Saturday, 30 June 2007

party time

I am out to a party tonight Yay me :-)

Friday, 29 June 2007

why me ???????

I knew I had money in the bank so why wouldnt they let me have any of it?
everyday I checked the damn machine but no money
I needed milk, bread, electricity, petrol but no money :-(
finally today got to the bank afterwork
printed off a statement
when I got home and studied it ouch!!
there they were
bold as brass
3 debits
3 bloody debits that shouldnt have been there
in May when I was ill in bed someone made three withdrawls from ATM in Romania
the bank paid the money back to me :-)
they sent out claim forms I completed and returned them
they didn't get the forms so they took the money off me again
no warning nothing
now they will send me more forms to complete
then I can have my money back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, 27 June 2007

Memememe 7 random facts

I have been tagged by my good friend The Man to write 7 random facts about myself

1. when I was 20 I joined the Territorial Army just so that I could get the chance to go over one of their assualt courses. I only stayed for about 6 months. I resigned when I realised that women only get anywhere by becoming an officer's ground sheet.

2. when I was pregnant with #1 he kicked a lot and everyone said he would be a footballer. With each boy that I produced people said I was trying for my own football team. Little did anyone know that for a few years I would run a youth football club, so I didn't just have one football team but 6. (now I can't bear to watch football).

3.At senior school I was called toffee nose. Not because I was snooty but because I spoke better than many of the children at my local secondary modern. (I was the first child in my family not to go to boarding school, my grandmother gave elocution lessons in her spare time).

4. growing up I was terrified of both dogs and horses. My first part time job when I was 15 was as a kennel maid. I am still wary of dogs I don't know, but I am no longer scared enough to cross the road when I see a dog. I preferred the big dogs to the yappy little ones.

5. I was an early developer. My bust started to develope when I was just 9. By the time I was 15 I was a hefty 36c which is not good when you are very shy and stick thin with great mellons stuck on the front of you. By the time I was 22 I was on the NHS waiting list to get my bust reduced. 8yrs later I reached the front of the queue. But I was breast feeding a week old baby #3 by then so declined the invitation for surgery. Now I have learnt to appreciate my bust....I often say that I have become attached to it.

6. I am partially deaf. as a child I always said I couldn't hear properly but no one took any notice. It was not until I became a mother that I was taken seriously. My hearing was measured but it was decided I wouldnt benefit from surgery. By the time #4 was born my hearing had got worse. Instead of telling everyone to be quiet because of the baby I had a notice on the door to knock loudly or I wouldnt hear it. I now have a hearing aid, but in the last few years have not worn it as it makes it worse. I have been waiting 5 months for my hearing to be reassessed. At one clinic I missed my appointment because the nurse was stood behind me calling my name and I didnt hear her.

7. I love to drive fast with the windows open so I can feel the breeze in my hair (I carry a hair brush in my bag). I hate such things as hair spray, gel, mousse,clay and any other hair products. I prefer the feel of fresh clean hair. I don't want to run my fingers through hair (mine or someone else's) and get my fingers stuck. I hate the feel of sticky hair. there are many hair products in my bathroom but none are mine other than shampoo and conditioner.

I shal now tag Pixie, Warrior, Lonely Gal, Innocent, and OG, Sage and lastly Tommy



where are you planning to plant those?

well I could go for the chaste continental greeting a few times

if thats what takes your fancy

or maybe I will start with your lips


excuse me do I get any in return?

depends if you are a good girl or bad

I can be very good at being bad

I cant wait to lick you out and feel your mouth on my cock

Monday, 25 June 2007

good news or bad

Today I got the call I have been waiting for
I have to got to hospital tomorrow for urgent ultra sound scan. the appointment is for 2pm I am to have a full bladder (need to drink 2 pints of non fizzy between 1pm and 2pm). I am sure you ladies remember what that is like when you are pregnant. In the past I have drunk the required amount only to find that I can't hold on without peeing myself so rush to the loo then have to start all over again. Only the last time about 3 years ago they then decided they needed to do an internal scan so had to empty my badder.........all that water wasted!!
But worse than that I have to fast from 8am. After weeks of not eating much I am just getting to the stage of eating properly and now I have to stop. You can bet I will be starving by the time I get out of the hospital. My mum was going to go with me to the scan which would have been good in case I didn't feel up to driving after. But I have given her a more important job to do, I have asked her to collect #4 from school as I doubt I will get there in time.

