to tell or not to tell

When I was 20 and I can't really remember exactly when or why I decided to join the TA as private in the only local unit that took women as well as men. It was a Signals Regiment not that that is really very relevant to my story. At some point soon after I had signed up I started dating A. A was twice my age and a Staff Sgt in the regular Army we had met when he was visiting a mutual friend who had recently retired from the Army. I saw him whenever he was able to get away at weekends etc. However I was not going to sit around at home during the weeks when he was on duty. A became very possessive and started getting jealous of the time I spent with my friends.

Not long after my 21st birthday I went away for the weekend with the TA for a training course. This weekend was extremely physical and very demanding.....consequently I was exhausted when I got home. A should have understood this but didn't. We spent sunday evening alone together at our friend's flat. I made it quite clear that I was feeling very bruised and exhausted, but this was not going to deter A from getting what he wanted from his girlfriend.....yes he raped me!! I was not able to physically do anything to stop him. The details of what happened then escape me now.....possibly because it's not something I wish to think about. I told no one what had occurred. what was the point....who would have believed I had been raped by my own boyfriend when I was with him alone through my own choice. Like a fool I continued to see A for a while longer. One evening A dropped me off at the TA unit, one of the other privates who I usually caught the bus with saw us and asked if it was my dad. That hit home how much older than me A really was. Not long after this I decided that the possesiveness was getting out of hand and when A came to my parents house I told him that I wanted to end the relationship. He asked for sex for one last time, I was in no mood and said no......I should have realised that A would not accept this.......yes he raped me for the second time.
Again I told no one, the police attitude to rape was changing at this time but I still felt that in my situation I would not get a very sympathetic hearing from them.......It was 3 months before I told anyone about being raped.

Even now 20+ years later I don't know if I should have told anyone whether it was the police or not. I only told my mother about 18months ago.
I also left the TA soon after this when I realised that the only way women could make any progress was to become an 'officer's groundsheet' not my cup of tea. I'm worth more than that!!!