The Lady is here

Never fear the Lady in Red never stays down for long.

I am back now and raring to go.

I am chatting online to one or two people who have been helping to get me into a better place.

I have joined the gym today and next week I start my creative writing course.

I intend to improve both my mind and my body over the next few months.

one of the guys asked how I can improve on perfection .......... lmao

my kids have noticed that I am smiling again even though they didn't know I was upset or why

I have a new story in my head to write

there will be no more


just lots of

speed dating

I had arranged to go to the speed dating with one of the women I had met at the first pub meet I went to a couple of weeks ago. she is a taxi driver so I offered to drive to give her a night off (she's driving on saturday when we go to the pub quiz). she was extremely nervous, I don't really know why .....no thats wrong I do know why, But I just figured that I was going to enjoy myself and have a good night out whatever happened.

there were not many of us there and some of them didn't join in. considering there had been more women than men signed up for the evening it was suprising to find that there were more men than women there. Anyway we were given a card to write down the name and number of each man we chatted to. we were then supposed to put a tick for one of the following against each man. Y N F obviously we all knew what Y and N were for but none of us could figure out the F until someone suggested it was fuck off.....it turned out to be friend.

the first man I chatted to was very nervous and neither of us knew what to say. We did manage to speak but it was very disjointed. It was obviously not going well which was emphasised when he said 'these four minutes are taking a long time!' I gave him a big N

man number two wasn't bad looking quite a bit younger than me as was number one, but this one had a bit more about him. he spends a lot of time at sea, as an officer on his ship. I gave him an F

man number three omg this man has done everything and been everywhere and knows everything!! I found this out through talking to him in a group both before and after the main event. I gave him an N

man number four was fine a little older than me he has worked in my town so we talked about the town and one of the pubs he used to go to. we talked about our reasons for being there and wanting friends to socialise with. I gave him an F

man number five was slightly older than me I think. we got on fine. again he has worked in my town we again talked about that and the road works around the motorway juntion near his home. we talked about honesty and the need for women to hide behind an alias but it not being so important for men. at the end we were still sat chatting wondering what happens next. I asked him if he was glad he had come to the event. 'I met you didn't I?' he said I also gave him an F

I chatted in agroup with my new friend and a few others until it was time to go home as the pub was closing. last night I got an email informing me that I had 2 matches, man number 2 and number 4.

the next event is the pub quiz on saturday. then there is anothe pub meet on the 27th followed by a motorbike ride and bbq the following sunday 30th september.

worthwhile

There are moments that make my reason for existing worthwhile.

After I recovered from my cancer I wrote an open letter to the mothers of children who attended the same schools as my children. (In the years since I have also sent this letter to various online friends I have made.) Reminding them that they owe it to their children to take care of themselves and take all available precautions including medical screening when it is offered. If I could prevent just one woman going through what I did or worse dying then it makes my illness worthwhile.

There have been times when friends or family members have been feeling depressed or finding things difficult to cope with. If I can do anything to help whether it is practical or just being there I am glad. everytime that something I do or say makes someone smile even if its only for a minute that makes my life worthwhile.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend who is going through a difficult time. I was woken by a text from him at 1.30am (approx)telling me that 'Your words helped very much. You will never know.' That makes my reason for being worthwhile. Some weeks ago during a conversation I said that I believe everyone who comes into our lives does so for a reason. He wondered what reason he had come into my life. In this case I think it has been a case of me coming into his life to help him through a difficult time, which in turn is giving me someone to worry about. I am good at worrying about others and making sure they are ok. To me this makes my life worthwhile

concern

It seems that some people are concerned about what I am planning to do. There have been emails exchanged and I would like to say a thank you to those who are concerned about me, thank you for caring enough to express your worries.

perhaps I can put your minds at rest if I assure you that I have been in contact with a spanking group for their advice which has been gladly given. Today I have had a chat on the phone and spoken on msn with my partner in this adventure.

we have now given each other our written reasons why we are doing what we are.

this is part of what my partner says


First and foremost - I'm doing this as a friend. Not a lover, or a prospective lover, or a sadist. A friend. You say you want to experience something, and I can help.