I am glad that I don't have to wait weeks for this scan. It has all been very quick seeing that I only saw my Dr on thursday. He has phoned me everyday to see if I had heard from the hospital, both he and his senior partner who looked after me last time seem to be very keen to get this scan done ASAP. To me this means that they think this is very urgent. in my own mind I have already accepted that it is probably cancer. The way my body is behaving ie the appetite and lack of it and the sudden need to sleep are the same as before. I am pleased that my Dr is acting the way he is as that means that whatever the problem turns out to be I will get sorted sooner rather than later. It also occurred to me that if it is cancer I will have one less thing to worry about when all my body hair falls more shaving my armpits, legs or pussy for at least for a few months and no stubble either arent I lucky ;-)

my mum just rang me SF had called her, they had a civilized conversation about me. I told him at the weekend what was happening, whilst I don't think he has any right to know what I am doing he is the boys' father so I figured he needed to know in case the worst happens. She ended up telling me that I would have the shock of my life if the scan shows I am pregnant. Too right I would be shocked so would she as it would have to be an alien. There is no way I can be pregnant unless of course it is the immaculate conception but then I already had one of those 20 yrs ago. Until #2 was born SF was convinced that #1 was not his (the prat!!).

Saturday, 23 June 2007


I no longer have a heap of red junk to drive.
I swapped it along with some of my mothers money for this (well one the same)
my mother has already named it (Tibble) !!

now I no longer have to worry about whether I will be arriving
now I have no need to worry about parking
I have a car that has power assisted steering once more
I did however have a couple of suprises when clearing out my old car
in the glove compartment a bottle of beer and in the driver's side pocket
not just one but two (unopened thank heavens) condoms.
my eldest son had been driving my car for 3 months before he bought his own car
today we were discussing the things he will need when he moves out next week.
we were talking kettles, irons, cutlery and crockery. But I bet he hasn't realised he will have to buy his own toothpaste, shower gel etc.
he has already offered to have his brothers stay for a few days while I have a clear out here.

my battle continues

Before I got distracted by the news I received on Thursday I had intended to write this post about the two sides of me which seem to still be in battle one against the other. The two sides which seem to mean that I cannot as yet reach my goal.

I did think of writing a list of my qualities that I see on each side of the coin that is me. But I don’t think that will work as to me there are not two definite sides to me.

In some ways there are two sides but there is no line drawn between the two. No that’s wrong it isn’t two separate sides more like two extremes of the same side.

On the one hand there is the me that people who know me see. The mother, the colleague, the public persona. On the other hand there is the woman who after many years in the desert has woken up realising that she is just that ‘a woman’ who thoroughly enjoys sex. The public persona and the sexual woman are not two different people but one and the same.

So why is it that my public persona has to hide the sexy woman behind closed doors. The sexual woman in me comes out online and of course when I meet a lover. But it seems that my lovers who obviously find me sexy and witty are not interested in the kind, loving, caring, sensitive person that I am. Even those who I chat to for months before meeting, they get an insight to the rest of me not just the sexual side. I am not interested in men who can talk of nothing but sex. I enjoy sex, I enjoy flirting, I enjoy discussing sex online or by text to an extent but not constantly I get bored if that is all a man can talk about.

After all these months of allowing my sexual side to have free reign as it were I still am not at peace with myself. I have learnt that it is good to enjoy sex (safe sex that is) it has given me a certain freedom to express myself both, physically in bed or where ever but also in my chat with men and some women, but more in my writing. However I still cannot reconcile myself to this being respectable behaviour for the mother of four who has grown up in the society I have. I am still battling in my conscience over whether I am being normal or very immoral.

I have enjoyed my promiscuity of the past year, but have calmed right down now. I am seeing only one man. That however does not mean that I have stopped talking to others. They do all know now that I am only seeing the one man. He however is perhaps the only one who does not realise this. I do have plans to carry out certain lets call them experiments with certain selected others. These I won’t reveal just at the moment. But for the main part he is my sole sexual partner for now. He is the only one I have made love to in the last few months. He does not mind if I see others, he enjoys reading about my escapades in my blog. There is a possibility that as time progresses he and I will swing together with others for 3 or 4 somes. I have been in contact with some others about this.

I have plans to carry out one or two of my fantasies in the not too distant future with a willing partner. We have only to arrange when and where. So if you think that my recent news is going to put me off carrying out our plans you are wrong it only makes it more important that I experience as much as I can while I can. If I can then so can you. You know who you are.

Thursday, 21 June 2007


Today I visited my Dr expecting him to prescribe iron tablets for my anaemia.

