Friday, 28 November 2008

Fucking friends

Its odd how things turn out.

Last night I was chatting online when I was sent a couple of text messages.

The sexual position formally known as 69 is now called 96. Due to inflation, the cost of eating out has gone up!!

What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her nickers...................self employed.

I forwarded these to Paulo and Mr Passionate. I didn't get a reply from either but that didn't suprise me. I hadn't been in contact with Mr Passionate for months not since the flurry of emails between us after I passed him outside Asda when he was with his wife. That must have been months ago because I was on my way to the gym.

I had been chatting online with Paulo not long before I sent him the joke and we had already said goodnight.

This evening as I was reading blogs my mobile took on a life of its own as a string of text messages flew back and forth between me and Mr Passionate. He gave me the sad news that he has moved away, now living in East Anglia. His wife is away for the next few months but he is behaving himself which he is finding hard. It isn't easy resisting temptation when your partner is away. He was having soak in the bath whilst texting me so he asked if I would like a peek. Under normal circumstances I would have said no but this was Mr Passionate and mmmmm his picture brought back such great memories of our times together. I had to reciprocate but only by sending him a picture that was taken especially for him on our last night together. It was a tease to whet his appetite when he was on his way to me that night.

his reply to the question ...................Remember this

I do indeed. Very well indeed. I also remember how good they felt around my neck, with you moaning below x

we talked about how we never took any pictures together although we had discussed it.

we never took any pics of us, a shocking waste! will have to rely on the memory ...... Those red heels resting on my shoulders as I slammed into you. You squirting all over my shaft as you came hard. Me filling that tight sexy ass over and over! Now I remember ;-) x

we should have done it anyway. would have been v horny. Love the thought of taking you hard and fast, whilst watching a video of us fucking. makes me hard thinking about it!

I believe I will always think of him as a friend, our contact will only be intermittent, I very much doubt we would ever get together again but we have our memories. Sex with Mr Passionate was always brilliant, he knew just how I liked to be fucked, but what made it even better was that we like each other as friends as well as sexual partners.

It did make me laugh when Mr Passionate was asking about my love life and commented about Romeo.............Please tell me he's not married lol. that was a bit rich coming from my favourite married man (The man who fucked me the most in recent years).

Sunday, 23 November 2008

An incomplete list

Wild Catz has got me thinking, she has produced a whose who of the men who have been in her life. My initial reaction was that I wouldn't dare to do this myself but having slept on the idea I think perhaps it would help me to get to grips with the patterns in my sexual life so here goes (this might take a while).

16 - 17 CS 9 months my first love
18-20 MS I still had feelings for CS but wasn't going to wait for him to realise he still wanted me (he would turn up on my doorstep unannounced until I made the mistake of telling him I was getting engaged to MS)
20 - 21 SS my first older man (22yrs older) he was in the Army and became very jealous and controlling, he raped me just after my 21st and again the day I tried to end our relationship
21 - 22 MS again but I had changed I wasn't the timid girl he had first known, I didn't really like him anymore. I found I could only tolerate being with him when we were in a group.
22 - 23 CJN love of my life,(14 yrs older) I was already in love with him by the time I got that stomach churning phone call from his 'wife'. He flitted between us for a few months. Before he fially left her and moved down to Kent to rent a bedsit with me. 2 weeks later he went off to 'find work' and didn't come back. This was when I became grief stricken and ended up n the verge of a mental breakdown.
23 At the back end of the year I found B (9 yrs older) he listened to my woes but he took advantage and lied. I soon had his g/f (he is father of her eldest child they were still sleeping together sometimes) on my case.
23 - 24 CJN returned I was in shock but accepted him back into my life. (he had returned to his suicidal wife) I became pregnant but when I miscarried that was the end of us.
24 paddy (my toy boy 3 yrs younger) I didn't know it at the time but he was my first fuck buddy. I taught him the joys of felatio.
24 - 42 SF (9 yrs older) he came along when I was vulnerable, we were both getting over broken hearts it suited us both to have someone to go home to. 6 months later I was pregnant. He is an alcoholic I should never have married him but I don't regret my boys.
43 -44 NAF first man in my life for 19 yrs. He flitted between me and 'the bitch' for 6 months before living with someone else for a few months we got back together for 2 months Jan 07
44 -45 This is where it gets complicated
lovers = SL, PL, Ade, my knight,Forest, Oxo,GB,Swinger
NSA = BT, KB,Scooby,CF,RR, GM,GI,Pat,Coach,

46 Romeo (10 yrs older) elusive all consuming love

I know I have forgotten some so will add as I remember them

Just making a few additions

Pilot, Imperial, Porche

Saturday, 8 November 2008

A test of love

As you are all aware I am in love with my Romeo
To be honest I find it a little bemusing, after all we have only met once in 9 months, but I was already in love with the man I was getting to know online before we met in person. Meeting him just confirmed how I felt. I am not so stupid as to have confessed my love to him. I did though as we were laying naked limbs entwined admit that I like him. He saw through that and with a little encouragement from him I admitted that I like him .............. a lot. He seemed to be satisfied with that. I wouldn't tell him that I am in love with him as that would scare the hell out of him, come to that it scares the hell out of me too.

