When too much is a bad thing

Don't ever complain about your size!!!

I always thought I had too much

Now I feel grateful that I have what I do

You cannot persuade me that any man (normal) would enjoy these

SHOW THIS TO ALL YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS SO THEY CAN APPRECIATE WHAT GOD GAVE THEM....OR PERHAPS WHAT HE DIDN'T GIVE THEM!

Buttons

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.



A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said 'You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'



He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and a red one labeled ATR.



Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.



Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.....

The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. 'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.

'The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.'

MEN NEVER LISTEN

a few peckers

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says,

'Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions.'

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks,

'What's your occupation?'

'I'm a Lady of the night,'she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says,

'Let's try to rephrase that.'

The woman says, 'OK, I'm a high-end call girl'.

'No, that still won't work. Try again.'

They both think for a minute; then the woman says,

'I'm an elite chicken farmer.'

The accountant asks,

'What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?'

'Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year'

'Chicken Farmer it is.'

well I never!!

I must have led a very sheltered life. I really had no idea how much you could do with them. I thought there was only one use for them but now I know differently. It certainly was an education for me. Over the course of an hour and a half I held and stroked so many different ones. The first one she placed in my hand I was pleasantly surprised at how soft yet rigid it felt and I could wrap my fingers around its girth and squeeze so easily but without it losing its shape.

Apart from the different things they can do I also discovered that although they are all basically the same shape they come in a variety of lengths ranging from 2” to 15” but the majority were 4”, 6”,7” or 9” a few were 10” or 12” but it was rare to find one that was a whopping 15”. Mostly they were about 1.75” at the core but some were thinner just 1.5”.although some were more padded than others. There were all shades of white, off white, cream, yellow, orange, pink , a few were grey and one was blue!!
Many had lines on them either blue or more often red or pink but some had spots. Some were furry but most were smooth, but all were soft to the touch, some grew hotter than others to the touch as I held them in my hand. Did you know that some have spikes on them too? But I only saw one like that (it was very white, I don’t think it is very popular, apparently best used for rolling on the floor).

So now I would like your opinion, is 9" better than 4" or do you prefer 6" or 7" maybe you like the bigger 15" ones.

VBF just incase you are still none the wiser these are paint roller refills. I'm not sure if you are aware that I work for a wholesale company that sells painting and decorating equipment in the UK.

Well done to those of you who did work it out even if it wasn't immediately obvious to anyone except Nitebyrd.

Isabella's Sex Meme

Isabella’s Sex Meme
Ro has tagged me with this beauty. It seems he's intrigued to know just how kinky I am! The rules of Isabella’s Sex Meme go like this. Anyone is welcome to steal it but you must post this rules blurb at the beginning of the meme:

1. You must include this link to Sex Talk - Sex Advice for Men.
2. You must answer every question! If you don’t have a good answer, you are strongly encouraged to make up something good; we like to be entertained.

3. You must tag three people.


So here goes for what it is worth


1. Sex in the Morning or Sex at Night

Sex at night or sex in the morning? Oh good I get a choice, that must mean that I am due to get some. For some months now there has been no sex at all or at least not the close physical kind. I have had to make do with either IM or text sex with my Romeo but I know the real deal will be great no matter whether it is at night or in the morning or all the hours in between. Somehow I don’t think we will really notice which part of the day it is.

2. Better Sex Music - Sade or Marvin Gaye


Now I find this a strange question, I can’t say that I have had sex accompanied by either of these artists. I am not sure I would even notice what was playing anyway, but if I were to choose something I guess it would be something relaxing and or sensual, probably neither of the above. I have been known to have the radio playing softly in the background but that is not for the reason of having something to have sex to.

3. Naughty Pics or Naughty Home Videos?


I have never made a Naughty Home video or watched one. Unless you count the ones that were sent to my phone by various men who will remain nameless. I love taking pictures but not explicit ones, I prefer the suggestion of sex rather than the explicit in your face nothing left to the imagination kind. Now I am not saying I will never make a video, I have no interest in watching other people’s but if it was for me and my lover to share that might be different.


4. Fabulous Sex With: Dr Doug Ross or Dr Greg House?


I had to do some research here. I thought this was a question of choosing between a couple of Dr Phil types but now I feel a fool. Am I the only female in the universe who has never watched ER or Dr House. Possibly, but now that I know this is a choice between Hugh Laurie and George Clooney, well there needs to be no discussion. Sorry Hugh I do think you are lovely, really I do mean that, but I am afraid George does it for me every time. Did I ever mention my date with a George Clooney look alike, he offered to have a threesome with me and his brother………. Can any of you women believe there are two men living within 30 miles of me who have the Clooney looks……… mmmmm very nice, pity the nicest thing about this man was his very nice Mercedes car. ooooppps he wasn’t a bad kisser either.




5. Vibrator or Dildo?


I have a very orange vibrator that may as well be a dildo as it lost it’s vibrate within a few days. To me it is just a chunk of orange rubber that very rarely sees the light of day or should I say the dark of my bed. I much prefer my shiny Lady lust fingers, the feel of cold vibrating metal is such a turn on, and in the hands of the right man there is just nothing like it. For the record I have 4 of these, much better than any rabbit and almost as good as an electric toothbrush.