To my surprise he had no intention of doing this. My anaemia is not due to iron deficiency. I didn’t know there was any other kind. Apparently my markers are quite high on my blood test results. I am not in the medical profession so none of it made much sense to me.

However one of my counts (no idea what one) is 115 the norm being between zero and ten. Wow that really is well over what it should be. I have an unusual bug in my system which he has no idea what it is or where it is coming from. It could be anything from an infection (I am now on anti biotics) to cancer. With my history he is concerned and asked to do an internal examination (with my favourite practice nurse in attendance). I expressed my concern that last night as I lay in bed I had not so much played as explored and was horrified that even just inserting one finger I came to a dead end.

My Dr examined me and discovered that there are definitely problems with my vagina. First he thought I had an ulcer then he said cyst. He used a speculum to examine me and only managed to insert it 4.5cm. He is ordering an urgent ultra sound scan. I was quite calm whilst at the surgery. However driving home it hit me that it could be cancer again. I am here to prove that I have survived once. Now I may have to do it all over again. Just, when I am starting to turn my life around.

In 2001 when I was being told that I had cancer all I could think of, was that I would need to take a few weeks off work (it turned out to be 9 months). I took the whole thing in my stride, never once cried or got angry. It was just something that had happened and I had to get through it. I had my children aged 5 to 13 to worry about and a husband to support. Now my children are older 11 to 19 so more able to cope and I don’t have a husband to support which will make it easier. When I got the all clear I took the opportunity to have some free counselling. I didn’t want to return to work to suddenly be hit by all the emotions I hadn’t gone through. But all that came of my sessions was that my counsellor concluded mine was a very lonely marriage.

For a very short time this evening I felt very down about this turn of events. I contacted a couple of friends. I needed to tell someone. I learnt many years ago that I must not bottle things up it just makes things far worse for me.

Ok so now I know there is a possibility that I might have cancer again. I have spoken about it got it out into the open. I can now get on with my life. If the worst comes to the worst I shall get on with it as I did before, refusing to give up my sense of humour as bad as it is. I am positive by nature so will not stay down for long.

I do not crave anyone’s pity or sympathy, only that no one abandon me. Don’t feel that you can’t say anything to me just be yourselves and say anything at all. Be cheerful with me. Don’t be sad. Don’t feel that I can’t deal with anyone else’s sadness or problems. Helping others with their problems helps me to deal with mine.

Hopefully what ever is wrong with me won’t be the worst case scenario and I can just carry on regardless.

Wednesday, 20 June 2007

lacking in posts

Innocent has observed that I must be busy. I take it that is because I have not been online much.

To be honest this is because I have been extremely tired. I have been ill on and off for about 6 weeks now. finaly after 2 visits to dr I had blood tests last week. the results are now in. have bugs and I'm anaemic. Today I get anti biotics tomorrow i see the dr agin to find out what he proposes to do about my anaemia.

I have now had two days working. The work is easy, good thing its only for 12weeks I will quickly get bored with it.

The car I could have got by now but have been to tired to find the logbook for old car or clear outall the clutter from the boot. am using the junk heap as part change for new car.

Monday, 18 June 2007


new job !!

I am starting a new job today

new car

I am getting new car this week

my life is on the turn

Sunday, 17 June 2007

I won !!

saturday night it is 10.30 I am chatting on msn with a fellow blogger. my mobile rings 'private number' it says. Probably #3 playing a prank I answer it. But it is a woman. I don't catch who she says she is or where from. she repeats she is Chloe from ****** I have won first prize in their competition which I entered. Ok so I have entered a few competitions recently.

which area do you want pierced nipples or clit?

say that again

which area do you want pierced ? nipples or did enter this competition you have won first prize. clit £2 nipples £4

I will have to think about it

are you shaved or waxed? it costs more if you are not shaved
we can do waxing ...brazilian £8.00

I may be

clit or nipples..........if you dont want the prize you can pass it on to a friend

when can we call you back? the prize only lasts for this week

tomorrow morning

we are not open on sunday we can call on monday between 9 and 1

I shall be at work

where do you want it clit or nipples?

when can we call you monday ?

I shall be working

the woman continues to persist but I have got fed up with playing along so hang up and repeat the gist of conversation to my friend

he agrees that this is wind up.

