Monday, 28 September 2009

Whats got into him?

Last night to my suprise Forest began chatting online. It was a suprise because although he is single I very rarely hear from him at weekends although I did in the past get text messages on sunday evenings. He always had his children staying over at weekends.

Last night we chatted about the length of time since we last saw each other. Neither of us sure exactly when the last time was. I checked my last post about him on here (mid July) but then realised that we had seen each other a few weeks later. Anyway we both agreed that it had been too long. I told him that I had met two new men since I last saw him. I told him that I had almost settled for 'nice' (which turned out to be not so nice). But then I met Spark who reminded me what it feels like to get butterflies.

That was when he told me that he had met a woman earlier in the day who gave him butterflies. (he had not seen a picture of her so it was a suprise to him on this blind date). He does hope to see her again. If he gets involved with her I shall be happy for him but sad for me.

Just as I was going to bed he sent me a text kiss nothing unusual in the kiss but not usual an hour after saying goodnight. Today he sent me another mid afternoon just as I was shopping. Then to my astonishment here he was chatting online again tonight. I expressed my astonishment that he was chatting two days in a row. Apparently he had been thinking about me and thought it was funny that I was shopping while he was thinking about me. Again I expressed my suprise that he had been thinking about me. (why would he be thinking about me just a day after meeting this new wonderful woman who gave him butterflies).

Something must have got into him because he even called me darling (I don't think he has ever done that before). He seems keen to see me again soon but I have told him it won't be this week, he will have to wait until October.

Sunday, 20 September 2009

Reasons and propositions

What I didn't realise when I wrote my last post here was that I had already been dumped by Dylan only he was apparently taking the cowards way out and not telling me. A few days later when I had not heard from him since I had returned from my holiday (even though he had agreed to go to a party with me on the Saturday but didn't turn up) I wrote to him. I told him that I believe everyone enters our life for a reason. I told him I now knew he had come into my life to set me free (I didn't tell him what from). I also commented that his unexpected silence had hurt me and I hadn't expected him to do that. That was when he emailed me back thanking me for getting in contact. He was being a coward because he always finds it complicated when he tries to finish with a woman. After the detailed and thorough character assassination that followed I can undertand why he has a problem.

Considering that he is a trained councellor he seems to have more than a few issues of his own that he needs to get sorted but I won't be the one to tell him. I felt such a fool for thinking he was someone I could get on with. He might be good at getting people to open up to him (apparently it happens all the time) but he isn't good at listening, he also has a big issue with people who are not in full health (strange for someone who works with terminally ill patients). Anyway he is out of my life now and I am not sorry but I am glad that meeting him helped me to break free from Romeo at long last.

In less than a week I met Spark. This time it wasn't through the internet but through work. When I agreed to have lunch with a customer whose account I was trying to grow, I had no idea that meeting him would cause us both to find we couldn't stop thinking about each other. When he called me next day asking me to meet him for a drink (he actually left the England v Australia cricket match he was watching to see me). We were both experiencing butterflies every time we thought about each other. But there was one big obstacle to this becoming anything else. He already had a girlfriend. After that one evening that included a lot of kissing and cuddling (we both stayed fully dressed), there would only be the briefest of meetings a few days later when he told me that he was sorry to mess me about but he felt so guilty. This was good really because his situation was causing me problems anyway. But what I got from this brief distraction was that he reminded me how it feels when you meet someone who gives you butterflies. I had almost settled for 'nice' when I met Dylan. Spark reminded me that I mustn't settle for anything less than butterflies.

Since then I have been out for a drink with a friend I hadn't seen for ages, we also had dinner together last week. On the way home he mentioned that he would email me a proposition. He did email me, but found he couldn't bring himself to set out his proposition but came up with a plan. I won't go into what his plan was but I have since pointed out a few flaws in his plan. These flaws aside I have had to turn his plan down. You see he is married and I have explained that I can't become involved with a married man although I do treasure him as a friend and confidante.

Since starting this blog I have learnt a few things about myself. I am still struggling with my sexuality versus my upbringing. But I now know more about what I do and don't want. I do not want to be 'The Other woman' to any man, only 'The woman' in my man's life will do for me.

Even if I persuade myself that the married man was already looking for fun when he met me, I won't get involved because, if it was my man behaving in this way I would be devastated so I won't do the same to another woman. If the married man was able to persuade me to get involved with him, I would not be able to fully relax because my concience would get in the way. I know that I have not been whiter than white about all this over the recent years but now I know my own feelings better I won't be going down that path now or in the future.

I feel so much more content now that my path ahead has become clearer in my own mind.