6. Bedroom Sex: Lights Off or Lights On?


Lights off was reserved for those dark nights of misery when I shared my bed with SF for all those years. I need to have light when I am indulging in my favourite sport. I love to watch the reactions of my lover to my every touch and I am not just referring to his face. A low light is good but I much prefer sunlight. What is not to enjoy about the dappled patterns of light dancing on my partner’s body as the light comes through the net curtain as it ebbs and flows in the light breeze from the open window.

7. Word Preference: Pussy or Cunt?


To be totally honest neither, but if I must choose then it would be pussy, although I have been known to utter the word cunt to the delight of my lover who finds this so sexy coming from my mouth as it is not part of my usual vocabulary. I think over use of any word can take away the allure of its original purpose. In my writing I tend to use a variety of terms or even not give any name at all to the part of the body I am referring to. I find it a little disturbing to describe my most private parts using a word just as popular in referring to a feline pet. However the word pussy is I find much more gentle that Cunt which I find a very blunt term for something which is anything but blunt.

8. Spanking Over the Knee or Spanking Only During Sex?


It was an off the cuff spank during sex with my Mr Sensual that made me realise that the feel of a sharp spank can be very arousing indeed. This in turn led to my well documented ‘spanking’ over the knee of a certain friend. However this was not a sexual partner so you may think this does not count even though it was a very intimate occasion I have never fucked this man. Perhaps this is something I shall have to explore with Romeo.


9. More Exciting: Sex in an Elevator or Sex in an Aeroplane?


I don’t tend to use elevator’s much …….no I am not afraid of them but I prefer to exercise my legs unless of course I was going further than 4 floors which is very rare. Neither have I flown more than the once but perhaps when things get going with Romeo sex on plane travelling first class will be a must. Or perhaps we will try a first class train carriage first. I somehow think that would be more thrilling than a plane. All those bumps as we travel at speed.


10. Ron Jeremy or Peter North?


OK now this was a joke question right! Oh it wasn’t ok then but Ron Jeremy is a joke right? Well joke or no joke my sense of humour just cringed at this…..did you see it run under that rock over there? Peter North, now this is much better, well it wouldn’t be difficult to improve on the prospect of Ron now would it. Sorry Ron if by some strange chance you are reading this. But to be honest even Peter doesn’t cut it with me……too chiselled, to plastic looking. Can I just have either George or my own Romeo thanks.

11. Word Preference? Cock or dick?

Dick makes me think of dickhead so no I won’t go with that. Penis or prick are preferable but better yet is cock. I quite like shaft too. But I do like cock especially one that is hard and all mine to play with as I wish.

12. Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson?

Now I am showing my age in that I remember watching deep throat with my friends many, many years ago and being totally in awe of anyone who could master that. Jenna is a name I am familiar with but have never felt the need to investigate further. I can see that she is stunning although not my idea of a beautiful woman. I have never watched anything she is in as I don’t watch porn…….to me it is too contrived and plastic I prefer to be having sex than watching other people acting it.

13. Rope Bondage or Bondage Tape?

I have been promised rope a few times, I have had a demonstration of pink bondage tape which was very sexy, but Romeo has promised me pink silk which sounds fun too. I think the act of tying or being tied will be more important than the tools used for the purpose.




14. Give Rim Job or Receive Anal Sex?


Giving a rim job is not something that particularly appeals to me although I have been assured tat it is very sensual. Maybe one day, but I can’t see myself thinking ….right today I shall try Rimming, if it happens it is more likely to happen as the natural development of what is already happening between me and my lover.
Anal sex is something I never thought I would like. After all the pain of attempting it has been excruciating. Then Mr Passionate taught me how to relax and enjoy it. I have never experienced anything so exsquisite. The mixture of pain and arousal is a very heady mix indeed, add to that a very passionate and gentle lover, you have an experience of ultimate pleasure.


15. Get Rich Stripping in a Skanky Bar or Get Rich as a Call Girl for Celebs?


getting rich in a skanky bar is never going to happen ………..you can’t get rich stripping for the blind….anyone else would have left the moment the first bars of music began. A call girl for celebs would be both more rewarding and fun but who am I kidding that ain’t never happening either, so I guess I shall stay poor.

16. Which Threesome - Boy/Girl/Girl or Boy/Boy/Girl?


I have tried both with varying degrees of success, a foursome b/g/b/g is much better, but that wasn’t one of the options. I am not averse to B/G/G but would prefer B/G/B who wouldn’t like all the attention from two virile men completely focused on one woman.


17. Flavoured Oil or Tingling Oil?


Having never tried flavoured oil, I cannot really give a balanced argument for either. It is more the slippery slickness that I enjoy, mixed of course with the touch of my lover’s body on my flesh. However I do enjoy tingle lube as I love the coldness it brings to the heat of my arousal.