10.55pm mobile rings again 'private number' again


hello is that Chloe?

hang up phone rings again this time i just ignore it

funny that this time she forgets she is Chloe

someone is playing games
I have my supicions but I wont be losing any sleep over it just hope they had as much of a laugh over it as I did. There is no way this was genuine apart from the obvious reasons I think I would have remembered if I had entered such a competition. Anyone who knows me would know that I dont like piercings so I am not likely to enter such a competition

Friday, 15 June 2007


she is hot and glowing before her lover arrives
she marvels at how cool he seems
he is almost an hour late after being stuck in traffic
air conditioning... ok so it does have its place she prefers natural air
they are lying naked on the bed arms around each other his face hovers over hers
as they kiss sometimes with passion sometimes more gently sometimes teasing
his hand drifts over her hot flesh as she holds on to his head keeping him there
he finds that place that makes her wriggle
they hardly break free from their kissing as his fingers start to play
instantly making her wet
now her hand is stroking his hard cock ......
already hard before he had stripped off his clothes
she breaks free only to gaze into his eyes that are such an unusual shade of blue
she changes her position so that now she hovers over him
still they kiss still their hands play
he moves her hand away from his now wet cock
his fingers dig deeper
he gives her an exsquisite finger fuck as she moans and writhes under his touch
she has wanted this for sometime now
she has been waiting yet last week she was scared now she is not
she enjoys the gentleness of his being
she is lost in the sensations he gives her with his fingers
he takes away all her control
today he totally dominates her but in such a passive way
his fingers are like magic as they thrust inside her making her gush
she comes again and again
he takes her to a height where she can barely hold on
as her fingers dig into his upper arm and she bites down on his shoulder
he brings her back down and they relax together
still kissing and murmuring
he suggests it is time to see if they fit together
as he applies his condom she sits half behind half beside him
running a finger down his back
he lays back for her to sit straddling him
he sets the pace today
she moves slowly on his hard cock facing him as they gaze at each other
she reaches behind her and gently plays with his balls
doing this she discovers how cold her skin feels to the touch
there must be a cool breeze from the open window that she was not aware of
she reaches down to kiss him softly .... their lips hardly meeting
she goes back to her upright position continuing to move upon his thrusting cock
they move together sometimes so slowly there is little movement at all
sometimes a little faster but never wildly
this is not the time for wild passion
this is more about being joined together enjoying their pleasure
they both watch the other's face as he plays with her nipples and she trails
her fingers upon his skin
she loves the dark curls upon his chest with just a spinkling of grey
she loves the feeling of him inside her
this gentle man who towers over her when standing
this man whose eyes are such a very soft blue
this man whose touch is so gentle yet can arouse her causing rivers of moisture
today they are learning about each other
today there is no need for passion except in their kisses
today is lovely and peaceful
tomorrow she will pay
tomorrow her muscles will scream from the abuse
they have not worked like this for a few months

Thursday, 14 June 2007


I am now back in the land of the living ;-)

I have been ill again but to make it worse there has been a fault on my telephone line meaning we lost our internet connection.

But the engineer has been out this morning and fixed the fault on the line so its all systems go again.

Monday, 11 June 2007

things I would like to do

When I had cancer a few years ago in my late thirties I figured it was life giving me a kick up the backside for wasting my life. I was letting life just drift along, I wasn’t being pro active in my own life. Surviving meant that I couldn’t waste my life any more. It took me a while to get my act together, regaining my strength working out what I want.

At around that time I was hearing a lot about people who had wish lists of things they wanted to do ie 40 things to do before I’m 40. I began to think about what I wanted to do. There were all the grand gestures that people come up with. But the more I thought about it I realised that for me it was the little things that matter more. There are some things that I would like to do.
1)I have always wanted to ride in a hot air balloon, I think that would be awesome.
When I was younger I wanted to do a free fall from an aircraft but now I realise that is unlikely to ever happen so I would be happy just to have a ride in a helicopter.
2) But more down to earth I would like to ride pillion on a motorbike again. I did this when I was young, free and single. My neighbour did offer to take me on the back of his bike but then I began thinking about the way he drives his car (recklessly, I’m so glad he doesn’t drive my kids around anymore) and knew I could never trust him to behave on his bike. He’s since lost his driving license anyway.
3) I want to learn to ride a horse (I have always been terrified of horses).
These are the main things I have set my heart on but there are many other smaller things, things which I like to do in an everyday sense.
Given the choice of driving along a busy main road or through countryside I would choose countryside, or beach road.
I cannot understand people who drive around in warm weather with their windows closed and the air conditioning on. I much prefer to drive with the windows down feeling the wind in my hair.
I appreciate the sound of bird song when I wake in the morning. The sound of small children laughing.
I love the scent of clean laundry, vanilla, peaches, fresh bread
I love freesias, Californian poppies, creamy roses (not red)
I can spend hours watching the wind in the trees, or on water.
I love the thrill of driving fast
I love listening to music (any kind other than loud noise)
Whenever I get the chance to experience something new 9 times out of 10 I will take the opportunity while I can. This includes rollercoasters which I would never go on before.
Whenever possible I like to be spontaneous, but I also like to be prepared for every eventuality.
I am trying to invite people into my world without putting up barriers. In the past I always kept people at arms length.

