it's only me

Over the last year but most particularly the last 4 months I have had to change the way I see myself. One of the reasons and probably the biggest reason I stayed married for as long as I did. I believed that if I split from my husband that would be it the end of any life for me. I did not love my husband in fact I found he repulsed me, but at least he wanted me. If I cut free then I would be on my own from then on in as no other man would ever be attracted to me. No man in their right mind was ever going to find me the slightest bit sexy. Then I decided that life was passing me by and I deserve a little happiness.....I could not stay in my marriage any longer so I filed for divorce in sept last yr. By december I was feeling lonely....I had always given all my affection to my kids as my husband neither wanted or gave any affection. But now my kids are almost grown and its not cool to have hugs with your mum.
I joined a couple of online dating sites met a couple of guys for drinks over the xmas period. Then after xmas began chatting to a guy 20 miles away. I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship just friendship. when we met a few days later we both knew this was going to be more than friendship. I will describe that relationship another time as it warrants more than a few lines. But what I quickly learnt was that I could be sexy and have a satisfying sexual relationship with a man other than my husband. This was the first new man for me for almost 20 years and I was by now much bigger than I had been back then before I had my adorable children. In the months since then I met and had sexual encounters with a few other guys. then in July I joined AFF put on my profile not expecting a single response.....but was inundated . I now of course know that the ratio of men to women means that was inevitable. but it did no end of good for my confidence which in turn made me a happier brighter sexier person. I have built up a network of really good mates and a few lovers along the way. But most of all I now understand that the problems I have reguarding my body shape are not shared by the men I have encountered. It's only me who has a problem with my figure.