Thursday, 30 November 2006

how can they do this to us

I got the letter on monday but for some reason put it to one side and only opened it on tuesday...... they have reassessed my entitlement to what benefits I can have. they state how much the government says I need to live on each week and have taken 60% of it from me because I did 7 days temping back in september!!! They are already penalising me because my eldest son is no longer in fulltime education......they take away a portion of my benefits then increase my debts (hes now considered to be an adult so I have to pay for him ie council tax & 60% of the rent) but if I try to do something to improve my situation I get slapped in the face and penalised even dare they do this to me.......then they preach about single mothers on benefits leaching off the tax payers living a life of luxury !!!! I would like to see them bring up 4 kids on what I get. I have been trying to get back to work but I have to earn more than I currently have the capacity to earn before I will be better off than my current state of affairs. Now I am an intelligent woman and by no means stupid I can earn a reasonable salary but its not enough. how do they expect mothers who dont have the abilities that I have to ever improve their lot. Maybe they think I should have stayed married then my situation would be different. No way jose......they can do their worst to me but I shall still be smiling and enjoying my life......I can and will improve my lot in life.
today I have signed up for a training course in going to improve my skills so that my earning capacity increases to a level where I can earn enough to give my family the life they deserve.
no government office is going to keep this woman in the mire for long
I will always be smiling no matter what :-)

garage love

I have decided to sort out my garage....only I need someone strong to help me move the heavier things!!

Ok I take the hint I will help you.

I had only met him once and that was for a cuppa in town
but we had exchanged some hot text since.

monday morning he phones where are you ? I am at your door theres no answer....... Im already in the garage ( in a block behind the row of terraced houses). I go and find him and bring him to see what he has let himself in for. I had hoped that after our first meeting we would be able to get a bit more intimate....but to my horror my son had come home on friday beaming from ear to ear as they had a day off from school on monday. we worked hard emptying the garage then repacking it in a bit more order....yipee I can now get in there!!!
he thinks im crazy as I take a picture to prove that we had got it done!
we go into my kitchen for a cuppa he stands behind me I feel his hands on my shoulders then my breasts I turn my head and we kiss.....softly at first then more passionately. I turn in his arms he worries that the neighbours might see us through the window...but I know we are safe and if anyone did see Im in my own home and single.
we take our mugs of tea into the sittingroom. my son is upstairs....I go to make sure he is ok...hes playing a computer game and not interested in anyone else...I make him some lunch ( actually allowing him to eat in his room). I go back to my hero we sit very close together kissing ardently, hands going everywhere, after a while I climb into his lap and sit straddling him whilst still out lips are meshed together with tongues flicking and twisting. I am getting not just damp but very very wet, he slides his hand inside my jeans and I return the favour. By now my jeans are soaked and I am making his damp too. I slide out of my jeans and impale myself on his rock hard manhood. we writhe together in complete unison neither of us completly believing that we are doing this with a 10 yr old in the house. when we are done I twist around so that I am now sat on the sofa and he slides to his knees between my slippery thighs and lowers his head the anticipation get s too much for me and Im gushing again. his mouth finds my wetness and his tongue is soon working with silky smoothness caressing, probing licking me until I have cum so hard I can take no more. we have to bring things to an end which neither of us want.....he has to get ready for work and I need a change of clothes before my other sons arrive home from school. I cant wait for tomorrow when he will be back and we can get down to some serious lovemaking......he has wetted my appetite now and I want more .......much more. this is the start of a beautiful series of liasons with my passionate Lover (PL)

Wednesday, 29 November 2006

part three

sir I write to you now to acknowledge that I shall endeavour to grant your wishes for the day in question. It is always my desire to be attired in such a way as to be as elegant as possible given my limited resources and abundance in curves, whilst at the same time giving my companion of the hour a suggestion of what may be enjoyed between us on the condition that on meeting we are both fully satisfied that further investigation of each other is not only wished for but most deeply required. While at the same time not being out of place in the surroundings in which we find ourselves for the partaking of refreshment from the hostelry already agreed. Lady Slut

Lady ****** my slut It delights me, Sir ****, enormously to find you acknowledge my afore mentioned desire and that you will endeavor to grant my wishes for the day in question. Your sentiments on attire mirror my own and notwithstanding the abundance of curves you are blessed with, I am sure you will be the very essence of decorum and elegance. Any suggestion of what might be enjoyed between us, should we both so deeply desire, would indeed be most enjoyable if not thrilling and my anticipation tests my concentration to the limit. Yours as ever your Knight in tarnished amour S :-x

