When I was 20 and I can't really remember exactly when or why I decided to join the TA as private in the only local unit that took women as well as men. It was a Signals Regiment not that that is really very relevant to my story. At some point soon after I had signed up I started dating A. A was twice my age and a Staff Sgt in the regular Army we had met when he was visiting a mutual friend who had recently retired from the Army. I saw him whenever he was able to get away at weekends etc. However I was not going to sit around at home during the weeks when he was on duty. A became very possessive and started getting jealous of the time I spent with my friends.
Not long after my 21st birthday I went away for the weekend with the TA for a training course. This weekend was extremely physical and very demanding.....consequently I was exhausted when I got home. A should have understood this but didn't. We spent sunday evening alone together at our friend's flat. I made it quite clear that I was feeling very bruised and exhausted, but this was not going to deter A from getting what he wanted from his girlfriend.....yes he raped me!! I was not able to physically do anything to stop him. The details of what happened then escape me now.....possibly because it's not something I wish to think about. I told no one what had occurred. what was the point....who would have believed I had been raped by my own boyfriend when I was with him alone through my own choice. Like a fool I continued to see A for a while longer. One evening A dropped me off at the TA unit, one of the other privates who I usually caught the bus with saw us and asked if it was my dad. That hit home how much older than me A really was. Not long after this I decided that the possesiveness was getting out of hand and when A came to my parents house I told him that I wanted to end the relationship. He asked for sex for one last time, I was in no mood and said no......I should have realised that A would not accept this.......yes he raped me for the second time.
Again I told no one, the police attitude to rape was changing at this time but I still felt that in my situation I would not get a very sympathetic hearing from them.......It was 3 months before I told anyone about being raped.
Even now 20+ years later I don't know if I should have told anyone whether it was the police or not. I only told my mother about 18months ago.
I also left the TA soon after this when I realised that the only way women could make any progress was to become an 'officer's groundsheet' not my cup of tea. I'm worth more than that!!!
What took you so long?
1 year ago
3 comments:
I was living with someone who raped me one morning; as punishment for asking for something i had every right to ask for. He was 15 years older than me, possessive and manipulative. I am grateful i eventually escaped him, but the effect of the rape still haunts me, 15 years later - but now i know you would understand.
thank you
I do understand and for a long time no matter who I was with or how I felt about them I would see his face hovering above me. It took one special guy (or so I thought at the time) for that to stop. Now I rarely think about it but it pains me when I hear anyone making light of rape even in jest. I have been known to throw a strop and storm out of the room on these occasions.
wow.... *hugs*
I am aware that this sort of thing happens to a lot of women, it's so disgusting!
I always thought I was alone in the thought of 'not telling someone about it' but it's true a lot of women don't speak up about these things and it's so sad.
I wonder what it is that makes us so afraid to speak up, the truth is that we DO deserve justice, we never deserve these hideous things to happen to us.
It's funny, I can see the clear picture when I hear about it happening to someone else. I'm able to say "You need to tell some one, you didn't deserve this and what he did to you was wrong!" But at the same time I can't seem to think that way when it comes to myself! Makes me a hypocrite really.
Good on you for speaking up, it's women like you that give's hope to the rest of us. xx
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