having a good day

so far today has turned out just great.

its been a mixture of little things but I am feeling good.

I still think about forest but in a different way now. I hope we can still be friends but I don't know that I could ever have sex with him again. In theory it would be no different to the other guys I have had as fwb. But in practice I don't think it would work. Even in a fwb situation there has to be a chemistry a certain amount of passion. If I had sex with him again I would have to shut out all the feelings that I had had before which would leave me just going through the motions which would not be very enjoyable therefore pointless. So he will have to find himself a replacement.

As for me I am in no hurry to replace him either in bed or in my heart.

my morning started with a suprise message. it didn't say much just sammy saying sorry he fell asleep last night he was off to work now. You are probably thinking who the hell is Sammy?

I have been chatting to Sammy for months now, he shares the same name as Fireman Sam which led to my first chat with FS being one I thought I was having with Sammy. I was so embarrassed when I realised that FS was a man I had not chatted to before especially considering what I had just been telling him about my night before which sammy knew was about to happen.

I have been chatting online to Sammy all week. he has been my rock this week, bolstering my confidence telling me off when I say anything negative. reminding me how to behave where men are concerned. coaching me in how to win a real man, a man who will treat me as I deserve to be treated, not that I am looking at the moment. he also not only lusts after me which is nice to know at this time, but he also appreciates my crap humour and my writing. he lives a couple of hours drive away not insurmountable but not local. Last night he went to a party, but he was back on his computer talking to me well before midnight. I jokingly said he left the party early because he was missing me. He says that was it. He was wishing he was here with me. Pulleaseeee don't!!! as flattering as that is I don't need it right now.

Now that #4 son is at senior school there are going to be times when he gets home first, so I said I would get him his own door key. #2 son has mislaid his so that needed replacing. #4 son wanted to come with me so after we dropped off #3 son who was going to see his g/f (3 months now!). we did something we have never done before. We took my car through the car wash. Just a simple thing to do but for us it was exciting and I am so pleased my car looks clean and shiny again. We also had our lunch at subway which I don't normally do. It was nice to spend some time just the two of us and have these little treats.

This afternoon after I had dropped him off at his friend's house I went home. Just #2 son in the house. I was on the crap pc trying to check emails on my other accounts. checked one of the dating sites I don't use but it has my profile on because I had joined one of its sister sites. One guy from a local town has checked me out 14 times in one day !!..........I sent him a message

wow 14 views !! either you have a bad memory and don't remember who you already looked at or perhaps you like what you see. (no rude pics)...Hmmm when I have finished this I shall go see if he has replied or even just looked again.

then while I was looking at emails oh and blogs I was on chopski's blog at the time I get a window open up and Neptune is chatting. earlier in the week I had been exchanging messages with him whilst chatting to Sammy. I gave Neptune my msn address and we began chatting. I showed him a picture from last week's quiz. I don't think it is a good picture of me as I was moving (laughing) at the time. He commented that I looked different in this picture. We chatted for a while then he said he had to go and sleep, I didn't mind as I had a headache and it was getting late. I figured that I wouldn't hear from him again. before I began chatting on msn I had changed my picture from the usual one (which shows a lot of cleavage) to

I had heeded all sammy's instructions ( I knew this anyway I had worked it out for myself) about not letting Neptune know about my sexual side. Not until I am secure, if that ever happens. anyway I needn't worry as after seeing the picture from the quiz he had lost interest, or so I thought. I decided that I would not try to contact him, if he was interested he would contact me. In the past few weeks we had been in contact virtually everyday. by today I had heard nothing from him for 4 days so obviously he is no longer interested. But I was wrong. Just like last saturday he was asking what i have planned and talked about the next social event I have signed up for. He was trying to pin point where the pub is, he knows parts of the city, he was involved with a woman from the city for a few years. then we talked about TV and I was saying I don't watch it. I was a little stunned when he said did that mean if he comes to my place he won't be allowed to watch match of the day. ahem that was presumptous thinking he would come to my house. firstly I wouldn't introduce any man to my kids until we had been together for a quite a while. secondly I would expect that if he came to my house it would be to see me not bloody match of the day !!!

But its nice to know that he is thinking along those lines. I am playing it cool, just chatting as friends nothing more and when I had to go offline to fetch #3 son I just said it had been nice chatting (nothing about chatting again) I hope you are all proud of me cos I am.

Oh and as I wasn't expecting to hear from him the cleavage picture was on show. Once we began chatting I didn't change the picture or mention it as I didn't want to draw attention to it. He didn't mention it either. Most men say ..........wow love the picture!! if I take it down they ask for it back. I just wonder what he thought of it. It does show me laughing so it is good for that reason as well as the cleavage.......maybe I shall crop it it one day then post it on here.