Giving in to temptation

For months he tempted and cajoled me. For months I procrastinated. Finally I made up my mind. I am going to be a good girl, not playing around, no giving in to temptation. I told him that I would never see him again. After all apart from that one drink so long ago, he was just a name on my screen or on my phone. There is no emotional tie, no physical person to give up, just words.

He accepted my decision but asked to meet for dinner (nothing else) just to say goodbye. He told me not to be dressed like the sexy woman he knows me to be. He didn’t want me to tempt him.

I knew as I was driving to the hotel that we would not keep our hands off each other but still we kept up the pretense. He ordered our drinks and we found a quiet table in the corner to sit and chat. Once we had finished our drinks he invited me back to his room for tea. As we walked side by side across the carpark, through reception and up the stairs, still chatting about unimportant things, I knew. I was ready for him, I had been anticipating this moment for so long, I could feel the scrap of material between my thighs getting damper by the minute.

Once we were through the door of his room he led me by the hand to the sofa. Sitting together thighs touching, he kissed me for the first time. I was willing his kisses to be good but not as good as Romeo's. His hand holding my head to him as his kisses became more urgent. Shifting my weight so that I could throw my leg across his lap. The invitation he couldn’t ignore, my throbbing pussy screaming at him to accept the invite. Slowly he slides his hand up my leg enjoying the feel of the nylon I had worn especially for him (even though it was a hot summer evening).

Taunting me he deliberately takes his time getting to his goal, he wants to savour this moment, but I can’t take this any more, I need to get to the reason I am here. grabbing his wrist I direct his hand inside my skirt pushing his fingers towards the wet fabric, pressing it against my pussy. His kisses more urgent for just a moment longer before he pulls away to remove my clothes. My discarded top is quickly followed by the unclasping of my bra. Allowing the twin pendulums to be touched, kissed, licked and sucked. He has waned these babies for so long. But he only gives them a couple of minutes attention before he pulls me to my feet, tugging on my skirt until it pools around my feet. He moves to sit on the edge of the bed bringing me with him. He is pleased that I wore tights under my skirt. His fantasy involves tights more than stockings. I had considered not wearing anything under my tights but that would make it look like I had come prepared to have sex with him.

He is sitting naked apart from his black boxers as I stand before him, his fingers playing with each part of my body at his will. I am completely compliant to his will, whatever he wants I will do, he is my master for the time we are together. He is soon ready to pull me down beside him on the bed, he crawls between my legs playing with the damp nylon that covers my modesty. He looks at me with a question in his eye and grins like the cat that got the cream when I nod my agreement. He wastes no time ripping open the crotch of my tights. This is what he has wanted to do to me for a year or more, his fingers find their way through the ripped threads, pushing aside my lace panties he has his fingers inside me at last.

Since that first time he told me he wanted to do this my pussy has ached for him. My resistance has kept us from fulfilling this fantasy for 12 months at least but here he is pressing, pulling, playing with my pussy as though it was an instruent and he the accomplished musician. That first touch of his naked skin on my hot pulsating lips brought the first trickle of juice flowing out of me. For soetime he played me, teasing trickle after trickle from my willing body. As each orgasm had me arching my back in breathless pleasure. One hand gripping the bedding by the handful the other firmly gripping his cock as he lay on his side, feet on the pillows and head by my thighs. He brings me off time and time again, such sweet release after all this wanting and resisting. When I have no more to give him he moves back to my side kissing and caressing me until hunger gets the better of both of us, quickly dressing we go off in search of the restaurant.

We had no plans to see each other again but just to make sure I deleted him from my contacts both online and on my phone. He did try to contact me a few months ago but once I realised who it was I didn't reply. Not that I am not attracted to him but because I was, I felt so guilty at having given in to his temptations when I did.

Finally I am free

I don't know how it happened.
Back in July I made a decision to close the door on Romeo and move on with my life. I needed to delete all trace of him, emails photos text messages the lot.

It wasn't easy, neither did it stop me thinking about him. I still wanted him, I still hoped that one day he would come back and claim me as his. It meant that even though I was seeing other men I still wasn't free. My heart still belonged to him.

I don't remember when it began, those first emails, I thought he was a bit eccentric, he thought I was rather bolshy. He was going to have a word with me tell me off for my bolshyness. He didn't. More emails but with a different tone to them. I began to fret if he didn't email me. Then there was the day that our internet wasn't working, I emailed him from work giving him my mobile number. It was days before he finally rang me but when he did we chatted for an eternity, arranging to meet for a drink a few days later. By now I had come to think of him as a friend but that was all, I didn't fancy him.

