Things I do not miss

Since my marriage ended various people have asked me if I miss my husband at all. I think I can honestly say that I do not miss him at all.


1) Things I do not miss: His idea of showing affection. He would never hold hands or put an arm around me, anything I ever did to show affection was always shrugged off. He did however have one thing that he thought was showing affection. To me it was more like torture. He would lie on the sofa and put his smelly feet in my lap and demand (yes demand not ask) that I scratch and tickle his feet. First though I had to remove his stinky socks and clean out his nails and maybe if they were getting long cut them as he couldn’t reach to do them himself.

2)Things I do not miss: His snoring, for many years I found that if I was going to get any sleep I had to be asleep before him, if I woke in the night it was impossible to get back to sleep. Being a Lorry driver he would go to bed early to be up by 4.30/5.00am. This meant that I had to be asleep by 9pm. After years of this I rebelled and stayed up late, I needed some life! Then I would be tired enough to sleep through his snoring. But if I was chatting online after midnight he would come and find me telling me to go to bed (as though I was still a child). I am only now beginning to get over the feeling that he will be telling me off for still being on pc in the early hours. He may have been gone for 10 months but his ghost is still here.

3)Things I do not miss: Having my mobile phone checked at every chance he got. I became so paranoid although there was nothing on it to worry about, that I began sleeping with it under my pillow, kept it on silent and in my pocket or failing that in my waist band. He had ordered my phone online (we had chosen it together) so it was in his name (I think that is so totally wrong). He therefore used to get my statement and go through it in minute detail. He finished work several hours earlier than me therefore got to the post first. I would get home from work to be told who I had phoned/text on what date at what time etc. I was club secretary for a youth football club. I made a lot of calls and sent text to a lot of men but it was all football business nothing for him to worry about but he made me feel I had to be have secretively.

4)Things I do not miss: The broken promises to our boys. He was forever making them promises that he would not keep. It was more important to be at the pub when it opened and spend his money on beer than do anything with or spend money on his family. Over the years the boys grew to realise this for themselves. They knew that if he made a promise then it wasn’t going to happen. That is so sad that children should realise that.

5)Things I do not miss: Bodgit and Leavit & co. Anything that needed repair had to be left until it could be left no longer then he would bodge it, we couldn’t go spending money on repairs to the house or car when there was beer to be had in the pub. My gate was held up for ages with blue rope. The fence has fallen apart completely now so that is no longer an issue. A shelf in the living room was held up by a stack of videos which in turn were balanced on top of the dilapidated stereo he had rescued from the amenity tip. This was sat on a 3’ high wooden speaker. As much as possible (without money for materials) I have done any DIY that I could. Now I can make my own decisions to get repairs done (money permitting). If anyone wants to offer their services as plumber, electrician, carpenter, fencer, carpet layer please don’t hesitate as I need you now lol. Oh but more than anything else a skip to get rid of the rubbish.

6)Things I do not miss: His moods, we are all so much more relaxed since his departure from our home. When the boys were little I used to call him the fire breathing dragon but had to stop when I realised that the boys were afraid of their own father. It has taken a long time for me to stop expecting him to be here telling me what to do and when, making me feel like a child. Even this afternoon when I was asleep on my sofa I had this feeling that he was upstairs and would be coming down to tell me to stop sleeping and get on with the Sunday dinner. (more likely my own conscience but I had projected onto him as that is what I have had for so many years). My kids are all doing well at school and #3 son has blossomed into a happy teenager after being a miserable boy all his life. We no longer need to worry about what mood he will be in when he comes through the door. He has a restraining order to stay away from our road.

7)Things I do not miss: Being told by scrouge how much I had spent in the supermarket each day. Coming home from work on Friday opening my payslip and being told to the penny exactly how much I had been paid that week. I always had to account for every penny I spent but he could spend what he liked when he liked. We had a joint account which both our wages went into but he considered it to be his money and I didn’t contribute to the household bills as I only worked part time (30hrs). Bloody cheeky git!! He didn’t like it when a few months before I began to divorce him I opened a new current account and transferred half the savings so I could take over most of the household bills. From then I paid all the bills and he paid for food and his debts. Until a month after he got divorce papers then he even stopped buying food for the kids. When he lost his job through drink driving (prat shouldve known better being a professional driver). He was living off me not even paying any rent until he was forced to move out by the courts.

8)Things I do not miss: being told that I am stupid, ugly, fat with brain like a sieve. This was something I had put up with for most of the 19 yrs we were together. In the 7 months before he moved out he added that I am a slut, whore, town bike, he should never have married me as I have ruined his life, and I’m no good at sex as I am like a soggy mattress! He believes the saying that ‘sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never harm me.’ I am here to say that words do hurt especially after yrs of the same things. NOW though I have met lots of men who have helped me to believe in myself and my sexuality. I am far more confident now than I ever remember being before.

9)Things I do not mss: I do not miss his lack of hygiene. He would often tell me that it is wrong to wash too often. You should not shower more often than every three weeks as it washes away the natural oils. He wonders why I was not interested in sex with him. He complained that I would not indulge in oral sex with him. This would have been bad enough had he been any other man but for the last 4 years he had been driving a cesspit lorry. Can anyone honestly say that they don’t understand why I didn’t want to have contact with his body.

There are other things I could list that I don’t miss but I think that I have bored you enough already.