A test of love

As you are all aware I am in love with my Romeo
To be honest I find it a little bemusing, after all we have only met once in 9 months, but I was already in love with the man I was getting to know online before we met in person. Meeting him just confirmed how I felt. I am not so stupid as to have confessed my love to him. I did though as we were laying naked limbs entwined admit that I like him. He saw through that and with a little encouragement from him I admitted that I like him .............. a lot. He seemed to be satisfied with that. I wouldn't tell him that I am in love with him as that would scare the hell out of him, come to that it scares the hell out of me too.

When we met it was just perfect, I felt so relaxed so natural with him right from the first moment. I had joked in the early weeks that when we met I would feel as though I had come home. I don't know if I would describe our meeting as that but I did feel that I was where I belonged. During our hours together we talked about lots of things including the sexual things we have each done in the past and what we want to do. He told me some funny stories about his work. But now I realise that we didn't talk about his world and what he wants/expects from me.

I really regret that now, that other than, that seeing each other would be irratic, we didn't discuss in more detail what this relationship would be like. Each time he has been away during the 9 months since the start of us I have been sending him text messages and emails a couple of times a week. I do this because doing that make me feel closer to him plus he always when he returns says thanks for the messages. I send him a mixture some serious but with a joke thrown in for good measure, some funny tales and some just downright silly, then there are the soppy one and also the erotic ones, he will never know what he will get next.

If he is away for a week or two I might send him a text every other day even if it is just a row of xxxxxxx and perhaps 3 emails in a week but if hes away longer I would try to ration myself to only sending one or two a week. I don't want him to be overwhelmed when he returns. Now this is where I find myself regretting that we didn't lay down any rules earlier. He goes away and I am left here waiting not knowing when I will hear from him again. At first I am ok, then as the days pass I begin to get edgy, sometimes it is something someone has said, sometimes I manage to do it all by myself. I trust him implicitly, I love him, I have faith in him, in us. But my faith begins to waver as I begin to wonder is he really playing me for a fool. I don't believe he is, I believe he is so focussed on his work that he doesn't have time to think about anything else, but once those doubts start to creep in it takes all my strength to get my belief back but I do.

Then I regain my confidence and I am fine again and I carry on with my life as usual then I hear from him again. It is a cycle that I find myself following each time he goes away. But this time he told me he would be in th Far East for two weeks, I didn't follow the cycle I remained positive throughout, until the two weeks were up, I didn't hear from him right away but I was chatting to Forest and he started asking questions planting the seeds of doubt, I still didn't hear from Romeo I became more frantic. I began to do a little digging on the internet. I wanted to know more about what Romeo does, I found a website for another of his Companies. I pulled myself together I was fine again but after the 3rd week had gone and it was heading towards 4 weeks I was worried that he had become ill again or worse had been in a car/train/plane crash. I was worried that if anything were to happen to him I would never know. I agonise but eventually I gave in to my need to know that he is safe and well, I sent him an email through one of his businesses. Something I would never have done under normal circumstances, I know he likes to keep his business and private lives seperate. (yes I know I can hear you all saying .......proof hes married). But I don't agree.

Last weekend I did a little more digging and found out some information about his UK businesses, I also found the Company address he uses for his phone and credit cards. His female business partner lives at that address, now as you can imagine my mind went into a whirl of thoughts about whether they are/were just business partners or were they in a personal relationship. I was completely torn between believing that he is everything he says he is, and thinking that he is with this woman and I am his dirty secret. Yeah yeah I know most of you will be thinking the latter. But I think I was just going through another glitch, I pulled myself together again and became calm again. I can hear you asking why do I do this to myself all the signs point to him being married and I am just being a fool.

A few days ago I got a text from him, it was very different from any I had ever had before, basically he told me that he is very busy abroad I have behaved very badly and I must ONLY email his private address. I was very distressed by his text. I wanted to shout 'HOW DARE YOU' but I didn't. I took my time to consider my response. I wrote him an email saying the only thing I am guilty of is caring too much. That his prolonged silence had driven me to do something that I had agonised over, it wasn't something I had done lightly. I waited 24 hours before sending him my response. since then I have been feeling as though a kind of pressure has been relieved.

I have gone over his text a couple of times, he wasn't telling me he didn't want me. He wasn't telling me to stop contacting him, he was merely angry that I had used that business email to get through to him. I had forced him to mix personal with his business world. From now I shall stop worrying, I know beyond any doubt that he is a very honest man, he is not playing me for a fool, he is not stringing me along, he does still want me in his life, but I have to be content to wait until he is not working. So I am going to enjoy my life while he is not around, I have wasted enough time pining for him. I know that when he is ready he will return and I shall welcome him with open arms. All this has been is our first row if you can call it that. If anything I think this will bring us closer together. stop groaning I know you still think I am just letting myself in for more heartache. But if in the end I am wrong and I do end up with a broken heart then so be it. I love him and part of loving someone is running the risk that they will break your heart.

first time

The first time I saw your face I knew I was yours
The first time you held my hand I knew your were mine
The first time we kissed I knew there would be more

The first time you held me I knew I was yours
The first time I push you down I knew you were mine
The first time we made love I knew there would be more

Although we are apart we are always together in my heart

My love is a blind love
I only have eyes for you my love
No other guy can take me away
My heart knows only you

sleepy head

I've been falling asleep early the last couple of nights (before midnight, thats early for me). This morning I overslept and only woke up when my phone rang at 6.35am (I usually get up at 5.50am). Its more than likely that this is at least in part due to the confused thoughts going round in my head.

