fuck buddy or not

not much to say today as I have spent most of the day languishing upon my bed feeling pitiful. The day has been all gray and overcast which has contributed to my head feeling like someone was gripping it in a vice whilst someone else aimed a hammer at it continually for hours on end.
finally now I am on the mend.
A couple of hours ago after much contemplation I sent a text to Oxo asking if he is busy tonight (as I am in need of TLC). Unfortunately he is busy. serve me right for all the times I have turned him down.
It took a lot for me to send that text. I am so unsure of where I want things to go with him. I care about him and when we are together it is good and the peace is very good for me. Our bodies are used to way we fit together now, spending time together is very comforting and cosy, we respond well to each others every touch.
But I don't feel he is the one for me. Maybe I should be satisfied with what we have, but I don't want to be a friend w/benefits.months ago he said that he just wants me to be his fuck buddy but that over time that may change so that we become a couple. So even way back then he was thinking like that, I was happy for him to be my occasional fuck buddy as I didn't want more from him. I could continue with the way we are, he would still be happy with that and for a while I probably could be too. But if I want to find a real relationship surely I can't do that if I still have a fwb. So for the last two weeks I have avoided having to decide whether I want to go spend the night with him. On the one hand he would give me what I want right now but on the other hand it could get in the way of what I want for the future.