Secondly - yes, it turns me on. But only if and when it turns you on.
If it stops being "pleasurable" for you, then it does for me too, and we stop

Thirdly - I want you to enjoy it, and to want more, on other occassions. So I'm not going to take you over your limits, because that would be self-defeating.

If we get it right, it will be an intense experience, especially for you. And I want to make that happen for you.

here is some of what I had to say

im doing this because I need to satisfy my curiousity. reading and thinking about it turns me on, as you know I have had various discussions with various men about this.
I prefer to do this with you as I know there are no ulterior motives, you know what you are doing we are friends who both care about each other's well being

the way I was feeling about satisfying my curiosity I would have found someone to do this with, its better someone i know and trust

I hope this has allayed any fears you may still have for me.

I did it!!!

wow finally I did it I got there !!

I managed to get the computer in my bedroom connected to the internet through a wireless connection. I can now blog or surf to my hearts content in privacy and in my own time instead of waiting for my turn on the living room pc.

I am giving the boys my old computer that has been in my room for the past 6 months to have in their room for playing games on. Now that I have got the one that had hard drive problems fixed running in my room. (I found a special tread mill for computers on ebay). the one with the typing problems is still in the livingroom as is #1 son's laptop these are sharing the wired internet connection until I can get one or both of them set up wirelessly. so no more sitting in the living room trying to hide the screen. no more letting the boys use my computer and trashing my room at the same time. I have my own little piece of heaven. Maybe I shall put a lock on the door and buy an intercom system so they can talk to me..... oh yeah we have msn and mobiles for that silly me!!

so now I will be able to chat to my friends on msn again at normal times. normal! did I say normal why would I want to be normal? It can be interesting to see who is online at 2am or 6am. I had 3 different msn chats this morning before 8am is that normal to most people?

talking to a friend earlier we discussed nutters and I claim to be slightly crazy (N used to call me 'crazywoman' I even have that as profile name on a web site)but my friend says I am balanced my reaction to that is that it stops me falling over and if i do fall I just bounce back up like one of those clowns with the weighted bottom that toddlers have.

talking of toys I have had a couple more plays with my rabbit (I agree with Luka they really shouldn't be made to look like cute animals....isn't it a kind of commercially approved beastiality). Anyway we are getting on better these days but I still think I prefer sex toys of the 6' (approx) warm living male human variety. My rabbit can now make me get to the stage where I feel the blood drain out of my head and I'm on the edge of conscience but he doesn't make me wet. what good is an orgsam without copious amounts of moisture other than it saves the sheets from another soaking ;-)

Like me

Like me, you have a blog, but have not posted for a while, you chat to me when you are feeling horny and need more stimulation. Do I mind ? I kind of feel like I am doing you a service and I like to be helpful. Sometimes you make me feel horny too. You are young and still have much to learn I enjoy giving you advice.


Like me, you blog, you are very funny and amusing, we chat on yahoo or msn, other times we text or speak on the phone. You tell me about you, about your work and your children. You are always horny. I see a side of you that doesn’t show often in your blog. You are bright, sensitive, caring and sexy. You are gentle and passionate.


Like me, you blog, you are intelligent, entertaining, experienced in many ways on many levels. Yet you seek my advice on something very important to you, this is very flattering to me. We chat on msn or by text and on occasion by phone. We are friends.

Like me, you blog, you are a mystery to me. You puzzle me. We text or email we comment on each other’s blogs. You are intelligent, that shows in your writing, you are sensitive and caring. You are unconventional which is no bad thing. We are friends but still you puzzle me.

Like me, you blog, you are sexy, sensitive and witty but so much more. We chat on msn, email, text or phone, rarely a day goes by with no contact. We give each other advice. We have given each other pleasure. You are passionate and gentle, you are well read. You have a sexy voice and great imagination. We are friends.


Like me, you blog, you have a very sexy mind, you are very busy yet you find time to chat to me. We will never meet but we are friends, we tell each other secrets. I tell you how to suck a cock you practice my advice well.

