guilty at having given in to his temptations when I did.

devastated

Finally we met on saturday night, It was short but sweet. I had known since the very beginning there was something different. No matter how many times I wanted to call it a day. This thing just was not happening for us. I have posted several times about GB and been advised to drop him by some of my blogger friends. I couldn't do it. I just knew that if I did then I would be passing up something that could be good for me.

Now I am in two minds, Oh I am so glad I stuck with it, I love talking to GB online or by text, but when he phones me he could be saying anything at all, just hearing his voice makes me melt. How many times did I come close to telling him to get lost but didn't. Oh I told him more than once that I was on the verge of doing just that. gave him one more chance several times. How stupid am I ? to let someone I barely know rule my life in the way he has done for 3 months. If he said meet me in half an hour I would have done. whether it was midday, 6pm, midnight or even 3am I would have gone running. But why? we had met once for coffee and a snog 3 months ago. Last week finally we got to the stage of saying yes we were both available on thursday evening, we could spend some time together then I had to cancel because N who I didnt want anymore was here.

I should have told N that I didnt want him here, but I didnt. He had put an unexpected effort into valentines and I just couldnt throw it back in his face. I wanted a little time to pass then let him down gently, why I dont know as he was never that considerate with me. Everytime I thought things were going well he would text that we were finished and he was back with TB.

Anyway back to GB he threw his toys out the pram what I said I couldnt make it. Declared that it just wasnt going to work. I emailed him something about irony and it being the first definite decision he had made in three months. Wasnt he just throwing his toys out of the pram. He immediately admitted that I was right and changed his mind. Two days later we finally managed to meet again. We spent a delightful hour in each other's arms.
That night I slept better than I had done for months. There was a big smile on my face and every time I started to wake I just remembered the feel of his hands and lips on my body. It was such a warm and comforting feeling. We exchanged several text in the morning, we were both feeling very happy. Then came the blow. He said he couldnt stop smiling, but was feeling a tad guilty.

I couldnt say anything to him. I didn't know what to say. Then late at night I emailed him saying that I really do want to see him again and again, but if he needs space I'm not going to put pressure on him. During monday we spoke briefly online and he said that he had got my message and would rather phone me than write. But I didnt hear from him again, I knew he would be abroad today and tomorrow so I text him wishing him safe trip. since he said that he was feeling guilty I have been feeling very down, I wasnt prepared for the strength of my feelings for a man I have now met twice. a man who I have known from the start is married. So I have always known there can be no future. for two days now I have had to retire to my bed with excruciating headaches brought on by stress. This I know is partly due to my very dire financial situation at the moment, but also my fear that GB is going to call an end to the us that never has been. I really want him to work through his guilt feeling but still see me. If others can why cant he. But my gut instinct tells me that he wont. This morning while I was in my drug induced sleep getting over my headache. I was dreaming about all sorts of things mostly work in strange circumstances, when I dreampt I had a mystery phone call. Only it wasnt a mystery. It was on my secret phone, a man telling me I didnt know him but he gave his name, no one I knew. he said ' He is away in **** but he thinks he is in love with you'. I couldnt say anything just wept then the phone went dead.
This afternoon I was online when GB signed in. I waited ages, I know he doesnt speak to anyone else on msn. He only signed onto msn when he started chatting to me 3 months ago. Eventually I asked him if he is ok, he said yes and asked after me. I told him I had been poorly, I agonised over whether I should tell him that this was affecting my health. I dont want to scare him off. I told him that it was stress headaches, he asked if it was because of him/us I just said partly, but also due to money. He offered me money, but I prefer not to be beholden to anyone but I appreciate the offer.
He says that he hadnt been prepared for his feelings and he doesnt want to belittle what we have but feels he has to keep a distance from 'full on' as he has bitten off more than he can handle. nothing against me.

I know he isnt saying never again but I still feel devastated. I shouldnt be feeling this way.
I told him that I wasnt prepared for my feelings for him either, but I have arranged to go out with friends on friday to give myself something to look forward to.

update we have chatted again tonight while he was waiting for his plane early in the morning. But our conversation was kept purely neutral, nothing personal, but at least we are still chatting.