Dear sir ****** my knight in tarnished armour I am most gratified in the knowledge that my intentions meet with your delight. I am currently attired very differently from the aformentioned in that having showered in readiness for the day I am allowing the breeze from my open window to play upon my skin sending tingles down my spine as I anticipate you reaction when you discover this fact. Lady ****** your slut

My dear ****** you beautiful SLUT I wonder if you can imagine the intense joy I felt to have you enlighten me of your present state of attire. I have in my mind the glorious vision of your ample mature womanhood standing in all it's curvaceous sensual glory at the window and your indulgence at feeling the sensual breeze waft across glistening droplets of water clinging limpets like to your soft ivory flesh. If only I could hold you tightly. The tingling sensation down your back should feel electric if it is a measure of the tingles I felt at the very pit of my stomach and through the core of my rising manhood. You are indeed *****, a slut of the finest order and I appreciate and hearten to this aspect of your personality and relish a time that you might share this vulgar and captivating quality with your Knight in tarnished amour. I remain your most ardent champion and constant admirer and look forward to a time when I can defend your honour to the hilt of my unwavering jousting lance. Sir tarnished knight :-x

part two

very interesting so you do like to partake of fresh air when the elements are inviting......mmmmm interesting choice ******not far from a particular venue where I may or may not have indulged in the former mentioned activities....finding that certain activities prevent the noticing of the temperature that others may find chilly. maybe we could discuss further the merits of such activities and venues during the consumption of a midday meal at the hostelry first suggested by yourself mmmm I think maybe you are right that the presence of paparazzi would not be required being as such exposure could cause undo exposure in a way which would be unwanted by either myself who has family ie sons, mother etc to think of or yourself who has a 20 yr attachment to consider I do have the disguise of a red ***** the name on my birth certificate is indeed spelt * * * * * * *

How wondrous...........Lady Yes, I do indeed enjoy the elements and find they conspire to add to the occasion and am pleased to find you take similar enjoyment from them. It is heart warming to understand that a venue suitable for activities afore mentioned is not too distant From the said hostelry and to discover that you may know it of experience is ENORMOUSLY gratifying, which I think you may in turn find gratifying too. It thrills me also to understand that certain activities you elude to counteract the effects of exposure otherwise felt if not distracted. Heaven forbid that you should find yourself compromised with your family and I with my long standing attachment. We should contrive together to obviate any such occurrence should we not? If however, the desire for intimate exposure should fall upon us, perhaps you might permit, with unquestioned discretion of course, the occasional digital capture of subjects or events for both our pleasures during those solitary moments of communion famine? I am pleased you have transport, and hasten to add that it being an ******* might be construed highly appropriate. But I should not jest, as my mode of transport is no less or more salubrious in it's guise as a *****. It pleases me that you seem to find the ******* an acceptable venue to further discuss the merits activities of a very private nature and also the venue for such joyous activity. If half past noon on Friday 1st December is of interest to you, we could enjoy the food and the wine and hope the pleasure of sharing verbal discourse might introduce a discourse of an entirely different and celebratory nature. I remain as ever ...... Sir

sir It is indeed most gratifying to realise that you harbour a wish to establish a connection with myself at 30 minutes after midday on the last day of this working week that being the first day of the last month in the year that is now 2006. A light meal with accompanying conversation being most acceptable however I would have to depart in good time to traverse the lanes leading between the agreed hostelry (which by the way I have never visited before) and the institution of education where my youngest child will be spending the greater part of the anniversary of his birth. the idea of lashings of jam and cream whilst also being very tempting would I fear have to wait for another occasion assuming the success of this first scheduled meeting. pray tell if there is any particular preference for the required attire for the occasion agreed. or would there be complete license for free will in this matter. yours truly lady ******* slut