18. Pearl Necklace or Swallow?


I am not a fan of the pearl necklace, but swallowing is the ultimate conclusion of a very satisfying cock sucking. I just love to have that hard cock in my mouth and the knowledge that I have given my lover so much pleasure that he is willing to spill his love juice into my waiting throat is gratifying. But the greatest pleasure is to then share my treasured prize with my lover by giving him a snowball (for those who don’t know it is returning some of the man’s cum to him by way of a very sexy and sensual kiss immediately after he has come).



19. Sex While Strangers Watch or Sex With a Stranger?


I have never done this but I do have a burning desire to have strangers watch me surreptitiously. I am not sure if I could perform well knowing that I was being watched or having someone blatantly watching but to find out afterwards that someone was peeping now that excites me.

20. Tied to the Bed or to a St Andrew’s Cross?

Oh yes tie me to the bed, I am eager to try this as anyone who has read this blog for more than a year will be aware. I have shared this fantasy with Romeo and he is more than willing to participate in this with me. It seems he has experience in this and has a great desire to tie me so that I can let go and enjoy all the sensations without being given any control over what is happening to me.


Now I have to tag 3 people so I shall choose, Mulder, Percy and Emma

Tagged grrrrr

coming to a page near you soon

Isabella's sex Meme

I have been tagged by Ro to do this Meme.......should I forgive you I have not yet decided, Ro is a blogger who I have seen commenting on other blogs but only recently ie a week ago took the plunge to go see what he is all about and this is the thanks I get for commenting on his blog......that will teach me, perhaps I should learn to lurk. Only that would be difficult for me as I have trouble keeping my mouth shut or my thoughts to myself.

last photos

Following my challenge for Mulder I felt it would be only fair to post these for those who, like FC don't have the time to trawl my archives looking for these photos enjoy

this will probably be the last time I post any photos like this.

typical

hiya

hello you

hows you?

fine and you ?

crap..............hows your love life?

my love life is fine thank you

oh so hes back then

no hes still away

hes stringing you along I don't trust him

well I do and he makes me happy


-----------------------------------------------


how are you today?

I'm fine how are you?

has he come home yet?

no hes still away ;-(

he will be back soon though won't he ?

He should be back for a week to 10 days soon

thats good you can see him then..................don't worry I am sure it will all work out for you both

I know it will, we both make each other happy


these were two typical conversations that I keep having recently, no prizes for guessing which of the two conversations are primarily with other women and which with male friends.

another variation being

hiya

hi

hows you?

happy

so you are getting lots of sex then?

no
but I am happy nonetheless I don't need sex to be happy that is just the icing on the cake

do you want to come here for a bit if you are frustrated

thanks for the offer but no thanks

why do men feel that I have to be having sex to be happy?
I may not have met Romeo yet but we are getting to know each other intimately, we can and do turn each other on regularly. We don't need to be crass, we don't need to be explicit, we can tease each other. We can encourage each other, we can be there for one another. we can be everything for each other whilst still being in different countries. I cannot imagine not having him in my life although sometimes it feels as though our relationship will be a virtual relationship forever more. But I know this is not the case, I know we will meet very soon and when we do it will be like coming home at last, not just for him but for both of us.

I think the reaction that my male friends have to my relationship with Romeo has more to do with them than him. He lives and works in a world that very few people I know could ever hope to understand as it is so very different to what most of us can comprehend. Yes I did struggle with it the first time I didn't hear from him for a few days. He had warned me in advance that this is what his life is like. He had warned me that if I don't hear from him I shouldn't think he has gone off me. But still I worried about it, I was swinging from thinking he had ditched me to trying to believe in him. Then I made the decision to trust him. What have I got to lose by trusting him. He isn't after my money, he knows I don't have any. He may be after my body, well if thats the case then great because I am after his. Just thinking about him makes me wriggle and squirm with lust for him. There is nothing he could possibly want from me that I wouldn't happily give him.

My colleague said on Friday that I shouldn't worry that I might not be good enough for Romeo (Ok I might have done for a while but not now). But maybe he won't hit the mark for me. He commented that I have got a lot riding on this working with Romeo. My theory is that it will never work if I am not positive about it so I am giving it 95% of my trust and reserving 5% for caution.

This is not a conventional relationship, we are learning about each other from the inside out. It started with a mental connection, for me the physical attraction didn't come until later as I resisted the temptation to see a picture of him for several weeks until we both knew that we wanted there to be an 'us'. We both like what we see. We both like the person we are getting to know. We have not gone down the road of likes and dislikes, it doesn't matter to me if he prefers tea or coffee. It is more important that we both feel like teenagers, we cannot go to bed without making contact or else feel as though we ahve lost an arm each. He loves my open honesty, I love his generous spirit, he thinks I am a strong woman, I think he is a very caring man. I won't go into everything we have learnt about each other.

Our phone calls are so very dear to me, just hearing his gentle voice has me melting, he likes to hear me squeal with delight at some suggestion he makes. If it wasn't for these calls then maybe I would be more cynical about all this, but the calls make everything so much more real. He isn't just someone hiding behind a computer screen he is real, he is gentle and sexy and everything I know him to be.