Friday, 8 June 2007


You are a fraud

In what way am I a fraud?

Your blog is fantasy

This was just the start. He thinks most of my blog is fantasy. He is wrong most of my blog is real. There is some fantasy and there are some posts that are a combination of fantasy and reality.

Until January my blog was 100% real. Then I started to experiment with writing fiction. I enjoy writing the stories which are obvious fiction. But I also started to write some of my real stories with a bit of fantasy added. I enjoy writing pieces which are not obvious if they are reality, fiction or a combination of both. Keeping my readers guessing. I have done quite a bit of experimenting with my sexuality over the past year, I have done things and been in situations which I would never have previously imagined myself doing. I am pretty sure that most of the people in my real life would never guess at my private life.

In my mind because some of my posts are fantasy that does not make me a fraud. Maybe I have never said that some of my posts are fiction, but I thought that was pretty apparent.

I mentioned to a male friend that I was called a fraud

But you’re not. And you’re not a machine – you need to be wooed

He doesn't know me

Up late kid

So it seems

Been on a date

Sort of

Big boy was he?

In what way?lol

Where did you go ?

I have no idea

Why not

We only chatted

Not like you at all
Where did you go

For a drive
We have been friends for months and never even flirted

Right, not like you at all

Why not

Ur not like that
When you want something you go and get it

Who said I wanted it
I went for a chat………….I had a chat

Ohhh yeah

You really don’t know me as well as you think you do

Is that so

Everytime we chat you prove that you don’t know me very well by the things you say

Ha ha

I realise that I hurt you and you are out to think the worst of me

Not at all
I just feel sorry the way you project you self to all men now

It seems that way from the comments you make
Not anymore
That was a phase…… over it now

You don’t get over what you were like overnight

I became like it over night

And stayed like it all the time
Ha ha

For several months

This was the man who I was trying to forget when I started playing the field. He thinks he knows me so well when he hasn’t got a clue. When we were seeing each other earlier in the year he had no idea of the things that I like. But now he thinks he knows what I am like. He thinks I am chasing every Tom, Dick and Harry for sex. He says he wants us to be friends now that he has a new girlfriend (the first who has been kind and caring – short memory there). But he just cannot help making sarcastic comments about single mothers being desperate for sex. I know that I really should stop talking to him it does me no good and I always end up angry after a few minutes. Unfortunately I was brought up to be polite and I find it rude to ignore anyone so I just can’t ignore him. I know I should.

I was also very tired by the time we had this conversation as it was 2am when I had got home from a very strange meeting with someone I class as a friend even if he does puzzle me. He knows that I have decided a while ago to stop playing the field and just see one man. Yet he decided at this time that he wanted to see me (I am still not sure why as it had never occurred to me that he might be interested in me in a sexual way, I am still not sure if he is.) We agreed to meet in a car park at midnight after he finished work. I was only five minutes late but he was already driving away. He says he thought I would bottle it and not go. We went for a drive and just chatted. I found the whole thing very odd although it was nice chatting.

Thursday, 7 June 2007

Like me

Like me, you have a blog, but have not posted for a while, you chat to me when you are feeling horny and need more stimulation. Do I mind ? I kind of feel like I am doing you a service and I like to be helpful. Sometimes you make me feel horny too. You are young and still have much to learn I enjoy giving you advice.

Like me, you blog, you are very funny and amusing, we chat on yahoo or msn, other times we text or speak on the phone. You tell me about you, about your work and your children. You are always horny. I see a side of you that doesn’t show often in your blog. You are bright, sensitive, caring and sexy. You are gentle and passionate.

Like me, you blog, you are intelligent, entertaining, experienced in many ways on many levels. Yet you seek my advice on something very important to you, this is very flattering to me. We chat on msn or by text and on occasion by phone. We are friends.

Like me, you blog, you are a mystery to me. You puzzle me. We text or email we comment on each other’s blogs. You are intelligent, that shows in your writing, you are sensitive and caring. You are unconventional which is no bad thing. We are friends but still you puzzle me.

