to eat or not to eat

One of the things that has happened since I divorced my husband is that I don't eat properly. there are several reasons for this.
when SF was here he did most of the cooking (when he wasn't in the pub). I did all the running around taking the boys everywhere he did the cooking. (he got home from work 3 hours earlier than me)I would get a meal put in front of me. Not always what I wanted and not always at convenient times but it was there and nine times out of ten I would eat it.
then I decided I couldn't stay married to him. He stopped cooking for anyone but himself. fine I can and do cook, I always cooked when he wasn't here anyway.

I began cooking meals for the boys but wasn't hungry myself ( a combination of stress and my new progesterone tablets). I would cook for them and decide that I would get myself something later. Sometimes I didn't fancy a proper meal and just snacked. Other times I would suddenly realise that it was bed time and I hadn't been hungry so hadn't eaten.
the weight that had crept on over the years of pregnancy, breast feeding, comfort eating, then the bad diet due to my radiotherapy combined with lack of energy as I recovered, began to fall off me. In the summer of 2006 I was wearing size 14 skirts and jeans. I hadn't been that size since before I fell pregnant with #1 son. (gained 4.5 st in that preganancy).

but then I did a few weeks temp work which involved working from 12 noon until 6pm this meant a very early lunch followed by a late dinner. I was snacking in between to stave off the low blood sugar that I sometimes suffer from. I began snacking more at home too. I still wasn't eating proper meals. My mum takes me out for lunch and to rotary dinners so that she can make sure I have a proper meal now and again.

by the time I started this job in June my work clothes were getting a little too snug. again I have a job which involves working through lunch time. I eat at my desk, but the difference to others is that my work means constant keyboard work. It would be very difficult for me to eat a salad at my desk whilst still typing. So I tend to eat mostly sandwiches or rolls.
Again in the evenings I feed the boys and may or may not feed myself later. Occasionally I will eat with the boys but not often. Most things only seem to be enough for them anyway. I think it must be about 3 years since I last ate a roast dinner but that is partly through choice and partly
because I cant afford to buy a joint or a chicken that is big enough for all of us. If there is not enough I prefer to feed my boys first.

Now on top of all this I have an inner turmoil going on. I expressed this to a friend for the first time a few months ago.
It is like I have two voices going on inside my head. there is the one that tells me I must eat to keep healthy. then there is the other one which tells me I must not eat too much as I need to lose weight. Now I know this sounds like annorexia.........but I know that I am not dangerously thin, if anything I am dangerously overweight. Not only can I not get into my size 14 skirts anymore but it the same with size 16.....some size 18 are now too tight. there is no way I want to get back to the size I was a few years ago.

So where does this leave me?
I have an inability to eat fibre (fruit, veg, whole grains, its a long list) except in very small quantities. :-( I miss my salads and fruit
I have a job that makes it difficult to eat a healthy lunch
I have little money and 4 growing lads to feed
I have a small appetite.
I have an inner turmoil

But now I have a volunteer to try to get me to eat properly and in the best way for me so that I can eat properly and still lose weight.