We sat and chatted until we were turned out of the pub 3.5 hrs later. Days later we met up for a walk along the beach, again we chatted for hours, holding hands, kissing goodnight at the end of a long day. I'm not sure if it was before or after our 3rd date that I realised that something had happened. I definitely knew before the end of that date that I liked him, this could be the start of something good. Somewhere along the way I noticed that Romeo had gone, he had slipped out of my mind without me noticing.

While I was on holiday I hardly thought about Romeo and when I did it was nolonger with a sense of loss. I really enjoyed my holiday but was looking forward to getting home because more than anything I wanted to see Dylan. I don't know how things will work out for us, it might only last a very short time, it might last longer, at this stage its anyone's guess. But whatever happens I will be grateful that he has helped me to let go of Romeo.

Poker face

Listening to the radio I heard them play Lady Gaga's song Poker face. When I first heard this song I wasn't over keen on it but it has grown on me particularly since I saw the interview she did on Jonathon Ross's show a few weeks ago explaining what the song is about.



Poker Face



Listening to this song reminds me of when I am out with Plumber. If you don't know what the song is about I shall do my best to explain. It about not letting the person you are with realise that you are actually thinking about another person/s. They believe that you are completely into them which isn't necessarily the case.

When I am with Plumber I do get into being with him, he is a very nice guy and very sexual which of course suits me down to the ground or bed or where ever. But even though I am enjoying him I am also probably thinking I wish he was Romeo. Don't get me wrong I do like him and on the few occasions we have had sex it has been very hot and very mmmmmm but he just doesn't blow me away in the way that Romeo did. So when I get asked about how things are with Plumber I am quite vague because although I do like him and we get on well I just don't feel that this could ever become a long term relationship.

Yet whilst I am saying this he has confessed to liking me very much (he thinks I am very special) and that he thinks I like him as much as he likes me. This leads me to believe that perhaps I am not as cool towards him as I think I am and he actually believes that I am hot for him. Of course I am not going to dissillusion him by putting him straight because I do like him, just not as much as Romeo. If he thinks I do like him that much then that can only be good.

Have you ever been with one person whilst thinking about someone different?
If so did the person you were with realise?

Fucking friends

Its odd how things turn out.


Last night I was chatting online when I was sent a couple of text messages.


The sexual position formally known as 69 is now called 96. Due to inflation, the cost of eating out has gone up!!


What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her nickers...................self employed.


I forwarded these to Paulo and Mr Passionate. I didn't get a reply from either but that didn't suprise me. I hadn't been in contact with Mr Passionate for months not since the flurry of emails between us after I passed him outside Asda when he was with his wife. That must have been months ago because I was on my way to the gym.


I had been chatting online with Paulo not long before I sent him the joke and we had already said goodnight.


This evening as I was reading blogs my mobile took on a life of its own as a string of text messages flew back and forth between me and Mr Passionate. He gave me the sad news that he has moved away, now living in East Anglia. His wife is away for the next few months but he is behaving himself which he is finding hard. It isn't easy resisting temptation when your partner is away. He was having soak in the bath whilst texting me so he asked if I would like a peek. Under normal circumstances I would have said no but this was Mr Passionate and mmmmm his picture brought back such great memories of our times together. I had to reciprocate but only by sending him a picture that was taken especially for him on our last night together. It was a tease to whet his appetite when he was on his way to me that night.






his reply to the question ...................Remember this



I do indeed. Very well indeed. I also remember how good they felt around my neck, with you moaning below x



we talked about how we never took any pictures together although we had discussed it.

we never took any pics of us, a shocking waste! will have to rely on the memory ...... Those red heels resting on my shoulders as I slammed into you. You squirting all over my shaft as you came hard. Me filling that tight sexy ass over and over! Now I remember ;-) x

we should have done it anyway. would have been v horny. Love the thought of taking you hard and fast, whilst watching a video of us fucking. makes me hard thinking about it!



I believe I will always think of him as a friend, our contact will only be intermittent, I very much doubt we would ever get together again but we have our memories. Sex with Mr Passionate was always brilliant, he knew just how I liked to be fucked, but what made it even better was that we like each other as friends as well as sexual partners.



It did make me laugh when Mr Passionate was asking about my love life and commented about Romeo.............Please tell me he's not married lol. .................now that was a bit rich coming from my favourite married man (The man who fucked me the most in recent years).

Its tough

Sometimes its tough being the one left at home

If you have been reading me in the last 6 months you will be aware that I am so in love with my Romeo.

I know most of you are amazed after my history over the last couple of years especially since I began this blog, that I am determined to be faithful to Romeo.