Like me, you blog, you are sexy, sensitive and witty but so much more. We chat on msn, email, text or phone, rarely a day goes by with no contact. We give each other advice. We have given each other pleasure. You are passionate and gentle, you are well read. You have a sexy voice and great imagination. We are friends.

Like me, you blog, you have a very sexy mind, you are very busy yet you find time to chat to me. We will never meet but we are friends, we tell each other secrets. I tell you how to suck a cock you practice my advice well.

These are just a few of my male blogger friends. Most but not all of them I have met ;-)


1,2 or 3?


I forgot what they were now, was 2 a BJ?

lol is that what you want it to be?

menu: 1 hiya 2 cuppa 3 come get me i need a shag (this was the orginal menu!)

Have 2 be a 3, but working now 4 a bit

later in the evening different guy this time on msn


hello hows you?

not too bad couldnt sleep thought a wank would help


just been in bed for 2 hours trying to sleep
but basically spent time grinding my hard-on against matress

ive been waiting to use pc

i read your blog today I got a mention

lol hope you were not offended

i was kind of clad as it means you dont hate what we (mainly I) do

lol no i dont mind there are quite a few guys that do that chat to me while they wank

cool so you are sort of in charge of wanking

i suppose in a way

well i'm taking my boxers off to air my throbbing cock...........................

Tuesday, 5 June 2007

will he or won't he?

For an absolute age #1 son has been wanting to move out. Not because he doesn’t like living here, but because he thinks he’s grown up and wants his independence. I have heard all the plans and always say to myself it wont happen. He and his friends just have no idea. We have had lots of discussions about household bills etc. I don’t think any of them realise just how hard it will be, both financially and in a practical sense if he and his friends rent a house together. He knows as well as I do that I will be financially better off if he moves out. It will also be easier as this house is really too small for all of us but we manage. I have made it quite clear to him that even though it would help me if he moves out I am in no way saying he should go. We have our rows and disagreements (not often as I rarely see him these days) but we do mostly get on well. I would not force him to leave home but at the same time I wont discourage him. This is his home and will be for as long as he wants/needs it. But I wont stand in his way if he wants to move out and be an independent grown up.

On Saturday he and one of his friends went to see a house. This is one step further than they had got previously. He said it was alright but they were not going to take it. Then last night he told me that he was going to share a house with his band. He was going to share with one of the other band members all along. But now it seems that the other band members (all except the drummer who is moving to Brighton to do drumming course) have decided they want to share a house together. Apparently they had been told that the newest band member’s dad has a house to rent which has a garage which is suitable for practicing in. After lots of msn and text discussions last night it has been decided that they could rent this house £160 each per month plus bills. They won’t find anywhere cheaper. The house will be ready in three weeks, so at the moment this is the plan. He is looking forward to this and tells me that he will probably do his food shopping fortnightly (likely to live on frozen food). He thinks they will all share the food (I had asked if they intended to have one freezer each). He’s looking forward to being able to have his girlfriend of 3 years to stay over sometimes. She will be going to the university not far from the house. They have decided that when he moves out he will spend a day decorating his old room ready for his brother to move in there. My other three who all share a room are already (have been for months) arguing over who will get the room. #2 thinks it will be him as hes next eldest and will be at college soon so will need the peace. #3 thinks it should be him as he is the only one that ever tidies their room. He wants his own room he can keep tidy. #4 thinks it should be him as he is the most untidy and they wont get cross with him if he’s in a different room. Seeing as I get final say, I have said that it will remain #1’s room for a while as he could well be back within a month or two. When it is clear he isn’t coming back it will be #2’s room.

Now it just remains to be seen if he will move out!

Monday, 4 June 2007

am I pregnant?

I was going to comment on Bittersweet and her post missing signals but think my comment would be too long so I have decided to do my own post.

Bittersweet (I am sorry but I just find it difficult to refer to someone as me who isn't me) asks the question : Do you have those months when you think you may, really, actually, be pregnant this time? (clearly not, if you are a man, but stick with me here)

My answer is yes I did. Not now obviously as there is no way in this world I can get pregnant. Most people would imagine that as I have four lovely sons I must have been very fertile especially as I rarely had sex and seemed to get pregnant nearly every time we did. However the truth is that I am very lucky to have any children at all. I lost one baby exacty a year before I fell pregnant with #1. My life would have been completely different if I had not lost this baby. This baby was with the man I was in love with (the married man who was forever leaving his much older wife for me then going back each time she tried to kill herself). I know now that it wasn't me he wanted, it was another baby. His first wife wouldn't allow him to see his daughter. His step daughters were grown up with children of their own. When I became pregnant he was going to decorate their flat for her then leave her to be with me and our baby, but that changed when I lost the baby. It was because of the hurt I felt over this man that I opted to marry a man I did not love. anyway I digress.