When we met it was just perfect, I felt so relaxed so natural with him right from the first moment. I had joked in the early weeks that when we met I would feel as though I had come home. I don't know if I would describe our meeting as that but I did feel that I was where I belonged. During our hours together we talked about lots of things including the sexual things we have each done in the past and what we want to do. He told me some funny stories about his work. But now I realise that we didn't talk about his world and what he wants/expects from me.

I really regret that now, that other than, that seeing each other would be irratic, we didn't discuss in more detail what this relationship would be like. Each time he has been away during the 9 months since the start of us I have been sending him text messages and emails a couple of times a week. I do this because doing that make me feel closer to him plus he always when he returns says thanks for the messages. I send him a mixture some serious but with a joke thrown in for good measure, some funny tales and some just downright silly, then there are the soppy one and also the erotic ones, he will never know what he will get next.

If he is away for a week or two I might send him a text every other day even if it is just a row of xxxxxxx and perhaps 3 emails in a week but if hes away longer I would try to ration myself to only sending one or two a week. I don't want him to be overwhelmed when he returns. Now this is where I find myself regretting that we didn't lay down any rules earlier. He goes away and I am left here waiting not knowing when I will hear from him again. At first I am ok, then as the days pass I begin to get edgy, sometimes it is something someone has said, sometimes I manage to do it all by myself. I trust him implicitly, I love him, I have faith in him, in us. But my faith begins to waver as I begin to wonder is he really playing me for a fool. I don't believe he is, I believe he is so focussed on his work that he doesn't have time to think about anything else, but once those doubts start to creep in it takes all my strength to get my belief back but I do.

Then I regain my confidence and I am fine again and I carry on with my life as usual then I hear from him again. It is a cycle that I find myself following each time he goes away. But this time he told me he would be in th Far East for two weeks, I didn't follow the cycle I remained positive throughout, until the two weeks were up, I didn't hear from him right away but I was chatting to Forest and he started asking questions planting the seeds of doubt, I still didn't hear from Romeo I became more frantic. I began to do a little digging on the internet. I wanted to know more about what Romeo does, I found a website for another of his Companies. I pulled myself together I was fine again but after the 3rd week had gone and it was heading towards 4 weeks I was worried that he had become ill again or worse had been in a car/train/plane crash. I was worried that if anything were to happen to him I would never know. I agonise but eventually I gave in to my need to know that he is safe and well, I sent him an email through one of his businesses. Something I would never have done under normal circumstances, I know he likes to keep his business and private lives seperate. (yes I know I can hear you all saying .......proof hes married). But I don't agree.

Last weekend I did a little more digging and found out some information about his UK businesses, I also found the Company address he uses for his phone and credit cards. His female business partner lives at that address, now as you can imagine my mind went into a whirl of thoughts about whether they are/were just business partners or were they in a personal relationship. I was completely torn between believing that he is everything he says he is, and thinking that he is with this woman and I am his dirty secret. Yeah yeah I know most of you will be thinking the latter. But I think I was just going through another glitch, I pulled myself together again and became calm again. I can hear you asking why do I do this to myself all the signs point to him being married and I am just being a fool.

A few days ago I got a text from him, it was very different from any I had ever had before, basically he told me that he is very busy abroad I have behaved very badly and I must ONLY email his private address. I was very distressed by his text. I wanted to shout 'HOW DARE YOU' but I didn't. I took my time to consider my response. I wrote him an email saying the only thing I am guilty of is caring too much. That his prolonged silence had driven me to do something that I had agonised over, it wasn't something I had done lightly. I waited 24 hours before sending him my response. since then I have been feeling as though a kind of pressure has been relieved.

I have gone over his text a couple of times, he wasn't telling me he didn't want me. He wasn't telling me to stop contacting him, he was merely angry that I had used that business email to get through to him. I had forced him to mix personal with his business world. From now I shall stop worrying, I know beyond any doubt that he is a very honest man, he is not playing me for a fool, he is not stringing me along, he does still want me in his life, but I have to be content to wait until he is not working. So I am going to enjoy my life while he is not around, I have wasted enough time pining for him. I know that when he is ready he will return and I shall welcome him with open arms. All this has been is our first row if you can call it that. If anything I think this will bring us closer together. stop groaning I know you still think I am just letting myself in for more heartache. But if in the end I am wrong and I do end up with a broken heart then so be it. I love him and part of loving someone is running the risk that they will break your heart.

Monday, 3 November 2008

first time

The first time I saw your face I knew I was yours
The first time you held my hand I knew your were mine
The first time we kissed I knew there would be more

The first time you held me I knew I was yours
The first time I push you down I knew you were mine
The first time we made love I knew there would be more

Although we are apart we are always together in my heart

My love is a blind love
I only have eyes for you my love
No other guy can take me away
My heart knows only you