I never said it would be easy.

Sometimes I find it so frustrating that he is away for such prolonged periods.

I am after all a red blooded sexual woman.

I have my sexual needs and they just are not being met.

This does not mean that I am giving up on Romeo.

Don't get me wrong, sexually Romeo is everything I could ask.

Just because I am in love with him it doesn't follow that he is the best lover I ever had.

I was prepared for him to be a good but not necesarily a fantastic lover.

He is amazing, the best sex I have ever ever had, and I have had some great sex

The problem is not the quality of the sex we share but the infrequency of it.

That is where I begin to struggle.

I can go weeks without being bothered

But then I get aroused (it can be anything that sparks that off)

Then I crave the male attention I had become accustomed to.

Shameless in my flirtation

It could be an exchange of emails, text messages or IM

The more the flirting goes on the more aroused I become which then leads to finding any way I can to find a release from my torment.

Scouring the more sexual blogs looking for stimulation

The throbbing in my pussy becomes more urgent

I need more attention more flirting

I begin to think about more than flirting

Can I do something about this

Can I seduce any of the men I flirt with into satisfying me in the way I need

I know I need to keep a rein on my needs

I know I can't give in to my carnal needs

If only I knew for sure when Romeo will be in my arms again.

My body aches for the touch of a man

The taste of a man who wants me

If he takes too long my determination might break down

Am I being unfaithful if I indulge in sexual exchanges by text, IM or email, if I don't actually meet the other person?

Am I being unfailthful if I meet another man for sex but we don't fuck?

Have you ever been unfaithful to your partner?
If so was it with just one person or a variety?
If you have never been unfaithful have you ever considered it?
would you be unfaithful if you were confident you would not get caught out?
What reasons do you have for being unfaithful?
Is it because sex at home is unsatisfactory or non exiestent?
Is it because you are a man and men are made that way?
Or is it because you met someone you just could not resist?

fending off men

For weeks Lotto was doing everything he could to persuade me to meet him in his hotel for a drink but hopefully also a night of passion. He chatted on IM several times a week, he text me regularly. He began asking me what I was wearing at work. He started sending me pictures and even a video, but when I told him that words do more for me than pictures and videos he wrote me a two part fantasy. Lotto has known all the time that my loyalty is with Romeo, he said he understood, but still he wanted me.

Last weekend we were chatting on IM then when I went to bed he phoned me, which was very mmmmmm. I has been ages since we last spoke on the phone. During the past week I have seen him sign into messenger but he hasn't even said hello.

Whilst I was out on Friday night I checked my phone and found that I had two new messages, my excitement that they were from Romeo was short lived when I discovered that both were from Steel. I am not sure if I ever mentioned him before. I can't remember exactly when but around about November last year I was feeling a bit blue probably following the episode with Skipper. I joined one of those text sites, one of the first guys to send me a message was Steel. We exchanged a number of text, I told him I wasn't looking for NSA he said he wasnt either. Over the next few weeks we were texting each other a few times each day, but I noticed if I didn't reply to his text fairly quickly he got impatient. Then as xmas was getting closer he made his suggestion that I should go up north to spend a weekend with him in a hotel then if we got on ok he would spend xmas with me and the boys.

Flaming cheek, I soon put him right, I had no intention of spending a weekend with him or having him stay for xmas. I made it clear that in my book we would have to see how we got on before deciding to go to a hotel. He agreed wholeheartedly but still continued in the same vein. By xmas I was ignoring most of his text messages which is something I find very hard to do. It goes against the grain for me to be so rude as to not reply. At the start of the year I was still getting messages every few weeks........Hi LiR remember me Steel I still think about you. I never once replied. By about the time I found Romeo the messages seemed to have stopped. That was until Friday night.................Hi LiR its steel do u remember me how are u xxxxx
needless to say I have not responded in any way shape or form.

Last night as I was chatting online with LV I got a message from Oxo, we had chatted briefly a week or so ago so I was surprised to hear from him again so soon. Espescially as the first thing he said was

codeword!!!

desperate?

we chatted for a while with him making suggestions that I should go over to his.

I miss those subtle lips of yours and theres room in my bed for two plus the dogs and four pups (his dog had puppies recently)

wanna come ova?

thanx for asking

so hows you?

fine ......out on the piss las night with work

get lucky?

lmao I wasn't looking

love life ok?

fending them all off except one

glad to hear it

you?

not so lucky

awww


oxo is offline

He always does that, asks how my love life is then signs out when I don't tell him I don't have one............well I'm not likely to tell him that am I. I can just imagine what it would be like if he knew the truth.