My Dear Lady you beautiful desirable Slut Gratifying indeed and harbour I do the desire to establish a connection with you. I feel the alchemy quite strong having experienced the gift of the light reading you sent me. Light I fear too nonchalant a remark to make of a work of such rewarding intimacy. But that is not our purpose here. Our purpose is to look to the hour of twelve and thirty minutes on the first day of our final month in 2006 where we might sit before each other and imbibe of the vitals of the establishment, which I understand you have never frequented. I trust however that you know of its whereabouts? I look forward with utmost pleasure at the prospect of devouring you visually and pray it be a feast of such intensity for both of us requiring an urgent encore where upon we might indulge our passion for the promised lashings of jam and cream with an intimacy so intense as to render us both utterly spent but still desirous of one another. But wait up, I precede myself and events, but let me just say that where attire is concerned, something becoming of an elegant woman in a public space would be fitting, but that her femininity and sensuality are not denied her companion but kept to a level of decorum fitting the environment. A tasteful display of cleavage would be well received and would the joy and titillation of a good pair of elegant knees. If at any stage proceedings took on a more intense direction a provocative personal but very private display might be very well received. I dare say you will look elegantly beautiful what ever you choose to enthrall me in. I on the other hand will be waring jock strap and gaiters!!!!!!! You wish I wish you youngest child the happiest day of his life in celebrating the anniversary of his birth. It excites me to know you are a mother and devotedly so. Yours with increasing evidence of lust and passion for you Sir :-x

lady and the knight part one

Sir you were fretting about getting a reply to your question.......the answer being that the probability is fairly high that the deed being the subject of the enquiry could be imminent. however how imminent depends on the rapidity of response and any suggested location time etc

Lady Indeed I was, but not unduely. Firstly however, let me apologise for my disappearing act yesterday. Something came up. Now now, behave yourself! No doubt you will understand how pleased I am of the probabilities in respect to the deed in question being fairly high and of an imminent nature dependent on the rapidity of response with suggested location and time. I feel one other overwhelming desire, beyond that of indulging your desire to enact the said deed, to inform you that I am not as free an agent as perhaps you had thought or would wish me to be. I have been attached to a third party for now on 20 years and am happy with this arrangement. However, from time to time I find myself sorely tempted by a similar species carrying a more abundant and enchanting physicality. It has been known that temptations such as these on occasion have been satisfied with these outside agencies especially when they are blessed with noteworthy patella and distinguishing mammalian qualities not to mention a sensual opulence that often accompanies such attributes. Having stated the above, it will be apparent that a suitable location will need to be negotiated, be it home or hostelry velocipede or a communion in nature and an hour suitable to both agencies partaking of this celebration of their differences. I should like to suggest that if anyone has any cause or impediment as to why these two should not be joint in their quest for gratification, they should speak now or forever hold one another's peace. If in the event that there are seen to be no impoundment, then negotiation could resume for an early exorcising of the said deed. I remain your very trusted devoted and dedicated servant to your desires. Sir

Ah so to be blunt you are married/attached but fancy a shag with a big breasted slut who has nice knees. this could happen either in a motel or in the woods (at this time of year!).As soon as a time and place can be agreed!



Tell me when and where

My Dear lady Shag a big breasted slut with nice knees.? W E L L ! I ask you, I V E R Y well ask you! Tisk! Tisk! So appallingly vulgar and a mother of four. Is this an appropriate way to behave with such responsibilities? I can see it now, "Mother of four found tied naked to a tree Goose pimples on her goose pimples!" "Strange found kneeling before her with his head buried, clutching noisily with his mouth at something between her ample thighs..........................." or Mother of four seen leaning into the back of a car with her dress around your waste and knickers at her knees and ample hips clutched my a strange man who seemed to be pulling her ample hips and thighs to his with apparent glee" or "Mother of four found in a car clutching at a strangers manhood with her fingers and mouth" *****, is that short for *******? Such a gorgeous name, ** * ** ** ............ We could however, avoid the paparazzi exposure and select a quiet motel room away from prying eyes ............................... although the thrill of the out doors, does draw you to it? It's always a joy, but you might have to wrap up warm with accessibility in mind ............................... ;-) Anyway, do you have transport? I was thinking about lunch at a pub called the ****** over the hill from ***** where I can chastise you for your slut like behavior? And there is another close by or the **** at ******, but that might be a little far for you? Or anywhere of your choosing on Friday, Sunday, Monday or Tuesday or tea time with lashings of jam and cream....................... Your call

