it hit me

it has hit me this morning part of why I have been feeling so tetchy

I enjoy talking to the various men in my life
but recently I have been getting quite a few offers from them wanting to see me again
this surely is a good thing but I am not seeing it that way
yes I like these men and enjoy their company and of course the sex
I have turned down all the offers I have had in the last week

Oxo invited me over but i declined, he now has family staying with him for the bank holiday weekend so I wont be hearing from him now until they have gone.

Fireman Sam has been chatting at least once or twice a day for the past few days, hes has invited me to his place.

Rusty has been texting me, he wants to see me again

Even Lotto has reappeared on the scene, I met him in march and it wasnt until weeks later when we were chatting that I realised he fancied me, he says he didnt realise I fancied him either. every now and then we chat but this last week we have chatted several times and he makes it clear he wants to see me. He even turned down another woman last night who had propositioned him in the pub then text him.

Partly I am turning them down because I have virtually no money and what I do have I need to feed the kids in the next few days and I dont want to waste money on petrol.

But this morning when I was replying to an email from prada pixie it hit me the real reason is that I dont want to be in this position of getting offers and deciding whether I want to accept or decline. It is another week before I am expecting forest to get back from his holiday but he is the one I want to see. Ok I could as I said a couple of weeks ago spend virtually every night having sex with one or other of my creche. but that is not what I want. I want to be in a relationship with forest where he is the only one I see. No more making decisions about whether I want to see this one on this day or that one on that day. I like all these men, if I didnt I wouldn't have them in my life but as much as I like them they are not forest. It isn't that any of them are wrong for me they just are not the one I want to be with.