I have not heard from Romeo since 10.3pm last night :-(

Triangles of what?

I have been trying to work out in my own mind what I am doing. This monring I read this post by my friend Z. She has explained so well what it was like when I was seeing my various lovers, many of them married or with girl friends.
Each lover was different, each gave me different things none was either more special or less so than the others. I didn't ask about their wife/partner but if they wanted to tell me I listened. What we had was in the moment. I gave them my full attention and they gave me theirs whilst we were together. they all knew there were others and sometimes they liked to hear about them, they found it a turn on to hear about my other encounters. Some liked to give me advice about how to handle various situations with one or other of my men.

Now I don't see any of them (my choice) although I have not told one of them that we are over. The situation where we are both available has not arisen so it isn't an issue, I have only made sporadic contact with him, we both have busy lives and I am sure he has found others to fill the spaces I have left, even though I have no doubts that he would make space for me again. We both know we were good together.

I have moved on from that time when I craved sexual atention more than a one to one relationship. I am going through a self induced drought. I gave up my encounters with Oxo last autumn (he has now finally given up asking me to visit him). So apart from one weekend with Harvey last November and ne afternoon when I was juped by Coach back in January I have been celibate since early September.

Since last November/December Lotto has been trying to persuade me that he really really wants me. From when we first got in contact early last year, meeting for a drink in March of that year until December 2007 I was under the impression that he was single. He had always maintained that he fancied me and wanted to do naughty things with me, but he didn't want a relationship. As I was at that time coming around to wanting a relationship I kept him on the back burner simm ering away but never coming to the boil as it were. During the last 6 months though he has been turning up the heat. we both know now that he has a g/f who apparently isn't interested in sex. I don't quite know where she fits in the picture as I know he lives alone, he doesn't seem to be with her in the evenings or weekends apart from a few weeks ago when he was texting me while she was upstairs. I have a man in my heart who I don't want to betray.

My current dilema is having two men who both turn me on, one is available but doesn't want a relationship the other does want a relationship but is never in the country. So all the time that Lotto is on the scene there is always the promise of the opportunity to end this drought with a very sexy man who keeps telling me how much he wants me. But however much he wants me I know he would just be using me to get the sexual gratification he doesn't get in his relationship.
If I was to give in to his pleas to satisfy my own sexual appetite I would be using him because even when he is turning me on with his pleas, he is not the one I trully want to be with.

Romeo on the other hand does want me as the complete woman which of course includes the sexual being that he adores. He wants the long term relationship, but isn't here, he knows there are other men in my life but he trusts me completely just as I trust him.

If I give in to the lust that Lotto brings out in me .........'god I feel so fucking horny I want to fuck you now baby' ...... just one of the text I sent him last night during our 3 hour lust up. I would be using him which I don't want to do. I would be betraying Romeo which I really don't want to do. Lotto says that isnt so as I have not yet met Romeo. Maybe we have not met but I still feel committed to him.

I could easily meet up with Lotto for a night of passion (he has just begun to chat on IM and has instantly got me aroused) and Romeo need never know, easy. But I would know. I have been thinking about this business of using. I really should stop chatting to Lotto if I don't want to have sex with him, all the time I am chatting but not going through with meeting him I am leading him on. But I can't give him up, he gives me the constant reminder that someone who has met me still finds me desirable. I don't like the idea that I am using him, but would that be so bad, he is after all just using me to get the sexual gratification he isn't getting from anywhere else. But he could get it elsewhere, he has offers from other women but it is me he wants. I tell myself to give him up, he isn't Romeo the man I really want. He doesn't really want me just sex with me. I should give him up I deserve better than one night of sex with a man who doesn't really want me. A man who gets me aroused but isn't the man I want. These two men have me all of a dither yet I have never had sex with either of them. It was so much easier when I was a lover of several, not the one and only for any.

Update

Because I have told Lotto that words excite me more than pictures he is busy right now writing me a story......apparently he is already getting himself aroused as he is writing it.

Isabella's Sex Meme

Isabella’s Sex Meme
Ro has tagged me with this beauty. It seems he's intrigued to know just how kinky I am! The rules of Isabella’s Sex Meme go like this. Anyone is welcome to steal it but you must post this rules blurb at the beginning of the meme:

1. You must include this link to Sex Talk - Sex Advice for Men.
2. You must answer every question! If you don’t have a good answer, you are strongly encouraged to make up something good; we like to be entertained.

3. You must tag three people.


So here goes for what it is worth


1. Sex in the Morning or Sex at Night

Sex at night or sex in the morning? Oh good I get a choice, that must mean that I am due to get some. For some months now there has been no sex at all or at least not the close physical kind. I have had to make do with either IM or text sex with my Romeo but I know the real deal will be great no matter whether it is at night or in the morning or all the hours in between. Somehow I don’t think we will really notice which part of the day it is.