naked delight

Its been 40 mins now since I finished my shower. I sat on my bed pressed the button and the screen lit up, only a minute before my emails were revealed for me to read. My towel has fallen away nolonger wrapping my body in its soft mauveness. I dont much mind as I am alone in the house, my kids are all out mostly at school and the other although not at work has gone to see his girlfriend. I've towel dried my hair and let it just go how it wishes no taming with hairdrier and brush today!! The weather outside is clear and chilly, my window is slightly open and the fresh breeze plays across my skin softly drying the moisture that was still there a moment before. my messenger opens and I see one of my sexual aquaintances has a message next his name asking if anyone wants to play. He is a very fit hot lover and loves nothing more than giving a girl a wonderful time. but today I resist his charms when he asks me what im doing today. we chat for a while before he says he has to go it seems he has an offer to play after all, am I jealous? no just hope he has a good time, I have things to do. I reply to an email or two check my messages on AFF, both my solo account and that which is my joint profile as a couple with my sensual lover who from now will be know as SL. recently SL and I embarked on a second adventure the first being as lovers the second being a couple wishing to expand our sexual experiences and bring others into our circle of sensousness.
I digress I had not intended to expand on that situation during this particular posting. the room is getting a little chilly now and I'm considering the merits of putting on some clothes, however I hesitate to do this as the chill on my skin makes me feel so good ...soooo tingly and excited , I feel a slight dampness which excites me more. I find I have a new email from my tarnished knight, the dampness increases with anticipation of this the latest in our eloquently erotic correspondence. quickly I open a new window in order to read the said email it was indeed a further addition of the best mind fuck I have indulged. quickly I reply letting it be known my current situation excitement mounting in the knowledge that this can only create an even greater desire by both to bring the whole experience to a tumultous and gratifying coming together. I can hardly contain my excitement as I anticipate a reply from my knight to his lady slut. I cant stop wriggling now the dampness has increased the tingle is growing, the coolness of the breeze on my skin does nothing to cool my fever but only helps to increase the feelings running through my body. I am waiting now waiting to cum but not allowing this to happen as I want to wait to see the response to my latest email before I allow my body to release the growing tensions within me. Please my knight dont take too long, put me out of my delicious predicament. I want so much to cum only as I read your words.

Tuesday, 28 November 2006

it's only me

Over the last year but most particularly the last 4 months I have had to change the way I see myself. One of the reasons and probably the biggest reason I stayed married for as long as I did. I believed that if I split from my husband that would be it the end of any life for me. I did not love my husband in fact I found he repulsed me, but at least he wanted me. If I cut free then I would be on my own from then on in as no other man would ever be attracted to me. No man in their right mind was ever going to find me the slightest bit sexy. Then I decided that life was passing me by and I deserve a little happiness.....I could not stay in my marriage any longer so I filed for divorce in sept last yr. By december I was feeling lonely....I had always given all my affection to my kids as my husband neither wanted or gave any affection. But now my kids are almost grown and its not cool to have hugs with your mum.
I joined a couple of online dating sites met a couple of guys for drinks over the xmas period. Then after xmas began chatting to a guy 20 miles away. I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship just friendship. when we met a few days later we both knew this was going to be more than friendship. I will describe that relationship another time as it warrants more than a few lines. But what I quickly learnt was that I could be sexy and have a satisfying sexual relationship with a man other than my husband. This was the first new man for me for almost 20 years and I was by now much bigger than I had been back then before I had my adorable children. In the months since then I met and had sexual encounters with a few other guys. then in July I joined AFF put on my profile not expecting a single response.....but was inundated . I now of course know that the ratio of men to women means that was inevitable. but it did no end of good for my confidence which in turn made me a happier brighter sexier person. I have built up a network of really good mates and a few lovers along the way. But most of all I now understand that the problems I have reguarding my body shape are not shared by the men I have encountered. It's only me who has a problem with my figure.

Monday, 27 November 2006

lust without love

A few more short relationships down the line and I met N. He was the first guy I had ever been with who was younger than me (only 2 yrs but to me that was very exotic). We did not embark on a relationship...what we had was pure sex only. we would either meet at the pub then sneak back to my home or he would meet me from work and we would go to the house he shared with a few other guys. this was just what I without complications. To my suprise N had never experienced a bj nor did he have any wish to. I soon taught him the delights of this he was soon converted. This union lasted a couple of sexy months, I cant now remember how or when this came to an end.

now I know for sure

now I know

first now I know why I didn't get a reply to my text he was still asleep. I was alarmed to find him online when I had finished my shower......shouldn't he be on his way here by now!! we speak he apologises, over slept so tired after his journey home last night. Yes he will be over but its going to be nearer 11.30 I tell him to get himself sorted or it will be 12.30 he tells me I am a bossylady and goes offline. spot on 11.30 I get a text ...which number? hes forgotten but he has only been here once before.

