looking forward not back

Over the weekend I was thinking of going to visit my former lover. I thought about taking him a christmas card, I was going to drive over to the city where he lives and push it noisily through his door. I wanted him to open the door and invite me in, I wanted him to ask me to stay. I wanted to spend one night over the holiday in the arms of a lover. He was my lover from 2nd jan 2006 until end of July then again a few more times since. But it would have been a mistake. In the end I just sent him a text wishing him and his family a good christmas. I have not had a reply which is probably for the best. Now I can close that door and move on. He was the reason I began my sexual journey in the summer months. He taught me that I could have a good sex life after my marriage broke up and for that I shall be forever grateful. The rollercoaster ride of emotions he led me on was another thing. But finally we got to the stage where I was the one calling the shots not him. Since he realised I wont just come running everytime he clicks his fingers and that he is not the only man in my life he has gone off in a strop. I dont need that!!
I could have gone running after him after the last time but I have stayed well away. I believe that everyone comes into our life for a purpose, he has served his and now I dont need him and his tantrums anymore. I wont forget him and a small piece of my heart will always be his. But I have a lot more to give just not to him anymore and I believe he has realised that he has missed his chance.

Now I shall look forward, forward to new adventures and new loves.