2. Better Sex Music - Sade or Marvin Gaye


Now I find this a strange question, I can’t say that I have had sex accompanied by either of these artists. I am not sure I would even notice what was playing anyway, but if I were to choose something I guess it would be something relaxing and or sensual, probably neither of the above. I have been known to have the radio playing softly in the background but that is not for the reason of having something to have sex to.

3. Naughty Pics or Naughty Home Videos?


I have never made a Naughty Home video or watched one. Unless you count the ones that were sent to my phone by various men who will remain nameless. I love taking pictures but not explicit ones, I prefer the suggestion of sex rather than the explicit in your face nothing left to the imagination kind. Now I am not saying I will never make a video, I have no interest in watching other people’s but if it was for me and my lover to share that might be different.


4. Fabulous Sex With: Dr Doug Ross or Dr Greg House?


I had to do some research here. I thought this was a question of choosing between a couple of Dr Phil types but now I feel a fool. Am I the only female in the universe who has never watched ER or Dr House. Possibly, but now that I know this is a choice between Hugh Laurie and George Clooney, well there needs to be no discussion. Sorry Hugh I do think you are lovely, really I do mean that, but I am afraid George does it for me every time. Did I ever mention my date with a George Clooney look alike, he offered to have a threesome with me and his brother………. Can any of you women believe there are two men living within 30 miles of me who have the Clooney looks……… mmmmm very nice, pity the nicest thing about this man was his very nice Mercedes car. ooooppps he wasn’t a bad kisser either.




5. Vibrator or Dildo?


I have a very orange vibrator that may as well be a dildo as it lost it’s vibrate within a few days. To me it is just a chunk of orange rubber that very rarely sees the light of day or should I say the dark of my bed. I much prefer my shiny Lady lust fingers, the feel of cold vibrating metal is such a turn on, and in the hands of the right man there is just nothing like it. For the record I have 4 of these, much better than any rabbit and almost as good as an electric toothbrush.



6. Bedroom Sex: Lights Off or Lights On?


Lights off was reserved for those dark nights of misery when I shared my bed with SF for all those years. I need to have light when I am indulging in my favourite sport. I love to watch the reactions of my lover to my every touch and I am not just referring to his face. A low light is good but I much prefer sunlight. What is not to enjoy about the dappled patterns of light dancing on my partner’s body as the light comes through the net curtain as it ebbs and flows in the light breeze from the open window.

7. Word Preference: Pussy or Cunt?


To be totally honest neither, but if I must choose then it would be pussy, although I have been known to utter the word cunt to the delight of my lover who finds this so sexy coming from my mouth as it is not part of my usual vocabulary. I think over use of any word can take away the allure of its original purpose. In my writing I tend to use a variety of terms or even not give any name at all to the part of the body I am referring to. I find it a little disturbing to describe my most private parts using a word just as popular in referring to a feline pet. However the word pussy is I find much more gentle that Cunt which I find a very blunt term for something which is anything but blunt.

8. Spanking Over the Knee or Spanking Only During Sex?


It was an off the cuff spank during sex with my Mr Sensual that made me realise that the feel of a sharp spank can be very arousing indeed. This in turn led to my well documented ‘spanking’ over the knee of a certain friend. However this was not a sexual partner so you may think this does not count even though it was a very intimate occasion I have never fucked this man. Perhaps this is something I shall have to explore with Romeo.


9. More Exciting: Sex in an Elevator or Sex in an Aeroplane?


I don’t tend to use elevator’s much …….no I am not afraid of them but I prefer to exercise my legs unless of course I was going further than 4 floors which is very rare. Neither have I flown more than the once but perhaps when things get going with Romeo sex on plane travelling first class will be a must. Or perhaps we will try a first class train carriage first. I somehow think that would be more thrilling than a plane. All those bumps as we travel at speed.


10. Ron Jeremy or Peter North?


OK now this was a joke question right! Oh it wasn’t ok then but Ron Jeremy is a joke right? Well joke or no joke my sense of humour just cringed at this…..did you see it run under that rock over there? Peter North, now this is much better, well it wouldn’t be difficult to improve on the prospect of Ron now would it. Sorry Ron if by some strange chance you are reading this. But to be honest even Peter doesn’t cut it with me……too chiselled, to plastic looking. Can I just have either George or my own Romeo thanks.