I hadn't known SF very long when I found I was pregnant again, he wanted me to get rid of the baby but I just couldn't. It wasn't until #1 was actually born that I knew whether SF would stay with me. Even though #1 was the image of his father as a baby, SF still insisted that #1 was another man's baby. Then we decided after 2 years to have a second baby (I was having a girl this time then my family would be complete). I was convinced I was expecting, had no period, had various other symptoms, yep I must be pregnant. took a test, negative, few weeks later still no period another test still negative. then I flooded I convinced myself that it was a miscarriage and was taken into hospital. I was home the next day after a scan showed there had been nothing there. A few months later I believed I was pregnant, but again the test was negative. We were actively trying for this baby so we were having regular sex, it took 10 months before finally I did fall pregnant. we had #2 another boy by c section.

I was told not to fall pregnant again for at least a year. No problem as I wasn't intending to have any more babies even though I hadn't got my girl. By this time sex was not happening very often we talked about it quite a bit both agreeing that it wasn't needed we were not bothered about it. But for those occasions when we did we had condoms and I was on the mini pill. After about six months I had a few days of feeling pregnant but the symptoms went away. I figured it was stess I was on a diet we moved house and had decided to get married I was also doing a correspondence course in accountancy. All this and being mum to a baby and a toddler now 3yrs old. various symptoms came and went I ignored them. We got married and a few days later I nearly passed out. SF thought I must be pregnant as I suffer low blood pressure during pregnancy. I went to my Dr who told me to treat myself as pregnant until the test results came back. a week later it was confirmed I was pregnant. must be 7 weeks as that was last time we had had sex. 2 weeks later I felt the baby moving, scan showed I was 4 months pregnant. (I told my mother in law that her son's mates had let me down.....I dont think she got the joke) I was terrified.

After #3 son was born (c section again) I had the contraceptive injections. I began to have side effects after awhile so these were stopped. we still didn't have sex very often but even so I still kept feeling pregnant. I kept a record on my callendar of when I had my periods, 30 days became 40 then 50 then 60 by the time I had gone 120 days with no period and been suffering various symptoms on and off I had already had several pregnancy tests. All negative I don't now remember how long I went before finally I had a period. then began series of periods that were very irregular I could go anything from 10 days to a hundred days between periods.I was sent to see my gynae consultant and tests were done. I had a problem with my ovaries. they didn't work properly (polysistic something disease of the ovaries) I was found to have less density in my bones than I should have had due to the lack of oestrogen during all those months over the years when I wasn't ovulating. Apparently most women who have this disease have trouble conceiving. I was very lucky to have had one child let alone three.

It wasn't long after this that my father died suddenly a month after his 55th birthday. 2 months later I was pregnant and the baby was due on my dad's birthday. I figured that this baby was meant to be and my dad had sent him to me. I was sterilised whilst in theatre having #4 my body would not have coped with any more pregnancies (mine were all big babies) and at least I could stop thinking I was pregnant when I wasn't.

So to Bittersweet I say yes I do know what it is like to have those months when you feel pregnant. I also know what its like to be pregnant and not realise it.


It's the middle of the night and I am in my bed.
time to try out my new rabbit again see if the exerence is any better than my first experience.

Knees drawn up apply a liberal amount of my new tingle lube, ah yes I can feel why it is called tingle that is good. Insert finger for some gentle play to increase pleasure and wetness. still not feeling quite as aroused as I should do. play with nipples allowing imagnation to wander, you should be here pleasuring me, it is your fingers on my nipples in my cunt. I want your kisses, your arms around me your fingers on and in me. more lube applied to rabbit gently insert head push harder,deeper. gradually turning up the vibrations the squirming bit in middle feels funny as it goes in. switch on the vibrating rabbit ears take a bit of moving around to get the full effect, mmmm thats very good but still not fully aroused. try it with legs wide, not much sensation, clamp legs together, now that is intense but the noise has increased, oh well it does feel much betrrrrrrrr very intense now but still feeling dry and not particularly aroused. Have great urge to wrap my legs around you. Now what do I do? the feeling is intense so is the urge to wrap my legs round a body your body but there is nothing but my rabbit between my legs. this isn't doing for me what I need. remove rabbit and switch off vibrations. Insert finger to finish off what has been started. Still dry still not aroused. This thing isnt turning me on its turning me off!! Time to sleep