At least one of you will be wondering why I have not been showing online when I said I would be. The answer is that I am confused at the moment as well as being asleep by the time I expect to chat to you.

Romeo has been in contact even if that was just one brief text telling me he has just returned from his trip to fat east. Nothing more than that so I am not best pleased with him. I desperately want him, he is my world apart from my family. I expect hes sleeping off his jet lag. But even so.
So right now I am feeling really low about him. I could text him but I figure he would have had enough text and emails waiting for hi from me for the moment.

Then just to confuse the issue theres now Paulo clouding things up. Paulo is a man I have got to know through work. I have been talking to him since the start of the year. I have enjoyed our chats but recently he has started to keep me chatting more and more. Until the conversation a couple of weeks ago led to us swapping personal email addresses. We swapped a couple of brief emails then nothing for over a week until Monday. He phoned me at work as he would normally do. He kept me on the phone for ages which was ok it was quiet. He insisted on giving me his mobile number. So later I text him that his goods would be delivered today.

When I had just arrived home he phoned me for half an hour, later in the evening he began emailing me (5 in an hour) then the text messages began followed by the invite to chat on msn. We chatted until I went upstairs to bed. As my laptop was warming up (it takes a good 15 minutes)I started falling asleep and it still wasnt midnight. As I was dropping off there were two photos hitting my mobile, I didn't reply too either message I was far too sleepy. Then I was woken by his call this morning. He left a very nice voice mail message because as I was peering bleary eyed at my phone to see that it was a call not the alarm I missed his call. At work today he phoned me not once or twice but about a half dozen times, finding excuses just to hear my voice. Apparently he thinks I have a very sexy voice, and I intrigue him. He thinks I am fun and always cheerful. I do not know what he looks like and he doesnt know what I look like. I don't even know how old he is, I suspect younger than me.

I have been enjoying his attention and he has cheered me up no end from my sadness over Romeo. I just wish that the attention I was getting from him was what I was getting from Romeo. I feel totally confused. I cant get Romeo out of my head or my heart, then along comes this guy who has everything going for him he could probably have any woman he wants but its me hes interested in and that is very flattering. He cheers me up but at the same time makes the situation with Romeo harder to work out.

So if you have been waiting to chat to me then I am sorry I have not been in the right mind set but we will chat again soon.

Besotted

LiR are you still in contact with that man?

what man?

The one who goes all over the world

Oh Romeo ...............oh yes very much

Hes still on the scene then

mmmmm yes he is

I didn't tell her that I am bessotted with him, that I have no intention of not being in contact with him.

I could say that he is the best looking man I have ever met.............he isn't
I could say he has the fittest body....................he doesn't
I could say he has the loveliest voice................he does
I could say he has a wonderful personality.........................he does
I could say he is the best lover.............................to me he is
I could say he is very considerate and kind .......................he is

To me he is everything a man should be except .................he isn't here

and just to make you jealous

I have had some great sex with the likes of Swinger and Mr Passionate etc but and it is a big but (no I don't mean mine)
The very very best orgasms I have ever ever had were the ones Romeo gave me. I am not sure what it was that he did but it was fucking wonderful.

Why Romeo

When I wrote this post one of the comments from that guy that gets everywhere 'anon' simply stated that I am a


'poor delusional woman'.


I could have been upset by this but I wasn't because I knew that this person who hides behind that overused name had no idea how wrong they were. Ok I quite agree that on the face of it Romeo was stringing me along and I was a poor woman who had fallen for the sweet talk of a player. I don't expect anyone who is not privy to our conversations to understand why I was so adamant that Romeo is not a player but a very genuine man who for reasons most of us commoners would not be able to comprehend found it difficult to find time to be with me.


Anyone who has or knows someone who has their own business knows that it takes an awful lot of work and time to make that business successful. Many people who run their own business become work aholics. When that business has shifted due to customer demand to be based in another country it becomes hard to have leisure time at home especially when that work takes the business person from country to country at frighteningly regular intervals.


Had he been anyone else I would not have waited around for him for so long. He would have been kicked to the kerb months ago. But he has a gentleness about him, a genuine interest, he cares, he gives me confidence I didn't know I had. Any one who read this post about my fears may be wondering how I coped with my fears, how Romeo reacted to my figure. The truth is that from the moment I climbed into his car I forgot to worry about my figure. I didn't give it a second thought I was just so comfortable with Romeo, It felt so natural being with him. When we undressed each other I was enjoying the newness of it, of watching this gentle man carefully undoing each button on my blouse. I enjoyed watching his face as I released him first from his trousers then his briefs. We just enjoyed each other so much that there was no space in my mind to worry that I should hold in my stomach or position myself this way not let him see this part of me.

