Sunday, 27 May 2007


I feel as though I am stuck in limbo

I seem to have an apathy towards sex yet I want to have sex and I want to write about it.

I want to write about my adventues yet I want to keep them private for me and my partner.

I want to write more fantasies but I just can't decide on any scenarios to write.

I feel stuck and I just don't seem to be able to move forward.

I want to experiment, most particularly with blind folds, light bondage and spanking. But where do I turn. I have cut my ties with the most Dominant of my prospective lovers. My more favoured choice for these experiments has decided to behave himself. there is of course my knight who shows definite wishes to explore this side of his nature and mine. However he suddenly went on vacation just as I became ill. He is as yet unaware that I have been unwell. I have not head from him since he went away. Maybe he needs a nudge from me. As much as I adore my knight my current apathy is such that I am not even sure if I can be bothered to make the effort even for him. Maybe it is the recent lack of sex that is making me feel like this and I just need to start having sex again to make me want more.

Don't get me wrong my life has not been completely sexless in recent weeks. Indeed I have played a few times with different men however the last time I had an actual fuck was back omg I just checked 29th april. I hadn't realised it had been that long ago. But I have been ill and I have made the decision to cut back on my lovers so it is my fault. Yes Santa I do know that I can go see you any time I want.

I have not even played with myself much which just goes to show how deep my apathy has become. Maybe all this is down to the fact that I don't want to play around so much any more. I feel that I have got that out of my system and want something more personal and regular now.

However for those lonely times when I am feeling horny but have no one to play with I have finally placed an order with Lovehoney for a couple of sex toys and some new lube, the first I have ever bought for myself.

since posting this I have been chatting on msn with a guy I hadn't chatted to for weeks. I have changed into something more comfortable which has made it easier to play while chatting. not only has he helped me to cum but he's given me inspiration for my next story.

1 comment:

funny sparky said...

Again, I can empathise with you a little on this too, a while back I felt weird, apathetic, lost, low, couldn't write anything, yet there are also days where I do nothing but write, there was also days where I couldn't have cared if we fucked or not, and then I went the opposite way, panicking when I didn't get fucked, paranoid feelings bubbled underneath on and off for a while. Then, when we did fuck, there were several times when I couldn't focus and couldn't cum, had oragsmic block I suppose, was thinking about having a coffee when we'd done and what to cook for dinner! Eek! I suppose its just the peaks and troughs of being human. I'm going through an OK phase at the mo, all in good working order, but I don't take it for granted that it will last...