11. Word Preference? Cock or dick?

Dick makes me think of dickhead so no I won’t go with that. Penis or prick are preferable but better yet is cock. I quite like shaft too. But I do like cock especially one that is hard and all mine to play with as I wish.

12. Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson?

Now I am showing my age in that I remember watching deep throat with my friends many, many years ago and being totally in awe of anyone who could master that. Jenna is a name I am familiar with but have never felt the need to investigate further. I can see that she is stunning although not my idea of a beautiful woman. I have never watched anything she is in as I don’t watch porn…….to me it is too contrived and plastic I prefer to be having sex than watching other people acting it.

13. Rope Bondage or Bondage Tape?

I have been promised rope a few times, I have had a demonstration of pink bondage tape which was very sexy, but Romeo has promised me pink silk which sounds fun too. I think the act of tying or being tied will be more important than the tools used for the purpose.




14. Give Rim Job or Receive Anal Sex?


Giving a rim job is not something that particularly appeals to me although I have been assured tat it is very sensual. Maybe one day, but I can’t see myself thinking ….right today I shall try Rimming, if it happens it is more likely to happen as the natural development of what is already happening between me and my lover.
Anal sex is something I never thought I would like. After all the pain of attempting it has been excruciating. Then Mr Passionate taught me how to relax and enjoy it. I have never experienced anything so exsquisite. The mixture of pain and arousal is a very heady mix indeed, add to that a very passionate and gentle lover, you have an experience of ultimate pleasure.


15. Get Rich Stripping in a Skanky Bar or Get Rich as a Call Girl for Celebs?


getting rich in a skanky bar is never going to happen ………..you can’t get rich stripping for the blind….anyone else would have left the moment the first bars of music began. A call girl for celebs would be both more rewarding and fun but who am I kidding that ain’t never happening either, so I guess I shall stay poor.

16. Which Threesome - Boy/Girl/Girl or Boy/Boy/Girl?


I have tried both with varying degrees of success, a foursome b/g/b/g is much better, but that wasn’t one of the options. I am not averse to B/G/G but would prefer B/G/B who wouldn’t like all the attention from two virile men completely focused on one woman.


17. Flavoured Oil or Tingling Oil?


Having never tried flavoured oil, I cannot really give a balanced argument for either. It is more the slippery slickness that I enjoy, mixed of course with the touch of my lover’s body on my flesh. However I do enjoy tingle lube as I love the coldness it brings to the heat of my arousal.


18. Pearl Necklace or Swallow?


I am not a fan of the pearl necklace, but swallowing is the ultimate conclusion of a very satisfying cock sucking. I just love to have that hard cock in my mouth and the knowledge that I have given my lover so much pleasure that he is willing to spill his love juice into my waiting throat is gratifying. But the greatest pleasure is to then share my treasured prize with my lover by giving him a snowball (for those who don’t know it is returning some of the man’s cum to him by way of a very sexy and sensual kiss immediately after he has come).



19. Sex While Strangers Watch or Sex With a Stranger?


I have never done this but I do have a burning desire to have strangers watch me surreptitiously. I am not sure if I could perform well knowing that I was being watched or having someone blatantly watching but to find out afterwards that someone was peeping now that excites me.

20. Tied to the Bed or to a St Andrew’s Cross?

Oh yes tie me to the bed, I am eager to try this as anyone who has read this blog for more than a year will be aware. I have shared this fantasy with Romeo and he is more than willing to participate in this with me. It seems he has experience in this and has a great desire to tie me so that I can let go and enjoy all the sensations without being given any control over what is happening to me.


Now I have to tag 3 people so I shall choose, Mulder, Percy and Emma

typical

hiya

hello you

hows you?

fine and you ?

crap..............hows your love life?

my love life is fine thank you

oh so hes back then

no hes still away

hes stringing you along I don't trust him

well I do and he makes me happy


-----------------------------------------------


how are you today?

I'm fine how are you?

has he come home yet?

no hes still away ;-(

he will be back soon though won't he ?

He should be back for a week to 10 days soon

thats good you can see him then..................don't worry I am sure it will all work out for you both

I know it will, we both make each other happy


these were two typical conversations that I keep having recently, no prizes for guessing which of the two conversations are primarily with other women and which with male friends.

another variation being

hiya

hi

hows you?

happy

so you are getting lots of sex then?

no
but I am happy nonetheless I don't need sex to be happy that is just the icing on the cake

do you want to come here for a bit if you are frustrated

thanks for the offer but no thanks

why do men feel that I have to be having sex to be happy?
I may not have met Romeo yet but we are getting to know each other intimately, we can and do turn each other on regularly. We don't need to be crass, we don't need to be explicit, we can tease each other. We can encourage each other, we can be there for one another. we can be everything for each other whilst still being in different countries. I cannot imagine not having him in my life although sometimes it feels as though our relationship will be a virtual relationship forever more. But I know this is not the case, I know we will meet very soon and when we do it will be like coming home at last, not just for him but for both of us.

