I let my emotions blind me, I thought that even though he knew all about my previous 9 months of being a fuck buddy, swinging and all my other sexual adventures, our conversations about wanting to give all that up and have a one on one relationship had made him realise what I wanted.
He never promised me a relationship, I never asked if he wanted one. I wanted to ask but we never had the opportunity to talk properly face to face. all our encounters were taken up with what to me was passion for one another. before we met we didnt discuss what would happen after this first meeting. I thought I was meeting a friend for a drink (which we did). when he asked to see me again the next day I foolishly thought it was because he really liked me. It never occurred to me that he thought we were now going to meet regularly for sex. because we never had that conversation he thought I was happy to just meet up for sex, I thought we were seeing each other because we liked each other. there were times when I felt like I was just there for sex and I text him that I didn't want to be used just for sex, I didn't want to feel like a sex toy that he gets out once in a while. he said he wanted to see me for any reason.
why did he not understand, I may not have said what I wanted (I didnt really know anyway) but I did say what I didnt want so why is he saying he thought I did?
I have cried a lot. I don't do crying, its not my nature to cry. thats why I blog, so I can release my feelings that way. But this time I have cried. tears have streamed down my face as I sit at my computer, as I sit at traffic lights, hoping my sun glasses hide my red puffy eyes. I have climbed into my bed pulling the cover over my head and cried great heaving sobs.
It isn't that I feel rejected. I don't, I told him I wanted to be a one man woman and I wanted him to be that man. He said he cant. end of story. I can be grown up and accept that.
what hurts so much is that I now know how stupid I have been, I believed in him I believed he knew me so well, I believed he knew that I didn't want ours to be a purely sexual relationship. I believed he cared about me, I believed he respected me.
Now I believe nothing except that I am a fool. How could I have possibly believed that someone who knew about my sexual adventures could want me for anything but sex.
What took you so long?
1 year ago
10 comments:
Lady, I'm feeling for you hon.
You did meet him through AFF yes? The site that is really all about sex?
As you pointed out, at the time, that's what you thought you were after. And it was obviously all he was after.
Unfortunately you did the usual woman thing and got feelings involved with this guy. It's what we do. I did the same with Rat. And it's heartbreaking when you realise it's not going any further.
Big hugs to you girl. I think it's time to totally give up on AFF (if you haven't already, I know you realise it's a relationship you want now) and move on my sweet.
I know you feel this isn't possible right now, but trust me the pain will subside.
xxx
Oh, and you are NOT a fool. Just a woman who wants to be loved.
You are most definitely not a fool.
You may be foolish, but you are not a fool lir.
I'd agree with vi that AFF is not the most likely place to find a man who wants a utually exclusive relationship, but then I'd have to look back at how I came to meet S..... (it wasn't through AFF, but it was close!)
Moving on, however, I wonder why you want that exclusive tag? You know how much trouble it can bring
Believe in yourself. You're definitely not a fool, you are an intelligent, articulate, caring person and somewhere out there is someone who will treasure you for what you are. If I knew the secret of how to find him I would bottle it and sell it but until then you've just got to keep trying.
Dry your tears and have a hug from 'big brother'.(((((LiR)))))
I am ok now thanx guys I have cried and written it out of my system....Vi I gave up AFF months ago.
Yes when I first started talking to him almost a year ago it was through AFF as two couples but things changed, he certainly knew that I had changed we had several conversations about me wanting to meet a single guy and not playing the field anymore I had been feeling like that and talking to him about it for quite a while before we met. We never talked about being fwb at all. If I had met him a few months earlier I would probably have gone into as that scenario. Obviously although he knew my needs had changed he still thought that he and I would be the same as the other men I had met. Crossed wires lack of communication. But I had not felt a need to discuss it before we met as I wasnt expecting anything to come of that meeting.
I'm sorry you had to go through this, Lir. You are not a fool, and i'm sure he does care for you - but just not in the way you need now.
best wishes x
You are no fool
You just might have been blind, but then that's what happens when we engage our feelings.
Take care hun
pxx
We've all been there at one time or another. You are not alone. It's tough though, but you're getting through it, and good for you. I feel for you though because I know how hard it is. We all do. Hang in there. :)
^^^^^
Wot they all said.
He's a fuckwit x
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