I run downstairs to let him in, we kiss several time before we get to my bedroom. it isnt long before we are both lying across my bed undressing eachother. He is still tired and we lay in eachother's arms feeling contented at being together. I kiss him ever so gently on his soft lips, we are so relaxed and pleased to have this time. we are in no rush to get passionate...this is a gentle , sensual lovemaking. but what we both now know for sure is that I am not just wet but I am most definitely a 'squirter'. We both found it so horny discovering the best positions to make me squirt the most. I also now know that I enjoy having my ass slapped and having his fingers dig into the soft flesh of my ass. I think it turns him on more to discover that this is making me cum more. As I am kissing him passionately I ask him to slap me more and dig his fingers in again. I cum again and again I have no idea how many times I have cum, I roll onto my back and he plays with my soaking wet pussy more, my body shudders so much as each orgasm convulses through me. we lay together spent for a while before we both realise its almost time for him to leave. we discuss where I would like him to cum, both agree that it has to be here in this room with me now. As his cock has already given pleasure to two of three options I would like him to cum in my ass, I have recently been introduced to this pleasure. He manages to take some pictures of his cock entering my ass (I now have these too) and comments on the red marks on my cheeks.......mmmm this turns me on more and we both cum together.
Alas it is now time for my lover to go back to his work.......has it really been 2 hours it barely feels like 10 minutes.

home alone :-(

sunday night just before midnight

hiya hun

hows you

tuckered out not been home long
expect I shall wake up tomorrow feeling horny

for a change


you having a lie in then ?

as not working til later yes

let me know if you wanna meet up

where and what can we do?

what do you wanna do?

do you wanna cum here and help me sort out my pc?

could need some hands on

it may indeed

what time we looking at ?

any time after 10.30

10.31 ?

can we make it a bit later 10.32?

prefer 10.31

ok if you insist

text me when I wake up if you are not alone

monday morning and all the kids have gone to work/school......getting excited

cant wait for 9am to text

send text just on 9.00

its very lonely being home alone :-{ would you like to cum and play with me?

9.20 he still hasnt replied but maybe hes in the shower which is where Im heading to now
only got 1hr 10 minutes to make myself sexy ...shall I wear black basque I showed him on cam last friday or the red one? maybe it would be better to wear sexy top and skirt with matching bra and thong......but maybe I'll miss out the thong
which stockings to wear???? so many problems to solve before he gets here
oh sod it..... just my black satin wrap that might be the answer

more than a holiday romance

After my disasterous relationships with both M and A, I needed a holiday. I found a cheap coach holiday to Austria. On the day of departure my mother accompanied me to the coach stop, when the coach arrived she told the driver to look after me!! To cut a long story short he did.
by the time I returned home we were having an affair...only I didn't realise he was still married.
After my holiday we met up a few times when he was home for few days in between trips. After a couple of months of meeting in london and staying in very seedy hotels, C told me that he wanted me to have his child. He had lost contact with his daughter after his first marriage had ended.
One weekend while he was away I had gone with my parents to visit my grandparents in the new forest. Whilst we were there I got a phone call. this was very strange as no one knew where I was and certainly didn't know the number. (Before we all had mobiles). When I went to the phone it was an hysterical older woman telling me that she was C's 2nd wife. this was the start of a very nasty hate campaign by this woman and her grown up daughter. It turned out that she had found my number in his case (they were still married...he had lied). She had called my home where my brother had answered...he thought that she was C's mother and something had happened to him so gave her my grandparents number.
For months after this I was getting hate calls day and telephone calls at work had to be screened to prevent her or her daughter getting through to me. At home my father who worked for BT customer complaints would pretend to be the operator screening all calls from unknown numbers. They were phoning all through the day and the night pretending to be other people then screaming abuse at me. C was 14 yrs older than me and his (crazy and suicidal) wife was 14 yrs older than him.
A few times he left her and came to stay with me.....but each time she would either take an overdose or cut her wrists then he would go back to her.
Then finally he left his job came to me and we found a bed sit to rent for 3 months so we could live together and he would look for a driving job. Everything was fine I would come home from work to find a nice meal ready for me and life was lovely except that he was getting bored as he knew no one except me. Then he came up with the idea of going to east anglia to work for a friend as a taxi driver each week and coming back at weekends. So off he went on monday morning and on friday I waited for him to return..he didn't. There was no word from him at all, but I refused to get upset until I knew what had happened. Days then weeks and months went by and still nothing. I did get a call at work from Salvatoin Army claiming to be looking for him on behalf of his wife who was in hospital yet again!!!
I kept all this locked inside me until I was on the verge of a breakdown. I had to leave my job as I could no longer do my work (mistakes were getting worse and more frequent).
After a while I got a job working in a local hotel as a receptionist (I loved that job). One afternoon I was walking home after finishing an early shift and popped into the local supermarket. As I came out there was C waiting for me. I was so shocked it had been 11 months since he had disappeared.
We went for a drink then I threw up from the shock of him being back. He hadn't gone to East Anglia at all, his wife had been in hospital and he went to visit her and ended up staying. We started seeing each other again but this time we were going to set up home nearer to where he lived about 2 hours drive away. I went for a job at his local airport, we used to spend weekends staying with friends of his. Then I became pregnant, he said he was going to decorate the flat for his mrs then would leave her for good and we could be together. I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, I left a message for him with his younger step daughter who I was on friendly terms with. That was the end, I had lost his baby so all plans were dropped. A couple of months later I got a message saying he wanted me to go stay with his stepdaughter so he could see me and we could talk. I did go and when I was there it was his wife not him who arrived......she was not as bad in person as she had been on the phone. Next day he turned up and I just threw up everywhere.....I vowed never to see him again after that.
I had been very much in love with C, but enough was enough!!!