I think the reaction that my male friends have to my relationship with Romeo has more to do with them than him. He lives and works in a world that very few people I know could ever hope to understand as it is so very different to what most of us can comprehend. Yes I did struggle with it the first time I didn't hear from him for a few days. He had warned me in advance that this is what his life is like. He had warned me that if I don't hear from him I shouldn't think he has gone off me. But still I worried about it, I was swinging from thinking he had ditched me to trying to believe in him. Then I made the decision to trust him. What have I got to lose by trusting him. He isn't after my money, he knows I don't have any. He may be after my body, well if thats the case then great because I am after his. Just thinking about him makes me wriggle and squirm with lust for him. There is nothing he could possibly want from me that I wouldn't happily give him.

My colleague said on Friday that I shouldn't worry that I might not be good enough for Romeo (Ok I might have done for a while but not now). But maybe he won't hit the mark for me. He commented that I have got a lot riding on this working with Romeo. My theory is that it will never work if I am not positive about it so I am giving it 95% of my trust and reserving 5% for caution.

This is not a conventional relationship, we are learning about each other from the inside out. It started with a mental connection, for me the physical attraction didn't come until later as I resisted the temptation to see a picture of him for several weeks until we both knew that we wanted there to be an 'us'. We both like what we see. We both like the person we are getting to know. We have not gone down the road of likes and dislikes, it doesn't matter to me if he prefers tea or coffee. It is more important that we both feel like teenagers, we cannot go to bed without making contact or else feel as though we ahve lost an arm each. He loves my open honesty, I love his generous spirit, he thinks I am a strong woman, I think he is a very caring man. I won't go into everything we have learnt about each other.

Our phone calls are so very dear to me, just hearing his gentle voice has me melting, he likes to hear me squeal with delight at some suggestion he makes. If it wasn't for these calls then maybe I would be more cynical about all this, but the calls make everything so much more real. He isn't just someone hiding behind a computer screen he is real, he is gentle and sexy and everything I know him to be.

I should be blonde

I have been exchanging some lovely text with Romeo today first some early this morning whilst I was at work then again some longer ones tonight. My poor baby is very tired and couldn't stay awake after his week in eastern Europe. He still isn't back in Uk but at least he is back to a place with a decent signal so he can text.

I ahve been having a blonde day today since those early morning text that lifted my spirits so much.

I ahve been sending faxes to telephone lines then when I send to the right number I send the wrong thing.
I have bought £15 in petrol, paid with £20 note then drove off without my change.
there have been other things but those are the funniest. My work colleagues have noticed that I wasn't quite myself today. Oh and I drove home with my reading glasses still on my head, now why did no one tell me.

By the way if you didn't notice................





I am happy :-D

hyacinths of love

As I sit here I can smell them. The scent is getting stronger.
According to OJ they smell like cat pee. He has no romance in him.
What I can smell are the two white hyacinths I bought a couple of weeks ago. I was out shopping one evening when I decided to treat myself to some flowers. Then I decided on a plant instead. I ended up buying a pot with two hyacinths.

The romantic in me decided that these two plants represented myself and Romeo. I could watch the plants grow just as our feelings were growing. Now they are both 80% open but whilst one is growing upright the other is leaning at a right angle away from the first. does this indicate that we are not on course to be together.

The other day as I was going about my business I suddenly heard Romeo's voice in my head. He was telling me that I should

'Sing like you've never sung before,
Dance as if no one is looking,
and Love like you've never been hurt'

I also heard him telling me

You are a very strong person who can deal with these trials and tribulations.

So even though I have not heard from him for a week I know he is with me. I just have to trust him. I have to believe in us. When he escapes from his present work situation he will return home and we can show each other that the wait has been worth while.

From Oncology to Oxford in one day

today I am feeling much happier in myself

my appointment at the clinic went well except that I have to go back in 12 months time. when I came out of the hospital I had a text from DC 'final written warning' so that was a relief he still has a job but for how long until he does something stupid again. OJ has been to see about Universities, he has brought home a stack of prospectus's including the one for Oxford which is where he is now aiming for.

I had a long chat with my mum this morning and saw her again later while she talked to OJ about Oxford and the possibility of him going into law, He is thinking of becomong a Barrister. As my mother knows some Barristers she will contact them to see if she can arrange a visit to their chambers.

