visits and visitors

Yesterday (Friday) I went with my mother to visit her dad. We shared the driving as it was her first drive out of town since her knee operation. On the way home we took a detour to N(Billy)'s flat. It only added half an hour to our journey. I placed his precious ice bucket on his doorstep. technically it was not his but mine as it was a gift but I didn't care it was only taking up room on my kitchen shelf. I had nothing to celebrate so no reason to open the cheap champagne. We decided to take the scenic route home across country along narrow winding lanes surrounded by fields full of yellow rape seed oil plants. I had just arrived home when I got the text.

where are you why didnt you come in?

why would you want me to if you hate me?

a few more txt arrived from him asking where I am, but I don't reply. hours later I am on my pc and notice that he is online but I blocked him the other day. I think about it for a while and decide to unblock him to see what he will do now. It must have been at least an hour before the first message came up.

hi there

we exchange pleasantries. again he asks why I didnt knock when I left the ice bucket, he would have liked to see me. I tell him that I had no intention of seeing him after the other day. He seems confused, he had been upset but he still loves me, he wants me to go and see him he will give me petrol money if I cant afford it. (he hasnt mentioned the money he had demanded yet). I tell him that I will not put up with name calling and theats. He doesnt remember making threats. then he tells me that he is appalled by my behaviour and tells me that I have had X many lovers while we were together (grossly over estimated) then he tells me how awful it as been for him to have lots of men in his town telling him that they have had me. These men describe me to a tee. He finds it humilliating to be told about these men going with his ex girlfriend. He wanted to deck one man but it wasn him it was his friend. Of course this is bollocks and I tell him so. Firstly the only other man from his town I have met is GB (Jasper) and there is no way he would know anyone that knows Billy. Secondly if I had met anyone else in that town how would they know I was connected to him unless they had seen us together.

By this time we are both calling each other a liar. He again makes a demand for money. Some how we get past this and again talk civilly. He tells me that he doesn't want me to disappear frm his life. He wants us to remain friends and that I will visit him sometimes. At this point I am hearing an echo in my mind......this is reminding me of conversations I have had with someone else about the situation they find them self in. He then asks me to phone him. I tell him if he wants to talk on the phone he can call me. He does....it is about 1.30am by now. I go to bed and we talk for about 45 minutes. He still wants me but accepts that I don't love him anymore. He apologises for his behaviour. We are friends again. I know he still wants us to be lovers, I don't. There has been no contact today. He s online but I am showing offline I don't want to talk.

Today my son bought a car (his first) much better than mine and he will let me drive it sometimes. I have talked to my mum about cars and she is willing to help me get another car as she worries about me driving the boys around in the car I have now. So I shall start looking around to see what there is. I could get a smaller car now as I rarely have more than one of the boys with me and I no longer have to cart around musical or football equipment.

Tomorrow sunday it is looking as though I shall have the house to myself or almost. #1 is bound to be out most of the day, he usually is. #2 is going with a friend to the county cricket ground for the day. #4 is staying with a friend tonight then they are going into town in the morning then to the pictures so i wont see him until tea time (my baby is growing up). All I need to do now is persuade #3 that he wants to be out and about with his friends or even his new girlfriend. Then I have to knuckle down and do some housework. spring clean the house on sunday and monday as I am expecting 2 visitors this week one who reads this blog and one who features in it. (I hate housework I never know where to start I just want it all done at once and end up dong a bit here and a bit there and end up not achieving much. Like Vi I make more mess tidying up). Part of my personality is that I am good at organising other people. I am crap at organising me.