Friday, 16 October 2009

are you lonely

Tonight just after logging onto my laptop a chat window opened and the following conversation followed. When this man chatted to me a couple of weeks ago I made it quite clear that I didn't want to talk sex as I didn't feel we knew each other well enough. Once he realised he was not going to get anywhere if he continued trying to get me to 'stimulate' him he made his excuses and signed off. I had heard nothing more from him until tonight. Somehow I just don't think he is getting the message.

u ok
yes fine just puzzled
why huni
giu ?
mike says:
meant to have been hi fat fingers
no the hi
i got fat fingers
oh ok thought you were calling me fat fingers
no silly
you had any dates yet
no not been looking really
would you like to hold and kiss
im free and in need of cuddle
oh is that because its friday?
y u say that
because it was a friday the last time you chatted
and its the start of the weekend and weekends are very lonely if you are alone
are you lonely
not at the moment
I have been enjoying family time with my boys
would u like me to play with u
football? cards? bingo?
um i meant adult naughty games
did you
make ur clit nice and wet
do u like oral
have you been busy this week?
yes do you have a cam
no I dont
you want some sex

I dont think that is an appropriate don't know me and I don't know you

he didn't answer and after a while signed off..........................whilst I do try to give people the benefit of doubt, he has now had his second chance and has now been blocked and deleted.

Have I been too hasty?

Monday, 5 October 2009

how I told him ................'No'

I have given this much thought even before Tuesday evening when you mentioned a proposition. I know that if I were to decide to 'take the plunge' you would treat me exceptionally well and as you say we would have fun. But as you have rightly guessed this would be a path that I am not going to take. I have in the past been involved to a degree with married men as you know ie SL. But that was quite a while ago.

I learnt a few things from that, about myself as much as anything else. I learnt that the times that I feel the most lonely are weekends and holidays, the times when married men are busy with family. I also realised that being 'the other woman' is not what I want. Because I would much rather be 'The Woman' in my man's life. When I first agreed to meet a married man (I had originally said 'single men only') I managed to persuade myself that it was ok because the married man/men was/were already looking for fun anyway so why should I miss out because they are married. But my concience got the better of me. This/these man/men belonged to someone else. If I was with someone who started playing around with someone else I would be devastated (I do believe in fidelity) so I couldn't do it to someone else.

A few months ago I decided to try having an affair with a married man (a surgeon) but I only met him a few times before I had to call it off because it wasn't what I wanted. He was really sweet about it and said he wasn't suprised. I am really flattered that you want me so much even after so long. (I still don't get why me, even if I do know I am fabulous). What is it that you see in me that others don't?

Your plan as I said had at least 3 flaws that I spotted right away.

1. Yes I was busy (two boys moving out within a week)
2. Even my super powers don't help me to remember your address or how to get there (as I didn't drive there myself) after all this time.
3. Even if I was willing to make love to a married man I wouldn't do so in his marital home (his wife's home)...........last time I was mistakenly under the impression that you were seperated. (I get that it is convenient and more comfortable than an office or a car but to me it would be violating that woman's home).

I hope you can understand where I stand and why I can't take this path however tempting it would be. If I did agree to give it a try I would be letting myself down. This hasn't been a quick and easy decision, I have given it a lot of thought, weighing up the benefits against my ethics and find that I just can't break my own rules. However good it would be, it would be soured by my own inner conflict. I wouldn't be able to be completely relaxed. Furthermore it would get in the way of my ability to find 'Mr Right'. How could I look someone in the eye telling them that I believe in fidelity if I am or have been having an affair with a married man.

As you rightly say I do want our friendship to continue and I would hate to hurt your feelings, but I couldn't live with myself if I follow the path you want to take. I have a lot of respect for you, I treasure your friendship and enjoy our evenings together but I can't take it any further.