During the afternoon I saw an Angel shopping in Asda. Yes thats right I did say Angel, she is a retired lady who I knew from my previous work. Three christmases ago whilst I was going through the nightmare of my divorce I had no money to buy presents for my boys. OJ lent me £100 from his savings to buy presents, but before I could even buy one my purse was stolen from my bag. The police think it was a gang of Romanian's, I mentioned it next day at work to warn my collegues. Next day this Angel who was semi retired and lived alone left an envelope on my desk, containing £40 and a note telling me to use it on the boys and to only pay it back as and when I could, she was only sorry it wasn't more. I mentioned it today after we had caught up with each other's news. She told me that the money hadn't mattered to her. (I had paid it back as soon as I could). but to me it was so overwhelming that she would do that me me and my boys.

I have not heard from Romeo, but I am alright about that today. Having agonised yesterday over whether I should still send him text and emails today I sent hima lovely light hearted email telling him all my good news. After all before he went away he had warned me that there would be times when he couldn't contact me but that I should still send him text and emails which he would pick up when he could.

Misery of my own making perhaps

I am unhappy, lonely, fed up, pissed off.
My family are fine (to a degree) DC has a disciplinary at work tomorrow to find out if he is going to be sacked. OJ has an appointment at the dentist to have a tooth extracted as he has had an abscess which has forced the filling out and broken the tooth. I have a hospital appointment (my annual check up.)
work is fine although I was o my own today as my colleague was off sick........ok hes on his own tomorrow as I ahve a day off lmao.

So why am I miserable and is it of my own making.
Of course if you know me at all and if you ahve read my recent posts you will guess that it is man trouble. So if it is man trouble there has only been one man I have written about lately. A man who has unwittingly caused me to 'clean up my act' if you like.

I am not really writing about sex anymore, yes I know some of you wish I was. I have begun to delete the sexier pictures in my collection not that I have much that is very raunchy preferring suggestive over explicit.

So why am I miserable? after all only a few days ago I was saying how happy I am. Romeo has brought a big smile to my face over recent weeks. I see his name on my phone or in my email inbox and the biggest grin spreads across my face. I hear his voice and I smile laugh giggle like a school girl. So what has happened to make me feel so down. Nothing! thats right nothing.

The very first time we spoke on the phone Romeo warned me that his job (his own business) means that he often has to go abroad on business, sometimes for weeks at a time. This can mean that sometimes he won't be able to contact me either through sheer weight of his work commitments or through being in a place with little access to communication signals. He told me not to worry about this as it does not mean that he has lost interest in me. He has been away now for almost three weeks, we have had lots of contact, text, email and even telephone conversations but there have been gaps. gaps that he has explained, gaps that he has later told me it felt strange not to be in contact. But what is making me miserable now.

I have not heard from him for 4 days and it feels like a part of me is missing, the smile on my face is wavering. I am beginning to doubt what we have. I am starting to feel as though I have been naive and gullible again, he has asked me to trust him and I really want to. But past experience makes me feel wary and cynical. Is he for real is this the start of a fairy tale or the start of a rollercoaster to hell?

No sex today

This is so very different for me
His job (no it isn't a job it is so much more than that) keeps us apart. He went away for 3 days but has been gone or over 2 weeks. It doesn't matter what I am doing or how I am feeling as soon as I see his name on my phone a big smile spreads across my face. the sight of his name in my mail box does the same. I am hungry for his words and read them over and over. Hearing his voice is heaven. I don't need any introduction when he calls even if my phone shows unknown number. He has such a unique voice.

We talk about many things but mostly how much we want to be together, how it will feel to be in each others arms. We don't talk about sex, although it is ever present in the air between us. We both know that when we do finally get together we won't have sex. We both agree that we want to wait not rush into bed. However we also know that when it does happen we wont have sex we will be making love.

It occurred to me this morning as I switched my alarm off and found the half written text I was sending him last night as I fell asleep, my eye caught sight of my vibrators etc in my bedside cabinet. I think I ahve used them once since Romeo came into my life. I suddenly realised I don't feel the need for them at this point as I am going to bed feeling happy to have Romeo in my life and the promise of being with him soon.

Could it be?

Could it be that I am falling in love
or am I just insane?

For 2 days I hear nothing
for 2 days I feel I am missing an arm

this morning a text I receive
this afternoon a text I receive

I am on cloud seven
I want to jump for joy

I am the proverbial pauper
he is the proverbial prince

I am stone cold broke
he is mega mega rich

I don't care about his money
I care about his spirit

the things I can't imagine
he takes for granted

he wants to be with me
I want to be with him

he makes me happy
I make him happy