Misery of my own making perhaps

I am unhappy, lonely, fed up, pissed off.
My family are fine (to a degree) DC has a disciplinary at work tomorrow to find out if he is going to be sacked. OJ has an appointment at the dentist to have a tooth extracted as he has had an abscess which has forced the filling out and broken the tooth. I have a hospital appointment (my annual check up.)
work is fine although I was o my own today as my colleague was off sick........ok hes on his own tomorrow as I ahve a day off lmao.

So why am I miserable and is it of my own making.
Of course if you know me at all and if you ahve read my recent posts you will guess that it is man trouble. So if it is man trouble there has only been one man I have written about lately. A man who has unwittingly caused me to 'clean up my act' if you like.

I am not really writing about sex anymore, yes I know some of you wish I was. I have begun to delete the sexier pictures in my collection not that I have much that is very raunchy preferring suggestive over explicit.

So why am I miserable? after all only a few days ago I was saying how happy I am. Romeo has brought a big smile to my face over recent weeks. I see his name on my phone or in my email inbox and the biggest grin spreads across my face. I hear his voice and I smile laugh giggle like a school girl. So what has happened to make me feel so down. Nothing! thats right nothing.

The very first time we spoke on the phone Romeo warned me that his job (his own business) means that he often has to go abroad on business, sometimes for weeks at a time. This can mean that sometimes he won't be able to contact me either through sheer weight of his work commitments or through being in a place with little access to communication signals. He told me not to worry about this as it does not mean that he has lost interest in me. He has been away now for almost three weeks, we have had lots of contact, text, email and even telephone conversations but there have been gaps. gaps that he has explained, gaps that he has later told me it felt strange not to be in contact. But what is making me miserable now.

I have not heard from him for 4 days and it feels like a part of me is missing, the smile on my face is wavering. I am beginning to doubt what we have. I am starting to feel as though I have been naive and gullible again, he has asked me to trust him and I really want to. But past experience makes me feel wary and cynical. Is he for real is this the start of a fairy tale or the start of a rollercoaster to hell?

No sex today

This is so very different for me
His job (no it isn't a job it is so much more than that) keeps us apart. He went away for 3 days but has been gone or over 2 weeks. It doesn't matter what I am doing or how I am feeling as soon as I see his name on my phone a big smile spreads across my face. the sight of his name in my mail box does the same. I am hungry for his words and read them over and over. Hearing his voice is heaven. I don't need any introduction when he calls even if my phone shows unknown number. He has such a unique voice.

We talk about many things but mostly how much we want to be together, how it will feel to be in each others arms. We don't talk about sex, although it is ever present in the air between us. We both know that when we do finally get together we won't have sex. We both agree that we want to wait not rush into bed. However we also know that when it does happen we wont have sex we will be making love.

It occurred to me this morning as I switched my alarm off and found the half written text I was sending him last night as I fell asleep, my eye caught sight of my vibrators etc in my bedside cabinet. I think I ahve used them once since Romeo came into my life. I suddenly realised I don't feel the need for them at this point as I am going to bed feeling happy to have Romeo in my life and the promise of being with him soon.

Could it be?

Could it be that I am falling in love
or am I just insane?

For 2 days I hear nothing
for 2 days I feel I am missing an arm

this morning a text I receive
this afternoon a text I receive

I am on cloud seven
I want to jump for joy

I am the proverbial pauper
he is the proverbial prince

I am stone cold broke
he is mega mega rich

I don't care about his money
I care about his spirit

the things I can't imagine
he takes for granted

he wants to be with me
I want to be with him

he makes me happy
I make him happy

Valentine

as many big kisses as you think you can cope with are aimed in your direction xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx




Oh yes please, all over and in return as many kisses for you too, on your soft welcome mouth, every nook and cranny, every sensual curve, every vulgar creases and upon your sex my lips will devour you and my tongue invade you showering kisses upon your beautiful little button so as to climax you hugely and cum again and over again for me my pretty gorgeous lady and then I'll insert my lust deeply inside you and feel the warmth of your sweet soft wetness engulf me as the sensation of you thrills me and your craving gash satisfies my lust for you me spurting my burning seed inside you powerful warm wet sticky only to make you gush with joy as you release your passion for it all over my welcoming body. I lust after you my precious dirty beautiful lady with deeply felt passion, if I could only cover your entire curvaceous body with my climax I would kiss every inch of you again and start all over again .................. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I see you

I see you

I am smiling

I can’t keep the grin off my face

I see your eyes smiling back at me

I see your lips

In my mind I can taste your mouth

My body remembers the feel of you

My skin remembers the touch of you

My senses are straining for you

Our eyes meet

A smile on both our faces

My feet are taking me closer

Soon we are within touching distance

My arms long to hold you to me

All too soon I have walked passed you

I don’t look back

I know you don’t either

I can no longer see you

But you are here in my heart

The image of you etched

Deep in my memory

A smile engraved on my lips

A song in my heart

Later words are exchanged

You were surprised to see me

I had known it would happen one day

Now I am left with this image of you pushing a trolley

I know she was with you but all I could see was you

I didn’t take any notice of her just

You my precious lover

watching

He could see her but he knew she hadn’t seen him
This was good it gave him the chance to watch her
She looked so relaxed so unaffected as she stood in the cold winter sunshine
He shivered as he realised how thin her soft yellow sweater must be
From his position he could just make out the pattern of lace
As is showed through the thin covering of lemon cotton

The breeze ruffled and played with the hem of her skirt
Lifting the brown material to swirl around her legs
He is lucky, luckier than even he could have hoped
As the wind lifted her skirt he had seen
It was nothing more than a glimpse but even so
There it was a flash of lace topped by creamy flesh

She moves, delicately stepping across the yard
The clicking of her heels tapping on the concrete
Reverberate in his ears
He listens as she speaks in a very soft sexy tone
His heart involuntarily misses a beat
What a voice, what a woman

He catches a whiff of her perfume
She has a scent of fresh linen and flowers
He longs to move closer
He knows it would be so easy
To stand and move near to this vision
But this would disturb her serenity

All of a sudden there is a clattering
Legs clad in orange overalls get in his way
The sound of pneumatic tools
The strong stench of rubber and grease
The mechanic finishes his task
Away she goes with her newly fitted tyre

christmas party

Tomorrow I am going out for the night

it is the Company christmas party

we are going out for a meal then on to a club

I have not been to a club for years

I shall be avoiding the white wine as I don't want a repeat of this

I won't be driving for a change as Posh bird's boyfriend is taking us and bringing us back even though he wont be joining us and he lives in a different city an hour away.

not sure yet what I am going to wear but I did buy a new red top today so maybe the red stillettos might get an airing.

all mine

yep every tiny bit is me

every single word is mine

every picture is mine

every story is mine

but there is more and thats all mine too