Saturday, 29 March 2008

my birthday

I have just filled in my birthday on am application that claims to tell you what your birthday says about you well here is what it says about me and I think it is pretty accurate which surprised me.

You are gracious, elegant and prudent. People admire your qualities and some even become jealous of you. You are realistic, flexible and adaptable. You are remarkably kind and moral person. Your Love, You are willing to sacrifice yourself for the one you love. Your lover will always have your gentleness, care and loyalty. You will always be happy to hand around the one you love.

Monday, 24 March 2008

stolen from Ronjazz

Wrath:Very Low
Pride:Very Low

The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

I should be blonde

I have been exchanging some lovely text with Romeo today first some early this morning whilst I was at work then again some longer ones tonight. My poor baby is very tired and couldn't stay awake after his week in eastern Europe. He still isn't back in Uk but at least he is back to a place with a decent signal so he can text.

I ahve been having a blonde day today since those early morning text that lifted my spirits so much.

I ahve been sending faxes to telephone lines then when I send to the right number I send the wrong thing.
I have bought £15 in petrol, paid with £20 note then drove off without my change.
there have been other things but those are the funniest. My work colleagues have noticed that I wasn't quite myself today. Oh and I drove home with my reading glasses still on my head, now why did no one tell me.

By the way if you didn't notice................

I am happy :-D

Thursday, 13 March 2008

hyacinths of love

As I sit here I can smell them. The scent is getting stronger.
According to OJ they smell like cat pee. He has no romance in him.
What I can smell are the two white hyacinths I bought a couple of weeks ago. I was out shopping one evening when I decided to treat myself to some flowers. Then I decided on a plant instead. I ended up buying a pot with two hyacinths.

The romantic in me decided that these two plants represented myself and Romeo. I could watch the plants grow just as our feelings were growing. Now they are both 80% open but whilst one is growing upright the other is leaning at a right angle away from the first. does this indicate that we are not on course to be together.

The other day as I was going about my business I suddenly heard Romeo's voice in my head. He was telling me that I should

'Sing like you've never sung before,
Dance as if no one is looking,
and Love like you've never been hurt'

I also heard him telling me

You are a very strong person who can deal with these trials and tribulations.

So even though I have not heard from him for a week I know he is with me. I just have to trust him. I have to believe in us. When he escapes from his present work situation he will return home and we can show each other that the wait has been worth while.

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

From Oncology to Oxford in one day

today I am feeling much happier in myself

my appointment at the clinic went well except that I have to go back in 12 months time. when I came out of the hospital I had a text from DC 'final written warning' so that was a relief he still has a job but for how long until he does something stupid again. OJ has been to see about Universities, he has brought home a stack of prospectus's including the one for Oxford which is where he is now aiming for.

I had a long chat with my mum this morning and saw her again later while she talked to OJ about Oxford and the possibility of him going into law, He is thinking of becomong a Barrister. As my mother knows some Barristers she will contact them to see if she can arrange a visit to their chambers.

During the afternoon I saw an Angel shopping in Asda. Yes thats right I did say Angel, she is a retired lady who I knew from my previous work. Three christmases ago whilst I was going through the nightmare of my divorce I had no money to buy presents for my boys. OJ lent me £100 from his savings to buy presents, but before I could even buy one my purse was stolen from my bag. The police think it was a gang of Romanian's, I mentioned it next day at work to warn my collegues. Next day this Angel who was semi retired and lived alone left an envelope on my desk, containing £40 and a note telling me to use it on the boys and to only pay it back as and when I could, she was only sorry it wasn't more. I mentioned it today after we had caught up with each other's news. She told me that the money hadn't mattered to her. (I had paid it back as soon as I could). but to me it was so overwhelming that she would do that me me and my boys.

I have not heard from Romeo, but I am alright about that today. Having agonised yesterday over whether I should still send him text and emails today I sent hima lovely light hearted email telling him all my good news. After all before he went away he had warned me that there would be times when he couldn't contact me but that I should still send him text and emails which he would pick up when he could.

Monday, 10 March 2008

Misery of my own making perhaps

I am unhappy, lonely, fed up, pissed off.
My family are fine (to a degree) DC has a disciplinary at work tomorrow to find out if he is going to be sacked. OJ has an appointment at the dentist to have a tooth extracted as he has had an abscess which has forced the filling out and broken the tooth. I have a hospital appointment (my annual check up.)
work is fine although I was o my own today as my colleague was off sick........ok hes on his own tomorrow as I ahve a day off lmao.

So why am I miserable and is it of my own making.
Of course if you know me at all and if you ahve read my recent posts you will guess that it is man trouble. So if it is man trouble there has only been one man I have written about lately. A man who has unwittingly caused me to 'clean up my act' if you like.

I am not really writing about sex anymore, yes I know some of you wish I was. I have begun to delete the sexier pictures in my collection not that I have much that is very raunchy preferring suggestive over explicit.

So why am I miserable? after all only a few days ago I was saying how happy I am. Romeo has brought a big smile to my face over recent weeks. I see his name on my phone or in my email inbox and the biggest grin spreads across my face. I hear his voice and I smile laugh giggle like a school girl. So what has happened to make me feel so down. Nothing! thats right nothing.

The very first time we spoke on the phone Romeo warned me that his job (his own business) means that he often has to go abroad on business, sometimes for weeks at a time. This can mean that sometimes he won't be able to contact me either through sheer weight of his work commitments or through being in a place with little access to communication signals. He told me not to worry about this as it does not mean that he has lost interest in me. He has been away now for almost three weeks, we have had lots of contact, text, email and even telephone conversations but there have been gaps. gaps that he has explained, gaps that he has later told me it felt strange not to be in contact. But what is making me miserable now.

I have not heard from him for 4 days and it feels like a part of me is missing, the smile on my face is wavering. I am beginning to doubt what we have. I am starting to feel as though I have been naive and gullible again, he has asked me to trust him and I really want to. But past experience makes me feel wary and cynical. Is he for real is this the start of a fairy tale or the start of a rollercoaster to hell?

Friday, 7 March 2008

No sex today

This is so very different for me
His job (no it isn't a job it is so much more than that) keeps us apart. He went away for 3 days but has been gone or over 2 weeks. It doesn't matter what I am doing or how I am feeling as soon as I see his name on my phone a big smile spreads across my face. the sight of his name in my mail box does the same. I am hungry for his words and read them over and over. Hearing his voice is heaven. I don't need any introduction when he calls even if my phone shows unknown number. He has such a unique voice.

We talk about many things but mostly how much we want to be together, how it will feel to be in each others arms. We don't talk about sex, although it is ever present in the air between us. We both know that when we do finally get together we won't have sex. We both agree that we want to wait not rush into bed. However we also know that when it does happen we wont have sex we will be making love.

It occurred to me this morning as I switched my alarm off and found the half written text I was sending him last night as I fell asleep, my eye caught sight of my vibrators etc in my bedside cabinet. I think I ahve used them once since Romeo came into my life. I suddenly realised I don't feel the need for them at this point as I am going to bed feeling happy to have Romeo in my life and the promise of being with him soon.

Monday, 3 March 2008

Could it be?

Could it be that I am falling in love
or am I just insane?

For 2 days I hear nothing
for 2 days I feel I am missing an arm

this morning a text I receive
this afternoon a text I receive

I am on cloud seven
I want to jump for joy

I am the proverbial pauper
he is the proverbial prince

I am stone cold broke
he is mega mega rich

I don't care about his money
I care about his spirit

the things I can't imagine
he takes for granted

he wants to be with me
I want to be with him

he makes me happy
I make him happy