Sunday, 26 November 2006

to tell or not to tell

When I was 20 and I can't really remember exactly when or why I decided to join the TA as private in the only local unit that took women as well as men. It was a Signals Regiment not that that is really very relevant to my story. At some point soon after I had signed up I started dating A. A was twice my age and a Staff Sgt in the regular Army we had met when he was visiting a mutual friend who had recently retired from the Army. I saw him whenever he was able to get away at weekends etc. However I was not going to sit around at home during the weeks when he was on duty. A became very possessive and started getting jealous of the time I spent with my friends.

Not long after my 21st birthday I went away for the weekend with the TA for a training course. This weekend was extremely physical and very demanding.....consequently I was exhausted when I got home. A should have understood this but didn't. We spent sunday evening alone together at our friend's flat. I made it quite clear that I was feeling very bruised and exhausted, but this was not going to deter A from getting what he wanted from his girlfriend.....yes he raped me!! I was not able to physically do anything to stop him. The details of what happened then escape me now.....possibly because it's not something I wish to think about. I told no one what had occurred. what was the point....who would have believed I had been raped by my own boyfriend when I was with him alone through my own choice. Like a fool I continued to see A for a while longer. One evening A dropped me off at the TA unit, one of the other privates who I usually caught the bus with saw us and asked if it was my dad. That hit home how much older than me A really was. Not long after this I decided that the possesiveness was getting out of hand and when A came to my parents house I told him that I wanted to end the relationship. He asked for sex for one last time, I was in no mood and said no......I should have realised that A would not accept this.......yes he raped me for the second time.
Again I told no one, the police attitude to rape was changing at this time but I still felt that in my situation I would not get a very sympathetic hearing from them.......It was 3 months before I told anyone about being raped.

Even now 20+ years later I don't know if I should have told anyone whether it was the police or not. I only told my mother about 18months ago.
I also left the TA soon after this when I realised that the only way women could make any progress was to become an 'officer's groundsheet' not my cup of tea. I'm worth more than that!!!

starting at the beginning

where to start ?

ok so this is my first attempt to do this.

I have always found it easy to put pen to paper so how hard could this be...I've been putting my thoughts and feelings on paper for most of the year.

where to start?

I suppose I should explain what my battle is about
I was brought up with good middle class values. As a child I attended Sunday school regularly. I believed that if you were a good christian you got married and had a monogamous life....extra marital sex was out. Good christian girls have sex to please their husband and if they are lucky they will also get some pleasure from this. Sex before marriage was frowned upon.I have always tried to live a good christian life even if I have never been religious.

I had my first sexual experience when I was 17 with a young man who was my first love. from that first time I knew I liked sex and wanted more. At the age of 18 I was engaged to be married to M 21. Like most red bloodied males he wanted sex (so did I but I made him wait until I was ready...couldnt offer myself to him too quickly). 6months after we got engaged (valentines day) I had stayed at his home with him and his younger brother whilst the rest of his family were on holiday. During that time M's brother got his GSE O'level results and mother phoned home to find out what he had got. She also asked If I had stayed at the house while they were away. Because I had ...regardless that M had been sleeping in a different room (but not all night) their mother decided that if we ever got married in white she would not be at the wedding. I was shunned from that day on......couldn't visit the house or phone my fiance at home. If we were out and his parents were around I had to hide. I felt more like a mistress than a fiancee. Needless to say that relationship failed. However I did come away from that relationship with a strong belief that for women sex outside marriage was wrong.

so what has been my battle....... my sexual appetite versus my beliefs.