have a good weekend

Two buddies, Bob and Don, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly
Don throws up all over himself.

"Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!"

Bob says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and
Tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars
for the dry cleaning bill."

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually Don stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. "You
Reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Don says, "Nowainaminit, I
Can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But
Thiss other guy got ssick on me...he had one too many and he juss koudin hold hizz
liquor He said hes was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!"

His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks.."

"Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too."

Guts and Balls

Distinction between "Guts " and "Balls"

Medical Distinctions

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you reallyknow the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, beingmet by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are youstill cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smellingof perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife onthe butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

CLASS PROJECT GONE WRONG
An elementary school class started a class project
to make planters to take home to their parents.
They wanted to have a plant in it that was easy to take care of,
so they decided to use cactus plants.
The students were given green-ware pottery planters
in the shape of clowns which they painted with glaze.
The clown planters were professionally fired at a class outing
so they could see the process. It was great fun! They planted cactus seeds in the finished planters
and they grew nicely,
but unfortunately,
the children were not allowed to take them home. The cactus plants were removed
and small ivy replaced them
and the children were then allowed to take them home instead. The teacher said cactus' seemed like a good idea at the time! !!!!!!

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May the rest of your day be the best of your day!