I have changed

Since the last time I saw or spoke to you I have done everything I can to get you out of my head and my heart. I have kept myself busy so that I dont have the time to think about you.
I joined another dating site , I never expected for one moment the enormous response I have had. Having weeded out the ones that are too far away, too young or too old together with the ones I am just not interested in I have narrowed my choice down to 23. I have been really enjoying myself, the attention is certainly a good confidence booster. though it is a challenge when I have 7 or 8 chatting at once. Why am I telling you this, you would probably think I am trying to make you jealous. But that isn't it at all. I am telling you so that you understand I have been trying so hard to move on and forget about you. Whilst I was at home I was beginning to manage that. I did still think of you and feel sad that our relationship ended the way it did.
But here in the caravan on the holiday that you chose, I have so much quiet time. Time to think, time to wish you were here. I have tried thinking about the guys I have been chatting to, I have been in contact with some while i have been here. But in the last few days I have come to realise that however much I am enjoying myself I still love you. I find it really odd that I love you so much when I don't really like you half the time. I guess that what I love about you outweighs what I don't. When I first started seeing these other men I felt really guilty as though I was betraying you. But why should I feel like that when you dumped me, I hacve every right to see whoever I want whenever I want.
I haven't gone into details but I have made it clear to some of the men that I am not looking for a relationship right now as I have just come out of a relationship with a guy who I was deeply in love with but he dumped me. what I want for now is to enjoy myself and to try to get this man out of my system. without exception they all htink I am lovely and you must be mad to dump me. When you came back to me the last time you said that I had changed since we first met. I hadn't changed just got a little more confident thats all. But I have changed now!!