not much to say today as I have spent most of the day languishing upon my bed feeling pitiful. The day has been all gray and overcast which has contributed to my head feeling like someone was gripping it in a vice whilst someone else aimed a hammer at it continually for hours on end.
finally now I am on the mend.
A couple of hours ago after much contemplation I sent a text to Oxo asking if he is busy tonight (as I am in need of TLC). Unfortunately he is busy. serve me right for all the times I have turned him down.
It took a lot for me to send that text. I am so unsure of where I want things to go with him. I care about him and when we are together it is good and the peace is very good for me. Our bodies are used to way we fit together now, spending time together is very comforting and cosy, we respond well to each others every touch.
But I don't feel he is the one for me. Maybe I should be satisfied with what we have, but I don't want to be a friend w/benefits.months ago he said that he just wants me to be his fuck buddy but that over time that may change so that we become a couple. So even way back then he was thinking like that, I was happy for him to be my occasional fuck buddy as I didn't want more from him. I could continue with the way we are, he would still be happy with that and for a while I probably could be too. But if I want to find a real relationship surely I can't do that if I still have a fwb. So for the last two weeks I have avoided having to decide whether I want to go spend the night with him. On the one hand he would give me what I want right now but on the other hand it could get in the way of what I want for the future.
What took you so long?
1 year ago
9 comments:
God, how I hate having to pretend I am fine with being single and having f-buddies. I ache for the time when men had to court a woman first. Some price for equality....
anon if that isn't what you want then don't settle for that. for me it was fine whilst I didn't want a relationship, I wasn't ready for one, but now I am and won't settle for being a fuck buddy again which is why I am nolonger seeing Forest. He stole my heart but didn't want to give me more than occasional sex. I made it clear that was not what I want so me and him are nolonger fucking. I could have decided that I would continue inorder to still see him but that would have meant going against what I want.
Sorry about your head aches and stuff!
Oh I recognise your problem here love, men and women both, I have to say go through all the same processes.
But until we can seperate mental feelings completely from physical needs then we all have to struggle. Sometimes the struggle can be fun and others it can tear us apart.
Maybe you need to stalk someone!!
Thank you for all your comments at mine, really appreciate the time you took, I'm flattered and more than a bit intrigued! I am at work today but later maybe I'll come back and have a gentle probe in your archives!!
Have a good Sunday."
I know the feeling!
casdok I feel liberated but lonely
I am still confused by you although understandn you making a stand and stciking to it. dont accept anything less than what you are happy with cos it will only end in tears. Have to say that from what you wrote F did not steal your heart you wrapped it up and sent it him sadly the parcel came back unopened. Hope head feeling better Charlie x
Hope you're feeling better now Lady. It's good that you recognise that you now want more than you did prevously. Now you just need to start looking in less sex orientated places, or you're going to end up with exactly the same situations happening again.
Here's to the future!
complex girl has a good point how does the saying go you meet pub people in pubs............ Charlie x
why does everyone think I'm still looking in the wrong places....... I have not been on the sex site for months and on this new dating site I have made it clear that I am looking for friendship not sex.
yes it would be nice to find someone now but I am not out on the prowl looking.
I am filling my life with other things right now.
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