These are just a few of my male blogger friends. Most but not all of them I have met ;-)

my weekend

It has been a busy weekend and I feel as though finally I am coming out of the doldrums. Not only have I kept away from the computer (and my mobile)most of the weekend I have caught up with a couple of friends (both bumped into when out). Its odd but both women I have known for 13 years. we had lost touch for years but have been bumping into each other several times in recent months. I had long chats with each (one of them I have agreed to go to a pub quiz next sunday eve). I have been to the tip and finally managed to get started on my garden (partly so i can work on my tan ......I don't do sunbathing)
late on saturday eve (12.30am) had an unexpected text from a friend who has been a little distant in recent months offering to meet for coffee on sunday tea time. that was really nice but I had to decline as I was out on sunday evening at a posh restaurant having dinner with a group of friends (12 of us in all). made everyone laugh at the end of the meal when I checked the voice mail on my mobile and rang my youngest son back to tell him that

No he may not bid for anything on ebay while I'm out!!!

had a chat with #2 son today after he helped me going to the tip. Now that he has left school, while he is not either in an exam or revising he is going to help me get the house sorted out while the others are out of the way at school/work. We are going to be ruthless getting rid of anything we dont need. There is way too much clutter in this house.

had an msn chat with someone who I wont name and I am unlikely to talk to again in a hurry although this is not the reason. He says he wants us to be friends yet he tells me that I am not the kind caring person I believe myself to be, but I am manipulative. He also made several remarks about single mothers and that I am desperate for sex. He is so wrong he thinks he knows me but he doesnt know me at all!!

have also had several msn chats with wankers and I mean that in the best possible way. (not calling anyone a wanker).mostly but not entirely with one man who was feeling horny and chatted to me whilst he wanked. One of them being a blogger the other not. The one who doesnt blog makes me laugh because I know that every time we chat he is wanking over my pictures and everything I say, but he is constantly apologising for being rude. this has been going on for about 3 months always late at night, sometimes when we are chatting I am tired and go to bed and he phones me to continue our chat.

It was nice to read what another blogger (The Man) likes about me on his blog. Although there was one comment I shall have to discuss with him!

well as its now 2.32am on monday morning I am going to hit the sack and have a second play with my new rabbit ;-)

christmas

Its christmas eve 7.30am I have no reason to get up early today......no kids football, no car boot sale, I've done my christmas shopping!! Its nice just to lay here in my nice warm comfy bed. Eldest didn't come home last night, he has work this morning but I'm not going to chase him up he has to be responsible for himself he is an 'adult' now.

My phone goes off a text message from one of my admirers.
'morning did the catalogue order arrive. I wish I could help 2 bring you some happiness at christmas xx'
{ He knows I am broke and cant get much for my kids this year relying on catalogue buy now pay later :-( }.
I spent yesterday buying token presents for my kids to replace the token presents that have not arrived yet!!

But I think they are quite happy with the present they got yesterday. Another of my admirers took the time out of his morning to come over and sort out my computers for me. Not only is this one now working but we have sound again (first time in 6 months)

Its at chrismas and times of crisis that we find out who our real friends are.

Last christmas when I was in the early stages of my divorce and being in this house was a living hell, I was still working but broke as we were all living off my part time wages with no contributions from 'him' even though he was still working. Tuesday before christmas I took some time off work to take the boys christmas shopping I was very upset that I couldnt afford much for them. My second son lent me £100 out of his savings to buy them presents. But by the time I went to pay for my first purchase my purse had been stolen from my bag. I was devastated!!
Next day when I was at work everyone was asking what I had bought I had to say nothing and told them what had happened. The day before we finished work before christmas, one lady who has very little herself left an envelope on my desk with £40 to tide us over. Another offered to buy the bottle of red wine from the boss from me (I was going to give it to her anyway as I dont drink red). Then as I was leaving a friend gave me an envelope from her husband with a letter. He is not jewish or even has any other faith but he believes in good will to others. My friend had told him what had happened and he was giving me £200 for as long as I needed it. I have still never met him but we have spoken on the phone and swapped jokes by email. When I got home I had two cheques waiting for me to tide us over (one from my employers and one from my mother in law!!!)
Thanx to these lovely people we did have a good christmas and I shall never forget the kindness of these people.
Last year I though I was broke, this year I really am broke, but we are together, healthy and happy.

we are going to enjoy being together this christmas and there will be no tears or sadness, just smiles and hugs.
Anyone who feels sorry for us I am greatful for your concern but please dont worry. I have the greatest gift I could ask for ....4 happy healthy sons :-)