He adored playing with my nipples but took just as much pleasure from me pinching, flicking, sucking and nibbling on his nipples which if anything are more sensitive than mine. He has the most magic fingers and certainly knew how to make my juice flow and flow and flow. I think we found a new definition of 'waterbed'. I discovered over the last two years that I not only squirt but gush too. I always warn new lovers that a thick towel is an essential piece of equipment when having sex with me. With Romeo we didn't bother with towels it would have been a waste of time anyway as his fingers worked their magic both on and in my body. The only time I bothered to worry about my shape for a few fleeting seconds was when I caught sight of myself in the mirror as I checked the text I got from Bollinger Byrd.

Laying on that bed for all those hours as we played with each other was heaven, I don't just like sex I love it (N used to call me a nympho) but even so I have never experienced some of the highs I got from being with Romeo. He knows a few sexual tricks I had never heard of. I had felt for months as our conversations progressed that Romeo was on a similar sexual wavelength to me. Holding me close as he lay on his back we discussed sex at some length, what each of us has done (for me it was easy to tell him things I didn't think I would) I had never dreampt that I would tell him (not this early) that I had been involved in sex with more than one partner at one time. FFM and MMF, ok so I didn't tell him about the sixsome but hey I don't have to tell him everything at once. He told me about joining the 'mile high club' with a stewardess he had only just met. He told me about the world of light bondage that his ex had introduced him to. We talked about having sex with others but both agreed that as we have feelings for each other neither of us could contemplate sex with anyone else. Judging by what we shared on sunday and the things we talked about we have a lot of pleasure to lookforward to in the future.

Any doubts I could have had about whether the chemistry would be right when eventually we met, have been completely erradicated. I am so very happy and confident that I managed to wait for Romeo. Romeo as a lover is everything I could hope for.

Romeo Romeo where fore art thou

In the beginning I was waxing lyrical about Romeo a lot, but gradually this dwindled. You might be forgiven for thinking that things had cooled down between us. I am sure you think my feelings for him and vice versa have lessened during the intervening months. But on the contrary we both feel as strongly as ever that we want to meet.

In the first few months I found it very hard when I didn't hear from Romeo for a week or so, as I had become used to receiving text messages emails and phone calls almost every day. Soon we were chatting nightly on msn, but there were times when these texts and chats were absent from my day. I struggled some of the time wondering where he was, telling myself not to worry because I knew that I would hear from him as soon as he was able. Then each time when I was beginning to despair, I would get a text apologising, he had just returned from wherever.

Each time he went away it got a little easier to believe that I would hear from him again. Each time he came back my belief in him grew. I am certain that in all these months his belief and trust in me has been total. As the weeks passed we were becoming closer and closer although we were both frustrated that we were not getting any nearer meeting. He never seemed to get the chance to be at home. whenever he was in the UK it seemed to be between flights.

Then at the end of April I didn't hear from him for a week at which time I got a text apologising but he was ill. It was another week before I got another text from him again apolgising and saying it was the first time his head had begun to clear. Another week later he finally text that he was starting to get better. Now during this time my belief in him did waver, after all if I was ill I would have wanted contact with the person I had feelings for, if for no other reason than to cheer me up a little. I found his lack of communication during this time hard to comprehend.

Once he recovered from his illness which had not only left him very week but also depressed, he was playing catch up with his work. He was soon jetting off to places as far apart as Malasia and Iceland. I requested that he tell me where he was going rather than where he had been. This he has been doing since then. But still his communication was limited in the most part to just one text at a time. I was not the least bit worried that he didn't have feelings towards me, but I was feeling neglected. This was not the kind of relationship I had envisaged having. I felt that I was giving everything but receiving little. I do understand how hard he works and how tired he gets but this was not enough for me.

I had to do something, I had to make a decision, I could not carry on indefinitely like this. I could say, this is it, end of the line, good bye. But I didn't, what I did do was to send him an email telling him how neglected I feel and that I am going to allow myself to accept dates with other men whilst I am waiting for him.

Much to my surprise since then I have heard from him at least once everyday even though he went to Thailand on Tuesday. He text me then phoned on Monday (the first phone call for what seems like months). During that phone call we both said a lot of things, but he made it very clear that he doesn't want to lose me. He isn't interested in even exchanging emails with any other woman, it is me he wants by his side. After this trip he doesn't have any more long trips in his diary at the moment. (I told him to hide his diary). He is hoping that we will finally manage to spend some time together in the next couple of weeks. Whilst he has been away he has emailed me every day and even text me whilst I was at the Festival on Friday.

So no my feelings for Romeo have not waned. I am as besotted with this man, who I have never met in person, as I was in the beginning, and I know he feels the same.

'A thought to cherish and know the reality will exceed all expectations and desires.'

So I am afraid you will still be reading about Romeo for a while longer.