my weekend

It has been a busy weekend and I feel as though finally I am coming out of the doldrums. Not only have I kept away from the computer (and my mobile)most of the weekend I have caught up with a couple of friends (both bumped into when out). Its odd but both women I have known for 13 years. we had lost touch for years but have been bumping into each other several times in recent months. I had long chats with each (one of them I have agreed to go to a pub quiz next sunday eve). I have been to the tip and finally managed to get started on my garden (partly so i can work on my tan ......I don't do sunbathing)
late on saturday eve (12.30am) had an unexpected text from a friend who has been a little distant in recent months offering to meet for coffee on sunday tea time. that was really nice but I had to decline as I was out on sunday evening at a posh restaurant having dinner with a group of friends (12 of us in all). made everyone laugh at the end of the meal when I checked the voice mail on my mobile and rang my youngest son back to tell him that

No he may not bid for anything on ebay while I'm out!!!

had a chat with #2 son today after he helped me going to the tip. Now that he has left school, while he is not either in an exam or revising he is going to help me get the house sorted out while the others are out of the way at school/work. We are going to be ruthless getting rid of anything we dont need. There is way too much clutter in this house.

had an msn chat with someone who I wont name and I am unlikely to talk to again in a hurry although this is not the reason. He says he wants us to be friends yet he tells me that I am not the kind caring person I believe myself to be, but I am manipulative. He also made several remarks about single mothers and that I am desperate for sex. He is so wrong he thinks he knows me but he doesnt know me at all!!

have also had several msn chats with wankers and I mean that in the best possible way. (not calling anyone a wanker).mostly but not entirely with one man who was feeling horny and chatted to me whilst he wanked. One of them being a blogger the other not. The one who doesnt blog makes me laugh because I know that every time we chat he is wanking over my pictures and everything I say, but he is constantly apologising for being rude. this has been going on for about 3 months always late at night, sometimes when we are chatting I am tired and go to bed and he phones me to continue our chat.

It was nice to read what another blogger (The Man) likes about me on his blog. Although there was one comment I shall have to discuss with him!

well as its now 2.32am on monday morning I am going to hit the sack and have a second play with my new rabbit ;-)

Sunday, 3 June 2007

my new rabbit

I have tried my rabbit. I have experimented tried the different speeds. Tried it with just the main body vibrating, with just the rabbit vibrating and with both. Starting slowly then increasing the speed. I tried pumping it and I tried just holding it in one place. I think this is something I will have to get used to. Yes it gave me pleasure, it was very intense at times. I’m not sure how I feel about it so far. I had thought it would make me gush, it didn’t. I am a little disappointed but on the whole I can’t complain as it did give me pleasure just not quite what I had expected. I think this is something I shall have to be patient with and get lots of practice.

But for the moment I think I get more pleasure from just my fingers in the absence of what I really need which is a man who knows how to use not just his cock but his fingers and tongue too.

Saturday, 2 June 2007

its arrived

I had a nice suprise this morning there I was in the garden hanging out the washing when #4 brought out a box telling me a parcel had arrived. He was about to open it thinking it was a jacket I had ordered from ebay. I shook the box, the rattle told me this was no jacket. he wanted to know what was in the box. I just innocently told him it was nothing for him to worry about. As soon as I could I took the box upto my bedroom and opened it up all excited. I had completely forgotten that I had changed my mind when ordering my rabbit I didn't get the mini (5") one shown in previous post. Instead I got the Jack Rabbit Pearl Pink

I have been out and bought the batteries, hope they last a while or I shall be spending more on batteries than on the actual rabbit.
I shall be making sure I get a good chance to try it out tonight.
I just hope I get on better with my new friend than kimba did with her first purchase

Friday, 1 June 2007

where is my rabbit

Ok so last week I ordered my first rabbit only a mini one but still a rabbit

It was meant to arrive by today at the latest together with my new lube and anal beads. But it is now 5pm and still no rabbit

looks like I will have to make do with digits a little longer !!


On my local radio news they said that the city of Portsmouth has introduced a blanket 20 mile an hour speed limit to give the residents a better standard of living. The very next news item was that a woman has been knocked over by a lorry on a Portsmouth street which has now been closed off and is expected to be closed for hours to come.

does that mean the streets are safer ?

two for the girls

one for june

and as I didnt do May at the time I thought you could see him now